Thursday, August 25, 2011

IWS Takes On The Man Again

To: The Ozark’s CW and KYTV Channel 3, commonly known as KY3, of Springfield, MO. 

I am writing this to express my very deepest disappointment in the Ozark’s CW’s decision to take Family Guy and M*A*S*H off in the 10 pm CDT hour and replace them with reruns of Oprah.  This move has completely ruined by bedtime preparation routine.  Now I will have to find something new to watch from 10 to 11 pm, and I have no idea what it might be. 

I have a routine, and I don’t like to have that routine messed with.  Each night at 10 pm I get on my laptop and turn on the Ozark’s CW.  I then spend the hour Twittering with friends, reading blogs and being entertained by two of the very best shows in the history of TV.  Well, I used to do that.  Now what am I supposed to watch? Conan? Pffffffffft, please.  And I can’t go back to watching Roseanne either.  I’ve just watched each of those episodes too many times now.  So, you can see that my evenings are all discombobulated now and it’s all your fault.

I also would like to point out that you have taken good, wholesome family entertainment off and replaced it with the offensive and downright outrageous Oprah show.  Really, guys? Oprah?  So now rather than laughing at Stewie and Peter’s clever one-liners and then the zany antics of Frank Burns, we now are expected to learn about such things as “Tossing the Salad” or a “Cleveland Steamer and other disgusting acts that Oprah talks about on her NOT family-friendly show? In the immortal words Col. Potter “MONKEY MUFFINS!” I for one will not sit still for it. 

I’m going to stand up for all the people out there who like to be entertained by good, decent programming.  I’m putting the Ozark’s CW and your parent/sister/owner station KY3 on notice. I have multiple outlets to inform the people of your transgressions and I will take advantage of them. First I have this blog. Plus, I still have my old Blogger Blog “Every Day Jay” with which I can reach a large audience.  Next I have my Tumblr blog with hundreds of followers.  I also have a Twitter account with more than 540 followers and growing rapidly. 

Plus, and this is the big one. I am executive producer, co-writer and co-host of “I’m With Stupid” internet radio show with a vast and diverse worldwide audience.  And, just your bad luck that this week we will be hosting our One Year Anniversary Extravaganza this weekend.  So, we will have an even bigger than usual audience for me to inform of your very unfortunate programming decisions.

In addition to that show, I have several friends who also have radio shows who I’m sure will be willing to allow me to bring my message of wholesome entertainment over vile and sick sex talk to the masses along with the very real potential of a boycott.  But, most importantly, I have my friend and lover co-host Matt-Man, who has already proven the Power of IWS.  (Clicking that link will undoubtedly wipe that smirk off your face.)

There is a real potential for disaster here Ozark’s CW.  The last thing I want to do is involve our highly experienced and aggressive Legal Team!  I think right about now would be a good time to hold a meeting and reevaluate your very poor decision to put Oprah on at 10 pm. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.  Take a look at the uprisings all throughout the Middle East.  You don’t want that to happen to you do you?  THE PEOPLE WILL NOT BE DENIED! 

I hope that this matter can be resolved without any further actions that might result in hard feelings.  I know you want to do the right thing. 


Knight said...

Your sign off was a real nice touch.

Mike said...

Did you call them? You would be surprised how sometimes that works. Tell them you're going to bitch to all their advertisers. And then offer to toss the salad of every hot chick in the place.

Jay said...

Knight: Always close on a positive note.

Mike: They're more afraid of Oprah than they are IWS. Right now at least.

I'm With Stupid said...

The power of IWS will level them more profoundly than an attack by Five O'clock Charlie. Cheers!!