Stream of Haikuciousness...When Matt-Man Develops His Spontaneous Asian Side

Yesterday on the IWS website, Jayman posted an exquisitely done stream of consciousness post.  I mean…

It was so damn well done, that while the tears of James Joyce were falling from Heaven, Jayman was receiving a call from the Ted Cruz organization begging Jayman to be their filibuster writer from here on out.

So?  I thought I’d do a little stream of consciousness writing myself, however…

Just to mix it up a little, I thought I’d stream my consciousness in the form of haikus.

So here ya go, Matt-Man’s Stream of Haikusciousness…

This winter drags on
Will it end anytime soon?
I seriously doubt it.

This Steel Reserve
Is quite tasty and so warm,
Fuck Mother Nature.

I’m off this Sunday
Facebook friends better beware,
Ima gonna drink.

Sausage, toast, and eggs
That sounds incredibly good.
So much effort though.

I just lit a smoke
I take a deep drag, and smile
Newport Reds taste swell.

Lent is almost here
I need to give up something
Bread and pasta…Gone!!

My zipper is down
I find that extremely odd
Hands were typing keys.

I bet Kate Upton
Is really awful in bed
Not allowed to bite and mar her picture perfect tits.

My last Kate haiku
Did not follow haiku rules
Oh well…suck it, Kate.

Chicken nuggets, not eggs

eggs?

Nuggets are much less trouble.
Eggs may have to sit.

I just touched my dick.
No, I didn’t have an itch
I just wanted to.

Why do people judge?
Schmoop is sound asleep in bed
And I am horny.

Thank you, and have a great Thursday…I shall spend mine saying “5-7-5” to myself.

Today’s drawer at the Beer Mine is gonna be so fucked up.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Matt Said, Jay Said: 24.7.365

Matt inhales, Jay exhales, You close your eyes and pray for the sweet release of death.

Matt: Don’t say anything funny while I’m inhaling.
Jay: How bout when you’re exhaling?
Matt: That’s okay.
Jay: Kinda weird.
Matt: Why?
Jay: Cause you’re pretty much only inhaling or exhaling, right?
Matt: No.
Jay: So you spend a lot of time not breathing?
Matt: NOOO .. Inhaling when I’m smoking silly!
Jay: Ohhhhhhhhh
Matt: Don’t say anything funny when I’m inhaling my cigarette.
Jay: I’ll try.
Matt: I need you to do more than try.
Jay: Dude. I can’t always control the funny.
Matt: Well, that’s a good point.
Jay: AAAAAAAAAND
Matt: Don’t say it.
Jay: You should stop inhaling.
Matt: Can I exhale?
Jay: I guess, but what’s the point.
Matt: Whatever. I’ll quit when I feel like it.
Jay: Whatever.

Matt: Mushroom burgers for dinner tonight.
Jay: Delicious!
Matt: What are you having?
Jay: Spaghetti
Matt: Oh yeah! We had skets last weekend.
Jay: What the hell is “skets?”
Matt: “Skets” … “Sketti” … “Spaghetti?”
Jay: You made that up!
Matt: Yeah.
Jay: You Ohio people … Just making shit up.
Matt: Schmoop and I call Spaghetti “Sketti” or “Skets”
Jay: I guess I can see “sketti” but not “skets”
Matt: What’s the difference?
Jay: “Skets” sounds like the plural of “Sketti”
Matt: And?
Jay: Did you have multiple spaghetti dinners?
Matt: Actually, yes.
Jay: Uhh … Well OKAY THEN!

Matt: Got a title for Saturday’s show?
Jay: Hookers and Blow?
Matt: Ha! And talk about ….
Jay: Golf and the weather I guess.
Matt: Well, we can preview The Master’s
Jay: Exactly! And, IDK, the FINAL FOUR!
Matt: Right! Obviously, this weekend needs Slyder Balzcock.
Jay: Definitely. And we can talk about Kevin Ware’s leg.
Matt: *shudder*
Jay: IKR? Have you done a Google Image Search for that?
Matt: Fuck no!
Jay: Good choice. Oh! Leno out at NBC!
Matt: Speaking of a whore!
Jay: Exactly! We might have thoughts on Kamala Harris.
Matt: And maybe just all the Media Whores in general.
Jay: Oh yeah, we can go on and on about that all day.
Matt: And maybe Kirk Douglas weather for the Master’s.
Jay: He can do it!
Matt: This is gonna rock!
Jay: Maybe we’ll call a few people?
Matt: And maybe they’ll pick up!
Jay: Wouldn’t that be cool!
Matt: Okay, we’re ready!
Jay: Damn right we are!

Be sure to tune into “Hookers and Blow” on IWS Radio this Sunday at 12 Noon ET!!! 

They're Coming After Our Happiness

Hola Happy People! It’s March Madness time again! Oh yeah baby! Hours and hours of college basketball started yesterday and will continue for three weeks. Or is it four. Hell, it might be five, I don’t know.

What I do know is that this means we will be inundated with stories about how much the NCAA Tournament costs companies in lost productivity. Every year it’s the same. And every year it’s pretty much bullshit. If you listen to these people you’d think that the average American worker just screws his employer over on a daily basis. According to articles written in publications and discussed on cable news channels owned by HUGE corporations, Americans are so fucking underworked and overpaid it’s just ridiculous.

Along with that, we’ll also get all kinds of stories of police departments all over the country raiding people’s homes and arresting them for running a NCAA Tourney Pool. And then they’ll act like they busted the fucking Corleone family and shut down the gambling rackets.

God forbid you should have a little fucking enjoyment out of life. If you put five bucks into a tournament pool and pick the games with hopes of winning the astronomical sum of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS, then we’ll bring the entire weight of our armed police forces down on you. Then prosecute you using our army of publicity (and higher office) seeking prosecutors with nearly unlimited resources.

Politicians love to talk about “liberties” being under assault. And while that’s true there’s something else that is under a full frontal assault in this country:

Our Happiness.

More than anything else it’s the things that make us happy, or give us pleasure, that politicians and do-gooder groups are going after. People like Rick Santorum and his promise to have the government go after pornography, Mika Brzezinski and Michael Bloomberg’s Food Police and other groups on the left who go after smokers, and on the right who go after drinking and gambling are trampling on your pursuit of happiness. They’re so afraid that you might be getting a little pleasure out of life and they’re bound and determined to stop it.

There are still others who think you might be getting too much enjoyment out of the internet and would like to heavily regulate it. Some people think you shouldn’t be allowed to watch certain TV shows even on premium channels. Hell, some groups don’t even want you to see certain comic strips because they’re dealing with subjects THEY are uncomfortable with.

These people won’t be happy until we’re all completely miserable. Oh, and until they have full control over every aspect of our lives. I swear, they make me want to light up a cigarette (or a doobie), open a bottle of Wild Irish Rose and watch a dirty movie on my computer while also watching Good Christian Bitches on TV and munching down on a HUGE all meat pizza all while placing a bet on a basketball game with my bookie and getting a hummer from a prostitute.

Okay, maybe that’s a little extreme and “all things in moderation” and some of those things are illegal, but who fucking cares! More than anything else we should be sure not to let these politicians and do-gooders take away our happiness while claiming to be “protecting our liberties”. And, most importantly, we shouldn’t let them doing it in the name of "morality"

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

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Speaking of being happy and we were, Sunday on I’m With Stupid Matt-Man and I brought the happy on “The Feel Good Show!” We talked about people place and things that make us happy. We talked about making other people happy and how that makes us happy. And we even talked about how just seeing our friends happy actually makes us happy.

Try as we might, we couldn’t get anyone to call in and be happy with us, which was a little sad, but we’re professionals so we kept up the feel good attitude all the way through. And, of course we made EVERYONE happy by having another Pee Break with Schmoop segment.

So, help spread the happy by listening early and often. As always, we appreciate your listening.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio