Jayman's Favorite Sex Euphemisms

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! As you know by now we did a Smut Show on IWS Radio last Sunday. You MIGHT have also noticed that we’re going to the other extreme this coming Sunday with a Good Wholesome Fun Show. Before things get too wholesome around here, I have something I need to do. I made a long list of my favorite sex euphemisms for the show last week just in case we needed filler. We had so much audience participation that we didn’t need any filler at all which is awesome! It would be silly to just let all those euphemisms go to waste though. Don’t you think? I agree, so here we go ….

Dipping the corn dog in the batter.

Putting the sour cream on the taco.

Riding the skin bus to tuna town.

Parking the beef bus in the tuna garage

Glazing the muffin.

Take the old one eye to the optometrist.

Vulcanize the whoopee stick.

Burping the worm into the mole hole

Formatting the hard drive

Yodeling in the canyon of love.

Gland to gland combat.

Dinner beneath the bridge. (69ing)

Get into a bit of a jam.

Have some bananas and cream.

Slytherin her hufflepuff (for you Harry Potter fans)

Visiting her downtown dining and entertaining district

The no pants dance

Spelunking in the slime cave.

The four legged frolic

Get the old pole waxed

Parking your yacht in hair harbor

Making feet for baby shoes

Stretch the leather

Beef curtain immersion

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand …. Drive the fuck truck to cunt canyon.

Thank you for letting me get that out of my system. I feel much better now.

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We'll Charm Your Pants Right Off!

In our illustrious three plus year history of IWS Radio we have had more charming and entertaining shows than this week’s Homespun fun at Hodgepodge Lodge. Wait, no we haven’t! This was about as fun as it gets folks! Just hanging out and relaxing near our new lodge in the wilds of Northern Minnesota!

Matt and Jay were live without a net, but we didn’t need one. We just brought our natural charm and youthful exuberance and put it all on display for the folks. Mostly we talked about our new retreat and all the fun stuff there is to do there including the IWS party barge out on Kitchi Lake!

Then our good friend Aunt Jackie took the stage at the Hodgepodge Lodge Dean Martin Memorial Lounge and Karaoke Center and ROCKED THE HOUSE! We did take a moment to finally pay actual respect to our friend and fellow writer Dr. Maya Angelou by having her great half nephew Jermaine Angelou say a few words. We even more or less decided that we’re good with her using the “Dr.” title even though her doctorate is honorary. Why not! We were in a good mood after a round of golf on the Hodgepodge Lodge Payne Stewart Memorial Golf Course!

Then we welcomed Bobby Kraft who had a few choice words about all these damn Country Music awards shows. He’s not a fan y’all! That was followed up by a disturbing report from Guy and Mr. Vague live from the Australian Outback. That upset us, but we decided to go swimming at the Hodgepodge Lodge Esther Williams Memorial Swimming Area at Kitchi Lake with our friend Jessica Alba!

Then the lovely and talented Jamie Mapleleaf called in to charm our pants right off of us. Kirk Douglas did the weather, Phil Diller brought the laughs and we just talked about everything under the sun! You should totally check this show out! You can use the player below or use the direct mp3 link and player on our PodBay site and avoid BTR's crappy website, ads and other crap! 


Oh look! There's no player here. Well, I guess you'll just have to use the PodBay link since BTR can't be bothered to actually work right most of the time. What a great fucking value they are! Anyway, please do listen using the link because it was a pretty cool show. Thanks!

Matt Said, Jay Said: 24.7.365

Matt inhales, Jay exhales, You close your eyes and pray for the sweet release of death.

Matt: Don’t say anything funny while I’m inhaling.
Jay: How bout when you’re exhaling?
Matt: That’s okay.
Jay: Kinda weird.
Matt: Why?
Jay: Cause you’re pretty much only inhaling or exhaling, right?
Matt: No.
Jay: So you spend a lot of time not breathing?
Matt: NOOO .. Inhaling when I’m smoking silly!
Jay: Ohhhhhhhhh
Matt: Don’t say anything funny when I’m inhaling my cigarette.
Jay: I’ll try.
Matt: I need you to do more than try.
Jay: Dude. I can’t always control the funny.
Matt: Well, that’s a good point.
Jay: AAAAAAAAAND
Matt: Don’t say it.
Jay: You should stop inhaling.
Matt: Can I exhale?
Jay: I guess, but what’s the point.
Matt: Whatever. I’ll quit when I feel like it.
Jay: Whatever.

Matt: Mushroom burgers for dinner tonight.
Jay: Delicious!
Matt: What are you having?
Jay: Spaghetti
Matt: Oh yeah! We had skets last weekend.
Jay: What the hell is “skets?”
Matt: “Skets” … “Sketti” … “Spaghetti?”
Jay: You made that up!
Matt: Yeah.
Jay: You Ohio people … Just making shit up.
Matt: Schmoop and I call Spaghetti “Sketti” or “Skets”
Jay: I guess I can see “sketti” but not “skets”
Matt: What’s the difference?
Jay: “Skets” sounds like the plural of “Sketti”
Matt: And?
Jay: Did you have multiple spaghetti dinners?
Matt: Actually, yes.
Jay: Uhh … Well OKAY THEN!

Matt: Got a title for Saturday’s show?
Jay: Hookers and Blow?
Matt: Ha! And talk about ….
Jay: Golf and the weather I guess.
Matt: Well, we can preview The Master’s
Jay: Exactly! And, IDK, the FINAL FOUR!
Matt: Right! Obviously, this weekend needs Slyder Balzcock.
Jay: Definitely. And we can talk about Kevin Ware’s leg.
Matt: *shudder*
Jay: IKR? Have you done a Google Image Search for that?
Matt: Fuck no!
Jay: Good choice. Oh! Leno out at NBC!
Matt: Speaking of a whore!
Jay: Exactly! We might have thoughts on Kamala Harris.
Matt: And maybe just all the Media Whores in general.
Jay: Oh yeah, we can go on and on about that all day.
Matt: And maybe Kirk Douglas weather for the Master’s.
Jay: He can do it!
Matt: This is gonna rock!
Jay: Maybe we’ll call a few people?
Matt: And maybe they’ll pick up!
Jay: Wouldn’t that be cool!
Matt: Okay, we’re ready!
Jay: Damn right we are!

Be sure to tune into “Hookers and Blow” on IWS Radio this Sunday at 12 Noon ET!!! 

IWS Babe of the Week: Timepieces

Daylight Saving Time in the U.S. came to an end this morning at 2 A.M.  I hope you remembered to set your clocks back an hour...

This Asian ruvry is twelve hours ahead of us which is good, because I'd ruv to be behind her.

This chick's second hands are running a bit fast, but not as fast as my heart...

Be it Daylight Saving Time or Standard Time, Jessica Alba is always right on time...

Move over Big Ben.  Big Coco is the one ringing my bell from now on...

And there you have it folks.  The IWS tribute to the end of Daylight Saving Time.  No one does it sexier.

And remember, Jay and Matt broadcast on Blog Talk Radio today LIVE at Noon EST, or if you forgot to set your clocks back, that would be 1 PM EDT.

You can catch us LIVE at Noon EST today breaking down and prognosticating about the 2012 Presidential election as only we can, by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!