A Fake News Gaslighting Extravaganza!

Matt-Man and Jayman blew the lid off this so-called FAKE NEWS garbage this week on IWS Radio! We shared historical “facts,” took calls and gaslighted our way through another hilarious episode of IWS Radio. Here’s some of what happened …

You should listen. Totally! 

IWS Person of the Week: Matt-Man Bitches!!

As always…If it’s Sunday, it’s time for the IWS Person of the Week, and this week boy howdy do we have something special planned for you.

Typically, we look outside of the inner-sanctum and cloistered halls of IWS Radio and look for someone who has made news in the world during the week.  But this week?

We have done a 180 with our necks, and looked within our very own staff, and we pronounce Matt-Man, who just turned 50, our IWS Radio Person of the Week…

Matt-Man, while humble and gentile (and by that I mean he is GENTEEL, not that he is a non-Jew, although he is) has had a history of bringing the girls to the yard, and those lucky girls always remember their first time, and delight in it…

As skillful as he is with the ladies, Matt-Man also has the enate ability to appear considerate and act like he actually cares what you are talking about…

He really doesn't, but he does what he has to do in order for everyone that he meets to feel comfortable, unless of course…

You are one of those idiots who feels that flashing a Peace Sign is all the rage, and then?  Well…He is none to happy…

So here’s to IWS Radio’s very own Matt-Man…Long may he wave, or at least flounder with abandon in the sky, within the damp and cold of the February wind as he keeps an open-mind to new ideas...

Speaking of Matt-Man’s Birthday…He tore it up yesterday and today, IWS Radio will discuss hangovers, birthdays, and mid-life regrets as IWS Radio presents: Sunday Morning Coming Down Hard

Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio gang are going to celebrate birthdays and lend their compassion to more than a few hangovers.

So join Jay, Matt, and IWS Radio LIVE TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

T o listen LIVE click HERE.

It's Party Time Y'all!

You may not know this, but Matt-Man and Jayman are known as the Kris Kristofferson and Johnny Cash of BTR. HA! I'm kidding, actually they're the Don Draper and Roger Sterling of BTR. Okay, maybe not. They're the Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin of BTR. What? Yeah, I guess not. The truth is they're considered the Dylan Thomas and Hunter S Thompson of BTR. Or something.

Point is Matt and Jay are fairly familiar with the drinking culture and know a few things about hangovers and how to deal with them. They've got stories galore about epic partying and epic hangovers. There are several different kinds of hangovers a person can suffer from depending on what they drank and how much. Matt and Jay have experienced them all and are here to help.

Why are we doing this? Because Matt and Jay expect to be nursing some serious hangovers (Matt more than Jay) during the show because this is Matt-Man's birthday weekend. Not just ANY birthday though. It's his 50th birthday!! OH MY GOD HE'S AN OLD MAN! Anyway, there will be serious celebrating happening on Saturday.

PLUS, it's also our Canadian Bureau Chief Jamie Mapleleaf's birthday weekend too! She'll be here to provide some much needed decency to the show.  You'll also hear from the Rev Moneymaker, Guy Ahnurdyck, Drew Peacock, Stubby Stonehenge and more of the IWS Players. ALL THIS AND YOUR CALLS! Call us up and wish Matt and Jamie a happy birthday. Or, call in and tell Matt just what you think of him. He's excited to hear from you.

So tune into "Sunday Morning Coming Down Hard" on IWS Radio this Sunday at 12 Noon ET!! 

A Smartass Looks At Fifty

Cheers and greetings to you all on this Thursday edition of the IWS Radio website.

Today is a special day, well not really a special day, but a day that will pre-emptively note a landmark event that will take place on Saturday.

I turn 50 years old on Saturday, and let me tell ya…over the past half-century, I have learned some valuable lessons, so let’s get to them in order for generations to read and learn.

YOU are not the best at what you do. Oh sure, I write pretty well, but I know that in the world there are more than a handful of better writers than I…or is that me?

Seriously folks, no matter what you do, somebody can do it better, so just forget about the others, and work on improving yourself.

No…no…not all babies are cute. Including yours.  Just like mine, he came out of the womb blue.  Babies may grow up to be cute, but most babies are born post-partum ugly.

When in a relationship, never be afraid to say what is on your mind.  In my marriage, I was afraid to do that. I was the peacemaker. When things are bad, don’t hold your tongue. I held my tongue for many years and all it left me with was bitterness and a case of thrush.

Do not, and I repeat…Do NOT EVER…eat Vienna Sausages.

It is claimed that Facebook, Twitter, and social media are filled with drama. Not true…PEOPLE are filled with drama, so choose your social media friends carefully, and if one appears to be filled with drama, needle the hell out of him or her without regret, because it is fucking fun.

Miracle Whip is a salad dressing and it sucks.  Hellman’s Mayonnaise is the way to go.

If someone who is close to you tells you to shut the fuck up because you are being an idiot? They are probably one of the closest friends you have.

If your children don’t love you…Quit making drunken calls to them on Sundays to berate them...move on with your life, and instead, marry some hot chick from a major grocery store deli.

Never ask a hot chick from a major grocery store deli to marry you.

Never cook liver in a crockpot.

Most of all, remember this…

It’s fine to have hundreds of friends on Facebook, and thousands of followers on Twitter, but more importantly, it is imperative that we all have a handful of close friends.

After 50 years, I am glad to say that I still have a few close friends, and really?  That’s all that matters, because whether I have two years left or twenty years left, my small circle of close friends will be there for me, and I for them.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Tweet Me A Birthday Wish
Facebook Me HARD 

Matt Said, Jay Said (937) 323-1779

Matt gives…Jay sacrifices…You, take.

Matt:  How the hell are ya?
Jay:  Just freakin’ fantastic, and you?
Matt:  Swell.  Did the Jaymom have a good birthday?

Jay:  Oh yeah.  I set up a dinner at Colton’s and got her a birthday cake.
Matt:  You are a thoughtful man.
Jay:  I’m a giver Matt-Man…a giver.
Matt:  That you are.

Jay:  Any big plans for Schmoop’s birthday?
Matt:  I am getting her flowers and I want to get her Taco Bell for dinner, but…

Jay:  But wha---Oh you can’t have any because of your breadless Lent.
Matt:  Exactly.  Do you think a one day dispensation on the bread thing is in order?

Jay:  Let me pose that question to a higher power.
Matt:  Who?  God?
Jay:  Noooooooooo, higher than that, Reverend Moneymaker.  I’ll call him real quick.  Hold on.
Matt:  Oh okay.

Jay:  Good News!!  He said that since you are doing it to please someone else, you may scarf down some tacos.
Matt:  Hot Damn!!
Jay:  Hey now…I don’t think he’d appreciate that language.
Matt:  Oops, forgive me.

Jay:  That is nice of you to break your Lenten sacrifice one day for Schmoop.
Matt:  I’m a giver Jayman, a giver.
Jay:  That you are.

Matt:  So this week, it is confirmed…It has to be an 8 P.M. show since the new help is on vacation.
Jay:  Unbelievable. Three weeks on the job and taking time off.
Matt:  IKR?  Leaves me without a day off until April 6th.
Jay:  We have to change our show time.
Matt:  Schmoop will be sad not to have me home all day Sunday.
Jay and Matt:   Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Jay:  Man, I tell ya.  We give a lot to the folks, and what do we get in return?
Matt:  Heartache.
Jay:  Yep, but…
Matt:  The show must go on.
Jay:  Even though we have to change our busy schedules in order to entertain the masses.
Matt:  The things we do for people.

Jay:  Oh well…I’m sure that Bobby Kraft and Joshua will help us out.
Matt:  Paul Piatt, Slyder Balzcock, and Tammy Tibbles can pitch in as well.
Jay:  We can talk Ukraine and March Madness.

Matt:  We can talk British Daylight Saving Time and Iowa GOP U.S. Senate candidate Joni Ernst.

Jay:  I hear she grew up castrating hogs.
Matt:  That’s what all of the boys down at the Soda Shop say.

Jay:  That’s HOT.

Matt:  Hey, I have a question…Back in the day when you worked at the pizza joint, did it irritate you to get calls asking what specials you had?

Jay:  Oh hell yes…You’re busy and wasting time on the phone.
Matt:  We could call local pizza joints and do just that.
Jay:  Ha. Brilliant, and…We could call not so local pizza joints!!

Matt:  Ha!!  Brilliant!!

Jay:  And maybe, just maybe…Folks could give back a little love to us, and call in.
Matt:  It’s the least they could do for two givers such as us.
Jay:  Damn Right!!

Matt:  I guess we’re set.
Jay:  Yep.  This Sunday from 8-10 P.M. ET on IWS Radio.
Matt:  We are gonna give some more yet again.  Talk to you then Jayman.
Jay:  Word.  Byeeeeeeeeeeee.

To catch the All Give and No Take episode of IWS Radio LIVE this Sunday from 8-10 PM ET, click right HERE!!    

Happy Birthday To Schmoop !!

“A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.”
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cheeeeeeeeers and a Happy Thursday to you all.

Today is a special day and should truly be a National Holiday.  Forty-Eight years ago today, unto the world, my best friend whom I would not meet until thirty-four years later, was born.

I shit…you…not.  She came into this world lacking the charm, sense of humor, and good nature of the Pillsbury Doughboy, and yet…looked quite similar to him in her early years…

I am talking of course, about my best friend, and IWS Radio’s very own bit player…Schmoop!!

That’s right folks.  Schmoop is celebrating her 48th Birthday today, and even though she is 48, she still knows how to handle a man’s tube like she did some thirty years ago or so…

Schmoop has helped IWS Radio with her sexy voice by being everyone from herself, to Paula Deen, to Kim Fragile, and the AMAZING Tammy Tibbles.  And we appreciate that, and even more so?

We really appreciate her letting us use her ass in pictures…

Schmoop took me in nearly fourteen years ago when I was in a bad way and needed a place to stay. Much to her chagrin, we had a few beers while commiserating about lives turned ugly, she fed me, and then?

Nearly fourteen years later, I am still here.  I’m pretty sure she’s happy about that…probably sure…somewhat.  well?  Her picture says it all...

Anyhoo…

As far as her and I living together?

Schmoop is a trouper, or in her case, a Schmooper who ignores all of my faults when not actively pointing them out in a hurtful, yet sarcastically funny way…and as far as the show goes?

While she would rather be buried six feet under the cold ground than record something, Schmoop hits her mark and helps us out whenever called upon.

I love my Schmoop and I would go as far to call her my soul mate, unfortunately, she doesn’t have one.

However my friends, our love and mutual respect can be illustrated by a conversation that we recently had…

Me:  Oh sweet!!  Steak Fries with my burgers.
Schmoop:  You’re welcome.
Me:  Honey?  You complete me.
Schmoop:  Yeah, whatever….You want ketchup on those?

In all seriousness, Schmoop IS my best friend ever, and without her I have no clue as to where I would be today, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn't be a good place.  But instead?

I am in a place that while not extravagant, not overflowing with wealth, and not a vacation destination for the rich, I am with my best friend Schmoop.  And as far as I am concerned?

That is an extravagant, wealthy, and awesome destination to be.

I love you Schmoop, and Happy Birthday!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Happy Birthday February 7th!!

Cheeeeeeeers Bitches and a very happy February 7th to you all.  February 7th may be the most spectacular
date contained within the Gregorian calendar.

Do you know why February 7th has been such an important date both throughout history and remains so today?

Because…

February 7th is the date on which many of the most talented people who have ever lived, and who live today, were born.

What?  Don’t believe me?  Listen up…er…read up, because folks born on February 7th form a star-studded line-up of pure talent the world has yet to see burgeon forth from any other day of the year.

It’s true.  In fact if we were to have on huge birthday party for significant people born on February 7th, this is who we would invite.

First up and foremost, Charles Dickens…

What’s not to like about the author of Tale of Two Cities, David Copperfield, and A Christmas Carol among others, and who, although dead at the age of 58, still managed to find sperm enough to create 10 babies!!? He was a rock star!!

Secondly…We can invite one James Spader.  I dig ol’ Emmy Award winning actor James Spader, not as much as his former Boston Legal co-star Bill Shatner, but Jim-Spade is a righteous dude.

Of course we need the talented gay community represented, so let’s raise a birthday glass of cheer to Robert Smigel, aka the voice of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, a man who also created SNL’s, The Ambiguously Gay Duo cartoons…That’s funny shit right there.  Here’s a birthday rainbow for you Bobby-Smi, and yes I know you are only gay when being a Super Hero!!

You know what we are missing from this Born on the 7th of February Party?  A hot chick.  So…

It is now, that I invoke the name of one of the hottest chicks to ever grace the landscape of cheese and whey, Wisconsin’s own, Laura Ingalls Wilder…Oh sure she wore long skirts and wrote about family time on the prairie, but beneath that corn-fed façade, she was one hot butter-churner, if ya know what I mean.

And you know, our party needs some color of sorts, and that’s why we need to invite this man to our Birthdays on February 7th Party…

There are a lot of funny people in this world but nobody, and I mean nobody is funnier than this this man who was born February 7, 1965...

Damn right, Chris Rock is a freak of funny nature and he would sit at the, Born on the 7th of February Party at the right hand of the host.

And, who would host such an extravaganza full of talent, wit, and merriment?

Yours truly, because like all of these other awesome people, I was also  born on February 7th.  And in fact, February 7, 1965, which means…

I am as funny as Chris Rock, which of course, you already knew, so…

Don’t fawn all over my greatness, simply wish me...The Matt-Man, and Chris Rock a very Happy Birthday.

Thanks and Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

A Posthumous Birthday Shout-Out to Brother Vinnie

Cheeeeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and a Happy October 1st to you all.

October 1st is a HUGE day for a few reasons…

First of all, October 1st is World Vegetarian Day.

Sickly and pasty white vegetarians around the world will be celebrating their healthy and respectful lifestyles by lacklusterly patting each other on the back, sharing a bean sprout or two, and sneezing on one and other.

Here’s to you, you meatless and emaciated mo-foes; I’ll be thinking of you as I eat a BLT sandwich with a side of corned beef hash.  Enjoy your purity!!

Secondly…

Today is Unification Day in Cameroon.  Cameroon is the France of west central Africa (I guess), and they will be partying and unifying it up today.  Hey all you Cameroonians…Tell President Paul Biya that Matt-Man said, “Hiya.”

Thirdly and/or tertiarily (which is a word now, so shut up) whichever you prefer, today holds a very special place in my heart.

Today, October 1, 2013 would have been my brother Vince’s 60th birthday, but…he didn’t live to see it, yet nonetheless, I am going to celebrate it.

Vinnie, as most of us called him, was ultimately, surprisingly, and with alacrity, stricken down by cancer back on June 10th of this year.

It was very sad, because in addition to it being relatively out of the blue, the world lost a man who was incredibly funny, annoying, kind, and a perpetual surprise.

He was a man who was full of all sorts of manifestations of OCD which rendered his gutters without a drop of rain nor a single leaf contained within, and yet…out of the blue, he would call a person with a funny story and/or send a gift to someone.

Around the Greater Bagwine, Ohio area, his mullet is legendary.

His blondish red hair with the consistency of hot August straw which receded from his forehead and draped down his sleight back, was a testament to a bygone era, and both a challenge and a big fuck you to Billy Ray Cyrus.

Vinnie was the epitome of an Irish-German mix.  During the week, in stoic and methodical German manner, he would work 18 hours a day, 52 weeks week of the year if need be.  But on the weekends?

The spirits of St. Brendan, Brian Boru, and Oscar Wilde would take over his body and soul, and his inner-Hibernian would do a Celtic dance all over town.

On Friday and Saturday he would talk to every woman in the bar or at the party.  He would almost always do something “too spontaneous”, and then…

Sunday morning he would go to mass at St. Raphael’s either by himself or with a widowed 80+ year old friend of the family prior to taking her to breakfast.

Although Vinnie never had a family of his own per se, he was a family man to the core.  From his eight brothers and sisters down to the most obscure of cousins.  He loved his family.

And…He loved people in general.  It can be said of Vinnie, “He never met a stranger.”

That was so true in his case, because if you approached him, or he approached you without ever meeting before…he’d talk to you, listen to you, and if it was a Friday or Saturday night, he’d buy you a beer.

So…Happy 60th Birthday to my brother Vince.  He may have been a handful at times, but he is now resting in hands that are big enough, and worthy enough to hold him.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

IWS Person of the Week...Happy Birther Day President Obama

On this date of August 4th, in 1961, unto the world was born a child in Honolulu, Kenya who would later grow up to be a divisive political scalawag, a one-man wrecking crew of capitalism, and most importantly, President of the United States.

His name?

Barack Hussein Obama or as some know him, the 44th President of the United States of America.

That’s right…today is President Barack Obama’s Birthday, and it is only fitting that we at IWS Radio who affectionately refer to him as BO-Dawg, make him our Person of the Week…

Look at that smile, that charm, that…”Devil-May-Care, I was doin’ drugs thirty years ago and yet I became President” grin.

And even though he is now busy trying to keep and/or organize the Free World, and no longer prowling the hipster scene like the party animal that he was, he can still pull off, “cool.”

Yep…today, at the slight majority in the Senate age of 52, Barack Obama is a loyal husband to Michelle, and a doting father to his two girls, but he can still make ladies like Jennifer Hudson swoon…

And that is why, no matter if you like him or not, President Barack Obama can put his feet up on his Presidential desk, smile, and think to himself…

“If I was any cooler; I’d be Shaft.”

So here’s to Birthday Boy Man, President Barack Obama, the IWS Radio Person of the Week.

And in his honor?

I hope all of you join Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio team for a Happy Birther Day Barack Obama extravaganza on IWS Radio from Noon-2 PM ET today on Blog Talk Radio.

Headliners from the world of politics, pop culture, and entertainment will be airing their Birthday wishes, and we will be taking your calls at 661.244.9852.

So listen LIVE, call-in with your birthday wishes, and hang out with Jay and Matt from Noon-2 PM ET on the IWS Radio Show.

You can catch all the hilarity by clicking HERE.

IWS Babe the Week...God Save the Birthday!!

In order to add some class and royal regalia to this week's installment of the IWS Babe of the Week, we celebrate and honor the 86th Birthday of Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II...

When she took the royal throne in 1952, she not only became Queen Elizabeth II, she also took on the title of, Her Royal Hotness...

     Oh sure Queen Elizabeth II can really rock out the royal trappings and haute couture of the office...

But she is even sexier when she gets down and dirty with the commoners...

So, here's to you, QE 2...Have a very Happy Birthday, drink up, and smoke em' if ya got em'...

And don't forget folks!!  Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio gang will be airing LIVE TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET.

They'll be drafting their favorite comedians, monarchs, beers, and many more things and people.  It's going to be non-stop hilarity especially when you listen live and call-in at 661.244.9852.

So listen LIVE Today to the IWS Radio "What's on Tap" Show.

You can join the fun by clicking HERE!!

Taylor Swift and Birthdays Suck

Hola y’all! So Taylor Swift says that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are going to hell for mocking her when they hosted the Golden Globes. Amy Poehler fired back “…I do agree I am going to hell. But for other reasons. Mostly boring tax stuff.”  I find this exchange pretty hilarious and very ironic since I’m probably going to hell for thinking that Amy Poehler and Taylor Swift would be an awesome Mother-Daughter three-way sex fantasy.

But, I’m not here to talk about the fact that Taylor Swift is a humorless cunt. Or whether or not calling Taylor Swift a “cunt” is appropriate or not. Or whether Taylor and Amy make for a great mother-daughter three-way fantasy or not. They obviously do. No, I only mentioned them for the page views. I’m here to talk about something that sucks even more than getting stuck in an elevator with a notoriously gassy Meat Loaf who just ate at Taco Bell.*

Birthdays!

Oh holy fuck another birthday is upon me. Why? Why do they keep coming around? How many have there been? 45? Once you hit 40 or so they come so fast you barely had time to get over the depression of the last one! And why does the state of Arkansas make us renew our driver’s licenses right before out birthday so we can damn near fail the vision test? So fucking cruel.

Your first birthday is probably pretty cool, even though you might not remember. Your 16^th is a big one, but I don’t really know why. Eighteen is significant because you can now buy cigarettes and porn legally, which means you’ll probably give both of them up. You keep going to clubs on weekends until you turn 21 and then you stop because it’s not that much fun if you aren’t using your fake ID.

At some point in your life you will probably get a surprise birthday part. Usually one of those “milestone” birthdays like 21^st or any of the big decade birthdays 30, 40, 50, 60 etc. Those can sometimes be fun. Lots of people like to give friends “HAHAHAHA YOU’RE OLD” birthday cards because they’re hilarious. I totally approve of that.

What you should never do is go out to a restaurant for your birthday though. Someone who claims to love you will rat you out to the waiter and you’ll have to sit there as the whole damn staff comes out and sings their own special fast-paced-hand-clapping birthday song out of tune to you while everyone else in the place gives you a “thanks for ruining OUR dinner asshole” look. And then you blow the candle out on the stale piece of chocolate cake with whipped cream instead of actual icing on top. This just doesn’t sound like fun.

The exception to that is going to Denny’s for a free Grand Slam breakfast. That’s some good shit right there. Another exception would be getting a free lap dance from the super-hot Scarlett Johansson look-alike at the strip club. The best way to celebrate though is with a small group of friends (either in real life or online), drink beer/wine/Pepsi/bourbon, eat cupcakes and then order a big-ass pizza from Pizza Hut. Simple yet fun times.

It seems like every birthday is also a good time to update my Bucket List. By “update” I mean take things off that aren’t likely to happen. Like “Find true happiness” or “Make sure I won’t die alone.” On the other hand, I can add things to my list too. Like “go skydiving” or “Run with the bulls” because what the hell, my best days are behind me anyway, right?

Really, at this point the only positive thing about having another birthday is that I’m one year closer to one of my big goals in life. Becoming a Dirty Old Man. I’m right on track for that.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

P.S. Hey y’all! Real quick like go to www.iwsradio.com. See what happened? You got sent here, didn’t you? Uh-huh. The Matt-Man bought this domain for my birthday. So, in addition to being a PREMIUM SHOW, we are also a DOT COM! Fuck yeah!

*I don’t KNOW that Meat Loaf has serious problems with flatulence, it just SEEMS as though he probably does.

But wait that’s not all! While you’re here being entertained you should totally check out our PREMIUM BLEND show we did on IWS Wednesday. We talked about going premium and found that BTR had been stockpiling all our old sound files which we had all kinds of juvenile fun with while we rambled about all kinds of important things. Give it a listen  and tell all your friends about us! 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

IWS Radio and You...A Premium Blend

Cheers Chuckleheads and Happy Hump Day!!

Today, I could have written about the passing of Venezuelan not-so-strong man, Hugo Chavez, but…eh, he’s practically been dead for months now, so what’s the point?

And more so, Chavez was a freely elected dictator who has driven an oil rich country into financial ruin, so why bother?  Well…he was unintentionally funny, if you didn’t live in Venezuela, but m’eh.

I could have written about how our President, Barack Hussein Obama (Socialist-Kenya), has callously and cruelly crushed our free enterprise system so badly that…….the Dow Jones hit a new record high yesterday.

But what’s the point?  We all know he has been waiting for the big time Wall Street type companies to hit record profit levels before he, with the stroke of a pen…NATIONALIZES them, IMMEDIATELY!!

Or I could have written about PedophilePalooza MMXIII, as the College of Cardinals gather this week in Rome in order to elect a new Dope Pope.

But eh…What’s new about Catholic priests getting together over beers and discussing their altar boy stories about the “big (taut) one” that got away?

So…Ima gonna talk about today’s IWS radio show, but not too much.

Today LIVE at 11 AM ET Jay and I are going to discuss success.  The aromas of success.  The challenges of success.  The groupies that hopefully come along with success.

IWS Radio is now a Premium show on Blog Talk Radio and let me tell me tell ya…that doesn’t come cheap.

We are going to discuss how it happened.  What powers have been laid before us now that it has happened, and…what we will do with said powers.

Annnnnnnnd my dear friends…I may have an uber-special Birthday surprise for Mister Jayman who will be turning 45 on Thursday.

So join us LIVE today at 11 AM ET on Blog Talk Radio by clicking HERE.

We will be live streaming for an hour with no cut-off, so call-in as well at 661.244.9852, and let us know what you would like to hear from us in the near future with our expanded platform, and/or just to wish Jayman a very Happy Birthday.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

What Are Words For?

Cheers Bitches!!

Y’know?  Yesterday during the celebration of my 48th birthday, I learned a number of things.

First off, I learned that I am old. Secondly, I learned that I, in spite of myself, have a lot of friends, and tertiarily, I learned that 19 year old chicks don’t dig 48 year old men.

Ha…Kidding…I really don’t have a lot of friends, but anyhoo…

Being the international internet radio star that I am, several thousand people wished me a Happy Birthday on my Facebook page yesterday.

To the eighty percent of my Facebook friends that I don’t actually know, I gave a “like.”  To the twenty percent of my friends that I actually do know, I left a comment.

But…Here’s the thing penultimate (yeah, I love that word, so?) thing that happened yesterday.  I didn’t just grow older yesterday; I grew wiser, and more importantly, more humble.

Aside from the public displays of Facebook affection yesterday, which are great mind you, and I truly loved them, I had several phone calls and private messages that were a bit more profound.

My 18 year old son gave me a dose of his brillant sarcasm that sounded word for word like something I would have said if I was in position.

My brother Marty called me from his Austin, TX., hotel room  at 7 AM and wished me a Happy Birthday and he said, “It is always good to talk to you.”

For thirty minutes, I talked to my brother Vince who is experiencing a world of difficulties.  In spite of his difficulties, we laughed all the while, because as he says, “You can cry, or you can laugh;  And either way, it’s nice to laugh and talk to you, my brutha.”

I sent Schmoop an e-mail asking if I could have our last frozen pizza for lunch.  She didn’t answer, she ignored it.  She later claimed that it was a Yahoo mail problem.  I claimed shenanigans…Turned out…It was a Yahoo problem.  And we laughed.

Yesterday, I chatted on Facebook with a woman with whom I went to school, and I told her that she and I should have gotten married back in the day, but the timing never worked out.

Oddly enough IWS readers, are you sitting down?  She agreed, and the conversation continued over a variety of other topics.

A couple of years ago, I was told by a woman that that I am “iconic”, and like it or not, “your words matter to people.”

Two years ago, I shrugged that comment off and filed it under, comments from crazy people.  You see…

While I have always considered myself to be a good writer and when I put my mind to it and work at it, a damn good writer, I have never considered myself to be a person of any influence whatsoever.

And while Schmoop may say something to the effect that I am chronically charming and for whatever reason, people like to listen to me, I have always thought…Yeah…so?

But…Yesterday, I became the recipient of an attitudinal shift.

In addition to the aforementioned examples of people who hang on my words, I received a birthday wish that stated I was Bagwine, Ohio’s best in comic relief.  Ha…I never realized that the woman who sent that even read my FB comments, IWS posts, or my smart ass remarks.

Here’s the thing…In this nanosecond by nanosecond world of texts, Tweets, e-mails, and blog posts, I am going to pay closer attention to what I am “putting out there.”

Not because I care, but evidently some people do, and well, that’s really not all that bad, it’s a compliment, and I don’t want to betray that good will.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS

Birthdays Are Stupid

“Let them eat cake.”
--Marie Antoinette

“Let them eat cake, and stuff their mouths so full of it, that the celebrant is unable to drone on and on about how it’s his or her birthday.”
--Matt-Man

I think birthday celebrations are stupid, and not just as I have become older, but as folks do become older, could we just cut the Happy Birthday crap, and leave the days of uterine deliverance to the children?

Huh?  Oh Dear God, could we Please!?

Sure…up til’ the time little Timmy or sweet Sally turns twelve, have all the birthday celebrating you want, but after that…they only get two more birthday parties.

At eighteen when they become eligible to fulfill their civic duty and are permitted to vote, and when they turn twenty-one and are eligible to drink, and keep in mind….

I will be more than happy to act as the creepy uncle at a newly twenty-one year old’s birthday party, whether I am related to the celebrant or not.

Chances are, the birthday boy or girl would not remember if I was there or not, which on balance, is probably a good thing.

Oh sure, some of you are thinking…

“What?  No Sweet Sixteen Birthday party for my little Shannyn, Britny, or Taylerr girl?”

No…Having a Sweet 16 party for girls with those names and spelled that way, can lead to two things, and two things only.

A lifetime working the pole at Bob’s Rootin’ Tootin’ Party Pad, or a life full of comers and goers, shaken baby syndrome, and remorse, within the confines of Section Eight housing.  And seriously…who needs more of that?

Not this guy!!

So…

Beginning tonight at 11:59:59 PM ET, I will forever purposely forget, fail to recognize, and never again even half-heartedly celebrate the birthday of any person who is over the age of 21.

I mean…Why do people celebrate their own birthday?  The person celebrating had nothing to do with it.

Oh sure, he or she may say, “I am a blessing from God via the love of my of my mom and dad, and that is why we are celebrating.”

Ha…

Chances are, your mom and dad were so drunk that Mom forgot to take her pill and/or Dad only thought he was wearing a condom, or more than likely, thought he was having sex with the “safe” floozy down the street who had become sterile due to her virulent, and untreated case of gonorrhea.

I am done.  On Facebook, Twitter, blog sites, and in day to day life, unless you are a child, I shall refuse to wish you a Happy Birthday, because, well…

Oddly enough, birthdays are similar to funerals.  People, whether hated or not, are typically spoken of in glowing terms on two days…their birthday, and the day they are buried.

Seriously…Celebrate a person every day of their life if you think they are wonderful, or if you find them to be a reprehensible asshole, don’t...not even at their funeral, or their birthday..

Never waiver on your convictions or feelings toward a person on their birthday or on the day that they ultimately pass, because, well…it’s unseemly.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Blow Out The Candle With All Your Breath, And Your Heart

“Life is too short to be small.”

--Benjamin Disraeli

As you read that quote here on the pages of IWS, I know what you’re thinking…

“There goes Matt-Man citing another conservative British thinker and former Prime Minister, again.”

Or perhaps many of you are thinking…

“Who the fuck is Benjamin Disraeli?”

Either way, it doesn’t matter.  It’s all about P-Min Ben-D’s quote….a quote which I happen to think about every time another birthday rolls around.

Life is too short to be small he says, and…we should all think of that quote every day, but especially on our birthdays.  Why, you ask?

Because one’s birthday is his or her day to have a free pass on being a complete asshole!!

Oh Hell Yeah!!  And bitches?  Today is my day to get a free pass…and there is no way in Hell that, other than penis wise, am I gonna be small.

Oh my Lawdy no.  Ima gonna let loose and let my pom pom guns of sarcasm blaze like the U.S. Fifth Fleet during the Marianas Turkey Shoot during the last days of World War II in the Pacific Theater.

Yep, bright and early after I call my son before he goes to school, I’m going to crack open the first of many beers and be obnoxious as I can on Facebook.

The people who do nothing but post religious quotes and talk about their love for God?

I am going to tell them that God hates them, their sorry lives, and says that if they truly loved Him, they’d get off their sorry asses and go out and help the poor instead of wallowing in self-pity over a broken relationship with a loser donning a wife beater.

The chicks who post, “men suck stuff”, and the guys who post, “women suck shit?”  I am going to feel compelled to tell both camps, that y’all suck.  No gender is worse than the other, the fact is, that YOU suck.

The people who get on there and complain how hard their day was, because their boss “was mean to them”? Ima gonna retort, at least you weren’t going through dumpsters looking for stinky ass beer cans to recycle.

And on Twitter?  Oh man, Twitter is fun, because it is “real time”, and uppity folks feel invincible in spite of their stupidity, bigotry, and all-around lack of an IQ that exceeds 50.

I feel that today, on Twitter, Ima gunna virtually cut a bitch, because it’s my day dammit, and I cannot be held responsible.

When they reveal and revile in their tales of marriage gone awry, I will sit here, smile, take a sip of brew, and then type…

“Well there ya go.”

Ahhhhh, I can do all of this because it’s my Birthday, and when I wake up Wednesday, I can say…

“Wow, I didn’t mean any of that.  It was my birthday, and I was tying one on.”

The truth of the matter is…

Whatever I say today on my birthday, I probably mean, and really…that is what Benjamin Disraeli meant by his quote.

Although he was a conservative, he, like liberal PM Gladstone, is a man I admire.

Disraeli never left anything in doubt.  He laid it all out there.

And my birthday wish for myself, and for all of you as well…is that we always say what we mean, mean what we say, and never back down.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

email: neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws