Hollywood's Hottest Boobs...

The IWS Person(s) of the Week are Hollywood's best boobies. I mean, why not?

Kaley Cuoco ...

Katy Perry ... 

Nicki Minaj ... 

Kate Upton 

And ... Who says boobs have be huge to be awesome? Natalie Portman ...

Wooooooooo! Boobies!!! Also, we'll be talking boobies along with Valentine's Day recap, 50 Shades of Grey garbage and other important things on "Pathetic People, Presidents and Boobies" on IWS Radio Sunday at 12 Noon ET!!

Yesterday's IWS Radio Show Was Great, But Katy Perry is Sad

Hola and Cheers gang!!  Matt-Man here and let me tell you…I am still on pins and needles from yesterday’s
exciting Super Bow XLIX, and by golly…

I am happy that the best team won, and I know you are too, and once I have a couple of pieces of toast and a cup of coffee or two, I’ll know which team that is.

Anyhoo…

On yesterday’s IWS Radio Show it was complete and utter organized comedic chaos!!

Let me tell ya…Bobby Kraft had some issues with the game of football, and Slyder Balzcock had some issues with the Super Bowl itself.

Sarcastic Sam was as usual, the biggest prick in the world until, Party Marty went off topic and asked, “Where’s Benihana?”

Katy Perry pre-emptively redeemed herself from her cartoon like halftime show by allowing her ample breasts to offer a shout out and greeting to our listeners.

IWS was entertained by a white Chinese guy, an African-American who was cut off after two minutes, and of course the lovely Mizz Lani, whose nephew was and is a member of yesterday’s World Champion NFL team…the New England Patriots.

Here’s to Lani, her nephew Nate Ebner, and Bill Belichick who can suck my ass and like it.

In addition to that, we heard from the uber-lovely and sexiest Canadian in the world Jamie Mapleleaf, and of course…

Our snippets of worst songs of the week left the world crying…even a spokesman from ISIS called and begged us to stop.  Air Supply provides the frontline to Islamo-Fascism.

There were other things going on as well, but the pizza guy is here and Schmoop is nearly naked, so…have a great Super Bowl Hangover and when you need some comfort today, just give yesterday’s IWS Radio show a listen…

Pete Carroll and Bill Belichick: Great Americans and Persons of the Week!

IWS is proud to announce this week’s Person(s) of the Week are Pete Carroll and Bill Belichick! These two brilliant football minds will do battle in Super Bowl XLIX! What a clash of titans this is gonna be y’all! Just check these two guys out…

Pete Carroll: An abject failure the first time he was an NFL coach, Carroll returned to the league has head coach of Seattle one step ahead of an NCAA posse at the University of Southern California. Once in Seattle, Carroll’s boyish charm and boundless energy helped propel the Seahawks to instant credibility. After paying free agent Matt Flynn QB an outrageous amount, Pete up and drafted Russell Wilson and next thing you know the Seahawks are Super Bowl champions and Flynn is nothing more than the answer to a trivia question on sports talk radio. In his spare time Carroll loves to search for proof that 9/11 was an inside job and the holocaust never happened. (Okay, I MIGHT have made the holocaust thing up. Not sure.)

Bill Belichick: Bill could not possibly be more different than Pete. Well, except for the being a cheater part. That part they have in common. Belichick was also a disaster in his first stint as an NFL coach. Of course that was in Cleveland so he kind of gets a pass for that. Anyway, his big break came when he was personally tabbed by Bill Parcels to succeed Parcels as head coach of the NY Jets. The day after accepting the job, Belichick flipped the Jets the bird and agreed to take over as head coach for the Patriots who had just fired … Pete Carroll! In his spare time Bill Belichick breaks up marriages by having affairs with married women and drinks the blood of babies. (Okay I MIGHT have made up the drinking blood of babies part.)  

So there you go! Congrats to Coach Carroll and Coach Belichick! You guys are both winners in our book!

And, don’t forget to tune into “Super Bowl XLIX: DesertSmackdown … Seahawks, Patriots and Katy Perry’s Breasts!” on IWS Radio Sunday at 12 Noon ET. 

Katy Perry's Breasts Speak Out About IWS Radio

Hi everyone!!  Katy Perry and my magnificent tits here for IWS Radio…I am so glad that Jay and Matt will be back on the air tomorrow after having taken a well-deserved Sunday off last week.

When I heard they would be back on the air, my nipples got hard. It’s totally true!!

They have a jam-packed and hilarious Super Bowl themed show just bursting at the laces lined up for you all. I mean like here…if you don’t believe me, here’s what their press release says…

Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio team are celebrating Super Bowl XLIX and helping you to make your Super Bowl festivities a touchdown.

IWS Radio has your Smart Car Keys to the Game®, along with insight and bold predictions from Sarcastic Sam, Slyder Balzcock, Bobby Kraft, Party Marty, John McCain, and the adorable young woman who answers the phones at the Vatican Embassy in Washington, D.C.

Jay and Matt are talking about the game, taking a satirical look at the cities of Boston and Seattle, and broadening your knowledge with fun facts about the State of Arizona. Super Bowl Party foods and etiquette are on the table as well, along with talk about under inflated balls and Katy Perry’s over-inflated breasts.

All of that plus your phone calls at 661.244.9852, as IWS Radio tackles Super Bowl XLIX.

See what I mean, and let me tell ya…When I heard they were going to be talking about my breasts, I said to myself, “Self? You should have your breasts record something for their show.”  And guess what?  They did!!

It’s totally true!! My fantastic rack has recorded a special message for all of you listeners of the IWS Radio show.  So join Jay and Matt LIVE tomorrow from Noon-2 PM ET as IWS Radio presents Super Bowl XLIX: Desert Smackdown…Seahawks, Patriots, and Katy Perry’s Breasts.

And remember guys…No matter if the Seahawks win or the Patriots win, the MVP of the Super Bowl will be my tits!!

Katy

To listen LIVE tomorrow from Noon-2 PM ET, click right HERE.

IWS Person of the Week: The American Cinco de Mayo Partier

Tomorrow marks the Mexican celebration of Cinco de Mayo in honor of the Mexicans defeating those pesky French at the Battle of Puebla in 1862, so it only makes sense that Americans everywhere will be whooping it up.

And in honor of the solemn yet joyous displays of unity with our friends south of the border that millions of Americans will show tomorrow, IWS Radio is honoring all of the Cinco de Mayo revelers as our Persons of the Week...

Much like the celebration of the the Catholic Mass and its sacramental wine, the sacramental drink of choice for Cinco de Mayo is tequila...

Nothing says gunning down a gay French soldier at Puebla like having a little nip of the worm...

Of course, sometimes the revelry gets out of hand and it's time for some authentic Mexican cuisine...

And when the party is winding down and the tequila is but a vague and shadowy memory, you can take the edge off with a Corona or two...

Celebrating Cinco de Mayo is so right, so real, so American.  Just like Katy Perry...

And if it's good enough for Katy Perry, it's good enough for all of us.  Happy Cinco de Mayo from IWS Radio.

And for more Cinco de Mayo fun, you can join Jay, Matt, and the IWS Players LIVE TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Join us as the IWS Radio gang celebrates Cinco de Mayo, recaps the Kentucky Derby, previews the 2014 NFL Draft, and observes World Laughter Day all today on the IWS Ponies, Pinatas, and Playas show.

You can catch all the hilarity LIVE by clicking HERE.

Pizza Delivery Stories

Hola pizza lovers! Matt always has great stories about the morons who come though the Beer Mine all the time. That always gets me to thinking about some of the strange people that I delivered pizzas to back in the day when I was in college and working at a pizza joint.  So, I thought I would list some of them here…

- I delivered a large supreme pizza to some dudes in a trailer who had a HUGE pile of marijuana on the coffee table.  Also sitting there was a Glock .40.  The guy sitting on the couch looked at me and said “I guess you know that you haven’t seen anything here today, right?” And he gave me that knowing “we’ll come cut your balls off and stuff them down your through and then shoot you in the head” nod.  I was like “absolutely!” 

They gave me a $5 tip.   I’m pretty sure dudes with a table full of cocaine would have tipped better. 

- I once delivered a small cheese pizza to one of the richest people in Arkansas.  His house was actually outside of our delivery area, but you want to stay friends with people like this.  So, I got up to his ridiculously large house and before I could get out of the car I was face to face with a Great Dane. 

After about a minute Mr. Rich Guy came running out of the house and got the dog and said the dog wasn’t dangerous at all.  Anyway, I got out of the car and gave him his pizza.  Turned out he had a coupon for the pizza for only $4.99 (tax included).  He paid with a twenty.  So, I gave him a ten, five ones and HIS PENNY as change.  He took the money and his pizza and turned around walked into the house without so much as saying thank you or giving me a tip.

- I once delivered to a Days Inn and a man who was probably in his 60s answered the door naked. Lying on the bed was a naked woman about his age. They invited me to come back after I got off work.  I declined.

- I also delivered to a guy who looked to be in his 50s or maybe 60 at another hotel.  Lying on the bed in his room was a girl who looked to be a teenager wearing a half shirt and panties.  I’m pretty sure it wasn’t his daughter either.  They did NOT invite me back.

- I was offered drugs and/or alcohol in lieu actual money all the time.  The problem with that was that I would have to pay for the pizza myself if I accepted.  Well, until I became one of the managers.  Then, someone would come in and offer me a couple of beers for a pizza and I would say “sure!”

- I never once had a lonely MILF offer sex for pizza.  Or just sex.  Those porno movies are terrible the way they make everyone believe that happens all the time.  But, there was a girl who lived in the apt. complex behind the store who offered sex for pizza once.  She was all kinds of messed up and my conscious got the better of me and I just gave her a pizza and declined her special offer. 

- I did have guys offer blow jobs a few times.  Oddly enough they never offered a blow job for the pizza.  The always paid and then made the offer.  I declined, but it sometimes it’s nice just to be asked.

- The worst part of working there was the callers.  Every single day people would ask if we had wings, breadsticks, sandwiches or even pasta dishes.  We didn’t have any of those things.  We were a bare bones ghetto pizza operation.  We didn’t even deliver soft drinks. 

So, people would ask if we would pick up any of those things from another place on our way to delivering our pizza. 

“Will you get us some wings from somewhere else and deliver those too?” 

“Will you drive through McDonalds for my kids on the way here?”

“Will you drive through the liquor store for me?”

“Will you stop and get me cigarettes and/or a Coke on the way?”

Sometimes we would agree to do it, but those people almost never tipped. Man, people suck.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook
@Jayman_IWS 

Red, White and Babe of the Week

The IWS Babes of the week are super sexy, talented and patriotic All-American babes!

1. Katy Perry

2. Rachel Bilson

3. Jamie Chung

4. Janet Jackson

And of course, America’s Sweetheart Kathy Griffin

Speaking of being a Great American be sure to catch “Drunk on History” at 12 Noon ET on I’m With Stupid! 

Best of Worst of Chrstimas

Hola and Feliz Navidad y’all! Since it’s Christmas, and Matt-Man spoke more eloquently on why Christmas is for everyone yesterday, I thought I would just go with some good old fashioned Christmas Lists. Damn right bitches!

Best Christmas Movies*: 

1. A Christmas Story
2. Ernest Saves Christmas
3. White Christmas
4. Fred Claus
5. Miracle on 34th Street (1947 version)

Worst Christmas Movies: 

1. It’s a Wonderful Life
2. Home Alone
3. The Santa Claus
4. Deck the Halls
5. Prancer

*Because “A Christmas Carol” is the greatest Christmas movie of all time, and it’s been done so many times, I will now list the best versions of “A Christmas Carol” …

1. Scrooge (The Musical, 1970 version w/ Albert Finney)
2. The Muppet Christmas Carol
3. Scrooged
4. A Christmas Carol (1984 version w/ George C. Scott)
5. Rich Little’s “A Christmas Carol” which is no longer available.

Best Christmas Songs (Religious)

1. Carol of the Bells
2. Silent Night
3. Little Drummer Boy
4. Joy to the World
5. O Holy Night

Best Christmas Songs (Secular)

1. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
2. Frosty the Snow Man
3. White Christmas
4. I’ll be Home for Christas
5. The Christmas Song

Worst Christmas Songs 

1. Jingle Bell Rock
2. Rocking Around the Christmas Tree
3. Anything by Justin Bieber
4. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
5. Baby it’s Cold Outside (Date Rape Anthem)

Best Christmas TV Special

1. Charlie Brown Christmas
2. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
3. The Grinch Who Stole Christmas
4. Frosty the Snowman
5. Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Worst Christmas TV Special 

1. Anything that is a sequel to one of the classic shows.
2. Anything on the Hallmark Channel
3. Anything on the Lifetime Network
4. Anything on OWN

Best Christmas Treats: 

1. Fudge
2. Cookies w/ Icing
3. Pecan Pie
4. Bourbon Balls
5. Red Velvet Cupcakes

Worst Christmas Treats:

1. Peppermint Anything
2. Coconut Anything
3. Oatmeal Anything

Okay, that pretty much covers the Best and Worst of Christmas and it’s just about time for A Christmas Story anyway. So on behalf of IWS World Media to all of you: Merry Christmas!! We love you all!

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

Building The Perfect Woman

I had planned on writing about Mitt Romney and President Obama today, but last night at the Beer Mine, something happened that took today’s post topic in quite a different direction.

A lady came through to get some beer.  She was very charming, very polite, and incredibly cute.  However…

The chick had a “crazy eye”.  One of her gorgeous eyes was askew.  Kinda like the late, great Jack Elam…

But nonetheless, and as she pulled away, I began thinking…If she were to wear an eye patch, that chick would be hot!!  And then, I thought…

Even without an eye patch, she still would be hot because there are certain, “out of the mainstream” physical characteristics that I find attractive on a woman.

While I am a fan of breasts on the more, shall we say, ample side, I am even more of a fan of great cleavage, and some women regardless of boob girth, have great cleavage, for example, Katy Perry…

Another thing I have always dug on a chick, is a big nose…Now it has to be an attractive big nose.  Kelly Clarkson has a decent schnoz that I would like to blow, and it’s pierced, which is kinda cute…

Now, right wing talking head, and FOX News contributor Laura Ingraham, has the epitome of a sexy nose…

but as I find her to be a repugnant human being, I just can’t go there, although I guess I just did.

Anyhoo...

Eyebrows!!  I dig fertile, furtive, and cocked eyebrows…A good eyebrow can say so much.  And as far as eyebrows today, I have to give a shout-out to touchy-feely, super elitist, and uber-liberal, Alex Wagner of MSNBC…

Dat chick got some sexy ‘brows!!  I want to lick them!!

Another off the mainstrean liking I have, is a woman with a gap between her two front teeth.  Who comes to mind?

Anna Paquin…

In addition, Anna is sporting some sex cleavage in that picture, and a touch of the crazy eye as well!!

So there you have it folks.

My perfect chick would have an eye patch (or not), great boobs and cleavage, a big nose, expressive eyebrows, and a gap between her two front teeth.

In other words, she would look like this…

I don’t care what you say…THAT’S HOT!!

And you know what else is hot?

Listening to Jayman and me on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio today at 11 AM ET.

We are going to do an early analysis of the looming Steel Cage Death Match between Willard Mitt Romney and Barack Hussein Obama.  It is gonna be a HOOT, so…

Join us LIVE at 11 AM ET today by clicking HERE, and remember you can always call-in live at 661.244.9852.  We so loooooove the calls from you folks.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws