IWS Person of the Week: Nicolle Wallace

Big news happened in the world of daytime TV late this week as it was announced that "Dr." Jenny McCarthy was cast asunder from her position on ABC's, The View.

Who will will replace the blonde bombshell of anti-vaccination speak?  None other than Nicolle Wallace!!

What?  Are we hearing crickets from the vast and diverse IWS worldwide audience?  Well we shouldn't be, because with the addition of Wallace, The View not only added cuteness, it added a B.A. from Cal-Berkeley, and a M.A. from Northwestern University.

Next to Whoopi Annoyingberg is the aforementioned Nicole Wallace...

Nicolle has spent many years in and around politics; she was even charged with the arduous task of making George W. Bush sound coherent in her stint as his White House Communications Director...

The lovely Ms. Wallace was also a big wig along with Steve Schmidt during John McCain's failed 2008 Presidential bid...

Matt-Man is a HUGE fan of Nicolle's as she is a frequent guest on MSNBC's Morning Joe show, and Matt was once quoted as saying, "Sarah Palin can't stand Nicolle Wallace and that makes Nicolle more than okay in my book..."

Nicolle Wallace isn't HOT, but man...Her sense of humor, common sense, abundant cuteness, and smarts, make her damn sexy...

Congrats to the Nicolle Wallace...our IWS Person of the Week and newest member of The View.  You go girl!!

And in news that is even bigger than Nicolle Wallace replacing Jenny McCarthy on The View...Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio team take to the airwaves today LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

They will be discussing when, why, or whether people should self-censor themselves on social media outlets. Do some folks say too much, others not enough, and really do we want to hear about the massive dump some guy just took?

All of that plus your calls LIVE today from Noon-2 PM ET on the IWS Radio Show's Social Media, Self-Censorship, and YOU show.  To catch us LIVE today...

Click HERE.

The Sarah Palin Channel is Here!! My Life is Complete!!

Hi gang.  Sarah Palin here and it is a beautiful Thursday here in the greatest country in the world, Alaska.

I am coming to you here on this page of the IWS Radio website pages because Jay and Matt were thankfully enough to offer me the opportunity to promote my new online TV channel called the…

Sarah Palin Channel.

I am super excited to be hosting a streaming online and unfiltered news show online as we cut through the unmanly crap and political correctness of the lame stream media.

Folks from NBC to Fox News could never get along with my hard hitting and rogue style of telling it how it is, so I am sticking this hockey mom’s middle finger into their eye by creating my own subscription network.

If it’s a good enough way to go for my pal Glenn Beck over at The Blaze Radio and TV Network, it’s good enough for this mama bear.  Amirite!?

Anyhoo…So I have started my own network and you can subscribe to it for only $9.95 a month or go rogue and get an entire year of me and insights for a mere $99.95, because unlike all of those krony kapitolists in Washington, I am always trying to save Jack and Jill America, some jack!!  Ha, see what I did there!?

I will cover the news events of the day for our subscribers as best as I know how.  Which means…You will hear information and my analysis that is one-of-kind, unique, and sooey generous.  And folks…

In addition to hard-hitting news and opinion we will offer you reports as to what makes America great, personal stories of true American patriots, and intimate looks into the happy and God-purposed life that fills the Palin household.

We also plan to branch out as soon as those subscriptions come rolling in, and several new Sarah Palin Network shows and even movies are on the drawing board as we speak.

Teenagers from Alaska, to Hawaii, to the 48 continuous states will love our religious-based sex education show, “Re-discover Abstinence Through an Unplanned Pregnancy with Bristol Palin Sponsored by Bartles and Jaymes.”

We plan to hire Newt Gingrich and S.E. Cupp away from CNN, add Alan Colmes to the mix, and produce a political roundtable show called, “Spineless Liberal Caught in a Crossfire.”

Knowing that people need a break from the day to day insanity and violence that in we now live, we will also offer some lighter shows.

You think your marriage is bad?  You don’t how bad marriage can be until you see that sometimes it comes down to who is going to cut the fire wood for the evening, that’s why we are producing, “The Real Housewives of Nome.”  Funny has never been so cold.

And ladies…We have a special show for you…My first dude Todd will oil up and play beach volleyball with Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, and Anthony Edwards every week as the Sarah Palin Channel airs, “The Angry Sands of Anchorage Bay.”

And our first movie is scheduled for a July 2015 release, and it‘s called…Roots 2008: The Rise of the Manchurian Kenyan.  I can’t tell you what it is all about , but I know that you will be SHOCKED!!

Anyhoo…I hope you will subscribe and join my new network, because America and Americans such as yourself need me more than ever, and?  I need you more than ever, because the speaking fees just aren’t cutting it any longer.

God Bless you if you subscribe and God Bless America!!

Sarah

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Make Me Your Dirty Facebook Friend
Twitter Me HARD!!

Maya Angelou and Sarah Palin? Hacks!!

Cheeeeeeeers and a Happy Friday to you all.

There is something that I cannot tolerate and that is, blissful accolades laid upon a recently departed person or one who is still living.

On Wednesday, it was revealed that Maya Angelou was taken away from us far too soon at the age of eighty-six.

I feel badly with the passing of anyone, but let me tell you…

As I heard of her passing, and watched the news crawlers refer to her as the “late, great, Maya Angelou” and as a “renown poet“, I was stupefied.

Marguerite Annie Johnson, yeah that’s her real name, was many things, but, she was not a poet.  Okay, yes she was because some idiotic publisher rode her “real black woman cash cow” to fame as a poet, but really?

As a poet, she sucked.

Yeah, I know she knows why the caged bird sings (allegedly), and she had her civil rights struggles (poor her), and she spent part of her life being a dance floor floozie (true dat), however…

After all of that, one Miss Margaret Johnson writes…

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Such a whore…And she wonders why the caged bird sings.  That patch of awful writing promises nothing but Barry White songs so she can do her porno dances while she spits “diamonds” out from between her thighs.

Uuuuuuch.  I have no time nor place for such ickiness.  Please go to bad poet heaven, Mizz Angelou…if that’s you real name…which we know it isn’t.

And dig it…There is a draft Sarah Palin campaign going on, on Facebook.  I don’t know if it is for U.S. Senate or President in 2016, but either way, I am sure that the people who started it and like it, aren’t very bright.

Now don’t get me wrong, I liked it myself for comedic purposes, but wow…can you really see Palin as a U.S. Senator?  Well, wait a minute…Yes I can, and no different from the rest.

What the hell was I thinking?  Oh before I go, there’s another hack that I’d like to talk about…

Edward Snowden.

You love America so much that you wanted to let her people know that they were being watched on the internet.  That’s admirable and thanks, however…

Once you let the cat out of the bag, you ran away to one of the more oppressive governments on earth. You don’t love freedom Mr. Snowden, you love your own definition of freedom, and you are a coward.

This is the Matt-Man saying, Edward Snowden is to freedom, what Maya Angelou is to poetry…Not Much.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
My Twitter Page
My Facebook Page

Matt Said, Jay Said...White Santa Said!!

Cheeeeeeeeeers and Ho Ho Hooooooooooola!!

White Santa here in order to hijack the typical Saturday IWS Radio edition of Matt Said, Jay Said, and turn it into, Santa Said!!

Is there a problem with me doing that just a few days before Christmas?  I make lists and name names y’know…

Okay then…I didn't think you would mind.

Let me tell you folks…Jay and Matt are going to be putting on a spectacular IWS Radio Christmas Show tomorrow.

They are going to be celebrating Christmas as it was intended to be celebrated…lots of laughs, friendly banter, hospitality, great music, and non-stop hilarity that will shine brighter than my franken-reindeer Rudolph’s nose.

Ho Ho Ho.  And as a special bonus…

Jay and Matt have promised me, that for each and every person who listens LIVE, a blind dog will get the gift of sight, and Sarah Palin and Sean Hannity will shut the fuck up about that duck fucking, Jim Crow-Loving puddle of primordial goo who has for whatever reason, captured the attention and admiration of much of a nation.

In addition to that, if you call in at 661.244.9852 and are funny and/or otherwise nice to them, you may get a sugar plum.

But Santa, you ask…Why should I listen?

Let me tell you why, my wonderfully thus far, behaved boys and girls…

Tomorrow’s,  Have a Holly Jolly Festivus radio show (which airs LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET) is chock full of comedy, Christmas readings, music, and dozens of well-wishes from the vast and diverse worldwide audience that Jay and Matt who for reasons unexplained, have captured over the years.

And yeah…

They may even mention the Holy Baby Jesus.  In fact, in addition to the sexy Trinity of Jay, Matt, and the Holy Baby Jesus…

Kirk Douglas, Bobby Kraft, Dixie Ozark, Schmoop, Slyder Balzcock, Paul Piatt, Malcolm Eckstein, Jamie, Buddy Acapella, Stubby Stonehenge, and among others, yours truly…Santa Claus are scheduled to appear.

Tomorrow from Noon-2 PM ET, don’t lazily saunter to your computer, drink a cup of hot chocolate and RUN to your computer, EMBRACE your computer, and click onto, and participate in the IWS Radio Show on Blog Talk Radio.

If you don’t…You are going to be on Santa’s naughty list.  And?

Dozens of dogs will remain blind and Sean Hannity will be having oral sex with Sarah Palin, and really?

Who needs to see and/or know about that?

To listen to the IWS Radio Have a Holly Jolly Festivus Show from Noon-2 PM ET click HERE!!

Phil Robertson Can Suck It!

Holaaaaaaaaaaaa! So, today has been a pretty shocking day. Too many more of these and I might look for a cave to go live in far away from society.  It all started this morning when I got up and began reading some stunning news.

It turns out that some old cracker who lives way back in the woods in Louisiana thinks gays are an abomination and recalls the good old days of Jack Crow laws before that pesky Civil Rights Act fondly.  I AM STUPIFIED! Who woulda thunk it? (BTW, if you haven’t read the article by Drew Magary, do so. It’s excellent.)

Well, don’t worry folks, I’m sure Sarah Palin fresh off her demands that MSNBC fire Martin Bashir for saying gross things about her will explain to us all that freedom of speech doesn’t mean that media companies have to just let their on air talent be assholes, right? RIGHT?

Uh, whatever. No biggie. The Ivy League educated governor of Louisiana Bobby Jindal will probably put out an intelligent statement that will help stop this from becoming an all-day outragathon. Here it is …

“Phil Robertson and his family are great citizens of the State of Louisiana. The politically correct crowd is tolerant of all viewpoints, except those they disagree with. I don’t agree with quite a bit of stuff I read in magazine interviews or see on TV," Jindal said. "In fact, come to think of it, I find a good bit of it offensive. But I also acknowledge that this is a free country and everyone is entitled to express their views. In fact, I remember when TV networks believed in the First Amendment. It is a messed up situation when Miley Cyrus gets a laugh, and Phil Robertson gets suspended."

Wut? It’s wrong that Phil Robertson was suspended from Duck Dynasty because Miley Cyrus? That’s pretty much the stupidest fucking thing I’ve heard all year. God! I’m so glad we live in a country where nobody, no matter their political leanings, will pick up that idiotic analogy and run with it, right? RIGHT? *does quick search on Twitter for Phil Robertson Miley Cyrus*

Welp. Okay, whatever guys. I’m sure that the folks on the left will deal with this issue in a serious, mature and eloquent manner, right? RIGHT?

What the hell is wrong with everyone? Why do we as a nation have to lose our shit every single time something like this happens? A&E didn’t violate Phil Robertson’s 1^st Amendment rights! He has no right to a TV show. A&E suspended him because they were afraid that advertisers would get nervous and it would cost them money. You know, the “free market?”  The same “free market” that forced MSNBC to fire Martin Bashir and Alec Baldwin.

Did A&E overreact? Probably. It’s pretty doubtful that there are very many people watching Duck Dynasty who don’t agree with Phil on these things. The people who don’t agree with him will probably keep watching because they like the show. Hell, the publicity from this will probably cause ratings and advertising rates to INCREASE. (It’s almost as if that is what they were aiming for!)

Anyway, I hope people have calmed down by tomorrow cause I’m getting tired of seeing all this crap about Duck Dynasty on my timelines on Facebook and Twitter. I swear if someone could make an outrage pill I could sell it on a street corner and be as rich as Phil Robertson in no time. That shit makes people go longer and harder than any HGH, crack, meth or Viagra ever could.

Besides, I have much more important things to lose my shit over. I found out today that our local KFC has closed! OH THE HUMANITY!!!!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

Hot Sex is the Secret to Ending the Cold War of the Shutdown

Cheeeeeeeeers, and a Happy Tuesday to ya, Chuckleheads!!

Y’know?

I hate it when I have nothing topical to write about that excites me, but when I am in that type of pattern and just not “feelin’ it”, I try to think of things in general that excite me, make me mad, or more often than not, make me laugh.

I am burned out by the 24/7 news coverage of the Obamacare/Debt Ceiling/Government Shutdown impasse that is raging like an out of control wildfire burning slowly and painfully like an ember at the Millard Fillmore Perpetual Pyre of Obscurity, which of course is still open because it receives no Federal funding and well…doesn't really exist, but anyhoo…

The only redeeming thing about the incessant and repetitive coverage of this latest American political crisis, is the fact that cable news pundits, talk radio hosts, and viewers and callers of, and to, such media venues headline an all-star and Tony Award winning cast in the newest American stage comedy classic…

“Buffoonery, Hypocrisy, and Ideology on Parade!!”

Oy Vey folks!!  What the hell is wrong with these people on TV, Radio, and their audiences?

It’s as though the late Timothy Leary has taken over programming for every damn political TV and Radio show, and at the same time is the host, guest, and caller-in to every damn show!!

It’s cwazy, wacky and it’s making my head spin, making me laugh, and making me feel much better about myself than I ever had, well…other than that one time at Bowling Green State University in 1983 when I had hot post-Homecoming sex with a Republican chick named Ann Barlage. Mmmmmmmmm…

That was some hot bi-partisan sex right there boy!!  See, unlike the ideologues of today, both in the media and the Congress…

We reached across the aisle, agreed to disagree, and then filibustered the hell out of each other until the second Sunday in October sun rose, and while creeping through the blinds, dappled us, and the empty wine bottles, with her golden crepuscular rays that said unto Ann and I…

“Your motions were more than well approved by one and other.  Now go, and sin no more.”

See?

Why is it so hard for Rush Limbaugh to get along with Rachel Maddow?  Why is it so difficult for Sean Hannity to say that Joe Scarborough is not a RINO?

Why in the hell can’t Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin think of Barack Obama and Joe Biden as swell dudes?  And why can’t Rachel, Joe, Barack, and Joe think the same of them!?

Because people…A bitter, monocular, and turgid ideology is hard to overcome, but the answer is so simple, and that is what makes me laugh about all of this Obamacare/Debt Ceiling/Government Shutdown bullshit.

If like Ann and I, Limbaugh had sex with Maddow.  And Hannity had sex with Scarborough.  And then we made a porn film called, Ted, Sarah, Barack, and Joe, and What Harry Reid Saw, all would be right with the world, and America could move forward.

It’s not that hard, and ideally…Maybe if Joe Scarborough plays his cards right, he could have sex with Sean; Sean could get divorced as well, and Joe could make Hannity his third wife.

But…baby steps…Let’s just get America back onto the road to recovery for now, and think about the Irish nuptials later.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page 

Historical Tweets from Great Americans

Hola and Happy 4^th of July America and everyone who loves America! On this greatest of American holidays, I have put together a list of some of the greatest tweets from some of America’s greatest (and not-so-greatest) political leaders.

@JohnHancock: Just wanted to make sure @KG3 can read THAT!

@PaulRivere: Oh it’s on bitches!

@PaulRivere: Side Note: Ran into Samuel Prescott outside of some chick’s house around 1 am.

Awkwaaaaaaaaaard.

@ArnoldBenedict: Psst … @JohnAndre .. DM me dude.

@G-Wash: Just shucked some Cornwallis. Hey-OOOO!

@DJ-T-Jeffy-Jeff: I’m a father again! Shasquina had her baby today!

@T-Edison: Let there be light! #godcomplex

@DredScott: Tough loss at the SCOTUS today. Bastards will probably kill the VRA next.

@BenFranklin: Ooooooo … I love that tingly feeling.

@OldHickory: Dear South Caronlina: Bring. It. On.  

@USGrant: Beer Thirty Bitches! (recurring tweet)

@SecStateSeward: Whew! What a day! Stick a knife in me, I’m done.  (9 pm on April 14, 1865)

@BullMooseTeddy: Heard that had to butter Big Boy Taft up to get him out the tub. #LOL #TubbyTaft

@DrPrezWilson: Mmmmrph .. Urrrr … buhhhhhh *drools*

@GenJohnPershing: AEF = After England Failed … LOL

@SilentCal: Hello 

*four years later* @SilentCal: Goodbye

@FDR: Rollin’ Rollin’ Rollin’

@GenD-Mac: *Best Ahnold voice* I’ll be back! 

@HSTruman: Yo @D-Mac *best @RealDonaldTrump voice* You’re Fired!

@JFK: I need this trip to Dallas like I need a hole in my head.

@TrickyDicky: This tweet is not intended to be an alibi. (Late night on June 17, 1982)

@JC_Smiles: Feeling a bit of a malaise setting in tonight. I like that word “malaise.”

@DutchReagan: There you go again!

@SlickWillie: What a mess!! But it feels so good.

@Shrub: STRATEGERY BITCHES!

@Barry_O: I’m watching yooooooooo!

As you can see, Twitter has been a great tool for Presidents and other historical figures over the years.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

I Love Summer!!

Y’know?  Today is the first full day of Summer, and we are gonna have some fun, in fact…

The other day, a post that Jayman wrote reminded me of a good time summer time dream that I had had some years ago.

And please…allow me to tell to tell you how it all went down..

I was at picnic fundraiser for Sarah Palin. It was a first, kinda summer day, and …

True to her folksy, homespun carnival act personality, there were all sorts of activities that one might find at a small town America cookout during the summer.

I signed up for the three-legged race. I’ve always kinda dug that. We all threw our names in a hat and Sarah drew names to see who would partner with whom.

I was excited because I knew that if I had a decent partner I had a good shot at winning. My excitement soon became despair when Sarah named who would be tied up with me…

Stephen Fucking Hawking!!

“What a disadvantage that puts me at.” I muttered to myself.

While other pairs are running the race with three good legs, I’m going to be draggin’ Hawking down Lane 4 for 50 yards.

I was thinking to myself, “Holy Shit…Having Heather Mills as my partner would be a step up.”

Anyhoo…Hawking comes rolling up to me, and in his creepy McDonald’s Drive-Thru speaker voice, said…

“Let’s kick some ass, Matt-Man.”

So I dump his ass out of his wheelchair, and he’s laying there in all his palsied and Parkinsonian glory flippin’ and a-flappin’ around like a washed up walleye contorting on a hot rock, and I tied him to my right leg with a bungee cord and duct tape.

I dragged him and his useless body over to the starting line. There were six teams in the race, but one team in particular was giving me and The Hawk-Man the stink eye.

It was the team of Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.

After we stared them down (well, after I stared them down, Hawking’s face was in the dirt, mumbling some incoherent bullshit about supernovas and their effect on the space/time continuum), I turned my eyes to the prize and the finish line that was 50 yards away.

Palin with bullhorn in hand, shouted, “Ready, Set…” and then several rounds from her AK-47 set each team into motion.

Despite the dead weight attached to me, I was bolting like lightning down the course…
Hawking beside me and behind me all the way, his face being bloodied by the ground as he drooled and continuously muttered, for whatever reason, “Deus ex Machina!!”

O’Reilly and Beck were leading, but as we neared the finish line lagging behind those two nut jobs, they abruptly stopped in order to deeply kiss and fondle each other’s dick.

As they engaged in their ego and cock stroking man love, I sped passed them hauling Hawking’s bouncing, crippled body beside me.

As we crossed the finish line in triumphant fashion, I realized the brilliance of Hawking. O’Reilly and Beck’s public display of depravity had been our Deus ex Machina.

I cut Hawking loose from me, gave him a bottle of Gatorade, and proceeded to have obligatory winner’s sex with Bristol Palin.

Hawking? Unable to put himself into his wheelchair, he lay there calculating exactly how long it would take him to die from over-exposure to the hot summer sun. And you know what?

That brilliant bastard predicted his sunstroke induced demise right to the nano-second, and that in itself, is pretty God Damn brilliant…and funny.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook page

Are You Kidding Me? We Hope So!!

Cheeeeeeers and a Happy Thursday to you all.

As you may know by now, LIVE this Sunday June 9th, from Noon-2 PM ET, the Jayman and I will be hosting the 3rd Annual IWS Radio Joke Show on THE Number One comedy show on BTR.

Through various avenues of social media networks, we have beseeched people to email us, record, or call-in with their favorite jokes for Sunday’s Joke Show.

After emailing, blogging, Facebooking, and tweeting these um…beseechments, er yeah?  I asked myself something I have never asked myself before…

What is the true definition of a “joke?”

So…I went to Merriam-Webster online, and here is what I found:

joke noun \ˈjōk\

Definition of JOKE

a : something said or done to provoke laughter; especially : a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist

b : the humorous or ridiculous element in something (2) : an instance of jesting : kidding…can't take a joke

c:  Sarah Palin

Okay, okay…I know…

I added the Sarah Palin reference, but c’mon…

Her fame was brief.  All of her sexy and very oral narratives were humorous, and she is one incredibly ridiculous element of our national landscape, so America’s favorite Eski-Ho does in fact, meet the aforementioned definition.

We all love jokes...

Hell, even people who have no sense of humor love a good joke, because sometimes, they either don’t get it, or it strikes too close to home and they pull out their gun and/or broken, jagged beer bottle and threaten you with it, and well…

That in itself, is pretty damn funny.  At least to me it is.

So c’mon folks…All of you who read our website and/or listen to our show are pretty damn funny, so either record a joke for Sunday’s show or better yet, call-in with one at 661.244.9852.

And dig it folks…

For each and every one of you who calls in and tells a joke, 10-year old Sarah Murnaghan will receive a new lung.  Can you imagine?

If twenty people call-in with a joke, by the time the show is over, little, precious Sarah will have had twenty lungs implanted, be all sewn-up, and ready to be shipped to California in order to help breathe the crucible-like life out of the wildfires that are raging in the Golden State.

And well…our ratings would expand faster than a two liter bottle of Pepsi filled with Mentos, so...

It’s a win-win-win, people!!

IWS Radio correspondents will also be chiming with their favorite jokes.

Perhaps Guy Ahnyurdyck will have a great Dutch joke.  Maybe Joshua will have a funny gay joke.  Perhaps if we are lucky…

Our meteorologist Kirk Douglas, will have a HI (Pressure)-Larious stroke joke, which would make our resident poet Paul Piatt happy, because stroke and joke rhyme, and because of that, Paul may for this one time take the patches off of the elbows on his suit coat, and show his wickedly delicious sense of humor.

We already have joke telling commitments from two foreigners.

One who lives in Canada, and one who lives in Kentucky...so don’t let America down people!!.

Send, record and/or call-in with your jokes for the 3rd Annual Joke Show on IWS Radio which will air this Sunday LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Cheers,

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS  

Buddy Acapella...Moore, OK. Will Not Just Get Some of Me; They Will Get ALL of Me!!

Heyyyyyyyy guys and dolls!!  Resident IWS song stylist Buddy Acapella here for IWS Radio, and let me tell
ya, as those now long in the tooth, yet still talented, and recently reunited Brady Bunch kids would sing…

It’s A Sunshine Dayyyyyy.  Heyyyyyy!!  Unless of course…One lives in Moore, OK.

As you probably know by now, tragedy struck there yesterday in the form of a massive tornado, and the entire nation is grieving right along with the citizens of the community of Moore, OK., and I am no different.

I plan to do a benefit concert for those affected by this tragedy Friday June 7th-Sunday June 9th at the Yakov Smirnoff Theater in Branson, MO.

I hope to generate enough dollars to make up for the lack of Federal funds for Moore, OK. should Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK) and Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) try to delay and or block federal monies to their own state like they did with federal relief funds to states affected by Hurricane Sandy.  Heyyyyyy!!

I may be but a superficial lounge singer with six pinkie rings, two dozen hair plugs, and yet no band behind me, but I’m not stupid, and I am quite the caring soul.  Just ask the bass guitarist, lead guitarist, and uber-sexy Nubian type female back-up singers whom have never played with me, sang with me, nor come at me.

Wait?  What?  Yes!!  Heyyyyyy!!

Five, six, seven, eight…It’s the least I can do…Anyway…

My soothing voice is the balm against the infestation of tears, tragedy, and heartache, and I am going to apply said soothing and lyrical balm, and allow the healing to begin at the Yakov Smirnoff Dinner Theater located at 470 State Highway 248 in warm and wonderful Branson, MO. on June 7th-June 9th from 8:00-10:00 PM (dinner seating is limited and starts at 7:00 PM., so reservations are strongly suggested.)

I have some carefully special and topical  tunes picked out for the victims and families affected by this devastating tornado.

I will be doing a sultry and blustery version of Frankie Laine’s They Call the Wind Mariah, as well as a bouncy, yet melancholy version of Gogi Grant’s, The Wayward Wind.

I have a powerful EF-5 list of special guests scheduled as well…

With candor, humor, and hand puppets, Sean Hannity will be there in order to tell everyone that they should not let their hearts be troubled, because at some point we will find out who in the Obama Administration was responsible for this meteorological debacle.

Half -Term Governor and patriot Sarah Palin will be on hand to let everyone know that while she was Governor of Alaska, not one tornado dared to threaten Anchorage or Barrow.

Rush Limbaugh will do a funny story about how the only looting that takes place in the aftermath of such an event is by the lone black person in the state of Oklahoma and how MSNBC makes him out to be a hero.

And rock and acapella to this my cool cats and hot diggity dolls, while waiting in line to get into my star spangled charity gig, you can revel in the entertainment of Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist gang holding signs that read…

“God’s Whirlwind of Destruction Was Brought on By the Breezy and Sleazy Lifestyle of Faggots!!”

It’s going to be a super-duper time, so order your tickets NOW.

For a five dollar discount on your ticket, go to Ticketmaster and type in the code word: IWS.

Until I see and sing to you again, this is Buddy Acapella.

Heyyyyyy!!

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Sarah Palin™ Kicks Off The Weekend for IWS

Hi Y’all, and Happy Weekend to ya!!

You’re probably askin’ yourself…

Is that Sarah Palin™ on the IWS website?  And I have to tell ya…

Darn Right it is!!  Ha!!  You thought I was gonna say, “You Betcha!!”, didn’t ya?

I’m fillin’ in for Matt-Man today because he drank a bottle of Wild Irish Rose last night and he doesn’t drink it very often anymore.  Well let this mama bear tell ya…It knocked him on his derri--, um his dery--, er…his…ass.

Seems to me that Matt-Man should have had a tea party last night rather than a gutter wine party, but that’s just me.  Thank God Bristol Palin™ wasn’t there with him, because she would be waking up pregnant right about now.  Anyhoo….

We have a huge weekend on tap this weekend.  Tomorrow is the running of the 2,013 Kentucky Derby.  Can you even imagine that?  The earliest Kentucky Derbies involved powerful horses pulling chariots piloted by the likes of Ben-Her and Julius Kaiser.  It’s true.

And guess what?  There is going to be not only a cowgirl riding one of the horses this year, there is going to be a black fella riding one.  Which can mean only one thing…

President Obama has instituted oppressive government quotas on one of the last remaining pieces of Americana and freedom that is the Kentucky Derby.  It wasn’t good enough that black people happily jockey lawns, Obama mandated that they be put atop fine thoroughbreds as well.

I think that since the President failed to take the guns from the hands of white people, he decided to put Mexican jockeys out of work.  Which is funny, since he seems to want to let every darn wetback into this country.  What a freedom hating feminine hygiene product he is.

But I digest…

On Sunday, there will be a lot of parties taking place in honor of Cinco de Mayo.  In case you are unfounded, Cinco de Mayo is the celebration of Richard Hellmann’s invention of mayonnaise in 1905.  I have no idea why, but I think the celebration should be referred to as 19-0-Cinco!!

But that’s just me, Sarah Palin™

I am always amazed as to why so many Mexicans celebrate Cinco de Mayo because I have never seen anyone put mayo on a taco or burrito, or that one thing…a….chimney chonga?  Crazy names!!

Another big thing on Sunday?  Jay and Matt will be doing their wacky IWS Radio show from Noon-2 P.M. ET on Blog Talk Radio.  Ha!!  Those two are crazy funny, and they have a couple of guests this week.

They will be hanging out with Dana who recently had sleeve gastrectomy surgery in order to get her weight under control.  She is going to talk about they whys, hows, and wheretofores that she did this.  It’s goin’ to be interesting, but I already know one thing.  The why?

Obamacare forced her against her will to have it done, and you and I are paying for it!!  Yep, Sarah Palin™ just said that out loud.

They will also be talking to a real live Mexican named Luis who is one of the Latino types that celebrates Cinco de Mayo.  I bet Luis, if that’s his real name, will be talking to Jay and Matt on his Obama Phone while eating tacos and burritos purchased with is EBT Card!!

Anyhoo…As you know now, it’s gonna be a HUGE weekend and I hope y’all hang out with IWS Radio Sunday and enjoy your Derby de Cinco de Dana de Luis de IWS Radio weekend.

My man-slave Todd and I, Sarah Palin™ will be in Houston for the NRA Conference, enjoying trigger finger excitement and Chik-fil-A sammiches.

Until Matt-Man passes out early again,

Sarah Palin™

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

I Am Stuck in the Middle of a More Ass

Cheers, Suck It, and Go to Hell you Rotten Bastards!!

Ha!!  Take that!!

How did it feel reading that as you opened up this page?  It didn’t shock you.  Move you.  Or anger you at all, did it?

I didn’t think so.  And that my friends, has become a problem for me.  The last couple of days my posts have been late because well…I can’t think of anything to write about in a way that would elicit disturbed laughter and/or true outrage in people.

You know why?

I believe we Americans have become mental and emotional zombies, and that is making things difficult for guy like me who dabbles in the art of clever and sophisticated shock prose which we call satire.

Some of my malaise and lack of literary fire can be blamed on the weather.  For the past three months here in Ohio, we have had what seems like a mere four days of sunshine.  Seasonal Affective Disorder?  Oh yeah, there’s something to that.  However…

Much of the problem lies with our state of society and culture.  For instance…

Perhaps I could write an uproariously hilarious satirical piece about a conservative Governor in a conservative southern state who bolts from his duties, skips town, skips out on his wife, and hikes to Argentina in order to have sex with a hot babe in Buenos Aires.  Ha, Ha, and then, and then people dig it…Hee Hee…

A couple of years later this same wacky, adulterous Governor who left office in shame and disgrace runs in a special election to become the U.S. Rep. from South Carolina’s 1st Congressional District and garners more votes than any other Republican.  Ha…that would make a great piece of satire.  Well, it would have, however…

Last night?  Real life beat me to the punch line when Mark Sanford far outdistanced his Republican opponents in the aforementioned special election.  Thanks a lot South Carolinians!!  Fucking Gamecocks…

Or…or…yeah here we go…I could write a scathing, biting, and jocular piece of satire about the GOP, the party of moral superiority and fiscal frugality hosting a conference and two of the headliners are a half term Governor/reality TV star who gives birth to out of wedlock baby makers and a thrice bankrupted reality TV host.  Ha!!  That has possibilities maybe I’ll----

Wait…What?  That happened at C-Pac last week?  What the fuck?  See what I mean?  I guess one can no longer say, “Art, or in this case satire, imitates life.”, because life IS satire these days.  One big, satirical string of events after another.

How can I compete with life when life and actual events have become their own laugh factory to the point where the wacky and edgy are no longer wacky nor edgy?

Jay and I often joke about how politicians, pundits, and various people are quick to pop themselves in front of TV camera in order to feign outrage over the latest non-crisis or comment they had recently heard.  I think Jay and I have stumbled upon something that has happened in and to this country.

The reason that these folks feign outrage is because they have to fake it, because no one is any longer actually outraged…about anything!!  Anything that matters that is.

Oy…The last time I managed to actually outrage anyone through my satire was ayear and a half ago when I wrote about the “true reason” that Anders Behring Breivik went on a rampage and killed a smelt tin full of Norwegians.  Oh Baby!!

We had a more than a hand full of pissed off Norwegians (and Dutch people for some reason) more than a little ticked off at IWS.

But man…that was, as I said, a long, long time ago.  So I figure I have two options as to how to once again make an impression and elicit emotion through my writing.

I could one, step up my game.  Get better at it, be more creative, or number two…

Move to Norway.  Hmmmmmmmmm?

I think I’ll opt for option one because as I mentioned earlier…I get bummed out during the drudgery and dreariness of an Ohio winter; I bet I would become downright suicidal trying to live through a winter in Oslo.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws  

I Just Don't Get It

Hola y’all! You know I’m a fairly smart guy. Maybe not the Einstein of our time, but not a moron either. I’m pretty good at figuring most things out or a least come to a basic understanding when someone explains something to me. But, there are some things I just don’t get. They make no sense to me, even when people try to explain the. Here’s a sampling of things I don’t get…

- People who follow people they hate on Social Media. I see this on every social media site in the entire world. People complaining about someone they follow. What’s really weird about this is that we’re usually talking about people who follow celebrities, news figures, athletes or some other kind of “famous” person.

Really? You hate them, think they suck, think they’re stupid, get pissed off at the things they post yet you won’t unfollow them? You’ll need to quit your fucking bitching, thanks.

If you’re follow a “regular” person and don’t want to hurt their feelings then, that’s life. Seriously, figure out how filters and shit like that work or just live with it.

- Passive-Aggressive People on Social Media. Seriously, posting passive-aggressive shit on social media is for cowards. If you’re too much of a pussy to contact someone directly then shut the fuck up.  

- Duke fans who didn’t actually go to Duke. I talked about this on our The Sound and the Funny show a bit. Sure, there are people who are fans of other college athletic programs who didn’t go to those colleges and have no connection to them, but when it’s people rooting for Duke who have no connection to the school its … well … sad. These are people who are desperate to be liked by the “elite” and hope they’ll be accepted into their “I’m better than you” club. You won’t be. They are as disdainful of you and condescending to you as they are everyone else.

- People who post things like “If you believe that gay marriage is okay and should be legal just unfollow me” and then bitch and whine that they got unfollowed. Shit dude. You fucking told me to unfollow you. Other people who belong in this group are “If you’re not a fan of then we just can’t be friends. Really? Fuck you and your shitty taste in music or TV shows or whatever.

- Why when someone is elected to office, they get to keep the title of that office for life, even if they eventually get ousted through election or have to resign in shame. Seriously, there are people wandering around this country who were mayor of a Redneckville or some other town for one term back in the 70’s who still get called “Mayor McWhatshisname,’ or congress or governor and most certainly Senator and even President.

You know, this is America. We don’t have royalty. You don’t get some title that tells everyone you have some superior social status and then keep it for life. If  you have to resign in disgrace … I’m looking at you Newt Gingrich … then there’s no reason we should be expected to refer to you as “Speaker” or any other title you once held.

Same goes for people who quit their office half-way through their term to go off and make money off of rubes and try to be celebrities. Right MIZZZZZZZZZZ Palin? Fuck if I’m gonna call HER “Governor.”

- Why Google is killing off Google Reader. I don’t want to hear about “declining use” because I think that’s bullshit. Yes, it’s true that Reader was and is probably impossible to monetize and doesn’t make them money. But, companies offer lots of products that aren’t profitable as “loss leaders” to keep customers loyal all the time.

Reader should be the same thing. Something that Google supports and keeps as thank you to all the millions and millions of people who are their loyal users and use Google Reader as their primary way of surfing the internet from Blogs to news to sports to hundreds of other sites they like to keep up with every day.

Killing off Google Reader is the ultimate “Fuck You” to people from Google.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In the Words of Both Cicero and JayMom, Tempus Fugit

Cheers and a big celebratory welcome to you all on this glorious Tuesday that God has granted us.

Why do I sound all up in the air as if I am walking on sunshine, you ask?

Well…Oh ho, let me tell you.

Tomorrow marks the end of the second year of the IWS Radio legacy.  I shit…you…not.

Tommorow’s radio show marks the point where Jayman and I have been on the air for a full two years. I know, I know….

To some of you, it seems like a decade, but nope, it’s only been two short years of non-stop hilarity and Marconi Award winning radio stuff courtesy of the professional folks here at IWS Radio.

We hope you have enjoyed our efforts over the last couple of years and judging by the recent number of listeners to our shows, you actually have, although the fact that the recent show with Schmoop which has to date had more listens than any show we have done didn’t include much of me personally, kinda brings on a bit of, well…heartache.

(Ed. Note:  Get the fuck over yourself and your expansive, yet fragile ego, Crybaby Mahoney.)

Nonetheless, we appreciate you listening to our show, especially those of you who have been there from the start….the turgid, noisy computer, more than half drunk, unemployed and sobbing, what the fuck, early shows.

And those descriptions only apply to MY state of mind at the time!!  Holy Cow, how did we and how have we continued to do it!?

Deus ex MattJayna, that’s how!!  Huh-uh, I said that.

Our unbridled success has not gone unnoticed upon some in the community of celebrities and movers and shakers.  Noooooooo….

Congratulatory emails and words of praise have been flowing from the non-stop mouths of folks of famous personage…

And, we’d like to share some of them.

“You guys RAWWWWWWK, and if I was four years younger, I’d do you both…at the same time!!”
--Bristol Palin

“I talk of Jayman and Matt-Man as both a blessing and a curse, which comes in handy depending on which audience I am addressing at the time.”
--Mitt Romney

“You guys have built an eager audience base and a successful radio show that is special, but remember…you didn't build that radio show on your own.”
--Pres. Barack Obama

“Not only can I see Russia from my backyard, I can listen to Jay and Matt through my computer thingy.”
--Sarah Palin

“Hapoho oi h o ih jh j poj p oj poj pj po pojbkuya ywre v”
--Michael J. Fox

“God Damn It!!  When is the fucking FCC gonna shut theses two motherfuckers down?  Jew lovin’ bastards!!”
--Carl Paladino

“Jay and Matt are prime examples as to why no woman should be without free and accessible birth control.”
--Sandra Fluke

“I'm really having fun with this new mute Matt button.”
--Dour Mike

"Happy Doo Yearsssshh!!"
--The Late Dick Clark via Kirk Douglas

We appreciate the love that you all have poured upon us these last two years, and we can’t wait to continue our, what at times seems to be some funny, yet creepy and incestuous relationship that would be struck down in our judicial systems.

Thanks for sticking with us, and we will see you here tomorrow, and on the radio once again, Wednesday.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Chick-fil-A and the Gay Marriage Controversy

“Everything popular is wrong.” 
--Oscar Wilde

Once again, while uttered decades ago, the words of my gayest of heroes Oscar Wilde, are still brilliant yet simplistic, sarcastically genius, as well as timely, and dead on.

As many of you know, Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy recently said that he supports, “the biblical definition of the family unit.”

When I heard this, I thought to myself…

“That’s great Dan.  I think you are a moron who wraps himself inside of some un-Christ-like thinking, but whatever.  Enjoy stroking your poultry, and who the hell cares what the head of a chicken chain thinks anyway?”

Well, smack me in the gizzards and call me Foghorn Leghorn, because evidently, many Americans care what the big rooster in the henhouse of chicken sandwich chains has to say about gay marriage.

Well…many Americans who have an agenda based on immovable opinions, monocular thinking, and my way or the highway philosophies, seem to have a loud and profound opinion on Dan Cathy’s comment.

On the left we have Mayor Rahm Emanuel of Chicago, the dago mayor of Boston, Michael Menino, and a growing list of mayors of American cities such as San Francisco stating that because of Dan Cathy’s personal “religious” stance, Chick-fil-A is not welcome in their towns.

Feigned outrage equals hypocrisy, and please allow me to demonstrate.

If the President of the Chicago Bears, Bulls, Cubs, or White Sox held Cathy’s view, Mayor Rahm would not say, “You are no longer welcome in Chicago!!”

If the President of the Boston Red Sox or owner of the nearby New England Patriots held Cathy’s view on gay marriage, Mayor Menino would not say, “Get the hell out of here!!”

Hell no they wouldn’t!!

And the Lesbian and Gay community and activists?  They shriek like infants, screaming….

“We shouldn’t be subjected to this…Keep them out of our town, city, and or burg.”

If Dan Cathy’s comments bother you, just shut the fuck up and boycott Chick-fil-A by not going there.

Speak your point by not eating there, but please, honor their right to do business as you want your rights to be honored, and quit your damn whining.

They have as much right to do business in your town, and ANY town, as you have the right to express your gayness, and yes in my opinion, have civil protections in a union as do a man and a woman.

Now…on the right?

Former Arkansas Governor and incredible growing man Mike Huckabee has deemed tomorrow, August 1st, to be Chick-fil-A Day.  He wants everyone to go to Chick-fil-A and buy a chicken sandwich in support of their principled stance.  Of course…

He then wants you to bring your purchases to him so that in the name of GAWD, he can devour them all.

Sarah Palin and her first dude, whatever the fuck his name is, had a photo op at a Chick-fil-A in Texas, because nothing says trying to remain relevant like buying a chicken sandwich in the name of preventing two guys or chicks from becoming monogamous in the eyes of the Lord.

Oy…What the fuck has happened to this country?

We’re having a fight over gay marriage in a chicken coop, in order to prevent or promote the hens laying eggs together or the cocks crowing all over each other.

I miss you Mr. Wilde…I miss you.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Sarah Palin...Happy Fourth of July

Five, six, seven, eight….You betcha, and right, okay?

Sarah Palin here for IWS.

I know…you are all a thinkin’….what has happened to Sarah Palin?

Well…nothing good, but Jayman and Matt-Man have graciously allowed me to comment on the airwaves of their blog, and asked me to someday post on their radio show, so ima gonna make full use of their inconveniences.

Next week marks our nation’s 122nd birthday, and as we were back then, an unincorporated land, Thomas Jefferson finally had the balls to scream to the world…

“The Gay Nineties have arrived, could we please put an end to British buggery, and their colonization of the Americas, sans Belize…Belizean chicks are HOT, and even hotter since those darkies have a British accent.”

TJ knew what was what, however, a fellow Republican, one Bill McKinley, said…well Bill didn’t say much…he got assassinated by a rogue Indian’s arrow whose family grew up to watch MSNBC, so I guess you could say that that Ohioan was actually a, By-Gone-Again.

Ha…My retarded son would like that joke….if he could read, but I digest….Anyhoo…

When George Washington Carver was elected President, he was so big on the peanut, that his Vice-President, Billy Carter became President after him, I think.  Okay maybe not, but anyway…

As a southern girl from below the arctic circle of Alaska, I love my Dixie guys, but c’mon?  Billy Carter?

Oy, if Billy Carter owned slaves, they would have either all run away or beat him over the head with empty bottles of Colt 45, what a dumbass…he had it so good and now look at him.  Well, look at what he was…Is he dead?

Anyway, I want to salute our brave men and women fighting people who are defending us against terrorism in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Turkey.

Oh those Turks…give them an Ottoman and the next thing you know, they are propping their feet all over you. Ha…Get it?

See?  I can be funny.

Anyway, on these days leading up to our nation’s birthday, I am blessed to know that Chief Justice John Roberts struck down Obamacare.

We all knew that it was unconstitutional, and when CNN and FOX news blasted out that it had been ruled unconstitutional, I was one happy momma of a sexually loose and drunk child named Bristol.

And truly?

That’s all I want.

Your Favorite Eski-Ho,

Sarah Palin

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

Mom, I'm Pregnant..."That's Okay Bristol; I'll Call Hannity!!"

“Abolition of a woman's right to abortion, when and if she wants it, amounts to compulsory maternity: a form of rape by the State.”

Edward Abbey

I hate abortion arguments, because nobody ever does or will agree, however…there is a part of the argument, that sets me off on so many philosophical tangents, that I feel compelled to invoke more than a few words.

The abortion issue has to, and while a small part of abortions, involve the issue of rape, so let’s examine that small part of abortions on a greater philosophical bent, shall we..?

Because, when one does…It makes the entire anti-choice argument, a big fucking piece of stupid.

Many fervent, pro-Christian groups, anti-abortionist institutions, and people like Mitt Romney (today, anyway) say…

“Birth that baby, Bitch.  Even though you were raped, you will receive baubles in Heaven.”

I find it funny, odd, and just down right stupid, that “conservative” Republicans tend to like laws that prohibit abortion, even when rape is involved.

I had a back and forth with a chick on Twitter the other day and she claims to want the aforementioned type of state and went on to say, “No Baby Killed.”…Mother raped or not.

Really?

Hell, I had unprotected sex with this chick in High School, and I am still trying to get my dignity back, but if there were a way, I’d more than certainly abort my lack of self-esteem.

But seriously…

The chick I was talking to on Twitter, she went on to say that if she was raped, she would carry the child to term.  I don’t believe her, but nonetheless…her attitude is to me, kinda fucking wacky.

And well, it could be that kinda public Jesus attitude that one puts on for others and causes them to say things like…

“I hate baby killers; I hate people who don’t go to church; I hate people who don’t pronounce their love for their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." and do it on a daily basis and in a very public forum.

Oy…

Theoretically, God wants all men and women to have free will, however...

In the fucked up, born-again, and well-versed…

Sarah Palin my daughter got pregnant and so should you, type world…

A woman is doing God’s work by birthing a baby against her free will or the infant’s free will, and of course never asking…

“Where is the free-will that God so supremely rained down upon us?”

Sadly, within the familial train wreck that are the Palins and many others, it doesn’t exist, and/or too often, at least in the case of Bristol, her free will does exist.

Confused?

Yeah, me too, and here’s the thing…

Sarah and Bristol Palin, and others of their ilk are whores…"Christian" whores who believe what you believe, is a sin if it doesn't conform to what they believe, and yet…

They will Whore of Babylon themselves out to any media outlet that will allow it, all the while speaking on pro-life issues based around a fat ass Alaskan chick who got her hoo-ha forever disheveled and disfigured by a bowling ball-type sized of a bastard out of wedlock, and barely out of High School, and the igloo type thing.

Ironic, no?

For right or wrong...people get pregnant.  And whenever people are involved, error exists.

God understands that, and God gave us one and all the power to decide what is right and wrong.

God would never punish a person for having an abortion if the person thought it was the right thing to do, but he may however, punish a person for making money off His name by a chick getting drunk on “wine coolers”, playing the victim, and her, her mom, and others passing judgment on others.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

February Blows!!

February is perhaps the lousiest month contained within our dodecagonical timepiece we call, the calendar.

It sucks, or rather…it blooooooows.

Blows like a mutha.

February is windy.  It’s cold.  It’s gray and dull.

Windier than Chris Matthews…colder than the frozen tundra that exists between the thighs of Sarah Palin…grayer and more dull than Mitt Romney’s personality.

Other than the 7th which marks the birthday celebrations of two of the hippest people on earth, Chris Rock and yours truly, February is a life sucking, flat lining, twenty-eight day wasteland.

February has no soul, which is odd because it is also Black History Month.  You would think that a month devoted to the overblown, yet minor contributions to this nation by our black American friends would be a month that is dripping in soul.

Y’know?  A month like August.

Black History Month would be much mo’ better within the confines of August what with all the hot, steamy, days and humid, sultry nights.

With all that humidity n’ what not, we could not only talk about the contributions of black people in America, we could smell the dripping Jeri-Curl shit from off their collective ‘do while doing so.

If we held Black History Month in August, while I would still be subjected to watching Roots, The Medgar Evers Story, and reruns of Rerun from What’s Happening, the month-long torture would take place while enjoying some refreshing central air conditioning, and a burger fresh off the grill.

Seriously…If Black History Month wants to gain a foot hold among real Americans, i.e., WHITE Americans, I have a suggestion.

Anytime a TV station or network runs one of those silly, feel good, ten second long, Moments in Black History things…they could instead, simply put up a picture of MSNBC's Tamron Hall.

Like this one…

Or this one…

Yeah, if Tamron Hall was the Poster Vixen for Black History Month, February would be able to segregate itself from the rest of the months in spite of its otherwise dreariness, and ride in the front of the chronological bus to the mountain top of calendrical emancipation…

Mmmmmm, but?

February still sucks. It’s still windy, cold, gray, and dull.

At least this God-Awful month has but twenty-eight days, and today is the last one we shall see this year.

And for that, I am thankf---

Well, strip me naked and call me Ned Beatty…Beat me hard with a dildo and call me Sally…Call me Mitch Daniels and tell me not to run for President.

Matt-Man has just discovered that this year is a Leap Year, and we have an extra day in February…How typical.

Pope Gregory XIII wasn’t very gregarious when he invented his God Damn Gregorian Calendar!!  Just like when I was a neophyte altar boy lo those many years ago, the Catholics have screwed me again!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

Email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws