It was an AWESOME Sunday of Day Drankin’ with Matt-Man and Jayman this week on IWS Radio! Just look at all the stuff we slurred our way through … I mean discussed while imbibing:
Wow! How many podcasts could do that? Not too many. Matt and Jay are ELITE! Give us a listen …
Hey everybody! Kaley Cuoco here for IWS Radio! Now, I know that you guys are all worried about me because of the big divorce to ol’ whatshisface and all. I appreciate that so much. You guys are all soooooo sweet. But, there’s no need to worry about me because I have Matt-Man and Jayman right here to keep me smiling and laughing. No matter what happens in life I know that I can always count on them to make it all alright. Here’s what happened on this week’s IWS Radio …
Matt had a surprisingly fun run-in with a couple of bikers.
Jayman went out in public and things got all kinds of awkward.
There was a very nice and sexy crowd in the chat room this week.
The Pope was in the U.S. and some were wondering if he wasn’t about to overstay his welcome.
Brian Kilmead made some important points about the Pope and his hatred for America.
There was a very sweet goodbye to John Boehner as he resigned his position as Speaker of the House.
Ted Cruz threatened to assassinate the Ayatollah.
Dick Berns reported from a Bernie Sanders rally.
Bobby Kraft shared some of the most popular tweets from Favstar.
Matt and Jay discussed the role of social media in everything from politics to entertainment to sports.
There was some reminiscing about the old days in the Bloggerhood and how great things were before Twitter and Facebook ruined everything.
Robert the Taylor called in and finally got things to work on like the 27th try.
There was some very damn bad music celebrated.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand soooooo much more!!!! You totally gotta check this show out!
The IWS Person(s) of the Week are Hollywood's best boobies. I mean, why not?
Kaley Cuoco ...
Katy Perry ...
Nicki Minaj ...
Kate Upton
And ... Who says boobs have be huge to be awesome? Natalie Portman ...
Wooooooooo! Boobies!!! Also, we'll be talking boobies along with Valentine's Day recap, 50 Shades of Grey garbage and other important things on "Pathetic People, Presidents and Boobies" on IWS Radio Sunday at 12 Noon ET!!
Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! As you know by now we did a Smut Show
on IWS Radio last Sunday. You MIGHT have also noticed that we’re going to the other
extreme this coming Sunday with a Good Wholesome Fun Show. Before things get
too wholesome around here, I have something I need to do. I made a long list of
my favorite sex euphemisms for the show last week just in case we needed
filler. We had so much audience participation that we didn’t need any filler at
all which is awesome! It would be silly to just let all those euphemisms go to
waste though. Don’t you think? I agree, so here we go ….
Dipping the corn dog in the batter.
Putting the sour cream on the taco.
Riding the skin bus to tuna town.
Parking the beef bus in the tuna garage
Glazing the muffin.
Take the old one eye to the optometrist.
Vulcanize the whoopee stick.
Burping the worm into the mole hole
Formatting the hard drive
Yodeling in the canyon of love.
Gland to gland combat.
Dinner beneath the bridge. (69ing)
Get into a bit of a jam.
Have some bananas and cream.
Slytherin her hufflepuff (for you Harry Potter fans)
Visiting her downtown dining and entertaining district
The no pants dance
Spelunking in the slime cave.
The four legged frolic
Get the old pole waxed
Parking your yacht in hair harbor
Making feet for baby shoes
Stretch the leather
Beef curtain immersion
Aaaaaaaaaaaaand …. Drive the fuck truck to cunt canyon.
Thank you for letting me get that out of my system. I feel
much better now.
Hola casual and fanatical sports fans! It’s time once again for the NCAA Men’s Championship Game. This year it features the Louisville Cardinals against the Michigan Wolverines. As usual, I’m here to break the game down for you scientifically.
Drink every time ….
1. CBS shows Kevin Ware
2. Someone misses a free throw. Wait, drink when they MAKE one. I want you to live.
3. Clark Kellogg makes up a word like “Suprtability”
4. Jim Nantz reads a promo for a CBS show.
5. There’s a controversial charge/block call.
6. They talk about how “young” Michigan is.
7. CBS shows a Master’s promo
8. Someone dribbles the ball off his foot out of bounds.
9. They talk about a players “length”
10. There’s a timeout called, either by a team or a TV timeout.
Chug an entire beer if…
1. A player actually hits BOTH free throws.
2. NEITHER Jim Nantz NOR Rick Pitino cheat on their wives this weekend.
3. Doug Gottlieb tells a race joke.
4. The game is over before 11:30 pm ET.
5. CBS shows a Big Bang Theory promo featuring Kaley Cuoco’s Big Bang Boobs!
If you just don’t care for basketball or just can’t stand the squeaky sneakers, you have other entertainment options:
Read “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” by Louisville’s own Hunter S. Thompson…
Read “Death of a Salesman” by University of Michigan alum Arthur Miller …
Watch “Return of the Living Dead” which is set in Louisville, KY…
Watch “The Bill Chill” as all the main characters met while attending the University of Michigan…
Let’s see what the late, great Nipsey Russell has to say about this game ..
“Louisville and Michigan will get it on for the title
Speed, experience, shooting and coaching are all vital
Look for the Cardinals to pull away late
And leave UK fans stewing in their bowl of hate.”
And what does legendary basketball analyst Dick “Dickie V” Vitale have to say…
“Well I tell ya, this is going to be an absolute war out there. You’ve got all the Diaper Dandies for Michigan against Louisville’s Glue Guys who are so disciplined and go so hard for forty full minutes. It’s down-right scary how well these two teams match up with each other. It’s unbelievable how many P-T-P-ers there will be on that floor Monday night. And of course we’re talking about two of the real legends of college basketball coaching this game. Both are all-timers. I don’t know who’s gonna win, but IT’S GONNA BE AWESOME BAY-BEEEE!”
As for my pick? Vegas installed Louisville as a 3.5 point favorite. I say take the points and run ..
Louisville 79
Michigan68
Enjoy the game everybody. Or don’t. I don’t really care.
Also, be sure to check out "Hookers and Blow" on IWS Radio from Sunday. We talked about so many different things including Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon, The Master's, Media Whores and more! Also, Slyder Balzcock, Kirk Douglas, Paul Piatt and the rest of the gang. Check it out!
The IWS Babe of the Week is everyone's favorite Nerd Temptress from Big Bang Theory Kaley Cuoco! Kaley has literally grown up before out eyes and BOY HAS SHE grown up! Woo-Hoo!
Also, if you didn't get a chance to catch us live, Matt-Man and Jayman came out of the Asshole Closet last night. We talked about times we've been assholes to people or pulled dick moves and all that fun stuff. It was another classic episode so check it out!
I love The Onion. It’s one of the most brilliant, hysterical and subversive publications ever. I love it when the “mainstream media” picks up a satirical Onion piece and runs it at “real” news. I love it when elected officials refer to Onion articles while trying to scare the hell out of the voters.
My all-time favorite Onion headlines are:
"Special Olympics T-ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game."
And
"Dog Experiences Best Day Of His Life For 400th Consecutive Day"
So, even though I know I’ll never match their brilliance, I thought I would do some Onion-esqe headlines of my own…
Man says he was drugged and robbed by hooker. Describes her as “blond with big boobs.”
Lazy, inarticulate black writer resorts to racist Jeremy Lin puns.
Auburn QB threatens holdout during spring practice demanding raise and new contract.
Local man says he allows cheerleaders to hold car washes on his land only because he’s obsessed with clean cars.
Woman takes out Craigslist ad asking for someone to knock her up so she can start a mommy blog.
Stand-up comic says he didn’t realize he was supposed to be funny.
Mormon couple with no kids Photoshop children into family Christmas newsletter out of shame.
States begin exempting hot chicks from compulsory school attendance.
Man dies during flight. Airline classifies him as “luggage” and charges estate an extra $500.
White Supremacist forgets Rihanna is black, puts her songs on his iPod.
Prop comic loses gig after leaving entire act at his mother’s house.
Community stunned to find members of local punk rock band smoke pot.
Study finds all black men really do have natural ability to play bass guitar.
Area grandmother insists internet is a fad and will die off just like rock music did.
Nerf playground just not safe enough for local helicopter mom.
Shocking study finds eating low calorie, low fat foods along with exercising helps people lose weight.
God admits he tells people to run for office just to entertain himself.
Woman tries “mystery meat” at local deli and immediately regrets it.
High school student shunned for writing happy, uplifting poems.
Study shows television network executives have shit for taste.
