Friendship....Albeit Random

Cheers Chuckleheads…

Matt-Man here on a Hump Day and I am feeling random, so…

Here are some of my random thoughts.

Does Anthony Weiner love all women except for his wife?  Or?

Is he purging himself?

If a chick on Facebook whom I have known since second grade, looks me up, sends me a message, and I still find her hot, does that make me a pedophile?

A rose by any other name, would smell as sweet….Sorry Shakespeare guy, you don’t know the Rose Harbinger of 1027 Dartmouth St., that I know!!

Will the Bengals win their division this year?  I really don’t care; I just hope we sell a lot of beer during the NFL season this year.

If I ended this post now, would Jayman be upset with me?

Probably so, but/and/or I will continue anyway, because my OCD compels me to.

I asked my Facebook friend Amy Killeen to send me a message on Facebook last night.  Isn’t that sad?

Hell yes it is, but…she did, and then we chatted for a few.  Amateurs!!

Sometimes?  I’se gots is going on!!

I have a few friends from school days that I talk with on Facebook.  One in particular, had golden hair, large, premature breasts, and the smile of an angel.

I messaged her “Hi” the other day, unfortunately, she remembered me too well and responded…

“Dude…Matt…I had a breast reduction, so just move on.”

While I initially thought that her comment was a bit hurtful, I then thought…

“You know?  It’s nice that I can leave a lasting impression on others, and that they truly know me for who I am.”

Of course she then said…

“But if you’re looking for a good time, I am the woman for you.”

I said…

“Oh Baby!!”

And then she said…

“I knew it.  You’re still a whore.”

I said that I try to stay consistent, and she said…

“Thirty years and you are still the same lovable jerk.”

To which I said, “Hey now.  I’m not a jerk.”

And my longtime friend responded…

“You CAN be a jerk, but that’s okay…because more importantly, you are who you are, and it’s better to be a sarcastic jerk than a fake.”

I was initially stunned, but then I thought…

It IS better to be a sarcastic jerk rather than a fake.

Cheers!!

mattmaiws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

I Only Wish Schmoop Was Addicted to Me

I have a kinda personal post for you today, and well, it’s not very uplifting.

In fact, it’s depressing as hell, but I shall go forth with it, because the subject in question asked me to…

You know that friend you have?

The one who isn’t quite right due to drugs, alcohol, or some undefined mental illness, but you love him or her to death?

I have one of those, and her name is Schmoop.

Schmoop and I have lovingly lived in sin for nearly twelve years now, but of late, something has happened to her, and she has become someone other than herself.

Schmoop has always liked to drink, as do I, and she has always liked to sleep, but lately?

Our lovable Schmoop enjoys drinking more and more and sleeping more and more, and where does that leave me?

In a town called, Suckville!!

Now as many of you know, Schmoop, or Beth, as she appears in our comments, is my girlfriend and has been for 12 years.

We have always appeared happy go lucky, devil-may-care, and “George and Gracie in love”, which we still are, however…

We have a drinking problem in the Bagwine digs.

Schmoop drinks too much.

No, I’m not kidding; it’s not me, (well, okay I probably do as well) which you were all thinking anyway, but it’s all about the Schmoop, and she wanted me to write this, because she knows it and/or wants you to know it.

I know, we all do foolish things when we have been drinking, as our IWS friend, Dana and I are quite aware of, but it is another thing to get to the point where excessive drinking or any kind of addiction can ruin a friendship…or more importantly, a love.

I have been putting up with it for weeks, and being the patient man that I am, I let it go.  Well, with her, not within my mind, until tonight, when I snapped.

To be perfectly graphic, I was on top of Schmoop and while wailing away, she said…

“That’s enough.”

After the awkward re-dressing of ourselves, I asked, “That’s it?”

And in a surreal, lilting voice, she said, ”Yeah, I've had enough.” (Ed. Note:  Holy Shit Mahoney, that had to hurt.)

I wasn’t pissed.  I wasn’t mad.  I wasn’t ready to take her head off.

I was, in a word, “sad.”

It was after we dressed that I asked her, “What the hell is your problem?” that she asked…

“What?”

I responded,…

“You are always drunk when you pick me up at work.  Friday nights you are asleep.  When I get home on Saturday nights you are drunk as hell.  Sundays you entirely sleep away, and now this?  Why the fuck don’t you love me?”

She said…

“I do love you, but I never noticed the stuff you are talking about.”

After I pointed out the many examples, we cried together, hugged, and she said, “I promise that I’ll make some changes.”

Uh-huh...

I know that she believes that, but she told me to post this for a reason, and that is for all of you to stay on her ass, and make her actually do it, and I hope you do, because…

I miss my Schmoop... alot.

Cheers and Thanks!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Sometimes Social Media Makes Jay Sad

Hola internet peeps, Jay here. You know, Jay is getting a little burned out so he is just going to ramble a bit today. Oh, and Jay is going to do it in third person to make it more challenging.

Sometimes Jay just doesn’t understand social media sometimes. Jay makes funny tweets that get no response at all. Like just yesterday there was hashtag game on TWitter using #badpornnames. So, being the funny guy Jay is, he went with “Julia Louis-Drypuss.” And what did Jay get for his comedic efforts? … Heartache.

No “haha’s” or “LOL’s” or favorites or retweets. Apparently Jay was the only one who thought knew that was funny. So, Jay didn’t bother following it up with “Dixie Sticks” because he knew nobody would appreciate that either. This makes Jay sad when this happens.

Do you think Dr. Oz wears his scrubs to church? I bet he does. Dr. Oz is to scrubs what Richard Nixon was to the blue suit.

Jay also brought his comedic talents to Reddit, where he is already hated, but won’t give up. On the Natalie Portman sub board, Jay saw a post about Natalie “getting back to work doing two new movies.” So, Jay commented and said “It’s about time! She’s been slacking for almost a year now.”

Again, what kind of reaction did Jay’s comment get? Heartache and down votes. Why? Because nobody on Reddit has a sense of humor. Jay got one reply and it was “Yeah, well she DID have a baby so maybe you could be a little more considerate and give her time to have the kid and recover.” This made Jay sad because he can’t believe that there are people so fucking stupid that they thought Jay was being serious with his comment.  

Mmmm … Jay loves Guinness.

You know people; nobody dislikes Chris Brown more than Jay. Not just because Jay loves Rihanna, but because Jay thinks Chris Brown is just a bad guy and his music, well, okay Jay doesn’t think Chris’ music sucks. Anyway, Jay has been noticing all the OUTRAGE over Chris performing at the Grammy’s and all the holier than thou attitudes towards him. Jay also has been noticing the very judgmental things many people have said about the late, great Whitney Houston.

But, you know what else Jay has noticed? That everyone gave Glen Campbell a standing ovation after his performance at the Grammy’s Sunday night. The reason Jay finds this interesting, is because Glen Campbell was accused of domestic violence a few times and was addicted to drugs and alcohol. So, Jay wonders why the standing-o for Glen and the tsk, tsking for Chris and Whitney. RACISM, that’s why! Jay is sure of it.

Well, after not getting any validation for his funnies on Twitter, Jay decided to try something different today. Jay went to Facebook and asked if anyone there had watched “Lilyhammer” on NetFlix. Jay thought maybe he could get a little discussion going with all the movie and TV folks over there. Take a wild guess at what Jay got from his Facebook friends? Yup, more heartache. Apparently, everyone on Facebook is ignoring Jay today.

Jay is so sad.

Anyway, Jay is starting to get longwinded so he thinks he’ll end this right here. Maybe Jay will head over to Twitter and lay down some funny for his undeserving and unsupportive followers over there. Jay could always do some Tumblr action too. But, those people aren’t much better. Jay sure as hell isn’t going to Facebook though.

Well, maybe Jay will because no matter what, Jay loves all of you even you don’t love Jay.

Also, Jay loves Guinness. Has Jay mentioned that? 

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS