Facebook Confirms...Matt-Man Isn't Perfect!!

“You're pretty arrogant. And self important….Other than that, you're okay.”

Haaaaaaaaappy Friday Folks!!

Matt-Man here breaking it all down for ya on the IWS Radio website, and let me tell ya, that first quote is hurtful…

However, for the most part, most of you loveable bastards and bastardesses are quite nice.

I posted on my Facebook page yesterday…

“What don’t you like about me?”

And you know what?

While I was awaiting a tsunami of hate and disregard for the fact that I am indeed a caring person, you know what I got..?

“Matt doesn’t have feelings….He’s rude and has a potty mouth.”

Let me tell you my radio compatriot and friend, I have cared often and I have told you how I care about many people during our private calls…maybe not in the way they would like me to, nor using the words that most would choose, but I CARE!!

And then there is Dana…Love the Dana.  She said…

(1) I don't like that you don't take care of yourself. You've got a son who doesn't have a fighting chance if you aren't around to guide him, and
(2) You're a button pusher. When you find someone's buttons, you push and push and PUSH.

The best thing about Dana’s comment?  She is an accountant, and she numbered her grievances.  That it in itself is nice and lends an air of consistency, and number two, consistency is HOT!!

And actually, Number Three?  Dana, was actually serious.  I like that.  And…

She’s absolutely correct.

If a person says and/or does something with which I don’t agree, I will push and push until they expose themselves to be complete morons.

Is that being, “arrogant?”

I don’t fucking think so, and as far as being self-important?  If that’s the case, I wouldn’t have cow-towed to my wife all of these years up until now, in order to keep the peace for my son.

Eh, actually the asking of the “what do you hate about me” question was worth more to me than the, “”what do you like about me” question.

It seems that praise from friends, while far more grand, is personally less hurtful and truthful than negative personal critiques.

I like negative critiques.  It keeps me edgy.  And the truth is…

I am both Matt-Man, and just plain Matt.

Matt-Man is Dean Martin and Buddy Acapella rolled into one, while Matt is a poet wannabe named Paul Piatt.

All the while, Schmoop says…"Whatever…can I just have some sleep.?”

My point is…AND YES I AM MAKING A POINT!!

Backdoor guests are best, Tumblr guest are whatever, Facebook friends are awesome, but seriously?

Real friends ,whether they hate you or love you, no matter from where they came, are awesome…and one other thing, so am I.

I am awesome.

And, I will leave you with that.

Matt-Man

Cheeeeeeeeers!!

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Sarah Palin™ Kicks Off The Weekend for IWS

Hi Y’all, and Happy Weekend to ya!!

You’re probably askin’ yourself…

Is that Sarah Palin™ on the IWS website?  And I have to tell ya…

Darn Right it is!!  Ha!!  You thought I was gonna say, “You Betcha!!”, didn’t ya?

I’m fillin’ in for Matt-Man today because he drank a bottle of Wild Irish Rose last night and he doesn’t drink it very often anymore.  Well let this mama bear tell ya…It knocked him on his derri--, um his dery--, er…his…ass.

Seems to me that Matt-Man should have had a tea party last night rather than a gutter wine party, but that’s just me.  Thank God Bristol Palin™ wasn’t there with him, because she would be waking up pregnant right about now.  Anyhoo….

We have a huge weekend on tap this weekend.  Tomorrow is the running of the 2,013 Kentucky Derby.  Can you even imagine that?  The earliest Kentucky Derbies involved powerful horses pulling chariots piloted by the likes of Ben-Her and Julius Kaiser.  It’s true.

And guess what?  There is going to be not only a cowgirl riding one of the horses this year, there is going to be a black fella riding one.  Which can mean only one thing…

President Obama has instituted oppressive government quotas on one of the last remaining pieces of Americana and freedom that is the Kentucky Derby.  It wasn’t good enough that black people happily jockey lawns, Obama mandated that they be put atop fine thoroughbreds as well.

I think that since the President failed to take the guns from the hands of white people, he decided to put Mexican jockeys out of work.  Which is funny, since he seems to want to let every darn wetback into this country.  What a freedom hating feminine hygiene product he is.

But I digest…

On Sunday, there will be a lot of parties taking place in honor of Cinco de Mayo.  In case you are unfounded, Cinco de Mayo is the celebration of Richard Hellmann’s invention of mayonnaise in 1905.  I have no idea why, but I think the celebration should be referred to as 19-0-Cinco!!

But that’s just me, Sarah Palin™

I am always amazed as to why so many Mexicans celebrate Cinco de Mayo because I have never seen anyone put mayo on a taco or burrito, or that one thing…a….chimney chonga?  Crazy names!!

Another big thing on Sunday?  Jay and Matt will be doing their wacky IWS Radio show from Noon-2 P.M. ET on Blog Talk Radio.  Ha!!  Those two are crazy funny, and they have a couple of guests this week.

They will be hanging out with Dana who recently had sleeve gastrectomy surgery in order to get her weight under control.  She is going to talk about they whys, hows, and wheretofores that she did this.  It’s goin’ to be interesting, but I already know one thing.  The why?

Obamacare forced her against her will to have it done, and you and I are paying for it!!  Yep, Sarah Palin™ just said that out loud.

They will also be talking to a real live Mexican named Luis who is one of the Latino types that celebrates Cinco de Mayo.  I bet Luis, if that’s his real name, will be talking to Jay and Matt on his Obama Phone while eating tacos and burritos purchased with is EBT Card!!

Anyhoo…As you know now, it’s gonna be a HUGE weekend and I hope y’all hang out with IWS Radio Sunday and enjoy your Derby de Cinco de Dana de Luis de IWS Radio weekend.

My man-slave Todd and I, Sarah Palin™ will be in Houston for the NRA Conference, enjoying trigger finger excitement and Chik-fil-A sammiches.

Until Matt-Man passes out early again,

Sarah Palin™

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Matt Said, Jay Said...74>24 Degrees

Matt Fertilizes…Jay Fertilizes…You Grow.

Matt:  Hiya Chuckles!!
Jay:  What‘s Up?
Matt:  My blood alcohol concentration. I’m on my third Steel Reserve.
Jay:  Well make sure you take notes then, or we’ll be having this discussion again tomorrow.
Matt:  Okay hold on… writing down, “Take Notes.”  Got it.
Jay:  Oh this will be good.

Matt:  Hey!!
Jay:  What?
Matt:  It is so cool that Dana is going to be on our show Sunday to discuss her surgery.
Jay:  I know right?  After all the fun we have had, and continue to have at her expense, she’s coming on.
Matt:  Such a trooper.
Jay:  Man…as much shit as we have given her, she is a Super Trooper!!
Matt:  And she is getting healthy…getting in shape…good spring time thing to do.
Jay:  Oh Hell yeah.

Matt:  Hey…We could call this Sunday’s show…Spring Cleaning!!
Jay:  We could but that doesn’t really relate to Dana’s surgery.
Matt:  Yeah, okay.  Hmmmmm?
Jay:  We could however, incorporate the vernal rebirth of life and other things that come along with Spring.

Matt:  Damn right...Window opening.  Plant planting.  Gutter cleaning.
Jay:  Car tune-ups.  Becoming one with Nature.  Allergy sneezing.
Matt:  Cooking out.
Jay:  Drinking beer.
Matt and Jay:  Women wearing access-friendly, low-cut shirts, and high, tight shorts.  Sahhhhlute!!

Jay:  Oh shit dude!!
Matt:  Oh No!!  What?
Jay:  Dana has had some complications, and will be going back into the hospital, and can’t be on Sunday.
Matt:  Oh Holy Hell!!  That’s awful.
Jay:  I know…I hope she’s going to be okay.
Matt:  Well yeah…I mean, that too, but now we need a new guest on short notice.

Jay:  See?  That’s why some people just don’t like you.  Simply thinking about yourself.
Matt: I’m sorry.  I’ll put a shout out for prayers for Dana on Facebook.
Jay:  And you think that makes your cold and callous selfishness okay?
Matt:  Well, I mean…I cou---
Jay:  But…That was pretty rude of her to say she’d come on the show and then have complications.
Matt:  I know right!?

Jay:  I guess now WE have to get a hold of Martin, Jim Ed Dobbs, and Dixie Ozark so they can help out.
Matt:  Yep.  And Paul Piatt, Stubby Stonehenge, and perhaps that new Nursery down the road.
Jay:  Jesus Christ…When people get sick or have an operation, they never realize how it affects others.
Matt:  Tell me about it.  Schmoop still has this phantom tube sticking out of her gut.

Jay:  Well…in spite of Dana’s ill-timed remittance to Haughtier Than You Hospital, we’ll make it work.
Matt:  Because we are professionals.
Jay:  At least we have that.
Matt:  We’ll talk Spring and have a good time.
Jay:  Damn right, because at long last, Spring has sprung.

Matt:  Word, and maybe…people will call-in and tell us how much they love lack of winter.
Jay:  If they don’t, we can always blame it on Dana.
Matt:  And we will.
Jay:  Later Dude, guess I HAVE TO GET TO WORK NOW; THANKS DANA.
Matt:  Yeah…ME TOO, THANKS DANA!!

Jay and Matt:  But everyone…Join us LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET for the IWS Radio Show on Blog Talk Radio by clicking, HERE!!

Be sure to check out the I’m With Stupid podcast! The #1 Comedy show on Blog Talk Radio!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

A Million Thanks!!

Cheeeeeeers Chuckleheads, and a Happy Full Moon Thursday to you all.

Earlier in the week, I was ruminating through the number of listens that our IWS Radio Show has had since its inception in late 2010.  The number of listens?

A little more than 302,000.  Eh, not bad.

Yesterday, I was looking over our website stats, and I was a bit flabbergasted.  I noticed the number of page views this website has had since its inception in the summer of 2011, and y’know what that number is?

Nearly 701,000.  IKR?  Sheesh!!

Being the numbers guy I am, I added those two numbers up, and realized that since the Jayman and I started our campaign to corner the market on social media some two and a half years ago, our IWS Radio website and our IWS Radio Show have been read and/or listened to….

1,003,000 times!!

I know.  I know.  Some sites get that many hits in a matter of hours, but…not bad for a couple of unknown, above and below the Mason-Dixon Line satirists and socio-political provocateurs.

Upon reflecting upon these numbers, I said to myself…

“Self?  This would be a good time to thank some folks who have helped Jay and I get to this point.”

So allow me to begin…

First of all to some of most faithful listeners, readers, and doers…

IWS Pin-Up Girl Tamra, Dour and Mrs. Mike, Bad Boy Dr. Mike, Bad Ass Jesse Ferg, Edita, Dianne, Knight, Snaaaake, Katy Anders, Jo (when she can hear the show, and who has also done artwork for us!!), and of course…

Our Fave Canadian and most loyal listener, the One and Only Jaaaaaamie!!  Thanks to all of you and the many that I am sure have escaped my mind.

Our past guests such as…

Stacy Swenson Johnson, Carrie Welch, West Coast Kat, the uber-lovely Warrior Kat who guest hosted with Jayman, Nicole Russin, Debi Daly, Andy Longo, my brother Party Marty, the hottest lesbian on Earth, Annnnngie, and the one idiot who referred to Jay and I as Nazis.

I need to thank our IWS correspondents and at-large contributors…

Joshua, Paul Piatt, Kirk Douglas, Guy Ahnyurdyck, Dixie Ozark, Slyder Balzcock, Kim Fragile, Bobby Kraft, Stubby Stonehenge, Keith Olbermann, and Hank Philpot DIE Traitor!! Carl Paladino, and Billy the Kid.  You all rock!!

And lastly, there are a few people who have done a variety of things for us…

First of all, the man who invested the $400.00 in us in order for us to become a Premium show on BTR… The crazy Cat Man of Columbus, Big Dick.  Thanks Big Dick!!

Dana and her barely pubescent significant other who puts the “boy” in boyfriend, for putting up with our many sarcastic jabs toward them, but mainly directed at Dana.  Thanks Dana!!

Lastly…

A shout out to Missalicious who has in the past, broken child labor laws on our behalf, and an uber-Shout-Out to…

Schmoop and JayMom for providing their voices to characters, shedding their dignity for the show, and putting up with our anal retentive bullshit.

To all y’all…A great big thank you, and hopefully bigger and better things will happen, but in the meantime, thanks for everything that you have helped us to achieve.

Have a Happy Thursday, and thanks for being a friend to Jay, to me, and to IWS Radio.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Matt Said Jay Said 661.BIG.WULB

Matt coughs…Jay laughs…You, roll your eyes.

Matt:  Redneckville, Arkansas!!  You‘re On!!
Jay:  That sounded nothing like Larry King.
Matt:  I was doing my Vanna White.
Jay:  Oh…well then…that was pretty good.
Matt:  Thank you.
Jay:  You’re very welcome.

Matt:  Sooooo…what should this Sunday’s show be about?
Jay:  What?  Do you not have a calendar in the Bagwine digs?  Easter!!
Matt:  Ohhhhhh, right, right, right, riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Jay:  I mean, c’mon dude, we have to help the Christ move that stone so we can get our Jesus Freak on.
Matt:  Yeah, after all, the Number One Comedy Show on BTR should weigh in on this.
Jay:  You’re damn right…People hang on our every word and look to us as their life force.
Matt:  True Dat.
Jay and Matt:  Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha…

Matt:  Plenty of funny stuff to talk about in reference to Easter and the Resurrection.
Jay:  Oh hell yeah…and tic tic tic tic
Matt:  What the hell was that?
Jay:  The Easter Bunny sound.
Matt:  Ha Ha----(cough cough cough)
Jay:  You gonna make it there, Marlboro Man?
Matt:  Ha…(cough) I thinks so (cough).  How is it that you always say something funny when I am inhaling?
Jay:  It’s a gift.

Matt:  Excellent…Anyhoo…We could have an interview with the Easter Bunny.
Jay:  Oh hell yeah…Guy Ahnyurdyck can do that.
Matt:  We could talk about Jesus being left alone in a cave for three days, and what he did.
Jay:  I have a feeling it wasn't pretty…or righteous.  And…And…
Matt:  What!?
Jay:  I bet Joshua has something to report on the Gay Marriage brou ha ha.
Matt:  Oh I bet he does and Paul Piatt will probably have a reflective Easter poem.

Jay:  Man, is two hours enough, because we need to take calls and place calls as well.
Matt:  IKR?  ‘Cause we have to call my son, Billy the Kid, and my future ex-wife.
Jay:  Not only that, we’ll have some uplifting Easter music, and perhaps a dramatic Tumblr reading.
Matt:  Ha!!
Jay:  What?

Matt:  Speaking of Tumblr, I have an excellent Easter related Dana joke.
Jay:  What is it?
Matt:  dfghgoiighsdfhigosihgosihdfohdgohdfgohdgfhodgjijbvdjvbpdjapdjbdjpdjpdafjp[j !!
Jay and Matt: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Jay:  That’s awesome dude!! Especially when you said sdjfutheyd  Nothing like making fun of one of the Borgia sisters.

Matt:  I think there’s plenty here, but…
Jay:  But hell we’ll think of some more Easter and news related jocularity as well.
Matt:  Damn right, because we’re Number One.
Jay:  In the hearts and minds of all who listen………
Matt and Jay:  Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Matt:  See you on the radio Sunday while drinking a Steel Reserve that I gave up for Lent.
Jay:  And I’ll see you on the radio drinking a Pepsi that I didn't give up for Lent!!
Matt:  Later…
Jay:  (burp)

To listen to IWS Radio’s Christ’s Coming Out Party LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM, click HERE.

Hope to see a good congregation in the Chat Room and on the phone lines.

Brick and Mortar Friends...Meet Virtual Friends. You Both Are Awesome!!

Cheers Chuckleheads and Happy Friday to you all.

The past couple of days both on the IWS website and Wednesday’s IWS Radio show, Jayman and I covered the topic of Human Trafficking.  It is an important topic to cover, to expose, and we are glad that we did, but, well?

It’s not the most joy inducing topic to cover, so today?  I’m going to write about something that is just plain syrupy sweet, and smile bearing.

Many of you know that my BFF/OSP got very sick in late October, had major surgery in mid-December which was quite successful by the way, but we had an incredibly difficult time getting unemployment for her due her to her dickhead of a boss and thus she had and has, yet to receive any type of paycheck or unemployment compensation since November 9th.

Prior to her illness, Schmoop and I had it going on financially.  We had just paid off the car, and while not rich or even well off, we were, “we can occasionally order a pizza on a weekday without the worry if we have the money” comfortable.

And then…

Like many Americans, our financial comfort zone, which relies on two people working to make ends meet and occasionally having the aforementioned pizza, took a nosedive due to an illness.

With this knowledge in hand, my dear friend and radio partner Jayman, along with the wonderful, yet never get drunk with her on your couch, Dana, set up the WeLoveSchmoop fund on PayPal, in hopes of getting Schmoop and I through the time until she would get some type of compensation.

Well, you lovable incorrigibles, it worked!!

Schmoop is going back to work for 25 hours a week for awhile starting Monday.  Yes, we could fight the appeal to her unemployment leveled by her inconsiderate, and selfish boss, and win, but that could take another six weeks, and we can’t afford that, but…

Thanks to Jayman and Dana starting the WeLoveSchmoop fund, we can somewhat relax, thank them, and thank all of you for your generous response to it.

Because of your kindness, we made our December rent, our bills, and we should squeak by this month as well. And for that, and to all of you, we are eternally grateful.

In addition to Jay and Dana who began the fund, I want to thank those of you who contributed, but in order to avoid awkwardness, I will thank you by first name only.

Jamie, Katherine, Mike, Dana, Jon, Jay, Katherine, Russel, Sherri, Angie, Rene, LMT, Linda, Kelley, (a different) Katherine, and Sarah.

We would not have made it if it weren't for the generosity of you fine folks, so may your God bless you, and thank you.

In addition to all of you, Schmoop’s brother David and my brothers were incalculably helpful and thoughtful throughout this situation. So to them, as I would say to any good Irish Catholic man…L’chaim, and Praise Blitzkrieg Benny!!

I also want to thank all of the neighborhood Beer Mine patrons for bringing me food (yes, even the deer meat, D-Law), and affording me rides home from work as David drove Schmoop to C-Bus and stayed in Columbus with Schmoop the entire time, leaving me transportationless.

I thank all of my friends on Facebook for the kind words and especially the words from Stephen and Emily, who knowing me from nowhere else other than Facebook, offered to let me stay with them while Schmoop was in the hospital and the hospital was close to their home.  That…is…kindness.

Lastly, I would like to thank a former IWS guest and one of IWS’ best friends, Missalicious.

Throughout this entire ordeal, especially during the days prior to the surgery when no one knew if it was cancerous or not; be it on Facebook or over the phone, Miss would talk to me everyday, and she made sure we had Thanksgiving dinner.

So to all of you wonderful people, Schmoop and I say thanks, and you better make damn sure, that if you ever need help in a situation like this, let us know, because we will pay it forward.

Cheers and Thank You,

Matt-Man (and Schmoop...by Proxy)

mattmaniws@ymail.com
MattMan_IWS

IWS Babe of the Week: Our HOT IWS Friends

Each and every Sunday on the IWS website, we typically highlight a famous actress, actresses, or celebrities who may be trending and would provide good traffic for our website whom we truly love.

However, today?

Because of things that have transpired over the last few days, which will remain sub rosa until Wednesday's show, we'd like to excoriate, illuminate some of the hot babes who listen to, read, and/or otherwise take out cease and desist orders toward IWS Radio, and Jay and I.

First up...The Schmoopster.  This chick has been adored, canonized, and well, at the same time, made fun of on more than one occasion by Jay and Matt...

On deck, we have the lovely Missalicious.

Now Missy has done a fundraiser for us.  She also offers plentiful advice to us, such as...

"If I knew when I agreed to do your show that there would be no bagels in the Green Room, I would have told to you two cheap bastards to forget it...Uuch."

Of course there is always the uber-lovely Jo.  She is so damn hot...especially when she wears ponytails and cruises the High Schools in hopes of a tawdry and illegal affair...

And then, we have Jayman's BFF Warrior Kat.  Kat is a nurse, and if she ever said to me that this test requires that she quickly and painfully stick a needle into my scrotum, I would still answer, "Oh Yeah, Baby. Do it three times for accuracy!!"

Hell...While we make fun of her often, we love when Dana escapes her mythical Accounting Meeting and joins us most Wednesdays...

And then of course...There is Tamara.  Tamra is one hard nosed, hard rocking chick, who...loves the animals and tries to save all of those whom she can...

Yeah, celebrity Bitches are perceived as hot many times, but seriously?

Jay and I are blessed with boatload of hot chicks who listen to us, and more importantly, hot chicks whom we consider our friends.

Annnnnnd....We will be broadcasting LIVE today at NOON ET as we talk about when we were 18 years old.

As Matt-Man's son Ryno will turn 18 on Wednesday we thought it to be the perfect time to re-live our glory days when we were 18.

Join us LIVE today at NOON ET on BTR as we discuss our youth and you can listen and chime in as well by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!

I AM Everyone's Cup of Tea!!

Cheeeeeeeers Bitches!!

I don’t read a lot of blogs because well, as a famous internet radio star, my time is very limited, but yesterday I saw a link to a blog post pop up on Twitter that was written by none other than IWS’ favorite foil…

Dana Lu.

She wrote about how she wasn’t, “everyone’s cup of tea.”  She didn’t seem to mind that, but I thought the entire post to be sad, because, well…

I AM everyone’s cup of tea.

No, it’s true, and of course, you probably already knew that. I mean, who doesn’t like me?  Amirite?  Uh-huh.

Ohhhhhhh, there are a few doubters out there who don’t believe me, are there?  Let me tell ya…

Now dig it, let’s just start with my name, Matthew.  Do you know what the name Matthew translates to in Hebrew?

“Gift of Fucking God.”

Okay, I added the, “Fucking” for emphasis, but nonetheless, I am a gift…of God.  And if HE thinks of me as a gift to y’all, I must be pretty damn special from the get go.

But seriously…think about it.  Here’s this bald guy (moi), with a beer gut, bad eyesight, and waiting on dentures, running around Bagwine, Ohio like a crazy man driving the men and women wild.  It’s crazy!!

Well, maybe for a lesser man who isn’t everyone’s cup of tea it is.  But for me, even without my yet to come dental implants and oft times abrasive attitude, I am everyone’s Darjeeling, Orange Pekoe, and/or Irish Blend Breakfast Tea.

In fact from now on, I don’t want to be referred to as Matt-Man.  Knowing that I am everyone’s cup of tea, I want to be from here on out, lauded, Lorded, and referred to as, Earl Grey.

Yeah…I think I like that.

My boss at the Beer Mine always tells me…“What the hell is it with you Mahoney?  You’re just so likeable, and I don’t like anyone.”

When I worked as a Union Rep for SEIU, I represented the 600 Adult Parole Authority officers in Ohio.  One very outspoken one, an Italian guy from Youngstown named Sam Mariani who both loved and hated the union one day said to me…

“Y’know?  We had shitty union reps until you came along, and even though you are Irish, I’d take bullet for you Mahoney.”

And you know what just happened folks?  When I typed the Sam Mariani quote, I was going to continue on with some more funny proof as to why I am “everyone’s cup of tea”, but…

When I typed that out, I could not only hear, but I could see Sam and I in the bar when he said that to me, and well, Sam passed away all too young some seven or eight years ago.

So my sarcastic tea rant took a turn for the melancholy, but it’s not really sad, just bittersweet, because…

While I truly know that like Dana, I am not everyone’s cup of tea as it were, I was, at least for a moment in time, special to an Italian Parole Officer in Youngstown, Ohio who was taken from us all too soon.

And to paraphrase an old saying, you may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but to one person, you are their cup of tea.

And if you are, or know someone who is to you, drink it up while you can.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

I Only Wish Schmoop Was Addicted to Me

I have a kinda personal post for you today, and well, it’s not very uplifting.

In fact, it’s depressing as hell, but I shall go forth with it, because the subject in question asked me to…

You know that friend you have?

The one who isn’t quite right due to drugs, alcohol, or some undefined mental illness, but you love him or her to death?

I have one of those, and her name is Schmoop.

Schmoop and I have lovingly lived in sin for nearly twelve years now, but of late, something has happened to her, and she has become someone other than herself.

Schmoop has always liked to drink, as do I, and she has always liked to sleep, but lately?

Our lovable Schmoop enjoys drinking more and more and sleeping more and more, and where does that leave me?

In a town called, Suckville!!

Now as many of you know, Schmoop, or Beth, as she appears in our comments, is my girlfriend and has been for 12 years.

We have always appeared happy go lucky, devil-may-care, and “George and Gracie in love”, which we still are, however…

We have a drinking problem in the Bagwine digs.

Schmoop drinks too much.

No, I’m not kidding; it’s not me, (well, okay I probably do as well) which you were all thinking anyway, but it’s all about the Schmoop, and she wanted me to write this, because she knows it and/or wants you to know it.

I know, we all do foolish things when we have been drinking, as our IWS friend, Dana and I are quite aware of, but it is another thing to get to the point where excessive drinking or any kind of addiction can ruin a friendship…or more importantly, a love.

I have been putting up with it for weeks, and being the patient man that I am, I let it go.  Well, with her, not within my mind, until tonight, when I snapped.

To be perfectly graphic, I was on top of Schmoop and while wailing away, she said…

“That’s enough.”

After the awkward re-dressing of ourselves, I asked, “That’s it?”

And in a surreal, lilting voice, she said, ”Yeah, I've had enough.” (Ed. Note:  Holy Shit Mahoney, that had to hurt.)

I wasn’t pissed.  I wasn’t mad.  I wasn’t ready to take her head off.

I was, in a word, “sad.”

It was after we dressed that I asked her, “What the hell is your problem?” that she asked…

“What?”

I responded,…

“You are always drunk when you pick me up at work.  Friday nights you are asleep.  When I get home on Saturday nights you are drunk as hell.  Sundays you entirely sleep away, and now this?  Why the fuck don’t you love me?”

She said…

“I do love you, but I never noticed the stuff you are talking about.”

After I pointed out the many examples, we cried together, hugged, and she said, “I promise that I’ll make some changes.”

Uh-huh...

I know that she believes that, but she told me to post this for a reason, and that is for all of you to stay on her ass, and make her actually do it, and I hope you do, because…

I miss my Schmoop... alot.

Cheers and Thanks!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Jesus Is Lord!! Not An Expletive, You Sunzabitches!!

I like to use expletives frequently. I mainly try to use them as a form of emphasis but I must admit, oft times I use them simply to be rude.

Anyhoo, IWS fans…

It is Super Happy Hole-ly Jesus Week ™ here on I’m With Stupid and as we countdown to the resurrection of Jesus, I thought I should cut back or refrain from cussing altogether.

This special holy week, I hope to avoid using any form of the word “fuck”, especially the phrase, “Jesus Fucking Christ.”

It wasn’t just my idea, nooooooo.

Jesus hizzelf told me to try to clean up my language during HIS special week.

He said unto me last night…

“Matt-Man, I love you, but please…try to avoid using such colorful language. If I can do it; you can do it.”

Now for those of you not as intimate with The Lord as I, the “if I can…you can…” line may seem odd.

Well trust me, it’s not.

Ol’ Jeebus may be the Son of God, but in addition to being that and a sarcastic practical joker, the boy used to cuss up a storm.

Damn straight, he did.

He used to call his apostle John a big girlie man and Christ would shout at John in Greek, insults like this...

“John ya big sissy, you are such a Kappa. Upsilon. Nu. Tau.”

He used to refer to Pontius Pilate as a, "mealy mouthed dago pussy."

And referred to Romans in general as, "pasta eating pig fuckers."

I think Jeebus’ Dad finally told him to cool it when he said to an adulteress woman…

“Neither do I condemn you; but go and sin no more, ye of the open legs and bitter herb crotch.”

Jeebus now swears very rarely, however if I happen to mention Joyce Meyer to him, he usually let’s out a…

“Screw that used up, sinning’, cuntmuppet.  She’s been cashin’ in on me and my daddy for years.  Bitch got no scruples.”

Ha. That one always cracks me up, because his face always shrivels up like a rotten bell pepper when he says that.

So anyway…Since it is Super Happy Hole-ly Jesus Week ™, and because Jeebus asked me to, I’ll try to control my bad language…especially as I stated, any phrase that uses HIS name and the F-Word.

However, if I see something funny that may contain some bad, savior bastardizing language such as that, I may falter and post it. But, I’ll try to be strong and refrain from doing so.

I trust that I can stay profanity free lo these last six days…

Oh well, I am doing well on giving up bread for Lent.  Can’t win em’ all.

*Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus  Praise Jesus* 

Yesterday on the IWS Radio Show, Jayman and I interviewed Dana and Mike.  Dana is 47 and Mike is 27, and let me tell ya, there’s a freaky age inappropriate relationship spilling over with those two.  To get all the juicy, lewd, and lascivious details you can listen in the archives:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

We hope you do...It was actually a good time, and at least the younger of the love struck interviewees seemed to have his head on straight.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmanIWS