The Sarah Palin Channel is Here!! My Life is Complete!!

Hi gang.  Sarah Palin here and it is a beautiful Thursday here in the greatest country in the world, Alaska.

I am coming to you here on this page of the IWS Radio website pages because Jay and Matt were thankfully enough to offer me the opportunity to promote my new online TV channel called the…

Sarah Palin Channel.

I am super excited to be hosting a streaming online and unfiltered news show online as we cut through the unmanly crap and political correctness of the lame stream media.

Folks from NBC to Fox News could never get along with my hard hitting and rogue style of telling it how it is, so I am sticking this hockey mom’s middle finger into their eye by creating my own subscription network.

If it’s a good enough way to go for my pal Glenn Beck over at The Blaze Radio and TV Network, it’s good enough for this mama bear.  Amirite!?

Anyhoo…So I have started my own network and you can subscribe to it for only $9.95 a month or go rogue and get an entire year of me and insights for a mere $99.95, because unlike all of those krony kapitolists in Washington, I am always trying to save Jack and Jill America, some jack!!  Ha, see what I did there!?

I will cover the news events of the day for our subscribers as best as I know how.  Which means…You will hear information and my analysis that is one-of-kind, unique, and sooey generous.  And folks…

In addition to hard-hitting news and opinion we will offer you reports as to what makes America great, personal stories of true American patriots, and intimate looks into the happy and God-purposed life that fills the Palin household.

We also plan to branch out as soon as those subscriptions come rolling in, and several new Sarah Palin Network shows and even movies are on the drawing board as we speak.

Teenagers from Alaska, to Hawaii, to the 48 continuous states will love our religious-based sex education show, “Re-discover Abstinence Through an Unplanned Pregnancy with Bristol Palin Sponsored by Bartles and Jaymes.”

We plan to hire Newt Gingrich and S.E. Cupp away from CNN, add Alan Colmes to the mix, and produce a political roundtable show called, “Spineless Liberal Caught in a Crossfire.”

Knowing that people need a break from the day to day insanity and violence that in we now live, we will also offer some lighter shows.

You think your marriage is bad?  You don’t how bad marriage can be until you see that sometimes it comes down to who is going to cut the fire wood for the evening, that’s why we are producing, “The Real Housewives of Nome.”  Funny has never been so cold.

And ladies…We have a special show for you…My first dude Todd will oil up and play beach volleyball with Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, and Anthony Edwards every week as the Sarah Palin Channel airs, “The Angry Sands of Anchorage Bay.”

And our first movie is scheduled for a July 2015 release, and it‘s called…Roots 2008: The Rise of the Manchurian Kenyan.  I can’t tell you what it is all about , but I know that you will be SHOCKED!!

Anyhoo…I hope you will subscribe and join my new network, because America and Americans such as yourself need me more than ever, and?  I need you more than ever, because the speaking fees just aren’t cutting it any longer.

God Bless you if you subscribe and God Bless America!!

Sarah

mattmaniws@ymail.com
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Todd and Sarah Palin Divorcing...There's Weeping in Wasilla

Hopey Changey…Drill Baby Drill…Lame Stream Media…

You know how often I have heard those phrases warbled by a voice that echoes with the sound of a toucan suffering from throat cancer? Christ Almighty, enough!!

Sorry…guess I should introduce myself. Todd Palin here, and if you have heard the rumors, you know that I am so going to divorce Sarah Palin.

Oh the wailing and gnashing of teeth that have occurred since the rumor broke Wednesday. Todd Palin is going to divorce America’s Sweetheart. America’s Sweetheart my ass…

It would be more accurate to call her America’s Trainwreck. Dear God, what a horrid human being she is.

The newly released book, The Rogue by Joe McGinnis, unfortunately, yet accurately, sums up many of her character flaws, her drug-addled sexcapades, and what a Christ-Hating hypocrite she is.

Now don’t get me wrong…I denounce Mr. McGinnis for stalking us and writing this book, but I do not denounce the accuracy of his reporting. I’d like to, but I can’t.

We were going to get divorced before, because she cheated on me with my business partner, but then John McCain wheeled up to the house in his Rascal scooter and asked her to be his VP candidate, and we did just have that retarded kid, Trig…So what could I do?

Ha Trig…Yeah, I don’t see trigonometry in his future…anyway…

All the other kids’ names are fucked up as well, and should be grounds for divorce in themselves…Piper…Track…Willow…and Bristol. What the fuck? Was Sarah snorting cocaine when she came up with those names?

At least she wasn’t thinking about the time she was screwing Glen Rice when she came up with those names, else they’d be known as, T-Rig Thug, Piperlicious, Fast Track Leon, Wil-Lowdown-Smoothie, and Baby Daddy Maker. Oy!!

Anyway…The Eski-Ho is a joke and she’s the only one who doesn’t see that…well…and a few million other ass clowns. Man, I have never understood the affection that so many folks feel for her.

Hell, screw the McGinnis book. I could tell you things beyond the coke snorting, the sex with Nubian roundball studs, and the cheating on me with my biz partner.

Sarah brags about shooting moose and field dressing them…that’s bullshit.

Oh sure she smells like a moose that has just been shot and carved up, ‘cause man, that chick stinks and never bathes in a normal fashion, but she has never taken down any wild animal other than a wolverine…basketball player.

Sarah takes what you guys in the lower 48 call a Kentucky Bath. She simply pours on the Chanel by the gallon, and hopes her inner stink doesn’t ooze through the gasping scent of the eau de cologne.

And listen to me guys…You right wing males out there who think she’s hot? Ha. Let me tell you, I have seen her naked far more often than I have wanted to.

She often wears tight jeans, trying to showcase her ass. Pleeeeease…When she takes her jeans off, her ass spontaneously combusts like the airbag on the steering heel of a Subaru…leaving one with bruises, a sulfur smell, and heartache.  But...

In spite of her of her self-absorbed, ego-driven personality, I was going to try to find a final solution to our problems by taking her on a second honeymoon to Aruba.

She saw right through my attempt at my trendy Aruban uxoricide plan, which both pissed me off, and amazed me, because the stupid bitch can’t spell uxoricide, let alone know what it means.

Anyway…I am divorcing her, and please don’t hate me. I’ve been through a lot.

I apologize for the horror this may cause in your sad, blindly believing lives, but don’t fret for me…

I am going to look up Michele Bachmann, punch her gay husband in the junk, and bust my cap in her ass.

Thank You,

Todd “Dumb Bitch’s Former First Dude” Palin

P.S. If you have any legal inquiries, litigation, or lawsuits, please contact Matt-Man at:

neshobadude@yahoo.com

www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS 


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