Are You Hot Enough to Handle Two Hours with Jayman?

Cheeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and a Happy Tuesday to you all.

This past Sunday (per usual) Jay, myself, and the brilliant and hard working staff at IWS Radio put on yet another award-winning radio show, however…

A temporary tragedy has befallen us.  I have to work this Sunday because the new employee at the Beer Mine will be on vacation, so the March 30th show is hanging in the balance.

There are some options as to what to do this Sunday.

1.  We could do a show Sunday night at 8 P.M.

2.  We could take the week off, and not have a show.

Or…

3.  Jayman could do the show at our normal Noon-2 PM ET time slot with a guest co-host!!

Frankly my friends, I prefer option 3, and if we go that route, I want to toss out a couple of names of people who would make an excellent co-host (or not) to work with Jayman this Sunday.

1.  Blanche Lincoln.  That’s right. Being a fellow Arkansan, Jayman would feel right at home with the sultry former Senator from Arkansas.  The only drawback to Mizz Lincoln?

Although she looks likes a man and sounds like a man, Jayman finds her hot and she may be far too distracting during the show.

2.  Vladimir Putin.  Putin is a badass, and he would bring an edginess to the show that would bring out the inner-Bad Boy in Jayman. Unfortunately, Putin is also too much of a downer for a comedy show.  If only Boris Yeltsin was still alive. That would be comedy GOLD!!

3.  Al Roker.  I hate Al Roker, but I would love to hear Jayman ask him…“You know?  We’ve never had a fake weatherman on the IWS Radio Show.”  Roker would reply, “Bullshit…You have Kirk Douglas on here pretending to be a weatherman.”  And Jayman would respond, “Damn right, and if Kirk was here in studio with us, he would kick your ass for that comment.”

4.  Frank Bonner.  That’s right, WKRP’s very own Herb Tarlek.  Another fellow Arkansan who has ignored our requests to appear on our show over and over.  Perhaps, since Mr. Bonner really isn’t doing anything these days, the title of co-host on IWS Radio instead of being a mere guest would entice him to be on our show.

5.  James Garner.  A man whom we have reported so many damn times as being dead…you’d think he’d like to come on the show with Jayman just to prove us wrong!!

6.  Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis, and/or Natalie Portman.  If all, or any of these three hotties were co-hosting the show with Jayman, we’d have to title the episode…“Drooling and Masturbating with Jayman.”

Actually…That would be ratings gold, but following the show, BTR would probably exercise their terms of use agreement and kick us off the air permanently.

Lastly, and drum roll please….

7.  Saving the best for last, if she wanted to, Jayman could spend two hours…120 minutes…an afternoon of non-stop hilarity with…our favorite Canadian, Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaamie!!

Jamie is the Belle of the Ball, and the most awesome chick in Hammer Town, Canada.  Jamie could just read articles out of Popular Mechanics, Car and Driver, and Consumer Reports, and her voice would send the audience into a North of the Border frenzy unseen since the days of Pamela Anderson’s last breast augmentation.

So there you have it.  A few ideas for Jayman and the IWS Radio Show for this coming Sunday.

Enjoy your Tuesday, and whatever happens, we will as always, bring you the news first, fast, and factual.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page  

The Weather Channel: Sam Champion Is A White Al Roker

Imagine this…

It’s 3 A.M, and the head of the overnight Weather Channel crew calls its morning, drive-time headliner and?

The morning, drive-time headliner is not a meteorologist.

The Weather Channel has done it before, and they are doing it again.

They are hiring yet another non-meteorologist to host the morning Weather Channel program, and once again diluting the hard hitting analysis of barometric pressures and jet streams, into nothing more than a morning show about..

“Hey…longtime viewer, Grandma Juanita Jones is 98 today; which is coincidental, because that is what the high temp in Miami will be today.”

I was livid back in aught nine when The Weather Channel hired the hideous, non-meteorological, can’t lose weight on my own without a medical procedure, go on Imus to promote my book, and then hate him for dissin’ nappy-haired college basketball players even though I had been on his show for years, Al Roker.

When NBC bought out The Weather Channel and installed the non-meteorologist, weight-loss cheater, Al Roker into its sunny, wake-up spot,  I said to myself…

“The Weather Channel’s integrity has fallen faster and lower than the barometric pressure recorded when Hurricane Camille passed over Pass Christian, Mississippi back in ‘69.”

Not that the aforementioned fake weathermen would know what the hell I was talking about.

I remember the days back when The Weather Channel started, and Jim Cantore and Mark Mancuso were cutting up and giving the weather…It was awesome, but…noooooooooo.

Only doing weather wasn't good enough for either The Weather Channel nor NBC, so…when NBC bought them out, they had to add weather “reality” shows and fake weathermen.

And that is when the “for the life of me, I have no clue how this happened” famous and well-paid, Al Roker stepped in.

I loathe Al Roker because he is a phony.  He is a phony because he chose to have a medical procedure to lose weight, and more importantly, he is not a meteorologist.

And now?

Who is going to be hosting The Weather Channel’s new morning show, AMHQ?

Sam Champion. Really?

I am about to be subjected to the exponentially white, uber-creepy looking, non-meteorologist Sam Champion, who is the gay, yet fit, but no less disturbing, and much more caucasian, Al Roker.

See?

Meteorology is, among other things, color blind.  I just want a God Damn weather forecast thoughtfully and accurately reported to me by a black guy, a white guy, a hot chick…a Swedish Nazi who had a sex change…

I don’t care who the hell gives me a weather forecast, I just want to know that I am getting a quasi-accurate forecast.

And I want it from a meteorologist. Not some corporate media carnival barker who was hired to generate advertising revenue.

If it storms?

I want to know it was because there was a dry line, behind of a cold front, ahead of a warm front, and not because the, Sam Champion TorCon Rating Brought to You by Coca-Cola, is rating it an eight.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page 

The Weather Channel 30th Anniversary...Stephanie Abrams, Hail Yes!!

Today, May 2, 2012 is a huge day for wannabe meteorologists, weather geeks, and people with too much time on their hands.

I, being each of those things, am excited to, with a voice louder and more annoying than the Emergency Broadcast System warning tone, announce the following…

“Happy 30th Anniversary to The Weather Channel!!”

That’s right, today marks 30 years on the air for The Weather Channel.

On May 2, 1982, a 24/7 network devoted entirely to weather, rained down upon and into cable systems across America flooding our lives with meteorological information, making tornados and hurricanes sexy, and assigning the rolled up shirt sleeve look to be a portend that a truly catastrophic weather event is imminent.

I truly am a weather freak, and let me tell ya, I got a hard on when at 17 years of age, late at night, in the dark, I turned on the TV and saw a hot chick standing in front of the sexiest graphic of an occluded front that I had ever seen in my life.

Oy!!  From that night on, I was hooked more than a  Doppler indicated tornado, and still am, however…

On July 20, 2009...NBC, the recently new parent company of TWC, incorporated their famous fake weatherman and hypocrite, Al “Fucking” Roker into the morning mix, with a morning show called, Wake Up with Al.

I protested to TWC directly through e-mail, and raised cane on my former website, but was told by their PR person,

“We can’t please everybody.”

As a purist when it comes to meteorology, I was pissed that TWC was going to be highlighting a non-meteorologist whose only knowledge about the weather is, that when it rains and one is out in it, one tends to get wet…and, if the sun comes out, one will probably dry off at some point.

Fuckers…NBC/GE...not TWC.

Anyhoo…

As Gastric By-Pass Boy became the new cloud hanging over my affections for TWC, his co-host, Stephanie Abrams, was and is a ray of sunshine, and let’s be as clear as a summer day in June about this, a REAL meteorologist and well…

SMOKIN’ HOT!!

Oh Dear Lord…I would love to lay atop Stephanie Abrams’ warm front, and sensing my barometer rising, wait for my updraft to bring about a downpour, and ultimately a microburst.

Even during the middle of an Ohio winter, that would be HOT!!

I tell ya…Weather systems have areas of High Pressure and/or Low Pressure, but if Stephanie Abrams and I hooked up, it would be an area of GO Pressure!!

And there you have it.  In spite of Al Roker jading the beauty that is TWC, I will always dig it, but because, and only because, of Stephanie Abrams.

Well, and because of the Local on the 8’s…I do like that, too.

Happy 30th Anniversary to The Weather Channel.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshoabdude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

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