Excuse Me; Could We Please Be Happy For A Second!?

Cheers!!  Greetings!!  And welcome to the IWS Radio website, and a happy Friday to you all.

This past week, Jay and I have been nothing but cynical, satirical, and sarcastic.

We have made fun of Ann Coulter, people with two first names, list makers, and Donald Sterling just to name a few…albeit Mr. Sterling has a last name that is not his actual last name, but it makes him happy, and we are all about the happy.

However, this week was a big downer, and not a very joyful week, so…

It’s time to shed the yoke of cynicism and sarcasm, have some fun, and delight in the joy that are the people who are good, and things that make me happy aside from Schmoop. Jayman, Jamie, my family, my IWS family, and what not…and by golly, I have a list.

Last night?  I had no clue as to what we should have for dinner, so?  I called up the Pizza King, Vic Cassano, and lo and behold, thirty minutes and $25.00 later, I had the best pizzas in the freaking world delivered to me.  I love Cassano’s Pizza.

And speaking of food, you know what else elicits a happy, happy joy, joy feeling into my digestive core being? SPAM.  Sure, people make fun of SPAM for being the non-meat, but let me tell ya, I LOVE it.  It is delicious, nutritious, and versatile.

Of course, when eating, one needs a beverage with which to wash all the deliciousness down, and what is my liquid of choice?  Steel Reserve.  The 211, Baby!!  I know, I know…that’s ghetto beer you say, but let me tell you…if hanging out with Malcolm in the projects at 2:15 PM and drinking a 211 is wrong?  I don’t want to be right.

I haven’t mentioned many people that I actually have love for, but here is a guy who is gold.  Nigel.

He lives with me, doesn't say much, and brought his own beer and smokes.  If someone shows up on your doorstep with those attributes, bring em’ on in.

As for other house guests?  I’m not a fan, however if I was to have one?  It would be Missalicious.

That chick has a whole lot of 5’3” hotness going on, and…She can always request to call me at 12:15 in AM demanding some venting time, and oh yeah, I listen.

Seriously though, just like all of the aforementioned things, I love the Miss and yeah, other than knowing her for 35 years, the reasons for my love for her are inexplicable, except for one…she makes me smile every time we talk.

And really?  That is all any of us needs.  Good food, good drink, and good people…Well…we all need one other thing, music...and that is where these guys come in.

Another group of people that I heart and always have is, The Cars.

Now that we have everything for a good time, I wish you a wonderful Friday, a wonderful weekend, and a wonderful life.  I hope to ‘see’ you on the radio Sunday as we continue this love fest, but until then…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
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Ann Coulter Knows the Truth About Bring Back Our Girls

Hola? I’m supposed to start this post by saying “Hola?” I’m a fucking American! I don’t say “Hola” like some Rio Grande swimming, fence-jumping, desert-traversing Mexican heading over here for some welfare, Obamacare and a free Obamaphone. I say “Hello” like a normal white Christian American!

So, Hello everyone, Ann Coulter here guest posting on IWS to talk about this silly “Bring Back Our Girls” crap. We’ll start with the words “our girls.” Seriously, they’re “OUR” girls? We own them? I don’t think so! They don’t belong to us. For all we know they all went willingly! 

Yeah, did anyone think of that? Maybe they got sick and tired of their school pushing a socialist-liberal agenda on them? Maybe they’ve had enough of all the Christian-bashing going on in the public schools so they agreed to go and be properly educated by these Boko Haram guys? If it was 235 WHITE girls do you think the Obama or liberal media or Hollywood would give a shit? Not even if it was 235,000! Finally, maybe they all just wanted to take music lessons from the guys who recorded the classic “Whiter Shade of Pale?” I know I would.

You guys do realize that none of this could possibly happen without Barack Obama’s consent, right? Oh come on! How hard is it to figure this out? Obama becomes president and immediately sets out to turn this country into a third-world socialist hellhole and lets it be known in the Arab world that the Muslim Brotherhood is taking over.

Everything is going to plan too. They took over in Egypt. Then they took over in Libya. Why did we let them take over in those two countries? Because Obama wanted them too! As far as he was concerned Hosni Mubarak and Muammar Gaddafi we there for the white folks and he wanted his own people in place. So, he told the Brotherhood to take over no matter what it took. Then he called his own personal Monica Lewinsky, Hillary Clinton and told her to cut security in Benghazi and got Christopher Stevens killed.

Maybe he didn’t intend to get Stevens killed. Stevens might have just been collateral damage. That’s something that has never bothered the Clintons and probably doesn’t bother Obama either. They can hold all the hearings they want, they’ll never nail anyone over Benghazi either. Once Obama enlisted Hillary in support of the Muslim Brotherhood he got the whole Clinton Criminal Apparatus at his disposal. I appreciate the efforts being made to get to the truth, I’m just skeptical that it’s possible to do so.

After that The Brotherhood took out Malaysian Airlines Flight M370. How do I know it was the Muslim Brotherhood acting on behalf of Obama? Because nobody can find the damn plane, that’s how! How convenient that the place can’t be found and thus all evidence of what REALLY happened will also never be found!

Which brings us back to the 235 girls who were allegedly taken in Nigeria. Don’t you guys see what’s happening? Nigeria is an oil rich country. The Muslim Brotherhood is trying to take control of all these oil rich countries! Obama is letting them doing! It’s all part of his lifelong dream that begun when he was a little Muslim kid going to a Madrassa in Indonesia. And where is Indonesia? Right next to Malaysia! Uh-huh! It’s not hard to connect these dots bitches! Wake up people!

So, do I care that 235 girls have been taken by this radical group? Of course I do! But, not for the same reasons that you do. I care for the RIGHT reasons. Barack, Michelle, P Diddy, Ellen, Drake and all the rest of those liberal pussies are blind to the truth! They’ve been enlisted in an elaborate ruse set up by Barack Obama. This is why I weep for America and freedom. The only thing that makes me sadder is the continuing inexplicable success of IWS Radio.

WHAT. IN. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. PEOPLE!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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Postcards From the Middle of January

Cheers Chuckleheads.  You know what happens today at Noon?

At Noon today, we will be smack dab in the middle of the month of January.

Smack dab, I tell ya.  And you know what else I say unto you?

January sucks!!

You know how bad January sucks, at least here in Ohio?

If you took the self-denial and sexual repression of Marcus Bachmann, stirred in the hate of Ann Coulter, blended it with a modicum of Barack Obama’s lack of a backbone, and gave it just a hint of the smell of Chris Christie’s asshole, then?

You would know what the middle of January in Ohio is like.

As I said…It sucks.

If January was an animal, it would be a donkey.

A big, gray, uncaring donkey with big, cold, steely donkey balls.  And every time the wind blows, which is often in January, those big donkey balls would smack one upside the head leaving nothing but heartache upon one’s soul, and testicular indentations upon one’s face.

January loves no one.  January feels for no one.  January is a cold, selfish bitch, and I am glad we are now halfway done with her, because the bitch that is January, cannot die soon enough.

January is the desert of the four winter months.  A desert of a month that contains no oasis, and holds no hope.

See, as far as three of the four winter months…

December ushers in the winter , but also the joy of the holidays.  February gives us Super Bowl parties, the love of Valentine’s Day, and the teasing of the warmer March spring to follow in but a couple of weeks, and when we do hit March, St. Patrick’s Day gives a joyous shout out to all in the form green beer and red mercury on the rise.

January?  What the hell does January give us?

A hangover on New Year’s Day.  Over-Hyped College Bowl Games.  Snow. Wind. Gray Skies, and as an exclamation point atop its rudeness…

January provides us all with our W-2 Income Tax Form, which puts into print and to the dollar and decimal point, just how insignificant and worthless we truly are.

January is a reminder that no matter how bad things were the last eleven months, they can always get worse, and do…at least for the thirty-one days during which she has her way.

January is many things…a hateful ex-wife…an IRS auditor…Dan Dierdorf…and the lack of joy and excitement inside of  Mika Brzezinski’s bedroom, all rolled into one insufferable month, but?

We are now a mere two weeks away from February…

A month that holds not only great Super Bowl party food, Cupid, and the birthday of yours truly, but the hope that spring will once again spring eternally, and on schedule as well.

So, and in summation…January blows donkey dicks, and its donkey balls, but there is hope, and…

It is always better to believe in the light of February rather than curse the donkey balls that are January.

Or something like that…however one puts it…January Sucks.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
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Cold Jokes are as Dry as They are Weary

Happy Hump Day ladies and gentlemen…Matt-Man here with some not so funny stand-up comedic type jokes for ya…

Unless you live in the desert southwest and/or the fucking tip of Florida, you know that of late, it has been colder than Ann Coulter’s pussy.

Yeah, I said that…so in honor of the Polar Vortex that has gripped the nation, here are some, “It’s so cold outside…” jokes…

From Tiffany…“It’s so cold outside, I should wear socks.”  Ha Ha…Floridians are so damn funny.

From my wake-up buddy Amy…“It’s so cold outside, I peed an icicle.”  As Amy lives in Alabama, I understand that she pees outside as most Alabamians do.

Now our wonderful friend Jeff, imparted one that wasn’t half-bad…

“It’s colder than a room full of ex-wives.”

Not bad, but I have no idea why his reference dealt with plural ex-wives.  We may have to talk to him about that.

And then I heard this…

“It's so cold that the local flasher was caught *describing* himself 
to women.”

And then there is this…

 “It’s so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.”

The only reason that I find this one funny, is because when working at the Beer Mine Drive-Thru during the winter?

It’s a constant 38 degrees sans wind in the beer cooler, and yeah, THAT big ass beer refrigerator keeps one warm relative to the actual outside.

Lastly, I got this one on Facebook last night…

“It's so cold outside that my sac feels like two peas in a mail mans leather bag.”

I have no idea what that means….I don’t know why a mailman/mail woman would be delivering pea pods, but I liked it because somebody participated in my shout out for jokes.

And that’s good enough for me.

Oh sure, this post could be longer and much more scintillating, but damn, it’s cold outside!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

matmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
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IWS Babe of the Week...Legal SHEagles

Many of you may have heard that this week, President Obama became the executive object of scorn, ridicule, and feigned outrage for referring to California Attorney General Kamala Harris as the best looking AG in the land.

Well, IWS did some research, and based upon the above picture?  We have found the O-Man to be correct on that subject.  But in all fairness, and in addition to the aforementioned lovely Esquire Harris, here are few more lovelies of the litigiousness scene...

Catherine Crier...This classic beauty and legal mind has spent many a year as a judge, legal pundit, and a person with common sense...

Ann Coulter...A Constitutional Lawyer with sunken eyes and a swollen Adam's Apple that say..." I am your punishment...", and knows that as the Founding Fathers intended, the Constitution only applies to white, Christian folk.

Nancy Grace...Her sexiness is so damn deep, that sometimes, it is almost invisible...but her skills with finding one guilty without trial, are not...

And lastly...

FOX News' own Jeanine Pirro...

Holy Adjudication People!!  The chick is HAWT!!  She could cross-examine us anytime and take an in-depth look at our legal and otherwise briefs whenever the hell she felt like it.

She is hotter than any of the bubble-headed bleach blondes on FOX, and awesome to watch...Mind you, just as with other FOX folks, she is best watched with the sound down...

And there you have it...Some sexy Legal SHEagles for you today.

Don't forget!!  IWS Radio will be LIVE today from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

We'll talk about President Obama's legal love affair, media whores, and much, much more so join us LIVE Today at Noon ET on our IWS Hookers and Blow show by clicking HERE!!

Chris Hayes..We're All In With A Guy Who Went to Brown Because He Went to Brown and Looks Like Rachel Maddow!!

Cheeeeers Chuckleheads!!

As many of you know, while I am a registered Independent I lean to the left, and ergo while I do watch a fair amount of FOX News because I am edgy that way, I watch a fair amount of MSNBC.

Typically, I only watch Morning Joe with Joe Scarborough and the insidious and hideous Mika Brzenzinski, however…

Sometimes, late at night, when Schmoop has refused to have sex with me and I have nothing better to do, I watch the night time line up on MSNBC.

Rachel Maddow…Blows!!  “Oh, I have no agenda, I am just a policy wonk.”  Whatever.  And now..?

Chris Hayes…And with his new show All In, which is a stupid title by the way, we have two Rachel Maddows on MSNBC during the evening.

I know, I know…MSNBC feels that they have to fight the right wing fire of FOX News with fire, but Holy Fucking Christ, could they fight the FOX News fire with people who can relate to Joe and Joan Smith and not kowtow to the purely Democrat demographic that represents regular people and not those who wear bicycle helmets while mowing grass and putting a Brita Filter on their garden water hose?

Late night MSNBC reminds me of Ohio State Buckeye fans…Insufferable. Dear God in a word, they are, insidious…

I am as I said, pretty liberal, but Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes?  Well, they blow…Lawrence O’Donnell?  He’s okay, because he is actually entertaining, and not, “Jesus, Conservatives are the Anti-Christ, let’s kill ourselves now.” type of guy…Okay…

Maybe he is…but he has a sense of humor about it…Maddow and Hayes?  No.  They blow.

MSNBC makes quite a bit of fun of FOX News, but they are no different.  MSNBC is as left as FOX is right, except during the Morning Joe Show.

Morning Joe is pretty good, well…other than Mika’s oogly, Nanny, Liberal-State mentality, and  Scarborough isn’t bad, but the best reason to watch is that the guests that they have on, are pretty good.  The guests cover the political spectrum.

I know some of you hate that, because you want to hear the choir sing, but they do have divergent opinions.

GASP!!

You know what’s funny…because of who we are and what we look like, Jayman and I get labeled with a Liberal MSNBC label much like Jews got labeled with a number.  YES, it’s that severe!!

I find that funny as hell…dumbfucks.

Jayman and I make fun of everyone from Obama, to McConnell, to the quasi-late, and not so great Arial Sharon…

Some people don’t understand that.  You know why?

Because many people think that you should fall into one category or the other, one camp or the next, one party or the next…

And that my friends, is what is wrong with America.  A large majority of Americans want to win…Want to see their side make it across the political goal line.

To people like Sean Hannity, Ed Schultz, Ann Coulter, Rachel Maddow, and their thousands of devotees, becoming a better nation has no merit.

It’s all about scoring that game winning political touchdown.

THAT is what is what is wrong with America.

In the course of a football game, one side can win, one side can lose, but in the end, a good football game is all about the fans, or at least it should be, and while too often the fan who paid good money for a seat gets screwed…perhaps they should demand their money back.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS

To Sleep; Perchance To Scream

“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?”
--Ernest Hemingway

“I love being awake.  My body has the tendency to fall apart when I’m asleep, you know?”
--Matt-Man

Happy Independence Day Eve you assorted chuckleheads and lovable fans of I’m With Stupid.

Tomorrow we as a nation will celebrate our independence from tyranny and oppression of a wig wearing King and his impressive, albeit less than manly dressed, military forces.

I sadly will be, as I too often do, experience the discomfort of being eternally indentured and forever shackled to my fear of sleeping.

That’s right.  The Matt-Man…the man about town, gad about town, effusive, devil-may-care Matt-Man has a fear of going to sleep, or as clinicians term it…

Hypnophobia and/or Somniphobia.

Yeah one term is Greek; the other is Latin, fight it out amongst yourselves, and at 3 in the morning let me know which term came out on top as I will be wide awake due to, MY FEAR OF SLEEPING!!

Oy.

Many psychiatric and medical types find that the fear of sleeping is often tied to a recurring, reality based nightmare, and just like nearly all people, I too have an occasional nightmare, and one that recurs often.

I often dream that I am having sex with Ann Coulter.

Ann is on top of course, and all the while in Latin, screaming, “Liberals are killing our babies and stealing from our Grandmothers!!”...she is wielding a Bible in one hand, a cheese grater in the other, and a can of corned beef hash swings upon a chain of thorns in a discordant rhythm, beneath her reptilian like neck.

I don’t get it.  I don’t like it either, but that’s not what frightens me from practicing the joy that is sound and restful sleep.

No my friends…My fear of sleep is neither mental nor emotional.  It’s physical.

Let me tell you , when we are busy at the Beer Mine, I am at the top of my game both physically and mentally. I am entertaining folks, swingin’ 30 packs around like nobody’s business, and tap dancing around like Mr. Bojangles.  It feels good.  I feel good.

And yet…

After an exhaustive, yet fulfilling day of doing that, I come home and at some point lay down, shut my eyes, and when not getting REM-Sleeped hosed by Ann Coulter and her cheese grater, other things begin to happen. Bad things.

For instance…

I woke up Sunday morning, I was in the same position I was in when I went to sleep, however…during the night, my left wrist must have thought it was double-jointed as it evidently bent over backwards to prove it, because it was dreadfully sore when I woke up.

It got better as the day went on, and I quit complaining about it, so by Sunday night when I went to sleep, I was happy and looking forward to a Monday where I felt 100%.

It wasn’t to be.

When I awoke Monday, my wrist was almost perfect, however I evidently slept funny and I had like a pinched nerve/muscle in my neck and the pain radiated down to my shoulder.

It’s the type of neck pain where if I want to look sideways, I have to turn my entire upper body, because it hurts to turn my neck.  Annoying folks!!

And then there are the early morning Charlie horse attacks in the calf, the AC dying at 2 AM resulting in me waking up feeling like a glazed donut, and of course the night screams from my BFF/OSP when she realizes on occasion, that I am sleeping in the bed with her.

I can’t take it folks, so…

Pass me another NOS, Monster, and/or Full Throttle, because the Matt-Man is never sleeping again…Ever!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws