Matt Said, Jay Said (937) 323-1779

Matt gives…Jay sacrifices…You, take.

Matt:  How the hell are ya?
Jay:  Just freakin’ fantastic, and you?
Matt:  Swell.  Did the Jaymom have a good birthday?

Jay:  Oh yeah.  I set up a dinner at Colton’s and got her a birthday cake.
Matt:  You are a thoughtful man.
Jay:  I’m a giver Matt-Man…a giver.
Matt:  That you are.

Jay:  Any big plans for Schmoop’s birthday?
Matt:  I am getting her flowers and I want to get her Taco Bell for dinner, but…

Jay:  But wha---Oh you can’t have any because of your breadless Lent.
Matt:  Exactly.  Do you think a one day dispensation on the bread thing is in order?

Jay:  Let me pose that question to a higher power.
Matt:  Who?  God?
Jay:  Noooooooooo, higher than that, Reverend Moneymaker.  I’ll call him real quick.  Hold on.
Matt:  Oh okay.

Jay:  Good News!!  He said that since you are doing it to please someone else, you may scarf down some tacos.
Matt:  Hot Damn!!
Jay:  Hey now…I don’t think he’d appreciate that language.
Matt:  Oops, forgive me.

Jay:  That is nice of you to break your Lenten sacrifice one day for Schmoop.
Matt:  I’m a giver Jayman, a giver.
Jay:  That you are.

Matt:  So this week, it is confirmed…It has to be an 8 P.M. show since the new help is on vacation.
Jay:  Unbelievable. Three weeks on the job and taking time off.
Matt:  IKR?  Leaves me without a day off until April 6th.
Jay:  We have to change our show time.
Matt:  Schmoop will be sad not to have me home all day Sunday.
Jay and Matt:   Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Jay:  Man, I tell ya.  We give a lot to the folks, and what do we get in return?
Matt:  Heartache.
Jay:  Yep, but…
Matt:  The show must go on.
Jay:  Even though we have to change our busy schedules in order to entertain the masses.
Matt:  The things we do for people.

Jay:  Oh well…I’m sure that Bobby Kraft and Joshua will help us out.
Matt:  Paul Piatt, Slyder Balzcock, and Tammy Tibbles can pitch in as well.
Jay:  We can talk Ukraine and March Madness.

Matt:  We can talk British Daylight Saving Time and Iowa GOP U.S. Senate candidate Joni Ernst.

Jay:  I hear she grew up castrating hogs.
Matt:  That’s what all of the boys down at the Soda Shop say.

Jay:  That’s HOT.

Matt:  Hey, I have a question…Back in the day when you worked at the pizza joint, did it irritate you to get calls asking what specials you had?

Jay:  Oh hell yes…You’re busy and wasting time on the phone.
Matt:  We could call local pizza joints and do just that.
Jay:  Ha. Brilliant, and…We could call not so local pizza joints!!

Matt:  Ha!!  Brilliant!!

Jay:  And maybe, just maybe…Folks could give back a little love to us, and call in.
Matt:  It’s the least they could do for two givers such as us.
Jay:  Damn Right!!

Matt:  I guess we’re set.
Jay:  Yep.  This Sunday from 8-10 P.M. ET on IWS Radio.
Matt:  We are gonna give some more yet again.  Talk to you then Jayman.
Jay:  Word.  Byeeeeeeeeeeee.

To catch the All Give and No Take episode of IWS Radio LIVE this Sunday from 8-10 PM ET, click right HERE!!    

The FBI and IWS...OMG and WTF!!?

Good Thursday morning to those of you in attendance on the IWS website today.

I am Special Agent Burt Orange with the Federal Bureau of Investigation, or as you civilians call it…The FBI.

Specifically, I am the Special Agent within the Bureau’s, Domestic Chicanery and Shenanigans Unit (DCSU).

At the behest of the Department of Justice, my unit Chief one Rex Fern, ordered me to immediately begin an investigation into Matt-Man and Jayman dba IWS World Media Entertainment Group…aka IWS Radio…aka Matty Vegas and Premium Jay Enterprises LLC.

I began my thorough, if not illegal investigation (which we code named Operation Heartache) of the alleged satirical duo at 0600 hours on 10 October 2012.

I bugged their offices.  Tapped their phones.  Procured their emails.  Talked to members of their vast and diverse worldwide audience, and…

Masquerading as a physician, I even talked with their friend Schmoop after drugging her up prior to her bile duct surgery which took place precisely at 0730 hours on 14 December 2012 just as I had planned.

Yessssssssss.  As any good FBI agent will tell you, a few congealed and well-placed butternut squash seeds can invoke bile duct distress and parlay more yellow skin than a China man in and on a person in a matter of hours.

While much of what I have gleaned about these two is still classified as of, 0000 hours on 23 May 2013, I can speak to a few things about these two that are most disturbing if you happen to be an American citizen in good standing.

Neither of them attend Church. If they do attend a religious service, it is only because there is a funeral of someone they know, and even then, they attend not out of respect, but merely for the free snacks afterward.

Jayman has oft times forced his own mother into what can only be described as a Gray Haired Labor Camp, as she is regularly ordered to record alleged funny bits for the IWS Radio Show.

Matt-Man has many times plied his “unmarried harlot of a friend” with alcohol so she will record a bumper that tells the world just how damn naked she is, while he and Jayman force her to pee on the air.

What type of sick, twisted, and anti-American minds do these types of things..?

Domestic Terrorists, that’s who!!  And their House of Marked Cards?  It’s foundation cast in sand is about to tumble.

Oh sure, these two freedom hating bastards yuk it up every Sunday on the air and every day on this website, but while they are “innocently” yukking it up, they are intentionally poisoning the minds of our children, our grandchildren, and the American public.

Oh my Dear God in Heaven!!  They even bastardized the beauty that is Mother’s Day recently on their radio show…

They had on a wonderful mother of modest temper and modest means, and had the audacity to ask her what color underwear she was wearing?!!

Because she was sucked in and helpless against their evil, mind melding, terrorist tactics, this sweet, modest mother replied…

What color is wet!?

Oh the humanity!!  If I had a court order to gun down both of these, Fabric of Our Nation Ripping Apart Sunzabitches, I would do so…IMMEDIATELY!!

As God as my witness to my outing of these two hooligans and haters, I know that I have served my country, and have served her well.

Until I see them and you at their Congressional Hearing and/or court trial,

Agent Orange

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Matt Said...Jay Said...Formula 409

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A Million Thanks!!

Cheeeeeeers Chuckleheads, and a Happy Full Moon Thursday to you all.

Earlier in the week, I was ruminating through the number of listens that our IWS Radio Show has had since its inception in late 2010.  The number of listens?

A little more than 302,000.  Eh, not bad.

Yesterday, I was looking over our website stats, and I was a bit flabbergasted.  I noticed the number of page views this website has had since its inception in the summer of 2011, and y’know what that number is?

Nearly 701,000.  IKR?  Sheesh!!

Being the numbers guy I am, I added those two numbers up, and realized that since the Jayman and I started our campaign to corner the market on social media some two and a half years ago, our IWS Radio website and our IWS Radio Show have been read and/or listened to….

1,003,000 times!!

I know.  I know.  Some sites get that many hits in a matter of hours, but…not bad for a couple of unknown, above and below the Mason-Dixon Line satirists and socio-political provocateurs.

Upon reflecting upon these numbers, I said to myself…

“Self?  This would be a good time to thank some folks who have helped Jay and I get to this point.”

So allow me to begin…

First of all to some of most faithful listeners, readers, and doers…

IWS Pin-Up Girl Tamra, Dour and Mrs. Mike, Bad Boy Dr. Mike, Bad Ass Jesse Ferg, Edita, Dianne, Knight, Snaaaake, Katy Anders, Jo (when she can hear the show, and who has also done artwork for us!!), and of course…

Our Fave Canadian and most loyal listener, the One and Only Jaaaaaamie!!  Thanks to all of you and the many that I am sure have escaped my mind.

Our past guests such as…

Stacy Swenson Johnson, Carrie Welch, West Coast Kat, the uber-lovely Warrior Kat who guest hosted with Jayman, Nicole Russin, Debi Daly, Andy Longo, my brother Party Marty, the hottest lesbian on Earth, Annnnngie, and the one idiot who referred to Jay and I as Nazis.

I need to thank our IWS correspondents and at-large contributors…

Joshua, Paul Piatt, Kirk Douglas, Guy Ahnyurdyck, Dixie Ozark, Slyder Balzcock, Kim Fragile, Bobby Kraft, Stubby Stonehenge, Keith Olbermann, and Hank Philpot DIE Traitor!! Carl Paladino, and Billy the Kid.  You all rock!!

And lastly, there are a few people who have done a variety of things for us…

First of all, the man who invested the $400.00 in us in order for us to become a Premium show on BTR… The crazy Cat Man of Columbus, Big Dick.  Thanks Big Dick!!

Dana and her barely pubescent significant other who puts the “boy” in boyfriend, for putting up with our many sarcastic jabs toward them, but mainly directed at Dana.  Thanks Dana!!

Lastly…

A shout out to Missalicious who has in the past, broken child labor laws on our behalf, and an uber-Shout-Out to…

Schmoop and JayMom for providing their voices to characters, shedding their dignity for the show, and putting up with our anal retentive bullshit.

To all y’all…A great big thank you, and hopefully bigger and better things will happen, but in the meantime, thanks for everything that you have helped us to achieve.

Have a Happy Thursday, and thanks for being a friend to Jay, to me, and to IWS Radio.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

IWs Babe of the Week...The Jaymom!!

IWS Radio will be LIVE today from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio with our Palm Funday Show, but in addition to talking about Jesus riding into Jerusalem on a donkey and getting spanked with palm fronds, we will have a boatload of Birthday shout-outs to um...shout-out.

And, our friends...there will be no bigger shout-out than to a loud, proud, and sassy southern woman who celebrates her Birthday TODAY.

That's right folks....You know her; you love her, and she is the bestest mom in the entire world...

The Jayyyyyyyyyyymom!!

And she is our IWS Babe of the Week.

So, join us from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio today, as we talk Jesus, Jaymom, John, Joshua and a host of other things.

To catch us LIVE today at Noon ET click HERE.

It's going to be a Palm Funday that you will soon not forget!!

IWS Babe of the Week...Olivia Munn and She is Getting Her Sloan Sabbith On

Allow me to introduce you to Maxim's Number 2 sexiest chick in the world...Olivia Munn:

I guess she is some kind of current day pop culture icon star who appears on a TV show that I have never watched called, The Newsroom as the character Sloan Sabbith.  What?  Is her last name an infantile slap at the Lord's Day?...

If her Sabbith name is an attempt to make fun of God Almighty and his only begotten son, she should repent like Republicans of the U.S House of Representative did, by swimming in the Sea of Galilee naked, or at least getting quasi-clothed and doing it...

But looking at the following picture, I don't think Olivia Munn really cares, and why should she..?

She probably doesn't care about what others think because she has the backing of a wonderful mom, and so does Jayman, and...

We will being talking to Jaymom LIVE at Noon ET today on IWS Radio.

If you'd like to hear how and why Jayman is as messed up as he is, his DNA portal will be on the air, LIVE with us today at Noon ET, and you can catch us live by clicking here:

THE JAYMOM SHOW

In all seriousness, having on the JayMom will be thrilling, and we hope you join us LIVE at Noon ET today on IWS Radio.

Cheers!!

Be sure to check out the I’m With Stupid podcast! The #1 Comedy Show on Blog Talk Radio!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

I Know How a Wishbone Feels

Hola pill-popping Americans! We have a special treat for you guy today! Jay’s mom is has agreed to guest post! How exciting is that? IKR?! Anyway, here’s the Jaymom talking about the trials and tribulations of being caught between the pharmacy and doctor’s office trying to get her prescription right and on time. It’s not as easy as it seems …

Jaymom here! I am convinced that the leading cause of sudden death among seniors is aggravation brought on by pharmacies and doctors and their nurses who call in refills.  Talk about your vast right wing conspiracies! They’re in it together, folks. We don’t stand a chance.

When I receive a prescription that is incorrect, the pharmacy and the doctor/nurse blame each other.  They are all very convincing, which makes me feel that I am in the middle, being pulled in both directions, just like a wishbone. I have four prescriptions, and this happens with each and every one each and every time.

Nowadays, and for the past, oh, year, every time I have to have a refill that needs the doctor’s approval. I break out in a cold sweat.  Should I call Walgreens and order the refill, being sure to request a 90-day supply, and reminding them how many pills that will be, so they can fax the request to the doctor’s office and wait the requisite 24 to 48 hours (or 5-6 days) for a reply?  Or, should I call the doctor’s office first, speak to the answering machine outlining the same information, and wait 24 to 48 hours (or 5-6 days) for the okeydokey?  It really doesn’t seem to matter. In either case, it won’t be correct, and I’ll have to start all over again.  Who to call about the correction?  Again, it doesn’t matter. The pharmacy will blame the doctor/nurse, or the doctor/nurse will blame the pharmacy.

It’s an all too familiar dance and I seem to be the only one without a partner, just like the good old days of Junior Cotillion, as I held up the wall and watched the other dancers swirl around me.  It didn’t feel good then, and it doesn’t feel good now.  Only, now, I’m old and my nerves aren’t as good.  And, I get cranky easily.

Someday, like the aforementioned wishbone, I’ll snap and I’ll end up without a pharmacy or a doctor. But, I’ll have a big old satisfied smile on my still, cold face.

Jaymom