Robin Thicke Defends Miley Cyrus

Hey Hey Hey bitches! Heir to Hollywood Royalty, singer, performer, ladies’ man, sexual dynamo and possessor or a Hood Pass, Robin Thicke here. Please, stop throwing your moist panties at your computer while reading my sexy words on this here blog. Save them for the genii behind the IWS Entertainment Empire, Matt-Man and Jayman. No need to thank me guys, I have plenty of hot sexy groupies to share a couple with lesser men like you guys. Of course, all men are lesser to me.

I wanted a place where I could defend Miley Cyrus from all the unfair and outrageous attacks on her stemming from her, uh, I mean our performance on the VMAs. Well, really it was HER performance that people are upset over.  I haven’t gotten any flack at all.

See folks, Miley didn’t want to do such a raunchy performance. She wanted to do a traditional performance where she got up there on stage in a tasteful, yet sexy dress and sang with me. Basically she wanted to be the pure and innocent lady she is. But, what I can I say? A couple of minutes into rehearsal with me and the clothes were coming off. Happens all the time to me! I’m serious …

- When I was six Jazmine Johnson wanted begged me to sit on my lap and for me to hold her while we went down the slide at the playground.

- When I was nine I was standing behind Shanice Jordan waiting for my turn at the pencil sharpener when Shanice asked me to stand really close behind her and crank the pencil sharpener for her.

- When I was fourteen my dad’s costar on “Growing Pains” Johanna Kerns told me she wanted to learn to play golf and asked if I would get behind her and put my arms around her and teach her to swing.

- When I was seventeen my photography teacher Mrs. Stone asked me to help her in the dark room and after the lights when out she started “accidentally” bumping my crotch with her phat ass.

Shit like this has happened to me all my life. I don’t do anything to bring these situations on. I’m naturally so damn sexy that women throw themselves at me. I start singing my special brand of white guy hip-hop and the next thing I know girls are dancing with me and grinding on me and telling me they want to do all kinds of nasty things to me.  

Same thing happened to me in my video for my Summer Rape Anthem “Blurred Lines.” I’m singing along with track, trying to make a nice video for everyone out there to enjoy and damned if Emily Ratajkowski doesn’t get all naked and start grinding all over me! It’s crazy y’all!

So I think you can all see how this isn’t Miley’s fault. It isn’t really my fault either. Not that anyone has said it was my fault in any way. It’s kind of cool how all the blame is being put on the bitch girl. The blame lies with this damn out of control sexiness and animal magnetism I have. I start out trying to just do a straight up duet with someone on the VMAs and before I know it I look down and some 20 year old hottie is in her bra and very moist panties grinding her bony little ass against my 36 year old Thicke Stick™ while I’m innocently singing “I know you want it …. I know you want it … I know you want it …”

Honestly? I wish I could stop it. I wish I wasn’t this damn sexy. I wish every woman didn’t want me so badly. But, this is the way God made me and I just have to live with it. I promise to use my sexy powers only for good though. Sure, I’ve turned a few lesbos straight in my day, but no more. I promise. It’s just not right.

Oh one other thing.  Mika Brzezinski, call me baby. I’ll loosen you up sexy lady.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
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@Jayman_IWS 

IWS To The Rescue

Hola internet peoples! As you know by now, Matt-Man and I have pledged to use the powers of I’m With Stupid only for good. We have used them on two occasions so far. Matt got outstanding results from Time Warner Cable, while I got less than acceptable results from the Nazi’s Ozark’s CW.  But, the important thing is that we are here to make the world a better place. 

And, our help has been requested again. Sunday, while lying in bed trying to convince myself to get up and face the day, I felt a tingling sensation “down there*.” I knew immediately that IWS’s help was needed. I got on Twitter and found that my very good friend Gnetch had sent up the IWS signal. 

It seems as though Sunshine (my cute, endearing nickname for Gnetch) got liquored up imbibed in a few alcoholic refreshments and decided to sing Karaoke. And, her friend got some video of the ensuing awesomeness. So, Sunshine decided to upload the video to YouTube. But, YouTube refused to let her. 

Desperate to have a chance to creepily watch Gentch’s video help my wonderful friend, I frantically tried to help her get the video uploaded.  She tried everywhere we could think of. YouTube, Vimeo, Blogger, Tumblr, Photobucket, Google Plus and pretty much every other social media and video hosting site. I suggested everything short of her sending the video directly to me to attempt to upload myself. I thought about suggesting that, but I’m trying to limit my creepdom lately. We’ll see how that goes. Anyway, every site was a no go.  So, I told her it might be time for IWS to call these sites out…

WHAT THE FUCK VIDEO SITES? THERE’S A HOT ASIAN CHICK TRYING TO UPLOAD A VIDEO! GET IT THE FUCK TOGETHER, WILL YA? 

Look. This isn’t about some creepy dude who wants to see a video of a drunk, sexy Asian chick singing Karaoke. It isn’t about ME! It never is. It’s about what’s right and wrong. And not allowing Gnetchy to upload her video is just wrong. HAVE YOU PEOPLE NO SENSE OF DECENCY? Must you deny this person the happiness of uploading a video for her friends and stalkers? 

At this point, I can only assume your collective refusals to upload her video to be discriminatory. I don’t make that charge lightly, but I see nothing else that it can be. And, should this DEPLORABLE AND OUTRAGEOUS ACT continue, I will have no choice but to, once again, call on the vast and diverse world-wide following of I’m With Stupid to take drastic action. When that happens, I will expect every person who responsible for this unacceptable situation to RESIGN IMMEDIATELY! 

I have decided to engage in a semi-boycott of your sites on my own until you upload Gnetchy’s video. I will be boycotting Tumblr, Vimeo and Photobucket completely. I will boycott Blogger except when I am posting a blog, commenting on someone else’s blog or responding to comments on this blog. And I will be boycotting YouTube except for the times that I am drinking and/or am bored and decide to do searches for Japanese Game Shows or listen to some Grand Funk Railroad. 

I recommend that everyone keep an eye on this blog and Gnetch’s Blog, Twitter and Tumblr to monitor developments** in this situation. I can only hope that this post will serve as a warning shot across all these social media and video hosting site’s bows and they get their shit together. Gnetchy is a good person and DOES NOT deserve to be treated this way.  And we here at IWS simply aren’t going to stand for it. 

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws

 

*“Down there” = “In my heart” Where did you THINK it meant, ya pervo?
**“Developments” = “Watch her video when it gets posted”