Does The IWS Website Need To Create New Mammaries?

Happy Hump day to you all and welcome to the IWS website...This site that may soon get edgier and racier, depending on how YOU want it to go…Allow me to ‘splain...and don't mind Tamra, she's just sipping her coffee..

Anyhoo...

Separately and/or together, Jayman and myself have been writing blog posts every day for nine years now. Holy Fuck…Yeah…NINE damn years.

Back in the halcyon days of blog posting it was fun, because people would comment and we would comment back, but these days?

People haven’t the patience of taking anywhere from two-five minutes to read a hilarious blog post, and comment, so…

Jayman and I discussed the possibility of adding more visuals to our IWS Radio website, namely in the form of pictures of boobs!!  No, I’m serious.  We thought boob pics from time to time might be a nice change of pace. Boobs like our buddy Cracker’s...

When we started the IWS Radio website we said to each other, “Each other…No full nakedness; we can stand on our own comedy merits.”  And?

For awhile we did, but the attention span of readers decreased and Google changed their algorithms, so we too have to change with the times.  Or do we?  I mean, we love tits, just like these of the Fiverr girl ...

However, we thought you (and potential advertisers) might like to see some full, unencumbered, frontal boob shots like the ones we see here in Scarlett Johansson?

We’d be delighted to know your reaction, because you mean the world to us, and we would never want to disappoint, nor offend you.

So either way, let us know your take on this dilemma…

BOOBS or NO BOOBS on the IWS Radio website!!?

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Tweet Me Your Boobs
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A Smartass Looks At Fifty

Cheers and greetings to you all on this Thursday edition of the IWS Radio website.

Today is a special day, well not really a special day, but a day that will pre-emptively note a landmark event that will take place on Saturday.

I turn 50 years old on Saturday, and let me tell ya…over the past half-century, I have learned some valuable lessons, so let’s get to them in order for generations to read and learn.

YOU are not the best at what you do. Oh sure, I write pretty well, but I know that in the world there are more than a handful of better writers than I…or is that me?

Seriously folks, no matter what you do, somebody can do it better, so just forget about the others, and work on improving yourself.

No…no…not all babies are cute. Including yours.  Just like mine, he came out of the womb blue.  Babies may grow up to be cute, but most babies are born post-partum ugly.

When in a relationship, never be afraid to say what is on your mind.  In my marriage, I was afraid to do that. I was the peacemaker. When things are bad, don’t hold your tongue. I held my tongue for many years and all it left me with was bitterness and a case of thrush.

Do not, and I repeat…Do NOT EVER…eat Vienna Sausages.

It is claimed that Facebook, Twitter, and social media are filled with drama. Not true…PEOPLE are filled with drama, so choose your social media friends carefully, and if one appears to be filled with drama, needle the hell out of him or her without regret, because it is fucking fun.

Miracle Whip is a salad dressing and it sucks.  Hellman’s Mayonnaise is the way to go.

If someone who is close to you tells you to shut the fuck up because you are being an idiot? They are probably one of the closest friends you have.

If your children don’t love you…Quit making drunken calls to them on Sundays to berate them...move on with your life, and instead, marry some hot chick from a major grocery store deli.

Never ask a hot chick from a major grocery store deli to marry you.

Never cook liver in a crockpot.

Most of all, remember this…

It’s fine to have hundreds of friends on Facebook, and thousands of followers on Twitter, but more importantly, it is imperative that we all have a handful of close friends.

After 50 years, I am glad to say that I still have a few close friends, and really?  That’s all that matters, because whether I have two years left or twenty years left, my small circle of close friends will be there for me, and I for them.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Tweet Me A Birthday Wish
Facebook Me HARD 

Poetry, Rock n Roll and Rambling

Holaaaaaaaaaa! So on Monday I said there was something that I had been thinking about, but wasn’t ready to write about so I had to just ramble about nothing important well guess what I stopped thinking about that other subject so I got nothing again well not nothing but it means more rambling and you know what else yeah this should be straight stream of consciousness blogging not giving a shit about grammar or punctuation once again don’t you think so hell yeah bitches let’s do this!

I’m getting a late start on this because I had to take a maintenance request up to the office because my damn air conditioner isn’t blowing cold air it’s blowing tepid air it should be blowing cold though so I know what’s going on it’s about to run out of coolant it has to be refilled twice a year no matter how much or how little it gets used luckily it’s actually a very pleasant evening here in God’s Country so I’m not going to swelter or anything like that I’m sure they’ll be down here first thing in the morning to get that taken care of for me at least they better be of course if it’s storming they will have to wait cause you don’t wanna get struck by lightning or anything I guess I’m okay with that and I'll just swelter until it's safe for him to fix the thing.

You guys should totally check out Aunt Jackie’s cover of Jimi Hendrix’s “Fire!” Jaxxx is a HUGE Jimi fan and this kind of music is right up her alley I’d like to be right up her alley if you know what I mean did I say that out loud oops.

                           

Anyone out there in the Dallas/Ft Worth area who would like to call us on Sunday between 11 am 1 pm central time and tell us about what’s happening around the Final Four you guy ARE listening to IWS Radio aren’t you I mean what the hell else do you people have to do with your time that’s right nothing so there’s no excuse anyway if you live in or will be in North Texas around the Final Four we need a correspondent and if you do it we will introduce you to our close personal friend Scarlett Johansson.

Oh hey did you know that April is National Poetry Month well hell yes it is that means there should be lots and lots of poetry on this blog like maybe a poem every single day you know Matt-Man is actually pretty good at that poetry shit when he wants to be I’m not a skilled poet but it’s fun to try sometimes oh hey I should do that right now shouldn’t I of course I do poetry under my pseudonym Jameson Jay

The Struggle …

Sitting in front of my computer trying to write
I feel the cool breeze whistling through the night
I think of A/C units, car batteries and computer fans
All needing work in such a short span
What else could possibly go wrong
My life is playing out like a country music song
It’s always just one thing after another
Life is such a bother
This is why I’m never at ease
Even if these things do usually happen in threes
Those rules never apply to my life
Every day is like getting stabbed with a knife

- Jameson Jay

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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Are You Hot Enough to Handle Two Hours with Jayman?

Cheeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and a Happy Tuesday to you all.

This past Sunday (per usual) Jay, myself, and the brilliant and hard working staff at IWS Radio put on yet another award-winning radio show, however…

A temporary tragedy has befallen us.  I have to work this Sunday because the new employee at the Beer Mine will be on vacation, so the March 30th show is hanging in the balance.

There are some options as to what to do this Sunday.

1.  We could do a show Sunday night at 8 P.M.

2.  We could take the week off, and not have a show.

Or…

3.  Jayman could do the show at our normal Noon-2 PM ET time slot with a guest co-host!!

Frankly my friends, I prefer option 3, and if we go that route, I want to toss out a couple of names of people who would make an excellent co-host (or not) to work with Jayman this Sunday.

1.  Blanche Lincoln.  That’s right. Being a fellow Arkansan, Jayman would feel right at home with the sultry former Senator from Arkansas.  The only drawback to Mizz Lincoln?

Although she looks likes a man and sounds like a man, Jayman finds her hot and she may be far too distracting during the show.

2.  Vladimir Putin.  Putin is a badass, and he would bring an edginess to the show that would bring out the inner-Bad Boy in Jayman. Unfortunately, Putin is also too much of a downer for a comedy show.  If only Boris Yeltsin was still alive. That would be comedy GOLD!!

3.  Al Roker.  I hate Al Roker, but I would love to hear Jayman ask him…“You know?  We’ve never had a fake weatherman on the IWS Radio Show.”  Roker would reply, “Bullshit…You have Kirk Douglas on here pretending to be a weatherman.”  And Jayman would respond, “Damn right, and if Kirk was here in studio with us, he would kick your ass for that comment.”

4.  Frank Bonner.  That’s right, WKRP’s very own Herb Tarlek.  Another fellow Arkansan who has ignored our requests to appear on our show over and over.  Perhaps, since Mr. Bonner really isn’t doing anything these days, the title of co-host on IWS Radio instead of being a mere guest would entice him to be on our show.

5.  James Garner.  A man whom we have reported so many damn times as being dead…you’d think he’d like to come on the show with Jayman just to prove us wrong!!

6.  Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis, and/or Natalie Portman.  If all, or any of these three hotties were co-hosting the show with Jayman, we’d have to title the episode…“Drooling and Masturbating with Jayman.”

Actually…That would be ratings gold, but following the show, BTR would probably exercise their terms of use agreement and kick us off the air permanently.

Lastly, and drum roll please….

7.  Saving the best for last, if she wanted to, Jayman could spend two hours…120 minutes…an afternoon of non-stop hilarity with…our favorite Canadian, Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaamie!!

Jamie is the Belle of the Ball, and the most awesome chick in Hammer Town, Canada.  Jamie could just read articles out of Popular Mechanics, Car and Driver, and Consumer Reports, and her voice would send the audience into a North of the Border frenzy unseen since the days of Pamela Anderson’s last breast augmentation.

So there you have it.  A few ideas for Jayman and the IWS Radio Show for this coming Sunday.

Enjoy your Tuesday, and whatever happens, we will as always, bring you the news first, fast, and factual.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page  

Lent 2014: The Struggle is Real Y'all

Hola y’all! Man, I gotta tell ya I’m seriously struggling with this whole lent thing. If you listened to the show on Sunday then you could probably tell that I was anguishing over my decision as to what to give up for Lent. If you didn’t listen then SHAME ON YOU! This has seriously turned into one of the toughest decisions of my life.

As the show went along, it didn’t take much time or effort for Mat-Man and me to agree that we as a team here at IWS Radio should make some sort of sacrifice for lent also. The obvious thing to give up here is the gratuitous posting of pics of hot chicks just as click bait and having nothing to do with the subject we are writing about at all. Unless of course they are in the news for something special and get named “Person of the Week” today is the last day for that kind of thing.

So, that’s set and honestly, I thought that just might be enough for me. Sure, that’s not the biggest sacrifice ever, but it is something that means a lot to me and something I enjoy a lot. What’s more it’s something I probably SHOULD give up. Often people get caught up in the pic of the hot babe and they completely miss my brilliant blog post. That’s very frustrating to me and I think this will help me with that.

As we neared the end of another brilliant and entertaining episode of IWS Radio I settled on giving up junk food. Things like frozen pizzas, chips and sweets or whatever for lunches. Not a bad idea. Again, it’s something I should do anyway. After he should though, I started thinking that maybe there was something better to give up. I also got to thinking that maybe I wouldn’t do anything at all since I’m not Catholic or particularly religious.

The problem with that is I would feel like I let my friend and lover Matt-Man down if I didn’t do anything for Lent while he was giving up bread and pasta. Plus, he’s somehow convinced our good friend, the lovely and talented Tyla Kells to do the same thing he’s doing. Damn, now I feel like I need to support BOTH of them by giving something up.

This morning Matt-Man posted a pic of a bunch of junk food on his Facebook page announcing my giving up junk food for Lent. I cautioned him that I was still struggling with my decision and he reminded me that the Lord hates a pussy. He makes a good point.

So, I was about to go ahead with the whole junk food idea when my very good friend and crazy hot babe suggested that it might not be the best of ideas. This put me in a real quandary as I hat letting anyone down. This is why I try to keep expectations low! So then I threw it all out there on MY Facebook page hoping someone could come up with a better suggestion.

This resulted in some very interesting ideas. One of them was to give dehydrated cheese which would mean giving up things like Cheetos and Nacho Cheese Tortilla Chips. This actually leaves the door open for other kinds of tortilla chips that I might dip in REAL cheese. Damn, that Knight is an amazing combination of brains and beauty. BUT, that’s kind of cheating, right? I mean that’s kind of like giving up Dominoes but still going to Pizza Hut. So then someone just suggested giving up everything orange. This was another brilliant idea which really works for me because I don’t wear hunting vests and have no intention of ever wearing an orange prison jumpsuit.

Other people suggested doing something good for society instead of giving anything up. Maybe not using any plastic bags or plastic containers for 47 days? This is a very practical idea and I kind of like it. The idea of bettering myself and/or doing something good for others is definitely keeping in line with Jesus’ teachings and makes it seem like more of doing something new rather than punishing myself.

So, decision has been made. I’m going to make Lent a positive experience by doing things to better myself as a person and do my part to make my little corner of the universe a better place. Damn, I feel good about this decision. It’s good to have it behind me. Thanks for listening to me ramble about it and thanks for all your help in making such a difficult life decision. You guys rock!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

Matt Said, Jay Said...9373277200

Matt farts, Jay belches, you admire their manliness…

Matt:  Hello?  Hello?  Lady of the house speaking.
Jay:  Lady of the house?  Dude you need to man up.
Matt:  Dude, I was being funny.
Jay:  Well there’s funny, and then there is effeminate-ancy.
Matt:  Is that a word?
Jay:  Well, it is now, because it’s on the internet.
Matt:  Good point.

Jay:  How was your New Year’s Eve?
Matt:  Uneventful but pleasant.  Schmoop wore tight fittin’ booty shorts.
Jay:  That’s HOT.  How come?
Matt:  I asked her to.
Jay:  Oh wow.  That’s skill right there.
Matt:  Word…How was yours?
Jay:  Just dandy.  Making the New Year cheese ball for today as we welcome in 2014.
Matt:  Making a cheese ball?  And you call me effeminate?
Jay:  Listen…I am a man who can make cheese balls AND cook.  Chicks dig that.
Matt:  By God they do…y’know…you and I have developed are manly skills to the nth degree.

Jay:  Oh I know.  We are witty and sensitive.
Matt:  We can cook and are runway fashion plates.
Jay:  We are handy around the house and know how to feminize the ladies.
Matt:  We offer to get our napkins after they forget to bring one when they bring us our sandwich.
Jay:  Damn dude…When I think about it?  We have a lot of knowledge to offer to men everywhere.
Matt:  And it would be rude of us to keep it to ourselves.
Jay:  It would be.

Matt:  Alright then…Sunday we should do a Man’s Survival Guide type show on IWS Radio.
Jay:  Hell yeah.  If we don’t impart our tips on how to become a valued and lusted after man, we are sinning.
Matt:  I don’t want to sin.
Jay:  Me neither.  Sinning is…well, a sin.
Matt:  Well said.
Jay:  Thank You.

Matt:  So?  This Sunday from 8-10 PM ET on the IWS Radio Show we will help every guy in the universe.
Jay:  Damn straight.  Teach guys how to cook, dress, build a career.
Matt:  Find that special lady and leave her wanting more every time.
Jay:  I bet Rev. Moneymaker and Stubby Stonehenge could help with some insightful words.
Matt:  As could Bobby Kraft and Barry Resnick.

Jay:  This is going to be huge, because men everywhere will call-in for our advice.
Matt:  If they don’t, they aren’t real men.
Jay:  Damn straight.  That would make them pussies and won’t be getting any of what they are.
Matt:  You speak the truth.  Off to make a baloney sandwich and look at Scar-Jo pics Jayman.
Jay:  Okay.  Ima gonna finish the cheese ball and see if Alyssa Milano will retweet me again.
Matt and Jay:  See ya Sunday on the Radio!!

To listen LIVE to IWS Radio’s, The Man’s Survival Guide to 2014 Sunday from 8-10 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio click HERE!!
.  

Matt Said Jay Said 8 28 38 49

Matt: Let’s make this quick.
Jay: Good plan! Those fish sticks seemed …. “off.”
Matt: I didn’t need that shared with me.
Jay: I want to share my life with you.
Matt: That’s sweet, but don’t.
Jay: Hey now! You’ve never hesitated to overshare with me.
Matt: That’s different.
Jay: Oh.
Matt: Good.
Jay: Wait!
Matt: Oh God, here we go.
Jay: How is it different?
Matt: It just is.
Jay: I don’t think that’s a good enough answer.
Matt: I’m known for my oversharing.
Jay: And?
Matt: You’re not.
Jay: So?
Matt: Let’s just both stay in our lane.
Jay: Ohhhhhhh … Okay.

Jay: Oh hey!
Matt: Yes?
Jay: We’re gonna introduce a new segment this week!
Matt: With a new LIVE correspondent.
Jay: Smugly Superior w/ Dana!
Matt: The role she was born to play.
Jay: Hell yeah. Not much of a stretch for her.
Matt: Well, you start with what you know.
Jay: True.
Matt: Is she gonna dis Breaking Bad?
Jay: I’m sure of it.
Matt: Good! I’m sick of hearing about that show.
Jay: You and me both.
Matt: It can’t possibly be THAT good.
Jay: I don’t see how. 

Matt: So what else for Sunday?
Jay: Another new segment. Tribute to the McLaughlin Group
Matt: Ha! I love that crazy old bastard.
Jay: He’s the greatest.
Matt: Oh! It’s “Confucius Day”
Jay: Really? We could work with that!
Matt: Especially when is lesser known brother PROfucius shows up.
Jay: I bet he’s ALMOST as brilliant as Confucius.
Matt: Yeah, ALMOST.
Jay: There’s lots of China stuff we can talk about.
Matt: Definitely.
Jay: What else?
Matt: Two words: Ted. Cruz.
Jay: HA! Is he still talking?
Matt: We’ll check in on Sunday.
Jay: I bet he’s reading off inspirational speeches from movie.
Matt: And maybe some other crazy-ass stuff.
Jay: That’s awesome.
Matt: And Paul Piatt
Jay: And EVEN MORE Drew Peacock
Matt: Schmoop loves him.
Jay: I know she does.
Matt: She just has a funny way of showing it.
Jay: And we’ll throw other stuff in as it comes up.
Matt: We can do it!
Jay: Oh the show title.
Matt: Hmm ….

Jay and Matt: CUSSIN’ THE EGG ROLLS!

Jay: Freaking brilliant.
Matt: Damn we’re good.

That’s “Cussin’ the Egg Rolls” this Sunday at 12 Noon ET on IWS Radio. Be there or something really terrible might happen. I mean, probably not, but why risk it? 

Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Person of the Week!

The IWS Person of the Week is actor, singer, songwriter, writer, director, dancer and all-around awesome dude Joseph Gordon Levitt!

It’s not enough for this dude to be incredibly talented and super damn good looking either! Oh no! He has to be BFF’s with Zooey Deschanel too …

But wait that’s not all! He also wrote, directed and is starring in his latest movie “Don Jon.” It’s a movie about a guy, played by JGL, who is a sex addict. And, since he’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt and can do wants he cast Scarlett Johansson as his girlfriend in the movie. OF COURSE HE DID!

I have nothing but admiration and respect for JGL and his amazing talents, but writing this has made me decide to hate him.

Congrats on being named IWS’ Person of the Week though dude!

Also, don’t forget to listen to the “Overrated andUnderrated Show” on IWS Radio at 12 Noon on Sunday! 

Matt Said, Jay Said 888-727-BECK

Matt:  Helloooooooo?
Jay:  Hi.  How are you?
Matt:  I’m fine, and you?
Jay:  Okay, I guess.
Matt:  Something wrong Pumpkin?

Jay:  Eh…It’s just that talking on the phone is way overrated.

Matt:  But we do it every Sunday during our IWS Radio Show.

Jay:  Oh I know, but that’s different.

Matt:  How so?  Because we have a live audience, but during show prep calls you’re stuck talking only to me?

Jay:  Noooo, not at all.  I just think actual talking is overrated.
Matt:  I think maybe you just don’t like talking to me on a one-on-one basis.
Jay:  Not at all.  And now that you are basically calling me a liar, I think you underrate me as a person.
Matt:  Noooo, not at all.  I adore you.

Jay and Matt:  (awkward silence)

Matt:  You know who Schmoop thinks is wayyyyyyyy overrated?
Jay:  Who?
Matt:  Scarlett Johansson.
Jay:  What?  Schmoop is out of her mind!!

Matt:  I know right?  Schmoop says Scarlett is ugly.  Schmoop is crazy!!
Jay:  Hell yeah she’s crazy; I mean, just a bit.  I wouldn’t want to overrate Schmoop’s craziness.

Matt:  Y’know what Jayman?  I think we have an idea for this week’s show.
Jay:  I believe you are right.  We could talk about people…
Matt:  Places…
Jay:  And things that are either overrated
Matt:  Or underrated.

Jay:  Damn dude…Our brilliance is wayyyyy underrated.

Matt:  You and I are far more underrated than The Beatles were overrated.

Jay:  Oh my God…Buddy Acapella singing lyrics by Paul Piatt would be better than The Beatles.
Matt:  True dat, my underrated friend.

Jay:  Rev. Moneymaker may have some words for the IWS Radio congregation this weekend.
Matt:  So will Paul Piatt.

Jay:  And we may have a few surprises as well.

Matt:  And your phone calls at 661.244.9852, as we do the Overrated and Underrated Show this Sunday.

Jay:  It’s this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET and we will also talk about how The Blaze Radio host, Doc Thompson is stealing my nearly copyrighted tag lines.

Matt:  It’s an outrage!!

Jay and Matt:  So…Join us this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio, as IWS Radio discusses all that is overrated or underrated.

To catch us LIVE on Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET you can click right HERE. 

New iPhone has Great Features

Hola y’all! Well, Apple held its annual cult meeting the other day to introduce the new iPhone 5? 6? I would just go with iPhone 69. Anyway, apparently the new iPhone has all kinds of bitchin’ cool features. It has a 64 bit chip and it will store your fingerprint and share it with the NSA so that only YOUR finger will turn it on. And … OMG!!!!! … IT NOW COMES IN GOLD!!!!! *SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!!!*

But, what makes this phone worth the thousands of dollars you’ll spend on the phone over the mandatory two year contract is the hidden features they don’t tell you about! Luckily for you, our crack team in the Technology Division of IWS World Media has discovered some of them …

- The Wizzer: This is a special hidden app that when activated will provide you with clean urine when you get called in for that random drug test.

- The Handicapper: Sends you advice on which teams to bet on each week of the football season. It would be something like this: “Psst take Wisconsin -2.5 over Arizona St.”

- Babe Number Scanner: Very clever app here! You carry the phone as if you’re busy texting, but the phone is actually scanning everyone around you and recognizing babes. It then secretly (with the help of the NSA) secretly snags their phone number so you can call them later.

- The Flask: What looks to be the spot where you plug in your ear buds is actually where you pour your bourbon so you can take a few nips during the workday when things become just too unbearable.

- Joint Case: Just activate the “Toke App” and the case opens and there’s your hippie lettuce. The cops will never figure it out.

- The Commenter: This app monitors your Facebook Newsfeed and make the appropriate comments for you so you don’t have to see their posts. 

- Taco Emergency: An app that is constantly updating to let you know exactly where the nearest Taco Truck is just in case you suddenly crave a taco and/or burrito. Happens far more often that one might think!

- Celeb Alert: Constant alerts letting you know what your favorite celebrities are up to each day. Lindsay Lohan arrested again? You’ll know before TMZ does. A new celebrity sex tape “leaked?” Watch it right there on your phone during your lunch break while sitting in the park. Also things like “Psst: ScarJo Cleavage Alert!!”

- The Sexer: It’s app that allows you have sex with your phone which is pretty handy because most people love their phone more than anyone or anything else in this world.

- Shoot ‘Em Up Bang Bang: If there’s anything Americans love more than their cell phones it’s their guns. So, obviously an app that allows your phone to be used as a gun with infinite reloads via the internet is a big need. You know, in case you see a trophy buck crossing the street downtown as you’re leaving work.

There you go folks. Ten of the best hidden features and apps of the new iPhone 5S or 6 or 7 or whatever the hell it is.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

IWS Babe of the Week...Year's End and Rear Ends

As we quickly approach year's end, now is the perfect time to celebrate some really sweet looking...rear ends...

Many people today, when they think of ass, naturally think of Kim Kardashian...

Others may simply dream of the go to ass of Scarlett Johansson...

Megan Fox doesn't disappoint either, especially when she is kissing herself...

Of course, a new and particular fave that IWS has discovered, is the delicious derriere of one Kate Upton...

And certainly, a stalwart of legendary assdom is that of one of the IWS team, the Schmoopster...

So there you go.  Year's End and Rear Ends.  Let's love the hell out of all of them.

And don't forget...

If you missed Jay and Matt kicking 2012 to the curb on Blog Talk Radio LIVE last night, you can catch all of the angst ridden hilarity right here in the archives.  A good time was had by all...

   

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

IWS Babe of the Week: Christmas Chicks Bearing Gifts

Welcome to December and to the joy of the Christmas Season.  One doesn't have to think hard to figure out who some of the hottest babes of the Yuletide time of year are.

There's that little vixen Cindy Lou Who, whose sheer sultriness can melt not only a man's heart, but the Grinch's heart as well...

Did you really think Frosty the Snowman began to melt because of the heat?  No, no my friends.  He began melting because that hot ingenue, Karen, loooooooved to ride him bareback...

Lucy and Violet, the two raven-haired hotties of Charlie Brown fame always get a laugh from Snoopy when the raspily ask Chuck, "Is that a Christmas tree in your pocket, or are you expecting to have a three-way with us?"

Of course it's not all about Christmas this month, the Jews will be celebrating Hanukkah.  And who better to drain the oil from my menorah than the uber-Jewalicious, Scarlett Johansson...

Oh hell yeah...December may be my favorite month of the year!!

In other news...Jay and Matt went late night as they broadcast the kick-off to the 16th Annual War on Christmas last night on Blog Talk Radio.

In case you were asleep and missed the fun and frivolity live last night, you can catch THE Number 1 comedy show on BTR by listening right cheer:

Obama Romney Town Hall Debate...Cheetos Eatin' Americans Probably Missed Their Points

Last night, I didn't watch the Presidential Town Hall style debate live.  Well, not on TV anyway.  I never watch debates live on TV any longer.

Sure, I go back and watch the replay on TV, sometimes more than once, but the only way to most enjoyably and in real time, “watch” a Presidential debate, is on Twitter and Facebook.

I tell ya, people.  It’s more exciting than it would be to watch a strap-on wearing Scarlett Johansson doing Eva Longoria doggie style in my living room.

Okay, okay…that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but Lordy, Lordy…

Folks on Twitter and Facebook, be they celebrity or average American, certainly know how to oscillate statements made by their candidate of choice and turn a boring diatribe of duality into an overly-frothed milkshake of cyber stupidity and uber-rollicking entertainment.

I swear people.  Americans are some of the stupidest, most intellectually rigid, non-thinking for themselves motherfuckers in the world.

Yeah I said, that, and I am even throwing Americans in with stupid, fanatical Muslims who blow people up because they might get laid because of it.

I know, I know…You’re saying:

“Matt-Man, you really believe that overly excitable Americans who are blinded to a political party are just as bad as over-zealous, misinterpreting Muslims who bastardize the Quran?”

Well, minus the killing and murderous tendencies that some of the aforementioned Muslims do, yes, as far as intellect and self-determination goes, yes I am saying just that.

After watching the past two Presidential debates through the virtual eyes of Twitter and Facebook I have but one thing to say…

America?  As a people we in general, are fucking stupid, short-sighted, myopic, incurious, and most of all, intellectually lazy.

I was avidly reading all the tweets and Facebook entries during the debate last night, and well…As I was laughing, I was also getting a dry mouth and sore throat due to me sitting here with mouth agape being stupefied by the comments from people over the debate performances.

Sean Hannity was tweeting that this was the greatest debate performance ever by Romney…Ha, Romney got his ass kicked.

Ed Schultz was excitedly jacking off over Obama’s performance during this debate, yet never acknowledged that during the first debate, Obama got his ass kicked by Romney.

Both guys have their heads up their asses, and well, I wish their heads would stay there, so they’d shut the fuck up.

Gregt Gutfeld was adoringly screaming like a schoolgirl on Twitter in hopes that Romney would notice his no-talent ass, and Michael Moore was cheering on Obama while being to the world of journalism what Bartolo Colon is to the world of professional athletes.

And you?  The simple, every day voter, tweeter, and Facebook poster?

Oy…

Forty to Fifty percent of you are no different than the vapid, talking heads that I mentioned.

You, like them…You have preconceived notions, a head full of what others have told you, and no concept of personal thought, of personal reasoning as to who or what is best for this country.

This election like all elections in recent memory, has become merely a sport…a game…a chance to be on the winning side.

I think President Obama, summed this up well, and has caught hell for saying it, but he was right…

“You can’t change Washington from the inside.”

No, no you can’t.  Not when the citizens of this country keep electing representatives based upon party rather than the ability to govern.

It’s sad, and knowing how bad it has gotten, we should change the motto on our coins.

We should change the motto from E Pulribus Unum to E Pluribus Stupid.

And Jayman and I will discuss that, and many other things today LIVE at 11 AM ET on IWS Radio which you can catch by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS

MSJS LIII

Matt pontificates, Jay pontificates, You absorb it all.

Matt: Mahoney residence, gentleman of the house speaking.
Jay: Gentleman? Really?
Matt: Jayman … We are highly sophisticated, educated and refined men.
Jay: Okay, that is true.
Matt: That whole “silly and immature” act gets old.
Jay: True. We should probably show our true side to people more often.
Matt: I agree. We need to show that we are above childish humor and actions.
Jay: People don’t realize how deep and thoughtful we really are.
Matt: They don’t understand what a sophisticated world view we have.
Jay: Very true. It’s time for them to see the real .. OH HOLY MOLY SCARLETT JOHANSSON!
Matt: Where dammit, where!!!
Jay: Twitter says she speaking at the DNC … Oh my!
Matt: I don’t think Schmoop will be happy if I turn it on. Describer her to me.
Jay: Oh man … those lips!
Matt: Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhh!
Jay: I swear she just said "I remember the excitement I felt in that secret box."

Then … things got a little weird for a bit. You don’t need to experience that part.

Matt: I appreciate your rushing to my defense Monday night.
Jay: You started a Twitter fight and tried to drag me into it.
Matt: I sent up the Jay Signal.
Jay: Well, the Jay Signal doesn’t work after 11 pm.
Matt: I was getting crushed with insults, and you were Tweeting about Frank Bonner.
Jay: Priorities man. The Bonner was my immediate focus.
Matt: I might have to post about your throwing me under the bus for Friday.
Jay: Then I would have to respond on Saturday.
Matt: That’s a problem.
Jay: The retort is always better than the opening salvo.
Matt: Exactly! Leading is hard. Counterpunching is more fun.
Jay: Sure it is. If you go second you can be OUTRAGED at the unprovoked attack.
Matt: That’s a HUGE advantage!
Jay: If used properly, it can be devastating.
Matt: Yeah. Hey, why don’t you go first then?
Jay: Noooooooooooooooooo!
Matt: Damn.
Jay: Maybe you can find someone on Twitter to get into it with.
Matt: Maybe. Charlie Daniels is on there, which might work.
Jay: There you go.
Matt: There’s always a solution to every problem.
Jay: You just gotta look hard enough.
Matt: GOD we sound like the Brady Bunch and there “moral to the story” every week.
Jay: HA!

Jay: So Sunday is the big Lemonade Stand and Bake Sale
Matt: Hell yeah! Missy will make brownies and chocolate chip cookie bars.
Jay: I. LOVE. Chocolate chip cookie bars.
Matt: I bet Missy’s are the best ever.
Jay: I have no doubt about that.
Matt: And, brownies are no slouch either.
Jay: Oh hell no. Frosted or not, brownies always make people happy.
Matt: I know they make me happy.
Jay: This whole show is gonna be a happy show.
Matt: I know it!
Jay: We can talk about other things that could be sold at “bake” sales.
Matt: And other fundraising ideas.
Jay: Oh yeah!
Matt: And the advantages of being premium.
Jay: Well of course. Some of them will even be real.
Matt: Yeah, we’ll include the legit advantages too.
Jay: We’re all about accuracy like that.
Matt: You know it!
Jay: Okay, I think we’re ready.
Matt: Yup, I better see how Mr. Daniels is doing.
Jay: Have fun
Matt: I’ll try.

So, don’t forget to tune into “Missy’s Four Power Hour” on I’m With Stupid this Sunday at 12 Noon ET! Whatever you’re thirsting for, we’ll quench it.

Two Amazing Years

Holaaaaaaa! Well, as you guys now know, I’m With Stupid Podcast is two years old. *Holds up two fingers* Yesterday Matt-Man reflected a bit on the past two years and shared some of the accolades we’ve gotten from celebrities that are still rolling in! So, along with a little of my own reflections, I’m going to share the next round of congratulatory shout outs.

“Two whole years huh? Well, give yourselves a fucking cookie, assholes.” – Denis Leary

Our Season Two Finale will be show number 172. Okay 173, we deleted one. Anyone who listened to the deleted show will remember our first lesson we learned about radio/podcasting. It IS possible to be too drunk for radio and if you aren’t fully committed to a bit, you should just bail out of it and muddle through. Although, one could make the argument that bombing and melting down is a necessary lesson too. I’m guessing most people are surprised that we’ve only had to delete one show anyway.  Now that I think about it, I should have downloaded that show before we deleted it. The Smithsonian might want it someday.

“Congrats to two great seasons and here’s to lots and lots more success in the future you SEXY BEASTS!” – Scarlett Johansson

Oh yeah, delusions of grandeur are a good thing. Dream big or go home, right? As I mentioned in comments yesterday, it’s kind of exciting and even a little scary that our “joking” about our “vast and diverse worldwide audience” isn’t really a joke anymore. For the longest time we actually knew everyone who listened to the show. There was a certain comfort in that, but it was also a little depressing.

“So you guys finally experienced a breakout and are hitting near the top of the ratings? Good for you! Also, I’m still alive fuck nuts!” – Frank Bonner 

One of the things that we kind of got away from was doing audio bits from our special “correspondents.” We did a lot of these early on and most of them were really funny. They are actually very time-consuming to do though and after a while they seemed to start all sounding alike. But, I have a feeling in the year(s) to come; we will get back into doing those again.

“OMG! You guys are so deserving of all the success you've had. I’m totally addicted to your show!” – Lindsay Lohan *steals Jayman’s watch on the way out*

The coolest thing that we have done is finally get some guests to come on the show. We’ve talked about it from day one, but have been picky about who we ask, especially since the whole “Joker/Nazi” incident. But, we most definitely plan on having as many guests as we can in the seasons to come. Who knows, maybe we’ll get some REALLY big names soon! Not likely, but maybe!

“Congrats to the Leopold and Loeb of internet radio.” – Dennis Miller

What I do know is that we will continue to make fun of all the stupid people out there. The politicians, athletes, celebrities, attention whores, stupid criminals, zealots, atheists, writers, pundits, haters, self-important fools, frauds, self-proclaimed legal/medical/financial etc “experts,” easily offended, outraged and hypocrites. Most of all though, we’ll continue to make fun of ourselves even though a lot of times the listeners don’t realize that’s what we’re doing.

“I’m really happy for you guys and impressed at how well you’ve done. You guys rock! Now leave me alone you pervs!!" – Miley Cyrus

Mostly though, I just want to thank everyone out there who listens to the show. I hope you enjoy it and maybe it brings a little smile to your day cause that’s all we really want to do. So, here’s to two great years and to season three being even better!!

“Hey Jay! I heard that impression you’ve been doing of me. Not funny buddy. You’re lucky I don’t come over there and kick your ass!” – Kirk Douglass 

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

Jay's Imaginary Friend

Hola weirdoes! I struggled to come up with a blog topic for today, but can’t come up with anything. So, I’m simply going to post some of the conversations I’ve had with my imaginary friend who will be referred to as “IF” from here out.

Jay: “Why don’t you have a name? Shouldn’t my invisible friend have a name?”
IF: “I dunno. Give me a name if you want.”
Jay: “How bout …. Wait. Are you male or female?”
IF: “I’m whatever you want me to be. Also, I saw that you originally wrote “mail” instead of “male.” What a dumb ass.”
Jay: “You’re female”
IF: “Oh that’s rude.”
Jay: “I’m gonna pretend you have a great ass then.”
IF: “I hate being objectified like that.”
Jay: “Hey! If my imaginary friend is female, does that make me gay?”
IF: “No, it makes you lonely in addition to crazy.”
Jay: “Oh, okay.”
IF: “And kind of pathetic.”
Jay: “That’s enough, thanks.”
IF: “And sensitive.”
Jay: “Oh look! posted a pic of her ice cream!” 
IF: “Nice! I’d let her lick my fudgsicle.”
Jay: Me t… What the fuck does that mean?”
IF: “You know, my …. ‘fudgsicle’”
Jay: “But you’re female. You don’t have a ‘fudgsicle.’”
IF: “Okay, I’d let her lick my banana split!”
Jay: “What. The. Fuck?”

Jay: “You know what I need?”
IF: “A life?”
Jay: “Well, that and something else.”
IF: “To lose weight?”
Jay: “Totally uncalled for!”
IF: “A personality?”
Jay: “You’re the worst fucking Imaginary Friend ever!”
IF: “Hey, you created me.”
Jay: “I wish I hadn’t.”
IF: “That’s another thing you need.”
Jay: “What?”
IF: “A better imagination.”
Jay: “You know what? Fuck you.”
IF: “Well, somebody is a little touchy.”
Jay: “Cunt.”
IF: “Damn! You went right for the C-Word?”

IF: “You know calling me the C-Word is really mean.”
Jay: “You deserved it.”
IF: “Did not.”
Jay: “You’ve been nothing but mean to me all night.”
IF: “I didn’t know you were so touchy.”
Jay: “I’m the only person who has an imaginary friend who is a meanie.”
IF: “Ha! You suck.”
Jay: “I think I’m going to create a better Imaginary Friend.”
IF: “Oh really?”
Jay: “Another chick, but a nice one. A ½ Asian and ½ Latina babe.”
IF: “Hey now! That’s actually kind of creative.”
Jay: “Yeah it is … Bye!”
IF: “Asshole.”

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, on I’m With Stupid we celebrated Matt-Man’s 25th Wedding Anniversary today. Matt talked about his wedding and some of the early days of marriage, we took calls from a couple of goofballs, and then we talked about some of the keys to a long and loving relationship. It was deep, thoughtful and humorous all at once. Check it out!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

First Annual Babe Draft for Babe of the Week

In honor of this being NFL Draft weekend, the staff at IWS Media decided to hold our own special draft for Babe of the Week. Matt-Man and Jayman will draft their favorite celebrity babes.

The 2012 IWS Babe Draft is underway; Matt-Man is on the clock.

With my first pick, over which I thought LONG and HARD...well...at least hard, I chose a woman whose beauty transcends the space time continuum.  An actress with classic beauty who has appeared in movies such as Lost in Translation, The Avengers, and Iron Man 2...Mizz Scarlett Johannson

With is first pick, Jayman selects: Sofia Vergara! Sofia is best known as one of the stars of ABC’s hit comedy Modern Family, but she has been around for years. She is funny, smart and exotic and much, MUCH hotter today at almost 40 than she was in her 20’s!

Jayman made a great call there, and in order to counter Sofia's hotness, I am going with a babe who is not only hot, but smart as hell as well.  Adding a little color and a whole lot of "Oh Baby" to my selections, I pick MSNBC's own Tamron Hall!!

With his second pick, Jayman selects: Penelope Cruz! Penelope is an Academy Award winning actress who can also sing and dance. She speaks (more or less) five languages, is smart, driven and smoldering hot.

Most people think that I can't make the play for the Latina chick....Ho, ho,ho, and ole my friends.  With my third pick of this smoldering draft, I choose the Colombian babe who is an international music sensation and plays, guitar, harmonica, drums, and has an IQ of 140...Shakira!!

With his third pick, Jayman selects: Rashida Jones! Just because Matt-Man doesn’t know who Rashida is, doesn’t mean she isn’t a star. One of the stars of The Office and Parks and Recreation is the daughter of Quincy Jones and Peggy Liption, so she comes by her combination of beauty and talent honestly.

I didn't know who Rashida Jones was, but oh yeah I do now, and I finish my draft selections with a similar pick.  Few here in the States know who she is, but she is Iranian born model and current Queen of all things Danish, Heidi Zadeh.  I would love to make a humus and havarti sandwich out of her...

With his fourth and final pick, Jayman selects: Jamie Chung! Probably a surprising pick, but Jamie is an up and coming star. She was first introduced to us on MTV’s Real World: San Diego. Since those days Jamie has done several TV shows and movies such as Sucker Punch. She currently has four movies in production and she is every bit as sweet and intelligent (she studied economics at Cal-Riverside) as she is sexy.

And there you have it.  The Official IWS Babe Draft of 2012!!

Make sure to catch us on Blog Talk Radio today, live at Noon ET as we celebrate Prom!!  We will talk all things Prom-Related, and there may be a few surprises, so join us live at Noon ET.

To hook up with us, simply click on our Blog Talk Radio link HERE.

Cheers and Hola!!

Be sure to check out the I’m With Stupid podcast! The #1 Comedy Show on Blog Talk Radio!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Babe of the Week: Best Celebrity Boobs

This week for our Babe of the Week feature, IWS presents the best celebrity boobies.

Scarlett Johannson

Rachel McAdams

Monica Bellucci

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Natalie Portman 

--

In other news, we Celebrated Boobies on the I'm With Stupid Podcast. We talked about all kinds of boobies. Big, small and everything in between. Also, we had a Big Boobs vs Small Boobs debate as Matt-Man lacks the appropriate level of admiration that Jayman believes small boobies deserve. And Jayman told his famous "Fake Boob Deflates in a Vegas Strip Club Story" And then of course, we had our "Pee Break w/ Schmoop" segment to pull it all together.

Also, we paid our respects to Whitney Houston and discussed her untimely death. Overall, probably our most ridiculous show ever. But, still fun and charming as always. So, check it out! Please?

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio