Kaley Cuoco Left Ryan Sweeting for IWS Radio

Hey everybody! Kaley Cuoco here for IWS Radio! Now, I know that you guys are all worried about me because of the big divorce to ol’ whatshisface and all. I appreciate that so much. You guys are all soooooo sweet. But, there’s no need to worry about me because I have Matt-Man and Jayman right here to keep me smiling and laughing. No matter what happens in life I know that I can always count on them to make it all alright. Here’s what happened on this week’s IWS Radio …

Matt had a surprisingly fun run-in with a couple of bikers.

Jayman went out in public and things got all kinds of awkward.

There was a very nice and sexy crowd in the chat room this week.

The Pope was in the U.S. and some were wondering if he wasn’t about to overstay his welcome.

Brian Kilmead made some important points about the Pope and his hatred for America.

There was a very sweet goodbye to John Boehner as he resigned his position as Speaker of the House.

Ted Cruz threatened to assassinate the Ayatollah.

Dick Berns reported from a Bernie Sanders rally.

Bobby Kraft shared some of the most popular tweets from Favstar.

Matt and Jay discussed the role of social media in everything from politics to entertainment to sports.

There was some reminiscing about the old days in the Bloggerhood and how great things were before Twitter and Facebook ruined everything.

Robert the Taylor called in and finally got things to work on like the 27^th try.

There was some very damn bad music celebrated.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand soooooo much more!!!! You totally gotta check this show out!

                          

Pope Francis Blesses IWS Radio

Yo! Pope Francis here to remind you that you should remember to listen to IWS Radio this and every week! What? You’re surprised to find out that I’m with stupid? FUGETABOUTIT! I’m a HUUUUUUUUUUGE IWS Radio fan! I mean, just look at what they’re cooking up this week …

“Join Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio team as they recap a week full of SUV on CVS crime, Jayman's twenty minute incarceration by a jackbooted thug from The People's Republic of Illinois, and then go on to breakdown the depth and hilarity of this week's GOP Presidential Debate.

They will also be previewing the Pope Francis Holy Smoke Tour of the U.S. and celebrating the observance of National Women Friendship Day.  College and NFL football discussion and picks will ensue as will some really bad music with a generous dose of sarcasm along with your phone calls at 661.244.9852. So...

Join Jay, Matt, Jamie Mapleleaf, and a cast of dozens as IWS Radio presents: The Pope, The Po-Po, and Friendly Females.”

Whoa! This show is gonna rock! I’m especially interested in this “friendly females” idea. Strictly from a Christian stand point of course. I think everyone should always be friendly. That’s what Jesus wants from us. And, believe it or not, Jesus wants us to listen to IWS Radio too! 

Anna Kooiman and Other Trivial Things

It's finally 2015 and Matt and Jay are all fired up about it! Or something. Well, it IS going to be The Year of the Jayman! Hopefully. No, not hopefully, IWS Radio is going to make it happen! That's right bitches! New year new attitude.

Matt and Jay review New Year's and talk about all the parties that they didn't attend and analyze the NCAA Football Playoffs as well as the NFL! Then they'll discuss some of the annoying things people did or said in 2014 that needs to stay in 2014. Hell, even some people who became "famous" in 2014 who need to stay there.

Plus Sunday is National Trivia Day! So, Matt and Jay will come armed with lots of fascinating, funny and probably stupid trivia questions to ask each other and their listeners. Call in with the answer to one of the questions OR call in with your own great trivia question that stumps Matt and Jay and win a sexy IWSRadio.com coffee mug! Woooooooooo!

The IWS Players will be along too. You know you don't want to miss that! There might even be a new correspondent! Sarcastic Sam has a few observations about Fox News’ Anna Kooiman’s intelligence level. Plus, Jamie Mapleleaf will be here, and there will be another round of "Bad Songs of the Week." All this and so much more so be there or be square for “TheTrivial Pursuit of Happiness” on IWS Radio Sunday at 12 Noon ET!! 

Matt Said...Jay Said...(202) 333-7121

Matt waxes poetically…Jay wanes introspectively…You, gather neither rhyme nor reason.

Matt:  Hello?
Jay:  Whadda ya know?
Matt:  A little more than I did yesterday.
Jay:  That’s damn good to hear; I must say.

Matt:  Schmoop isn’t enjoying my Thursdays off.
Jay:  Perhaps you could leave on Thursdays and go play golf.
Matt:  That sounds good, but kind of expensive.
Jay:  Dude, you gotta keep her happy; don’t be so pensive.

Matt:  Our show this week falls on Palm Sunday.
Jay:  When Jesus on a donkey, made it a Funday.
Matt:  Christ is King.  Ha…Christ is funny.
Jay:  And by his blood on the cross, people love to make money.

Matt:  We could talk about that.
Jay:  We could and we should.
Matt:  We could talk about Favstar, and how most users are morons.
Jay:  We could deride their un-funniness, and then let bygones be bygones.

Matt:  Perhaps, as you know, it’s National Poetry Month…
Jay:  And we could base our show ‘round, poetry, prose, and such?
Matt:  That would be awesome!!
Jay:  That would be great!!
Matt:  You know who would like it, that’d be Paul Piatt.
Jay:  I'd like it too; c’mon, let’s try it!!

Matt:  Paul Piatt will be there, Slyder, and Schmoop as well.
Jay:  Bobby Kraft will chime in, and Drew Peacock will rhyme like a bell.
Matt:  And many others will poetize.
Jay:  For they have a lot to prose-itize.

Matt:  So this Sunday from Noon-2 PM, Eee Tee
Jay:  We will be bringing the funny poetry.
Matt:  And perhaps, we will may make people laugh.
Jay:  But only if we do a reading, by the late Sylvia Plath.

Matt:  I think we’re ready.
Jay:  Ready as Freddy.
Matt:  Let’s Do Iiiiiiiiiiit!
Jay:  Aight.
Matt:  That didn’t rhyme.
Jay:  I was juxtaposing.
Matt:  That’s HOT!!

To catch IWS Radio LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET during their Poetry, Prose, and Poseurs episode, you can click right, HERE!!  

Obama and Pope Francis Have Words

Holaaaaaaaaa y’all! Before we get into today’s fun and games I have a couple things to cover for ya. Frist, I want to give a shout out to the lovable and adorable Schmoop! Hope you had a happy birthday yesterday babe! Sorry Matt only had to work a short day on your birthday, but at least you got a few hours away from him and some Taco Bell. Also, Liam Neeson is damn serious about his birthday wishes to you. He told me so himself.

Next, I got my laptop back again today. Oh, I didn’t tell you? Yeah, it had a bit of problem with the fan so I talked to the Computer Fix It Guy and he decided there was a problem there and went ahead and ordered a new one and called me today to bring the laptop and they put the new fan in free of charge! That was sweet of them.

So now everything seems to be working just swell. Actually, the fan still runs all the time, but not nearly as hard or loud as it did previously. Wouldn’t that suck if the fan was the problem all along and they never even had to do the $300 worth of work to it? Ha … Damn, that could really piss me off if I think about it too long. So, I won’t.

Anyway, on to the serious stuff. You may have heard that President Obama met with Yo Pope Frank-EEEEEEEE today. Well, what the LAME stream media didn’t tell you is that to start the meeting, President Obama opened up his laptop and played the Lost Weekend episode of IWS Radio for the Popester!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, as always, IWS Radio has super -secret inside information about what Obama and Pope Francis discussed. Here’s a partial transcript.

Obama: Thank you so much for having me here today.
Francis: What do you have there with you?
Obama: Oh, it’s my laptop. Thought you’d like to hear some IWS Radio.
Francis: I’ve love those guys! They’re a riot!
Obama: IKR??
Francis: I hope Jay asks Matt about Ryno
Obama: And then plays “Cats in the Cradle!”
Francis: Kills me every single time! Hahahahaha
Obama: Oh yeah! And I’m a big fan of Tammy Tibbles.
Francis: She’s got some deep thoughts and great advice.
Obama: Tammy might end up being a self-help guru of sorts.
Francis: Well she could put that idiot Dalai Lama out of business.
Obama: We can only hope!

Francis: So, about this contraceptive mandate.
Obama: *SIGH* Here we go.
Francis:  Religious freedom is very important to the Church.
Obama: People who want to use contraception have rights too.
Francis: You’re forcing your secular beliefs on the Church.
Obama: The same way priests forced themselves on little boys?
Francis: Really? You’re going there already?
Obama: We were going to get there eventually.
Francis: Why don’t you just drop the contraception mandate?
Obama: Why don’t you just let me take all the pedophiles back to US jurisdiction?
Francis: Why don’t you go bomb another wedding full of women and children.
Obama: Why don’t you go block condom distribution in Africa resulting in the AIDS virus continuing to run out of control and kill lots more people?

*Door Flies Open* *John Kerry Walks In* “Gentlemen, Gentlmen. We can have a good, vigorous discussion about these issues without insulting each other.”

Obama and Francis: Why don’t you fuck off John?
Francis: Did you bring me a potato like you did the Russians?
Obama: BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was hilarious!
Francis: Right? *mocking Kerry’s monotone voice* I like my potatoes fried, mashed, smashed, diced, boiled …
Obama: *joining in* Scattered, smothered and covered. There are literally dozens of ways to prepare good old “Solanum Tuberosom” …

Kerry: I really don’t think this is productive at all.

Francis: Why the long face John?
Obama and Francis: BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*Kerry stomps out of the room*
*President Obama and Pope Francis hi-5*

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Interpreting Pope Francis

Hola all ye faithful! Pope Francis was named Time’s Person of the Year this week and deservedly so! What a great first year this guy has had huh? I bet Barack Obama is insanely jealous. I’m still a little skeptical even though I do admit that compared to Pope Bennie and the Jets, Pope Yo Frank-EEEEEEEEEE! has been a real breath of fresh air. Then again, just about anyone is going to look good next to that Nazi!  

One of the things I like about the Popesterino is that he has said a lot of things that have pissed off a lot of people that I enjoy seeing pissed off. He’s got Rush Limbaugh calling him a Marxist and Bill O’Reilly longing for the days of John Paul II whom he called “insane.” For that alone he deserves consideration for “Person of the Year.” But, what was he REALLY saying when he made these comments? Let me interpret them for you.

“Be shepherds with the smell of your sheep, in the midst of your people like Jesus the Good Shepherd.”

I’m guessing that he’s telling people to keep their sheep heard downwind from their neighbors. Sheep are pretty stinky and you don’t want to sit down at the dinner table and have it ruined by smelling that stank! He also might be telling people “Hey! You CHOSE to be a shepherd so no bitching about the smell buddy.”

“If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?”

This one made a lot of liberals really happy and Sarah Palin cry, but the media didn’t report the second part of that quote. Turns out the Pope answered his own question. “I’ll tell you who I am to judge, I’M THE POPE BITCHES! I can judge anyone anytime I want and you can’t do a damn thing about it. Judge Judy can’t do that. Judge Wapner can’t either. Only I can. Why? Because I’m in-freaking-fallible, that’s why!”

“What is it that I expect as consequence of World Youth Day? I want a mess. We knew that in Rio there would be disorder, but I want trouble in the diocese.”

Dude, I really don’t think anyone in the church should be talking about “youths” “messes” and “the diocese.”  That’s what caused the Catholic Church so much trouble over the last decade or so. Probably a good idea to just ignore that stuff and move on.

“A church without women would be like the apostolic college without Mary. The Madonna is more important than the apostles, and the church herself is feminine, the spouse of Christ and a mother.”

So all you uppity bitches just STFU about this equality crap and wanting women to be priests, aight? Sheesh! What more do you people want from me? Get back into the kitchen and make your man a sandwich and then you two go make a bunch of little Catholics. Do your damn job!

“There’s a lot of talk about the Gay Lobby, but I’ve never seen it on the Vatican ID card.”

Hey-OOOOOOOOOOO!

“We must meet one another doing good. ‘But, I don’t believe Father, I am an Atheist.’ But do good: we will meet one another there.”

Where will you meet? Through a glory hole? A dark alley where your boys might grab the Atheist and throw him in a van and haul him off to a reeducation camp? I hope so cause that would be some bad ass ninja shit for the Pope to be doing.

“St. Peter committed one of the greatest sins, denying Christ and yet they made him Pope. Think about that.”

Uhhhh …. I really have no freaking idea what he’s talking about here. I guess he’s just throwing shade at one of his predecessors.  

I hope we all understand Pope Francis just a little better now. It’s important to not just listen to his words, but to really analyze them and figure out what they mean. Also, congrats on your big award Pope Francis. I’m sure you’ll make a big deal about not accepting it and be all head down and humble about it and shit.

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