The Weather Channel: Sam Champion Is A White Al Roker

Imagine this…

It’s 3 A.M, and the head of the overnight Weather Channel crew calls its morning, drive-time headliner and?

The morning, drive-time headliner is not a meteorologist.

The Weather Channel has done it before, and they are doing it again.

They are hiring yet another non-meteorologist to host the morning Weather Channel program, and once again diluting the hard hitting analysis of barometric pressures and jet streams, into nothing more than a morning show about..

“Hey…longtime viewer, Grandma Juanita Jones is 98 today; which is coincidental, because that is what the high temp in Miami will be today.”

I was livid back in aught nine when The Weather Channel hired the hideous, non-meteorological, can’t lose weight on my own without a medical procedure, go on Imus to promote my book, and then hate him for dissin’ nappy-haired college basketball players even though I had been on his show for years, Al Roker.

When NBC bought out The Weather Channel and installed the non-meteorologist, weight-loss cheater, Al Roker into its sunny, wake-up spot,  I said to myself…

“The Weather Channel’s integrity has fallen faster and lower than the barometric pressure recorded when Hurricane Camille passed over Pass Christian, Mississippi back in ‘69.”

Not that the aforementioned fake weathermen would know what the hell I was talking about.

I remember the days back when The Weather Channel started, and Jim Cantore and Mark Mancuso were cutting up and giving the weather…It was awesome, but…noooooooooo.

Only doing weather wasn't good enough for either The Weather Channel nor NBC, so…when NBC bought them out, they had to add weather “reality” shows and fake weathermen.

And that is when the “for the life of me, I have no clue how this happened” famous and well-paid, Al Roker stepped in.

I loathe Al Roker because he is a phony.  He is a phony because he chose to have a medical procedure to lose weight, and more importantly, he is not a meteorologist.

And now?

Who is going to be hosting The Weather Channel’s new morning show, AMHQ?

Sam Champion. Really?

I am about to be subjected to the exponentially white, uber-creepy looking, non-meteorologist Sam Champion, who is the gay, yet fit, but no less disturbing, and much more caucasian, Al Roker.

See?

Meteorology is, among other things, color blind.  I just want a God Damn weather forecast thoughtfully and accurately reported to me by a black guy, a white guy, a hot chick…a Swedish Nazi who had a sex change…

I don’t care who the hell gives me a weather forecast, I just want to know that I am getting a quasi-accurate forecast.

And I want it from a meteorologist. Not some corporate media carnival barker who was hired to generate advertising revenue.

If it storms?

I want to know it was because there was a dry line, behind of a cold front, ahead of a warm front, and not because the, Sam Champion TorCon Rating Brought to You by Coca-Cola, is rating it an eight.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page 

The Weather Channel 30th Anniversary...Stephanie Abrams, Hail Yes!!

Today, May 2, 2012 is a huge day for wannabe meteorologists, weather geeks, and people with too much time on their hands.

I, being each of those things, am excited to, with a voice louder and more annoying than the Emergency Broadcast System warning tone, announce the following…

“Happy 30th Anniversary to The Weather Channel!!”

That’s right, today marks 30 years on the air for The Weather Channel.

On May 2, 1982, a 24/7 network devoted entirely to weather, rained down upon and into cable systems across America flooding our lives with meteorological information, making tornados and hurricanes sexy, and assigning the rolled up shirt sleeve look to be a portend that a truly catastrophic weather event is imminent.

I truly am a weather freak, and let me tell ya, I got a hard on when at 17 years of age, late at night, in the dark, I turned on the TV and saw a hot chick standing in front of the sexiest graphic of an occluded front that I had ever seen in my life.

Oy!!  From that night on, I was hooked more than a  Doppler indicated tornado, and still am, however…

On July 20, 2009...NBC, the recently new parent company of TWC, incorporated their famous fake weatherman and hypocrite, Al “Fucking” Roker into the morning mix, with a morning show called, Wake Up with Al.

I protested to TWC directly through e-mail, and raised cane on my former website, but was told by their PR person,

“We can’t please everybody.”

As a purist when it comes to meteorology, I was pissed that TWC was going to be highlighting a non-meteorologist whose only knowledge about the weather is, that when it rains and one is out in it, one tends to get wet…and, if the sun comes out, one will probably dry off at some point.

Fuckers…NBC/GE...not TWC.

Anyhoo…

As Gastric By-Pass Boy became the new cloud hanging over my affections for TWC, his co-host, Stephanie Abrams, was and is a ray of sunshine, and let’s be as clear as a summer day in June about this, a REAL meteorologist and well…

SMOKIN’ HOT!!

Oh Dear Lord…I would love to lay atop Stephanie Abrams’ warm front, and sensing my barometer rising, wait for my updraft to bring about a downpour, and ultimately a microburst.

Even during the middle of an Ohio winter, that would be HOT!!

I tell ya…Weather systems have areas of High Pressure and/or Low Pressure, but if Stephanie Abrams and I hooked up, it would be an area of GO Pressure!!

And there you have it.  In spite of Al Roker jading the beauty that is TWC, I will always dig it, but because, and only because, of Stephanie Abrams.

Well, and because of the Local on the 8’s…I do like that, too.

Happy 30th Anniversary to The Weather Channel.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshoabdude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

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