Wednesday, July 30, 2014

So What Else is In the News?

Holaaaaaaaaaaa y’all! Well, let’s see what’s happening in the news …

- ESPN said they will not take disciplinary action* against on-air talent Stephen A. Smith after his offensive comments about women provoking domestic violence. Instead the network will punish Smith by forcing him to continue to have to work with Skip Bayless every weekday.

- Whoopie Goldberg said on ABC’s “The View” that people often believe they have some special right to tough or grab celebrities and that just isn’t right. In response to Goldberg’s comment, co-host Jenny McCarthy spent the rest of the show holding a finger two inches from Whoopie saying “I’m not touching youuuuuuuu …. I’m not touching youuuuuuuu.”

- A new poll shows that 86.5% of Israelis don’t want a ceasefire and want the IDF to continue its assault on Gaza. Further questioning found that most of people simply want it all done before the NFL season starts in September.

- This one time … at band camp … The director of the Ohio State marching band was treating band members horribly, berating them, calling them names, threatening them and knew about, but did nothing to stop a “highly sexualized culture” inside the band and … and … GOT HIS ASS FIRED FOR IT.

- Controversy erupted last week as Arizona became the latest state to botch an execution. Witnesses say that Joseph Wood “gasped and snorted” for more than an hour after the lethal injection chemicals were administered. When asked for comment governor Jan Brewer said “To be fair, I was gasping and snorting too. I mean, the whole thing was really pretty hilarious.”

- LeBron James announced that he will be going back to his old number 23 which he wore during his first stint with Cleveland. Former NBA great Michael Jordan announced the gives James his blessing to wear the number 23. Upon hear that, James said “Uh, yeah, that’s nice since nobody asked you.”

- On Sunday the New York Times editorial board came out in favor of the legalization of marijuana. The initial draft included a section that was not printed that basically said “Ohhhhhh these cupcakes are soooooooo good!! OHMYGOD! Maureen Dowd you gotta sprinkle some of that Cheetos dust on the vanilla cupcakes! It’s magical! Ohhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhhh DOOOOOOOOD!”


- The White House is said to be “fuming” over Israel’s criticisms of Secretary of State John Kerry. Actually, they’re just embarrassed because it all started with the standard “Why the long face John?” Then it turned out his feelings had actually been hurt by Israel and now everyone feels bad.

- A new recommendation this week says that Orthodox Jews with herpes should stop applying “direct oral suction” to baby’s penises during the traditional bris. After reading this report another group recommended this week that NOBODY apply “direct oral suction” to ANY baby’s penis at any time.

- A Ukrainian woman named Ekaterima Parkhomento posted selfies on her Instagram this week claiming to be wearing eye liner she looted from the wreckage of fight MH17. While most people were outraged by Ekaterima’s actions they mostly all agreed that she looked really great and could totally be a model.

- Fox News reported this week that “illegal immigrants protest outside White House, with little fear of repercussions.” Said Fox News president Roger Ailes “it’s almost like this has become a free country with some kind of silly right to petition the government or something.”

- Former Ohio governor Ted Strickland tried to live on minimum wage for a week and found that he couldn’t do it. In his official statement Strickland said “Thank God this was just a political stunt and I’m not really poor cause that would suck so hard.”

- And finally Sarah Palin launched her very own internet channel this week. This will allow Sarah’s followers and fans unfiltered access to all her thoughts and opinions on the big issues of the day. The cost for access to the new channel is $99.95 a year or $9.95 a month. When asked about the pricing plan a spokesperson for Palin said “Let’s be honest here, given her history I would go with the monthly plan if I were you.”




*Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, they suspended him for a whole week. Whatever! I’m not letting that ruin a good Skip Bayless joke.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Thanks To You For Being The Lovable Sickos That You Are!!

Cheers and a Happy Tuesday to you all.  After this past Sunday’s IWS Radio Show, I was nearly feeling elated yesterday, but my hangover from Sunday’s debauchery was such, that I could not feel elated until today. But…

Now that I can feel again, I want to talk about the positive feelings of love, good-will, and support that are raining down upon my detoxified mind and body, and on behalf of the team here at IWS Radio, I want to give a virtual hug and say thanks to some people for making me smile during Sunday’s show.

Jayman and I had set-up Sunday’s show as a jab at Blog Talk Radio to see if they would accept our, “The Gentlemen’s Guide to Sucking and Fucking a Lady” title.  Well, unfortunately….they did, and the pressure was on for us to perform.

Now don’t get me wrong, Jayman and I during our private Thursday morning show prep call can be downright filthy man-sluts, but we like to entertain a modicum of decorum during our LIVE show on Sundays.  So…

We asked for surrogates to help us out and record their naughty bits for us for this past Sunday’s show, and lo and behold…

Many degenerate, lascivious, sex-crazed, foot-fetishing, yet well-meaning sociopaths quickly and amicably acquiesced to our call for assistance.

Chris performed a reading of a story that would have made the late Bob Guccione blush.  Triple Jaxxx not only hung out on the phone with us for awhile, recited her bathtub desires to us, but also sang, quite sexily I might add, about how she enjoys touching herself to the thoughts of Jay and myself.

Glass Half Full Gal verbally gyrated for over seven minutes about sex, which afforded me the time to not only take a leak, but to do a little something else while I was in the bathroom listening to her piece.

A former Bagwine, Ohio resident and current longtime Alabamian, Amy…chimed in with a nice bumper full of southern charm and sexy giggles. I think we need to change her name to Alabamy.  Anyhoo…

Lonnnnnng time friend to me and IWS Radio and even longer to the Jayman, Cracker, recorded a bumper for Paul Piatt’s spot so sexy, that he is still blushing and wondering what in the hell a Rusty Sandwich is.

And well that’s it…or is it?

IWSRADIO.COM
Ha…No post of people helping out Jay and I would be complete without the acknowledgement of one Miss Jamie Mapleleaf.  The lovely Jamie is without question our biggest fan…probably because it is colder in Canada longer than here in the states, and listening to us is more comfortable than going outside. Nonetheless…

Jamie has for a long time done a funny intro line about me every week, contributed and recorded countless bits for the show, and for whatever reason, she has to be the only person who has listened to all 290 shows that IWS Radio has broadcast.

I maybe shouldn’t say this, but Jamie said to me recently that being included as part of the IWS Radio Show was a gift to her.  Pffffffffffft, she has it ass backwards, her being a part of the show is a gift to Jay and I. Jamie is incredible, and that’s that.

I just did want to say, now that I have my wits about me, thank you all for participating in Sunday’s IWS show. Y’all were great and keep in mind…

You all are welcome to send stuff to us anytime.  Suggest show ideas.  Suggest guests.  Be a guest. Whatever!!

Keep the good stuff coming, but please…for the next couple of shows could your ideas and submissions be free of your sick and depraved lifestyles?  After a couple of weeks…feel free to let your freak flags rise again.

Cheers and Thanks All!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Twitter Me Softly With Your Song
Facebook Me Into Your Crotch

Monday, July 28, 2014

Getting Down 'n Dirty on IWS

IWS got down and dirty this week! In response to BTR sudden lack of rules against dirty shows, Matt-Man and Jayman decided if you can’t beat them, join them. Well, for one week anyway. To keep pace with the new influx of smutty shows we got smutty too! REALLY smutty! There were discussions about all kinds of fun stuff …

Beer mine stories.

Difficulties of having sex with a hot Jewish girl.

Some sex advice from Sue Johanson for women who have boyfriends with HUGE penises.


How uncomfortable this subject matter is for Matt-Man and Jayman.

Erotic Reading by SkyDad!

Sexy food.

Erotic Poetry from Jaxxx and Paul Piatt.

Erotic Reading by GlassHalfFullGal.

Wet Dreams and Nocturnal Emissions.

Sex Ed in school vs cable TV access.

Jaxxx called in and got a little freaky with us talking about fetishes and the weirder side of sex.

How sex scenes in movies and on TV are so stupidly unrealistic


Guy Ahnurdyck is in a bit of trouble.

Bobby Kraft read “Fifty Shades of Jay”

And all kinds of other deeply disturbing and pretty damn hilarious stuff! Listen and then take a long hot shower!


                               
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