Grillin' And Swillin' In Detroit Rock City

After a harsh and hilarious smackdown and sacking of Paducah, KY., the IWS Radio staff needs to take a deep breath and relax for a bit, however; we are currently without a permanent offcie. So, we have bought a house in Detroit and are having a Pool Party and Cookout Blowout!! Awwwww Yeahhhhh!!

Join us as we party down, dodge bullets, and blow off steam in the Motor City at our temporary digs. We'll supply the burgers, the booze, the laughs, and the clothing optional Paducah Community swimming pool that we stole last week. There will be witty banter, alcohol taste testing, good/bad music, and Jay and Matt will announce their final four nominees of cities that will, for the lucky city, house the new IWS Media and Entertainment Group Headquarters.

All of that plus the gorgeous and sassy Jamie Mapleleaf, and your calls at 661.244.9852 as IWS Radio presents: Grillin' And Swillin' In Detroit Rock City

Blog Blast For Peace, Pencil Skirts, and Politics

Halloween has passed and the midterm elections and the far too early blaring of Christmas music are upon
us, however…

You know what else is upon us?  A time to inhale our collective breaths and pray for peace prior to the business of the upcoming holidays.  So…

Join Jay and Matt as they talk with Mimi Lenox who is the Founder and Director of BlogBlast for Peace. With members in over 200 nations worldwide, BlogBlast for Peace is a network of bloggers and other social media users who promote peace. Ms. Lenox will be on hand to talk about her work and promote the upcoming BlogBlast for Peace event that takes place on November 4th.

On a more unseemly yet far funnier note, November 4th is the day of the midterm elections and Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio Players have political laughs in store at the expense of damn near every candidate who is running for office this year.

They’ll even be calling up some campaign headquarters of Senate and House candidates to get some inside info and then be hung up on.

Engage with Jay, Matt, and the pencil skirt wearing peacemaker Mimi Lenox, as we talk peace, make fun of the politicos, and take your phone calls at 661.244.9852 during their Peace, Pencil Skirts, and Politics Show.

Listen LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio as IWS Radio celebrates peace and just like Iowa Senator candidate Joni Ernst, castrates some candidates begging to enter the hallowed halls of Congress.

To listen LIVE tomorrow from Noon-2 PM ET click HERE.

Roger Goodell is an Arrogant, Lying Sack of Shit

Holaaaaaaaaaaa! IWS World Media Entertainment Sports Division has exclusively acquired the transcript from the NFL War Room. The following discussions took place beginning a few minutes after the video of Ray Rice beating Janay Palmer inside that elevator through mid-day Wednesday. It’s a truly fascinating look behind the scenes of North America’s most powerful sports league.

NFL Flunky: Commissioner Goodell! I need to speak to you in private.

Goodell: This better be important.

Flunky: It is! A new video of Ray Rice hitting his wife has emerged. It’s really horrible!

Goodell: FANTASTIC! Get the cameras set up. I love a chance to drop the hammer of justice on players.

Flunky: Oh, no sir, uh …. It’s not a new incident. It’s the video from INSIDE the elevator of that casino.

Goodell: GAWD-DAMMIT! I was told that that video had been destroyed … uh … I mean, what video?

Flunky: Do you want to see it? It’s really bad?

Goodell: I’ve already seen it. I mean, it won’t be necessary. We’ve got to get to work. Assemble the PR Team!

Flunky: Who is the PR Team, sir?

Goodell: Peter King, Chris Mortensen, Adam Schefter and the rest.

Flunky: What’s the official line going to be?

Goodell: That we’ve never seen this video before today!

Flunky: There’s a problem with that.

Goodell: Oh really?

Flunky: Back in February we told them that we HAD seen the video and that it exonerates Ray and that Janay attacked him.

Goodell: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it doesn’t show that?

Flunky: No sir.

Goodell: Who was the moron who told them THAT then??

Flunky: Uh, you were sir.

Goodell: *stares*

Flunky: I’ll look into it and find out who did that sir!

Goodell: Okay, call Baltimore and tell them to release Ray Rice.

Flunky: Good idea sir!

Goodell: Then, after they do that I’ll suspend him indefinitely.

Flunky: But, you’ve already ruled on this case sir.

Goodell: Right!

Flunky: So you can’t suspend him again.

Goodell: Who’s gonna stop me?

Flunky: The players union?

Goodell: Exactly! If we can get the union to file a grievance we’ll be the good guys again!

Flunky: OMG! You’re brilliant sir! They’ll be defending a wife beater!

Goodell: I amaze myself sometimes.

Flunky: What if the union doesn’t do anything?

Goodell: Better set up a one-on-one interview for me with someone.

Flunky: ESPN? Fox Sports? Bob Costas!!

Goodell: CBS! They’ve got Thursday night games for one season only, but want the next five also. No way they would risk that! Tell them they’ve got some really nice NFL shows and specials and making a lot of money and you’d hate for something bad to happen to that.

Flunky: Brilliant again sir! Jim Nantz? He’s at his goomah’s. I have the number.

Goodell: No …. It needs to be a woman who does the interview.

Flunky: I am in awe of you right now Mr. Goodell.

Goodell: Okay, I want confusing and conflicting stories put out there. The only clear part will be that I have never seen the video. Tell Baltimore they’re on their own, but let them know what we’re up to. More or less. Also, use your burner phone and get a hold of King, Mort and Schefty. Let them know that we’re aware of their predicament, but if they take one for the team there will be a reward down the road. They’re all young men. They have many years of being NFL insiders ahead of them. They have kids, grandkids and families to think about.

After I do the interview on CBS I want you to put out yet another statement. Wait, make it a letter to every team in the league. In THAT letter claim that we made several attempts to acquire the video, but we rebuffed.

Flunky: But, that will contradict everything said up to that point.

Goodell: *looking out the window at the New York City skyline” …. Exactly! Several different stories to confuse people with one common thread running through all of them.  

Flunky: What’s that sir?

Goodell: Roger Goodell didn't do anything wrong.

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Last Words of Famous People

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Every once in a while I run across an article about famous last words of famous people and I click the link every single time. I find stuff like that fascinating and just love it. I don’t really do much to find out if it’s true or not cause that would ruin the fun. Some of my favorites are…

Humphrey Bogart: I never should have switched from Scotch to martinis.

Dylan Thomas: I’ve had 18 straight whiskies. I think that’s the record!

Groucho Marx: Die, my dear? Why, that’s the last thing I’ll do!

Oscar Wilde: This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.

Those are just some of the better known last words. I had my staff here at IWS World Media Entertainment do some digging and we came up some of the lesser known last words of famous people…

Lincoln: Hey, did anyone lock the door to the booth?

Dillinger: Ow! … Ow! … Ow! … Ow!

Steve Irwin (The Crocodile Hunter): CRIKEY!

David Carradine: Harder baby! Harder!

Julius Caesar: Hey now! Ow! Stop! That hurts! Shit! What the fuck! Ow! Seriously! That hurts guys! Not there! Ow! Ow! Damn! Ow! Ow! Et tu, Brute?

Isadora Duncan: What a lovely day for a drive! And my scarf looks so good on me flying in the bree…

Tim Russert: My moron son Luke will get a cushy media job over my dead body!

Rasputin: *After being poisoned, shot several times and beaten with a club and then finally tossed off a bridge into the icy Malaya Nevka River* “IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!”

William McKinley: What the hell kind of name is Czolgosz? 

Robert F. Kennedy: Ow

Grace Kelley: Time to play Grand Prix of Monaco!

Vince Foster: Hillary? What are you doing here?

Jimmy Bob Pemberton (Local Celebrity): Hold my beer and watch this.

Doesn’t get any more fascinating than that, does it kids? Damn, history is fun!

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Ann Coulter Knows the Truth About Bring Back Our Girls

Hola? I’m supposed to start this post by saying “Hola?” I’m a fucking American! I don’t say “Hola” like some Rio Grande swimming, fence-jumping, desert-traversing Mexican heading over here for some welfare, Obamacare and a free Obamaphone. I say “Hello” like a normal white Christian American!

So, Hello everyone, Ann Coulter here guest posting on IWS to talk about this silly “Bring Back Our Girls” crap. We’ll start with the words “our girls.” Seriously, they’re “OUR” girls? We own them? I don’t think so! They don’t belong to us. For all we know they all went willingly! 

Yeah, did anyone think of that? Maybe they got sick and tired of their school pushing a socialist-liberal agenda on them? Maybe they’ve had enough of all the Christian-bashing going on in the public schools so they agreed to go and be properly educated by these Boko Haram guys? If it was 235 WHITE girls do you think the Obama or liberal media or Hollywood would give a shit? Not even if it was 235,000! Finally, maybe they all just wanted to take music lessons from the guys who recorded the classic “Whiter Shade of Pale?” I know I would.

You guys do realize that none of this could possibly happen without Barack Obama’s consent, right? Oh come on! How hard is it to figure this out? Obama becomes president and immediately sets out to turn this country into a third-world socialist hellhole and lets it be known in the Arab world that the Muslim Brotherhood is taking over.

Everything is going to plan too. They took over in Egypt. Then they took over in Libya. Why did we let them take over in those two countries? Because Obama wanted them too! As far as he was concerned Hosni Mubarak and Muammar Gaddafi we there for the white folks and he wanted his own people in place. So, he told the Brotherhood to take over no matter what it took. Then he called his own personal Monica Lewinsky, Hillary Clinton and told her to cut security in Benghazi and got Christopher Stevens killed.

Maybe he didn’t intend to get Stevens killed. Stevens might have just been collateral damage. That’s something that has never bothered the Clintons and probably doesn’t bother Obama either. They can hold all the hearings they want, they’ll never nail anyone over Benghazi either. Once Obama enlisted Hillary in support of the Muslim Brotherhood he got the whole Clinton Criminal Apparatus at his disposal. I appreciate the efforts being made to get to the truth, I’m just skeptical that it’s possible to do so.

After that The Brotherhood took out Malaysian Airlines Flight M370. How do I know it was the Muslim Brotherhood acting on behalf of Obama? Because nobody can find the damn plane, that’s how! How convenient that the place can’t be found and thus all evidence of what REALLY happened will also never be found!

Which brings us back to the 235 girls who were allegedly taken in Nigeria. Don’t you guys see what’s happening? Nigeria is an oil rich country. The Muslim Brotherhood is trying to take control of all these oil rich countries! Obama is letting them doing! It’s all part of his lifelong dream that begun when he was a little Muslim kid going to a Madrassa in Indonesia. And where is Indonesia? Right next to Malaysia! Uh-huh! It’s not hard to connect these dots bitches! Wake up people!

So, do I care that 235 girls have been taken by this radical group? Of course I do! But, not for the same reasons that you do. I care for the RIGHT reasons. Barack, Michelle, P Diddy, Ellen, Drake and all the rest of those liberal pussies are blind to the truth! They’ve been enlisted in an elaborate ruse set up by Barack Obama. This is why I weep for America and freedom. The only thing that makes me sadder is the continuing inexplicable success of IWS Radio.

WHAT. IN. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. PEOPLE!

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Obama and Pope Francis Have Words

Holaaaaaaaaa y’all! Before we get into today’s fun and games I have a couple things to cover for ya. Frist, I want to give a shout out to the lovable and adorable Schmoop! Hope you had a happy birthday yesterday babe! Sorry Matt only had to work a short day on your birthday, but at least you got a few hours away from him and some Taco Bell. Also, Liam Neeson is damn serious about his birthday wishes to you. He told me so himself.

Next, I got my laptop back again today. Oh, I didn’t tell you? Yeah, it had a bit of problem with the fan so I talked to the Computer Fix It Guy and he decided there was a problem there and went ahead and ordered a new one and called me today to bring the laptop and they put the new fan in free of charge! That was sweet of them.

So now everything seems to be working just swell. Actually, the fan still runs all the time, but not nearly as hard or loud as it did previously. Wouldn’t that suck if the fan was the problem all along and they never even had to do the $300 worth of work to it? Ha … Damn, that could really piss me off if I think about it too long. So, I won’t.

Anyway, on to the serious stuff. You may have heard that President Obama met with Yo Pope Frank-EEEEEEEE today. Well, what the LAME stream media didn’t tell you is that to start the meeting, President Obama opened up his laptop and played the Lost Weekend episode of IWS Radio for the Popester!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, as always, IWS Radio has super -secret inside information about what Obama and Pope Francis discussed. Here’s a partial transcript.

Obama: Thank you so much for having me here today.
Francis: What do you have there with you?
Obama: Oh, it’s my laptop. Thought you’d like to hear some IWS Radio.
Francis: I’ve love those guys! They’re a riot!
Obama: IKR??
Francis: I hope Jay asks Matt about Ryno
Obama: And then plays “Cats in the Cradle!”
Francis: Kills me every single time! Hahahahaha
Obama: Oh yeah! And I’m a big fan of Tammy Tibbles.
Francis: She’s got some deep thoughts and great advice.
Obama: Tammy might end up being a self-help guru of sorts.
Francis: Well she could put that idiot Dalai Lama out of business.
Obama: We can only hope!

Francis: So, about this contraceptive mandate.
Obama: *SIGH* Here we go.
Francis:  Religious freedom is very important to the Church.
Obama: People who want to use contraception have rights too.
Francis: You’re forcing your secular beliefs on the Church.
Obama: The same way priests forced themselves on little boys?
Francis: Really? You’re going there already?
Obama: We were going to get there eventually.
Francis: Why don’t you just drop the contraception mandate?
Obama: Why don’t you just let me take all the pedophiles back to US jurisdiction?
Francis: Why don’t you go bomb another wedding full of women and children.
Obama: Why don’t you go block condom distribution in Africa resulting in the AIDS virus continuing to run out of control and kill lots more people?

*Door Flies Open* *John Kerry Walks In* “Gentlemen, Gentlmen. We can have a good, vigorous discussion about these issues without insulting each other.”

Obama and Francis: Why don’t you fuck off John?
Francis: Did you bring me a potato like you did the Russians?
Obama: BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was hilarious!
Francis: Right? *mocking Kerry’s monotone voice* I like my potatoes fried, mashed, smashed, diced, boiled …
Obama: *joining in* Scattered, smothered and covered. There are literally dozens of ways to prepare good old “Solanum Tuberosom” …

Kerry: I really don’t think this is productive at all.

Francis: Why the long face John?
Obama and Francis: BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*Kerry stomps out of the room*
*President Obama and Pope Francis hi-5*

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Phyllis Diller's Brother Breaks Out The Punchlines

Hey there all you crazy guys and dolls. Phil Diller here for IWS Radio.

You’re probably asking yourself right now, “Who the hell is this guy?”

Well, I just told you…I’m Phil Diller.

HA!!  Hy-Muh Lime-Uhhhhhhh!!

Seriously though…For the throngs of you who are unfamiliar as to who I am, I am the late Phyllis Diller’s obscure and un-publicly-recognized younger brother.

Hell, just check out Phyllis’ Wikipedia page...there is no reference to me whatsoever. You know why? Because when Phyllis was born, and they saw what she looked like?  My Dad shouted at my Mom…

“Look Honey, it’s the son we always wanted!!”, and they kept it that way.

HA!!  Hy-Muh Lime-Uhhhhhhh!!

Seriously though…I was conceived during the October 14, 1937 FDR Fireside Chat on the Unemployment Census.  Hell…Mom and Dad both had jobs; it was a cold night in Lima, Ohio, and the President’s radio chat wasn't doing much to keep them warm, so they found an alternative source of heat.

HA!!  Hy-Muh Lime Uhhhhhhh!!

Anyway, during my days growing up in the Diller household, Mom, Dad, and my sister would tell me that I was just a stray that they picked up in their front yard on July 14, 1938 during an out of control Bastille Day Party.

“Why would a German/Irish family such as the Diller’s celebrate France?”

And he replied…

“We thought it would be our last time to make fun of the French before Hitler and that midget dago wiped them off the map.”

HA!!  Hy-Muh Lime-Uhhhhhhh!!

I never bought that line.

Anyway…Mom and Dad died when I was around eleven years old, but my sis Phyllis was working and kept me around.  She would always tell me…

“Phil, even though you are not my brother, I feel the need to take care of you, so…you can stay here and be my gardener.”

It was nice to have a place to stay, but the entire time that I’m out there busting up turf in order for Phyllis to plant her vegetable garden, I’m thinking…

“Listen, Bitch!!  My name is Phil DILLER, not Phil TILLER!!”

HA!!  Hy-Muh Lime-Uhhhhhhhh!!

Don’t get me wrong, as much as she and the entire family denied my familial bond, they did take care of me…well, until she died in 2012.

After my sister Phyllis died, her kids kicked me out of the gardener’s guest house and ass flung me straight to the curb.  I felt as though I was Ned Beatty getting my salad tossed in a Burt Reynolds’s flick and the movie was titled…

Diller-iverance.

HA!!  Hy-Muh Lime-Uhhhhhhh!!

So, I’m out on my own now, and I am incredibly grateful to Jay and Matt for bringing me on board the TEAM IWS chuck wagon so I can make a living.

I’m going to be there this Sunday from 8-10 PM ET on the IWS Radio Show with some funny President Day jokes, so don’t miss out, and don’t miss out on this Sunday’s show which you can catch live right HERE!!

Until then…Hy-Muh Lime-Uhhhhhhhh!!

Phil Diller

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Just Partying with Celebrities and Shit

Hola all you wild and crazy people. Man, the Holidays are a really busy time of year. This last week has been the busiest week of my life! I was all over the place! Check out my last week …

It all started last Sunday when Miley Cyrus came over to hang out, sing Christmas carols and twerk. We had a great time and it really got me into the Christmas spirit.

On Monday night I had to attend some silly charity event with Hayden Panetierre. It was a nice evening but I’m not much for these really formal affairs. Anyway, I got through it and didn’t do or say anything to embarrass Hayden who seemed to have a good time. Really sweet girl.

On Wednesday morning Adrianne Curry said she heard a noise outside of her house, but it turned out it was just me coming over to see what was up. I hadn’t talked to Adrianne in a whiel and thought maybe she would like to make some Christmas cookies or something. Sorry babe, didn’t mean to startle you or anything. Thanks for not calling the cops on me.

Thursday night was yet another stuffy, formal gathering with a bunch of hipsters. Seriously, if Keira Knightley wasn’t so much fun to hang out with, this would have been a super boring night. Keira saved the day though with her charm and great sense of humor. Also, we enjoyed several glasses of white wine.

Friday night things got really awkward. Taylor Swift called me up and wanted to go out and have a good time. And let me tell ya folks, Taylor is a GOOD TIME! Damn, she is a wild and crazy partier. I don’t know why she can’t be a little more calm and predictable like Miley, but I guess we are who we are. It was still a nice evening, I guess.

Finally I was right back where it all started yesterday afternoon singing Christmas carols and enjoying the beauty of the season. This time I was hanging out with the more age-appropriate Lauren Graham. She’s is so freaking cool. And HAWT! I’ll just leave it at that and let you use your imagination as to what all might have happened.

So, as you can see this last week has worn me out! I’ll probably already be visiting snoozerville when this post goes live and I’m definitely gonna relax a bit this week if I can.

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In other news it was yet another EPIC episode of IWS Radio yesterday! We held our annual Office Christmas Party and we had a HUGE crowd! First, Mike called in to let us know that BTR wasn’t working properly and we appreciated that very much. Then we had a brilliant performance of “Santa Baby” by Aunt Jackie, followed by bringing her onto the show to hang out with us. Damn, she’s sweet and charming. Our Canadian Bureau Chief Jamie gave us a report from up north and then hung out with also. As if that wasn’t enough RockDog, Brown Beasely and of course Schmoop were also there!!! It was pandemonium people! You should definitely check this show out and tell all your friends! 

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New iPhone has Great Features

Hola y’all! Well, Apple held its annual cult meeting the other day to introduce the new iPhone 5? 6? I would just go with iPhone 69. Anyway, apparently the new iPhone has all kinds of bitchin’ cool features. It has a 64 bit chip and it will store your fingerprint and share it with the NSA so that only YOUR finger will turn it on. And … OMG!!!!! … IT NOW COMES IN GOLD!!!!! *SQUEEEEEEEEEEE!!!*

But, what makes this phone worth the thousands of dollars you’ll spend on the phone over the mandatory two year contract is the hidden features they don’t tell you about! Luckily for you, our crack team in the Technology Division of IWS World Media has discovered some of them …

- The Wizzer: This is a special hidden app that when activated will provide you with clean urine when you get called in for that random drug test.

- The Handicapper: Sends you advice on which teams to bet on each week of the football season. It would be something like this: “Psst take Wisconsin -2.5 over Arizona St.”

- Babe Number Scanner: Very clever app here! You carry the phone as if you’re busy texting, but the phone is actually scanning everyone around you and recognizing babes. It then secretly (with the help of the NSA) secretly snags their phone number so you can call them later.

- The Flask: What looks to be the spot where you plug in your ear buds is actually where you pour your bourbon so you can take a few nips during the workday when things become just too unbearable.

- Joint Case: Just activate the “Toke App” and the case opens and there’s your hippie lettuce. The cops will never figure it out.

- The Commenter: This app monitors your Facebook Newsfeed and make the appropriate comments for you so you don’t have to see their posts. 

- Taco Emergency: An app that is constantly updating to let you know exactly where the nearest Taco Truck is just in case you suddenly crave a taco and/or burrito. Happens far more often that one might think!

- Celeb Alert: Constant alerts letting you know what your favorite celebrities are up to each day. Lindsay Lohan arrested again? You’ll know before TMZ does. A new celebrity sex tape “leaked?” Watch it right there on your phone during your lunch break while sitting in the park. Also things like “Psst: ScarJo Cleavage Alert!!”

- The Sexer: It’s app that allows you have sex with your phone which is pretty handy because most people love their phone more than anyone or anything else in this world.

- Shoot ‘Em Up Bang Bang: If there’s anything Americans love more than their cell phones it’s their guns. So, obviously an app that allows your phone to be used as a gun with infinite reloads via the internet is a big need. You know, in case you see a trophy buck crossing the street downtown as you’re leaving work.

There you go folks. Ten of the best hidden features and apps of the new iPhone 5S or 6 or 7 or whatever the hell it is.

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Delusional Hogs Fan Ready to Win it All

Howdy and WOOOOOOOO PIG SOOOOOOOOOOOOIE y’all! This is Stewie Stevens better known to most as “WooPigStewie!” in the online world and I’m here today to tell you all about how MY Arkansas Razorbacks are on their way to the BCS Champeeenship! WOOOOOOO!!!! GO HOGS GO!!!!

If you just happened to watch the Hogs dismantle Louisiana-Lafayette over the weekend you saw the beginning of something special. A National Champion was born right before our eyes! Arkansas took the field and not only looked nothing like that dismal team they fielded last year, but look like a team of DESTINY!!

I know you’re saying “But it was just ULL dude.” Yeah, but ULL is BY FAR the best second tier team in America. They’ll go undefeated from here on out and could probably beat every team in the ACC, Big 10, Big 12 and Pac 12. Their QB is gonna be an NFL star someday. And ULL’s coach, Mark Hudspeth is the only coach in all of America who is even close to Bret Bielema’s level.

Anyway, let’s just break things down factually, shall we?

- Arkansas has the best offensive line in all of America. Hell, some NFL teams aren’t as good up front as we are. Those guys are HUGE and athletic and every last one of them is a real student of the game. They study film and work on their technique day and night. I’ve never seen a more dedicated, hard-working and competitive group of young men in my life.

- Jonathan Williams is the best running back in all of college football. There is simply no argument. He’s has the most amazing combination of speed and power I’ve seen since …. Earl Campbell. IKNOW, IKNOW, IKNOW! But, he really is THAT good.  The only RB who might be as good as him is …

- Alex Collins is the best freshman running back I’ve ever seen in my life. Even better than Adrian Peterson. Not only does this guy have that “extra gear” that all great backs have, he has best vision of any running back around. He reminds me of …. Barry Sanders. IKNOW, IKNOW, IKNOW! But, I’m telling ya, he sees everything out there and can make defenders think they saw a ghost. The only guy in the country who could stop either Williams or Collins from winning multiple Heisman’s is ….

- QB Brandon Allen! One week in and I’m pretty sure Allen is the best QB to ever play at Arkansas. Forget Joe Ferguson, Ron Calcagni, Ryan Mallett and Tyler Wilson! BA is better than all of them combined. I think he reminds me most of …. Joe Montana. IKNOW, IKNOW, IKNOW but, darn it! BA is just like Joe in that you don’t think he has that strong of an arm until he fires one into a small window in traffic or drops one in the receiver’s bread basket 62 yards downfield. Of course, he’s probably more mobile than Joe was and has a bit more football intelligence than Joe had.

As you can see we are just loaded. All this amazing talent and Bielema’s coaching can only mean a BCS championship. Looking at our schedule I admit we might struggle with Bama or South Carolina or Florida or possibly LSU, but we’re definitely better than all of them. If we weren’t playing Bama, Florida and LSU on the road I’m sure we would stomp ‘em!

So, WOOOOOOOOOOOO PIG SOOOOOOOOOOOOOIE!!! We gonna win it all!

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In other news Season Four of IWS Radio kicked off yesterday and it was a BLAST! We talked about all the great options there are for dealing with Syria, Twitter’s reaction to Miley, heard from Slyder, Guy, Moneymaker, Rocky, Kirk and Paul Piatt  AAAAAAAAAANNNDDDD ….

We talked to TESS from Topless Equality! She was awesome and did a great job telling us all about her group and their movement to try and get states and cities to pass laws to allow women to be topless in public places just like men. And you know what? She was pretty convincing too! Check it out …

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Robin Thicke Defends Miley Cyrus

Hey Hey Hey bitches! Heir to Hollywood Royalty, singer, performer, ladies’ man, sexual dynamo and possessor or a Hood Pass, Robin Thicke here. Please, stop throwing your moist panties at your computer while reading my sexy words on this here blog. Save them for the genii behind the IWS Entertainment Empire, Matt-Man and Jayman. No need to thank me guys, I have plenty of hot sexy groupies to share a couple with lesser men like you guys. Of course, all men are lesser to me.

I wanted a place where I could defend Miley Cyrus from all the unfair and outrageous attacks on her stemming from her, uh, I mean our performance on the VMAs. Well, really it was HER performance that people are upset over.  I haven’t gotten any flack at all.

See folks, Miley didn’t want to do such a raunchy performance. She wanted to do a traditional performance where she got up there on stage in a tasteful, yet sexy dress and sang with me. Basically she wanted to be the pure and innocent lady she is. But, what I can I say? A couple of minutes into rehearsal with me and the clothes were coming off. Happens all the time to me! I’m serious …

- When I was six Jazmine Johnson wanted begged me to sit on my lap and for me to hold her while we went down the slide at the playground.

- When I was nine I was standing behind Shanice Jordan waiting for my turn at the pencil sharpener when Shanice asked me to stand really close behind her and crank the pencil sharpener for her.

- When I was fourteen my dad’s costar on “Growing Pains” Johanna Kerns told me she wanted to learn to play golf and asked if I would get behind her and put my arms around her and teach her to swing.

- When I was seventeen my photography teacher Mrs. Stone asked me to help her in the dark room and after the lights when out she started “accidentally” bumping my crotch with her phat ass.

Shit like this has happened to me all my life. I don’t do anything to bring these situations on. I’m naturally so damn sexy that women throw themselves at me. I start singing my special brand of white guy hip-hop and the next thing I know girls are dancing with me and grinding on me and telling me they want to do all kinds of nasty things to me.  

Same thing happened to me in my video for my Summer Rape Anthem “Blurred Lines.” I’m singing along with track, trying to make a nice video for everyone out there to enjoy and damned if Emily Ratajkowski doesn’t get all naked and start grinding all over me! It’s crazy y’all!

So I think you can all see how this isn’t Miley’s fault. It isn’t really my fault either. Not that anyone has said it was my fault in any way. It’s kind of cool how all the blame is being put on the bitch girl. The blame lies with this damn out of control sexiness and animal magnetism I have. I start out trying to just do a straight up duet with someone on the VMAs and before I know it I look down and some 20 year old hottie is in her bra and very moist panties grinding her bony little ass against my 36 year old Thicke Stick™ while I’m innocently singing “I know you want it …. I know you want it … I know you want it …”

Honestly? I wish I could stop it. I wish I wasn’t this damn sexy. I wish every woman didn’t want me so badly. But, this is the way God made me and I just have to live with it. I promise to use my sexy powers only for good though. Sure, I’ve turned a few lesbos straight in my day, but no more. I promise. It’s just not right.

Oh one other thing.  Mika Brzezinski, call me baby. I’ll loosen you up sexy lady.

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Drunk in Camelot...The Lost Kennedy

Hello, and I must say…

It’s finally good to meet you diligent readers of the IWS Radio website, and the rest of the world as well.

I know that you know my brothers, Joe Jr., John, Robert, and Teddy, but I bet you don’t know me.

Of course you don’t, because for years, I have been heaped into a burlap sack of obscurity, and thrown into the shadows of life like a bag of dirty potatoes with too many eyes.

I have struggled for years as to whether or not to open up, but, I have decided that I should, after Matt-Man asked me…

“Jesus Christ, dude?  Do you want to be forever known as the guy who outside of Nick Varano’s Famous Deli, screams day, by sad day…

Could you throw me a blintz, or a piece of pastrami; I’m a Fucking Kennedy for God Sakes?”

That’s right…I am a fucking Kennedy.

Sure, much has been made about my brother JFK’s robust womanizing, but my dad Joe?  Holy Cow!!

While unfounded rumors were swirling about Joe’s affair with Gloria Swanson, I was very much founded, and swirling around in Gloria Swanson’s uterus!!  And let me tell ya, that wasn’t so bad, but anyhoo…

Gloria gave birth to me, and yet?  I was looked down upon by the Kennedy clan, and seriously, I was taken aback.

So, that led me to thinkin’…

“Y’know…Teddy drowns girls in his car…Jack fucks anything that moves, and lobotomy girl hasn't a brain with which to think since she was 23, so why are they ignoring me?”

Well it became all too apparent in 2007, when Barack Obama decided to run for President.

My family, rather than acknowledge me, and send me on the path toward Presidential power, decided that maybe it was time for some low-down, low-key misanthrope to become President, because as we know, the Kennedys have that power.

All they really wanted to do, was to make sure that at some point. my bitchy cousin Caroline would become ambassador to Japan.  Well I guess that via de profundis, they fucking made that happen, those, Happy as Hell in Camelot fuckers!!

They’re all mostly fucking dead now, and yet, I still can’t get a break.

Jesus Christ, if I could resurrect, and then shoot John and Bobby, and then make certain that it was Teddy who drowned, I would.  I'd go Hyannis Port crazy in  order to get a mere inkling of public acknowledgement and/or praise!!

Fuck it…They don’t care…Kennedys don’t like the Swansons…and that’s okay, however…

Keep in mind Caroline…Just like the French love Jerry Lewis, the Japs love Gloria Swanson, or if not now, they soon will.

Uh-huh,

Durwood Kennedy

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Greetings From Edward Snowden in Russia

Hola and привет comrades! Edward Snowden coming to you live from Moscow’s Sheremetyevo International Airport!  I’m checking in with everyone via I’m With Stupid’s blog because I know many of you guys out there are worried about me, and more than a few are hoping I die of vodka poisoning. I just want to let everyone know that I’m doing just fine hanging out here at the airport. I love airports. There’s so much to see and do here.

I'm already looking forward to having a hot, sticky Cinnabon first think in the morning. I’m addicted to those  things. This evening I had a delicious meal at the Applebee’s of pirozhki filled with some kind of meat-like substance and, I think, cabbage accompanied by a blini filled with strawberry jam. Just like home!! And of course, there was plenty of vodka. In fact, I might be drinking some vodka as I write this guest post here on IWS.

I’ve also spent a lot of time in the gift shop reading gossip magazines. I know you’re wondering if I was surprised by the Paula Deen scandal and I have to say “Hello? I’ve read her emails, remember?” In fact, just who is this mystery person who alerted the National Enquirer to this story? Hmmmmm

I’m also reading a couple of good romance novels. I don’t know how old they are, but they both have Fabio on the cover. I started to read some Robert Ludlum, but that shit hit a little too close to home, if you know what I mean.  I’ve also spent a lot of time listening to IWS Radio. Man, that NSA Employment ad just killed me! I was laughing so hard everyone was looking at me funny.

A lot of people have asked why I went to Hong Kong. That’s easy! I have a thing for Asian chicks. I’m not really that complicated of a guy. Asian chicks are just so damn cute and sweet and loving. I was really looking forward to being granted asylum and settling down with a petite Asian hottie and living the good life somewhere in Asia not called “North Korea” but, it wasn’t to be.

Why Ecuador now? Again, it’s very simple. If I can’t have an Asian chick, and thanks to the Hong Kong

government I guess I can’t, then my next choice is a Latina. Plus, I’ve always wanted to visit the Galapagos Islands and play with the Giant Tortoises there. You know those things can live 150 years or more? Crazy!

Am I a hero or a traitor? Well, if you’re a hot Asian or Latina, I’m definitely a hero. More of an international man of mystery really. I’m a notorious sexy American spy who stole … I mean, obtained a lot of sensitive intelligence documents and leveraged them into a pretty nice life of leisure. If you’re anybody else, I guess I’m just a man who was shocked … SHOCKED I TELL YOU … at the atrocities OUR government was committing in terms of invading the privacy of American citizens! That was truly my only motivation. The truth shall set you free, amirite?

Okay, so maybe I turned some of those intelligence secrets over to the Chinese government. It’s not my fault though. I thought they were going to provide me with $10,000,000 USD (and an Asian hottie) in exchange for the information. You can understand how tempting that was, right? Anyway, all I got for it was a coach ticket on Aeroflot to fucking Moscow. I was soooo bummed. The bastards double-crossed me! You just can’t trust anybody these days.

Did I also share intelligence info with the Russians? I’m still alive aren’t I? Seriously, there wasn’t even a discussion about it. I’ve seen plenty of movies and I know what they Rooskies are capable of. Besides, Putin likes to poison people … Allegedly. Doesn’t sound like a good way to go to me.

So, now everyone is updated on my well-being. Thanks to Matt and Jay for letting me post here. Sorry I hacked into Blogger and posted without telling you guys first. It’s an old habit.  Anyway, if anyone needs to contact me give my homeboy Jayman a holla. He’ll get in touch with me. I better go before the Taco Bell closes. This vodka really gets to me fast.

“Rossia - sviashennaia nasha derzhava,
Rossia - lubimaia nasha strana!
Moguchaia volia, velikaia slava -
Tvoio dostoianie na vse vremena! ….”

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

P.S. Jay, you should probably delete a couple of those pics off your phone before you accidentally forward them to the wrong people. Just sayin’. 

Keith Olbermann Says Shame on the Pulitzer Committee

Keith Olbermann here offering an hola, cheers, greetings and salutations and a harty hail and salute to the thousands of people all over the world who read the IWS Blog. While I join the rest of America, and the world, in offering my deepest and most sincere condolences to the good people of Boston and West, Texas, I feel the need to come here today to speak out about another, equally appalling outrage.

As you may know, a couple weeks ago we learned of the 2013 recipients of the Pulitzer Prizes. No, I’m not here to complain about the failure of the committee to award me the Pulitzer for National Reporting, International Reporting, Breaking News Reporting, Investigative Reporting, Commentary or Criticism, although I most certainly deserved to win in any or ALL of those categories. I’m here today to stand up for IWS’ Poet Laureate Paul Piatt.

I was shocked and dismayed to hear that Mr. Piatt was once again overlooked. I understand the

committee’s jealousy and envy of my great accomplishments keeping them from rewarding me as I so richly deserve, but why do they treat Mr. Piatt this way? I also know that both Matt-Man and Jayman are equally as angry as I, but I’m sure they and everyone would agree that I am a much more forceful and articulate voice for Paul.

Given the illustrious career Mr. Piatt has had in the world of Poetry, one has to wonder if the Pulitzer Committee has spent most of their time wandering through the book section of their local Walmart. How could they possibly have overlooked Paul Piatt yet again? The lack of competence shown by the Pulitzer Committee is so shocking, so disheartening that I have no other choice but to DEMAND that they RESIGN IMMEDIATELY!

Have you no shame people? Do you not have any sense of decency or understanding of literary greatness at all? Here sits Mr. Paul Piatt, a good, decent man who has never asked for anything in his life. He has never called attention to himself or tooted his own horn. He has done nothing but try to bring the love words made magical to the masses. The committee could have shown the world that Poetry isn’t about elitism or about popularity, but about the words themselves. They could have reminded us that Poetry doesn’t have to be snooty and full of anger and angst.

Instead the committee decided to lower itself to the very bottom of the literary barrel and award Sharon Olds the Pulitzer for “Stag’sLeap.” Just when you thought culture could not go any lower, you are proven wrong as a poetry book about a woman’s divorce is the big winner. That’s right kids something that is better suited for Oprah’s Couch than it is our bookshelves has been elevated to the highest levels of the Poetry World. My anger and disappointment is such that I cannot put it into words. Luckily for me, my talented friend, Mr. Nispsey Russell can…

“Once again Paul Piatt was over looked
If you ask me those votes were cooked
So here’s my message to the Pulitzer Brass
The committee can kiss my fat ass”

Simple, crude, from the heart, Nipsey speaks for all of us on this day of shock and OH NO THEY DIDN’T! I, along with the entire team at IWS World Media expect the Pulitzer’s Committee response and attempt to right this unconscionable wrong with, at the very least, a very sincere apology to both myself and Mr. Piatt and a promise to reform their selection process and then ….. RESIGN IMMEDIATELY!

For IWS this has been Keith Olbermann.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, Sunday was another EPIC episode of I'm With Stupid. We talked about the Boston Marathon Bombing and the terrible cable news channels. Then we previewed the NFL Draft by drafting our favorite Monarchs, Jews, Sportscasters, Poets and soooooo much more! 

Listen to internet radio with IWS Radio on Blog Talk Radio

The Man Who Snitched on Tiger Woods Speaks

Hola snitches and bitches! As you probably know by now, there was a brouhaha last weekend at the Master’s when Tiger Woods made an illegal drop and someone viewer call into Augusta National or CBS or someone and snitched on him. From the very moment we heard the news, the entire staff here at IWS World Media began searching for the man or woman who ratted Tiger out. It took some pretty serious snooping, but we finally did it. Aaaaaaaaand, he agreed to post here to explain himself.

Howdy folks, Jethro Jameson of Beaumont, TX here and I’m the man who turned Tiger Woods in. I’m not

ashamed to admit either. Hell, I’m proud of it. I’d do it again too if I could. I only wish I could have been the guy who turned in Craig Stadler and Pete Azinger back in the day when they got busted. I won’t say who called CBS on them, but I do know and admire them.

See, I’ve always been a law and order kind of guy. I follow the rules and I expect everyone else to do so too. Right here on the wall of my home office I have my arm bands from my glory days at Willie Ray Smith Middle School right here in Beaumont. I was named Hall Monitor of the Year two years in a row. Nobody else has ever achieved this and nobody else ever will. You know why? CAUSE THEY LACK DISCIPLINE!

I remember the first person I ever told on. I busted my older brother’s friend Huan Deng drinking straight from the milk carton. I told his mother about and when she hesitated I reminded her that we had a rule against such activities and to allow Huan to openly defy them like this would result in a lifetime of him flaunting rules until he ended up in prison. So, she grounded him. Sure, he beat the hell out of me for it, but sometimes you gotta just take an ass-whipping for justice.

Probably my greatest achievement in rule enforcement, well until now, was when I caught little Rosalinda Rodriguez taking three cookies instead of two at our Valentine’s Day Celebration my senior year at Ozen High School here in Beaumont. A lot of people thought it was really wrong of me to out her since she was my girlfriend, but my first loyalty has always been to the rules. Every time I think about me ignoring the fact that Rosie was my girlfriend and letting me finger bang her and enforcing the rules my chest swells with pride.

Obviously bookkeeping is a job I was born to do. Man, I keep a close eye on those expense accounts at work. You know guys, if you have a per diem of $58.25 a day and you turn in a report claiming $57.99 every single time, I’m gonna get suspicious. A little creativity in your embezzlement is all I ask for. Sure, I’m not the most popular guy at work, but I’m not there to make friends. I’m there to protect the company from cheaters!

Now that I’m about ready to retire though, I think I’ll be keeping my rule enforcement activities close to home. I live in a nice gated community and I’ll be dammed if I’m gonna let any of my lazy-ass neighbors drive down MY home value! I constantly have to call the Homeowner’s Association President Shastina Johnson about people leaving their garage doors open and tell her to do her damn job and enforce the rules! This just invites petty theft. These damn kids don’t respect nothing!

Saturday morning I was taking my poodle Poo-Poo for our usual walk when I wandered by Aakar Gupta’s house. Something didn’t look right so I pretended that Poo-Poo needed to do her business. When I acted like I was scooping up here droppings, I casually measured the height of the grass in his yard. Just as a thought. An eighth of an inch over what the bylaws allow! So, I had to call Shastina and have her write him up.

Yeah, I could have waited to see if he was going to mow during the weekend, but that’s not my style. I don’t wait until things have all gone to hell and anarchy breaks out to act. If I don’t say something and he doesn’t mow, next think you know people are putting pink flamingos out in their yards! I’m not gonna have that on my head. But, most of all I didn’t wait for one simple reason …

RULES ARE RULES PEOPLE!

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