The Weather Channel: Sam Champion Is A White Al Roker

Imagine this…

It’s 3 A.M, and the head of the overnight Weather Channel crew calls its morning, drive-time headliner and?

The morning, drive-time headliner is not a meteorologist.

The Weather Channel has done it before, and they are doing it again.

They are hiring yet another non-meteorologist to host the morning Weather Channel program, and once again diluting the hard hitting analysis of barometric pressures and jet streams, into nothing more than a morning show about..

“Hey…longtime viewer, Grandma Juanita Jones is 98 today; which is coincidental, because that is what the high temp in Miami will be today.”

I was livid back in aught nine when The Weather Channel hired the hideous, non-meteorological, can’t lose weight on my own without a medical procedure, go on Imus to promote my book, and then hate him for dissin’ nappy-haired college basketball players even though I had been on his show for years, Al Roker.

When NBC bought out The Weather Channel and installed the non-meteorologist, weight-loss cheater, Al Roker into its sunny, wake-up spot,  I said to myself…

“The Weather Channel’s integrity has fallen faster and lower than the barometric pressure recorded when Hurricane Camille passed over Pass Christian, Mississippi back in ‘69.”

Not that the aforementioned fake weathermen would know what the hell I was talking about.

I remember the days back when The Weather Channel started, and Jim Cantore and Mark Mancuso were cutting up and giving the weather…It was awesome, but…noooooooooo.

Only doing weather wasn't good enough for either The Weather Channel nor NBC, so…when NBC bought them out, they had to add weather “reality” shows and fake weathermen.

And that is when the “for the life of me, I have no clue how this happened” famous and well-paid, Al Roker stepped in.

I loathe Al Roker because he is a phony.  He is a phony because he chose to have a medical procedure to lose weight, and more importantly, he is not a meteorologist.

And now?

Who is going to be hosting The Weather Channel’s new morning show, AMHQ?

Sam Champion. Really?

I am about to be subjected to the exponentially white, uber-creepy looking, non-meteorologist Sam Champion, who is the gay, yet fit, but no less disturbing, and much more caucasian, Al Roker.

See?

Meteorology is, among other things, color blind.  I just want a God Damn weather forecast thoughtfully and accurately reported to me by a black guy, a white guy, a hot chick…a Swedish Nazi who had a sex change…

I don’t care who the hell gives me a weather forecast, I just want to know that I am getting a quasi-accurate forecast.

And I want it from a meteorologist. Not some corporate media carnival barker who was hired to generate advertising revenue.

If it storms?

I want to know it was because there was a dry line, behind of a cold front, ahead of a warm front, and not because the, Sam Champion TorCon Rating Brought to You by Coca-Cola, is rating it an eight.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
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We've Been Discovered!

Holaaaaaaaa y’all! So, this morning I was sitting around, eating my chocolate frosted Pop Tarts for breakfast and listening to some sports talk radio, you know, minding my own business when the Matt-Man alerted me to something …

Whoa! Someone from NBC Universal was right here on the blog? Reading our brilliant posts and probably listening to IWS Radio? How cool is that. In fact, the more I thought about it the more I realized that WE’VE BEEN DISCOVERED!

Hell yes! I’m sure it was someone from the Talent Scouting Department who was surfing the blog and comedy podcast world for new talent. It’s really not a surprise that they would find us. I mean, IWS Radio is the NUMBER ONE comedy show on BTR and as of the writing of this post we are #10 in the whole Entertainment Category!

You know what?? I bet they’re looking for someone for a new Prime Time show. Probably a comedy/variety type show similar to the old Dean Martin Variety Show. GAAAAAAAASP!!! …

The “I’m With Stupid Variety Hour” in Prime Time this fall on NBC????!!!!!

It’s perfect, right? It would basically be just like the radio show only on TV. We would open with a little witty banter between Matt and me in the first segment. Then during commercial break we would do a quick wardrobe change and come out and do reports from our correspondents and maybe even have a couple of them on satellite. Then we would interview a couple of celebrity guests, bring on a musical act, a stand-up comic and maybe do some improv comedy. We could get Russian Gypsy Punk band Leningrad to be our house band also.

Man, I can’t wait for this! We’ve been told that we can stay with our friend Jo until we find our own places in L.A. Of course, this apparently puts Matt’s eyebrows at risk, but he’s willing to make the sacrifice for the team.

Hell, I can’t believe they haven’t already emailed or called us with the news. Unless somebody other than Talent Scouting Department that was on the blog yesterday, but I don’t know who it could have been. If it wasn’t Talent then the only other possibility is …..  OH MY GAWWWWWDDDDDD Y’ALL!  It must have been ….

Of course! It’s obvious right? It was Lorne Michaels reading the blog and listening to IWS Radio and he wants us to do Weekend Update and probably other stuff on Saturday Night Live!!! It had to be! He probably spent the entire day going through all the IWS Radio archives and has instructed his people to start working on the contracts and all that shit. Wow! A dream come true! I really can’t wait!

Of course this means not staying with Jo. Hmmm … That is disappointing. Well, I guess we’ll just have to stay with Knight for a while instead! Hell yeah!

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