Gretchen Carlson Hates Starbucks But Loves IWS Radio

Hi folks...Gretchen Carlson here for IWS Radio and while the holidays are yet a few days away from
kicking off, The Annual War on Christmas has already begun.

Starbucks in their infinite, secular wisdom have decided to remove all Christian symbols from their Holiday cups. That's right...

No longer will the birth of Christ be celebrated with red cups harking snowflakes, snowmen, ornaments, nor holly leaves, and I...Am...OUTRAGED!!

On top of that, holiday travel plans have to be made...winter clothes need to be washed...

The Thanksgiving menu needs to be planned, and liquor cabinets need to be fully stocked to fuel the petty and forthcoming family feuds. But worry not my fellow soldiers of Christ.

Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio team have a jam packed show in store this Sunday from 8 PM ET-10 PM ET to help you survive the onslaught of secularism, and help you navigate the turbulent holiday waterways. Take a look...

The Holidays are fast approaching and that means it's time for Matt and Jay to help folks deal with the pressures and stress of family and travel. We're gonna give you some tips on how to make your travel much easier and more enjoyable. Plus, we know that there really is such a thing as too much family time so we'll help you out with that too.

The Holidays also mean several other important things. The weather is turning colder and it won't be long before global warming is proven to be a hoax when it gets bitterly cold and snows in the northern parts of the U.S. We'll help you prepare for the White Death! Most importantly the Holidays mean the War on Christmas is raging once again. Starbucks fired the first salvo of 2015 with their offensive red cups. Needless to say Donald Trump is all over this outrage and he'll be here to discuss it.

And it's almost time for Jay to make his annual trip to beautiful, mysterious and exotic Omaha, Nebraska for Thanksgiving. Matt and Jay have some strong opinions on Thanksgiving foods and holiday treats and we will share those with you this week too. All this plus Canadian Bureau Chief Jamie Mapleleaf and the IWS Players will be along to make everyone laugh, think and cry as always. All this and YOUR CALLS!

Sounds to me that these two studs are on the ball and are going to help us all out. So...

Join Jay and Matt LIVE this Sunday from 8 PM ET-10 PM ET as IWS Radio presents: Holiday Season 2015: The Red Cup Menace

You can catch all the action LIVE or later in archives by clicking HERE.

Jeb Bush Stuff Happens on IWS Radio

Hello my fellow Americans. Jeb Bush, sometimes known as the “dumb” Bush here on behalf of my friends at IWS Radio! You know what? The only media outlet I love as much as Fox News is IWS Radio. I refuse to watch or listen to anyone else. Luckily for me they are joining forces this week in what should be the media event of the century! Just take a look at what is happening on this week’s show ….

“Join Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio team as they report and you decide how funny they are while being invaded by the  journalistic integrity, professionalism and hilarity of FOX News. Bill O'Reilly, Megyn Kelly, Sean Hannity and others will bring you their "greatest" moments in FOX News history. Jay and Matt will imagine how FOX News would cover historical events, and of course...discuss the not-so-nuanced hotness of the FOX News babes.

Kirk Douglas, Slyder Balzcock, Rev. Moneymaker, Jamie Mapleleaf, and other IWS correspondents will be on hand as well to see if they have what it takes to become a FOX News contributor. All of that plus really bad music and your phone calls at 661.244.9852 as IWS Radio presents:  October Surprise..FOX News Hijacks IWS Radio.”

Wow! How could anyone miss out on this? All kinds of stuff is gonna happen on that show! The world’s two great media superpowers come together to entertain the masses in a way that has never been seen or heard before. I’m so excited I just don’t know what to do with myself. I would call in, but I’m afraid I would say something stupid. As you know, that’s a pretty rare event for me. So be sure to listen to IWS Radio’s Fox NewsExtravaganza! 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

OH. MY. GAWD! The anger is going to be flowing this week on IWS Radio! There is just too much stupid going on in this work and Matt and Jay just can’t be quiet about it anymore. Seriously folks, it’s time to just let it all out. It’s not healthy to keep it all pent up inside. You gotta just rant and bitch and piss and moan sometimes. Check out this show description …

“Jay and Matt love to laugh at the stupid that goes on in the world, but lately the lunacy and stupidity has reached post humorous levels and the dynamic duo are going to point out the madness, and shame it til' steam comes out of their ears.

Car problems, physical ailments due to age, drug pushing comedians, and a GOP Presdiential field that looks more like an Insane Clown Posse concert are making Jay and Matt very angry and are discussing it through their jaded and humorous eyes that are now spinning counter-clockwise.

So, join Jay, Matt and the IWS Radio gang by listening and calling in at 661.244.9852 as IWS Radio presents...Jay and Matt Are Shaming The Stupid.”

See? Are you feeling the anger? Us too! And you know what? We gonna have a bit ol’ bitch session on IWS Radio this week and you’re invited. Hell yeah! Join us and call in and let us know what you’re sick and tired of too! We’ll all feel better after we let it all out. So, join us for “Jayand Matt are Shaming the Stupid” this Sunday at 12 Noon ET on IWS Radio! 

IWS Person of the Week: FOX and Friends Host Anna Kooiman

We’re only four days into 2015 and already we here at IWS Radio have a pretty good idea who will end up being Time Magazine’s Person of the Year for 2015.

She has brains, talent, sexiness, and above all, journalistic teeth unseen since the hey day of Woodward and Bernstein.  The assuredly future Time Magazine Person of the Year for 2015 is our IWS Person of the Week, none other than the brainy and beautiful Fox and Friends anchoress…

Anna Kooiman!!

Anna knows that when covering breaking news, sometimes one must sacrifice one’s own vanity and personal naughty bits in order to grab the dirty truth of a headline…

Ms. Kooiman is also multi-faceted in her coverage of the news, as she can display a variety of emotions…

Anna Kooiman is quite the athlete and fitness instructor as well, and keeps healthy by drinking plenty of water which enables her to cover the news 24/7…

First and foremost however…in spite of her beauty, intellect, and high-profile position, Anna isn't afraid to get her hands dirty in order to break the truth about international celebrities and political power brokers…

So here’s to Anna Kooiman, our IWS Person of the Week.  She’s a woman on the rise and a woman who cannot be out FOXed!!

For more great Anna Kooiman news and a penultimate celebration of National Trivia Day join Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio team as they broadcast LIVE today from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Jay and Matt will be offering trivia questions and prizes to the audience along with recapping New Year’s Day, college and NFL football, and looking ahead to the Year of Jayman in 2015 as they engage in their Trivial Pursuit of Happiness show.

Be sure to check out the I’m With Stupid podcast! The #1 Comedy Show on Blog Talk Radio!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Best Friends

Cheeeeeeeeers all, and welcome to the week of Matt-Man being nothing but positive!!

I have recently had a run of days shrouded in grumpiness and negativity, but this week…I’m going to be all positive, all the time.. That’s Right!!

So I shall begin my week of writing on IWS with something positive, and let me tell you…It is sometimes hard for me to write positive stories, so I thought I’d begin with a topic that nearly almost usually makes me happy.

My best friend…my BFF…my PSG…The one and only, Schmoop!!

Schmoopalicious, as Jayman coined her years ago, is currently wading through murky pools of uncertainty and self-loathing because she was laid-off a few months back and has yet to secure a job.

She’s down on herself and feels she contributes nothing to society nor to the typically happy home in which we reside.  But you know what?  Schmoop contributes much more than she thinks she does.

For instance…When she got laid-off, I weighed around 185 pounds.  And now?  I am pushing 200 pounds because instead of me typically eating a can of soup for lunch before work, Schmoop makes a ginormous lunch for me. Oh yeah!!

Chicken nuggets, onion rings, burgers, omelets, grilled cheese (mmmmmmm grilled cheese)…I bet Schmoop has been sending me off to work everyday for the past 26 weeks with 800 calories in my stomach.

The chick makes a great lunch, and she is always happy to do it, because…well…we are best friends.

She also does my laundry, because…well…we are best friends.

And dig it folks, yesterday morning, we both woke up around the same time.  I was late getting to my computer stuff that I do every morning as far as posting the IWS website post to Facebook, checking our numbers, my email, and whatever, because for the first sixty minutes of Monday morning?

We just hung out and made fun of FOX News and MSNBC, harangued about how many commercials air, and listened to some of Sunday’s IWS Radio audio files.  We unknowingly spent an hour cutting up and sarcastically yet lovingly, making fun of our cat Corky.

It…was…nice, because...It demonstrated our Best Friend....Ness.

In the moment as it is, Schmoop has some self-doubt, but she should never doubt herself about this…

I do have one regret about Schmoop, and no it’s not her lack of a job, her hatred of Tammy Tibbles, or even her inability to not worry over silly shit.

My only regret involving Schmoop is that I didn't meet her 20 years earlier.

Schmoop?  Even in your current “transitional” condition, you contribute something to society everyday.  You make me smile.  There is a cat who adores you, and in spite of your failed attempts to show no emotion, you make the world a better place.

Good luck on your job interview today, but if you don’t get it, and your unemployment benefits are extended…from now on when you make my lunch, could you work some salads into my menu?

Love You Schmoop!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
My Twitter Page
My Facebook Page 

Son of God: The Movie

Hiya Chuckleheads…This is the Matt-Man, and today I am spreading the good news of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

That’s right…Just like the parishioner patriots over at FOX News, I am here today to tout the forthcoming movie that revolves around Messianic miracles…a movie so SHOCKING, yet inspiring, and never before seen on screen…

The movie to which I refer?

Son of God.

Damn right…The 20th Century Fox movie, Son of God, based upon the successful HBO miniseries, The Bible, will be released this Friday, February 28th in theaters nationwide.

Son of God is produced by legendary TV guy, Mark Burnett, and his quasi-hot, actress wife, Roma Downey, of Touched by an Angel fame…

Well?  For some strange reason, the FOX News network is all over this, and have invited the Jesus producing couple onto their network nativity 24/7 the past few days, in order to promote the Son of God movie.

I understand the network promoting a movie by a sibling company, but Jesus Christ, FOX News has been all over the release of this movie like the lips of Judas upon the Son of God’s cheek.  And…FOX’s coverage is nearly as wet and grotesque.

The other night, Sean Hannity had a forty member or so “focus group” on his show, in order to critique the Son of God film which they were allowed to preview.

The focus group, made up of diverse right-wing Christian Conservatives such as Sean Hannity himself, gave it eighty thumbs up!!

I would have thought there might have been at least one Judas in the “diverse” focus group who only gave it one thumb up, but…no.  Praise Jeebus!!

I know…I know…

FOX News is praising this movie because it allows them to sing to the choir of their demographics.  Right-wing…Christian…God-Fearing people who everyday hear from FOX News, that Christians are day by sad Muslim loving day, being diminished, discriminated against, and ostracized, because well…

The 2-8% of non-Christians in America have been, and continue to, deface nativity scenes, kick Santa Claus out of cancer centers, and have sucked the once-powerful truth serum of laying one’s hands on the Bible prior to giving testimony during a court proceeding.

Fucking non-Christian antagonists!!

I understand where Hannity and FOX News are coming from.  They talk about how that Liberal snake-pit of Hollywood has failed to release a movie about the life of Jesus from birth to resurrection since the Greatest Story Ever Told was released some 49 years ago.

Oh sure, there have been more than a few dozen movies about Jesus in the meantime, but none that have covered his entire life from manger to ascension…and like most of my fervent Christian friends like Sean Hannity and William Donohue, I too, have found that troubling.

Not a day has gone by since 1965 that I haven’t cursed Hollywood for not making an updated, uber complete, life of Jesus movie.  It’s what I longed for, ever since FOX News told me to.

Ha…whatever.

FOX News exists in order to generate ratings and revenues like any other network, and currently they are doing it by playing the Son of God movie angle to their viewers.

That’s fine by me…however, I do have a bone to pick about this movie being heralded by FOX News to be the ENTIRE story of Jesus…

Jesus is supposed to come back one day; so, the movie is not complete, nor his story over.  And if, and when, the J-Man does come back…

Will he appreciate you guys at FNC exploiting his good will in order to pump up your ratings?

I don’t fucking think so.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

The IWS Person of the Week: Black Santa

After having his very real and imaginary existence being ridiculed, rejected, and otherwise scoffed and disbelieved this week, Black Santa is here to show you that he is very real and the IWS Person of the Week as well...

Oh sure...Megyn Kelly, the latest, prime time, right-wing Fox News ratings whore emphatically stated this week, that Santa is a white man...

Unfortunately for her and her Christmas stocking, joyful Black Santa has nothing but an angry finger of "Oh no you dint" and a lump of coal...

Hell, Black Santa even has a Black Mrs. Claus...He married a former 70's TV star who feigned her own death so she could marry and live in snow laden luxury with her magical Black Santa man...

Black Santa has even given the okay to re-release an old album about him and his life in order to set the record straight...

It's such a shame that Black Santa has to go through all of this in order to correct the flippant and uncorroborated words of one Megyn Kelly, especially during the Christmas Season, but...

Black Santa will continue to travel the globe this Christmas as he always does and leave something for everyone, except for her.  When she doesn't realize why her stocking is empty Christmas morning, don't tell her.  Let her figure it out on her own...

Annnnnnnnnd while Megyn Kelly will soon be wallowing in her Christmas grief, Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio staff are having their IWS Radio Office Christmas Party 2013 today LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET!!

Sex, hilarity, gift giving, layoffs, and yuletide debauchery will be taking place from our offices in Arkansas, Ohio, and Canada.

It's going to be a HUGE show.  So HUGE, that the Blog Talk Radio staff has picked it as one of their Best of the Week.

So listen LIVE, and as always, feel free to participate by calling in at 661.244.9852.

To join the fun and frivolity LIVE, CLICK HERE!!

Yes Megyn Kelly There is a Black Santa Claus, And An Asian One, And So On...

Cheeeeeeers and Happy Friday the 13th to you all!!

I am getting really excited as I always do this time year, because there are only twelve days until my white Santa Claus brings me presents in honor of the white Baby Jesus.

Holy Christmas my friends…along with white Santa, and white Jesus, there is snow on the ground here as well.  The whiteness abounds!!

It’s no wonder White Christmas sung by Bing Crosby is such a big holiday hit.  Irving Berlin was a master of Search Engine Optimization back in the days of telegrams, phone operators, and something really fancy called air mail, and he knew how to capitalize on the whiteness of the holiday season.

However much to my chagrin yesterday, I learned that some non-Santa Colored Skin chick named Aisha Harris wrote a piece for Slate.com stating that she would prefer, that in order to embrace all of the world’s different cultures, Santa not be white, not be a man, but rather, be a Santa Penguin.

Well bar the door to white Santa’s Factory because Ms. Harris’ editorial really set the slowly grinding gears of Megyn Kelly’s quasi-legal mind into full indictment.

Legal SHEagle Megyn Kelly after citing parts of Ms. Harris’ article, responded on her FOX News show this past Wednesday…

“For you kids watching at home; Santa just is white. But this person is arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa…Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean it has to change. You know, I mean, Jesus was a white man, too.”

Ha…First of all, when I read Ms. Harris’ piece, and then heard a clip from Megyn Kelly’s show, I laughed my ass off for the same reason that Ezra Klein did, and to paraphrase him…

Megyn Kelly profoundly claims that the imaginary present-giving man who commands flying reindeer is white.

Ha!!  This is what America has become.  I mean, I would expect this type of debate within the “hallowed” halls of the House of Representatives, but among normal, everyday American people?

And yes, I know this argument and/or titanic race debate of Santa was promulgated by some chick writing on Slate and a dullard with cute hair and no soul on FOX, but Americans on both sides are eating it up and weighing in.  Including yours truly, however…

I am weighing in to say…I find it stupefying that there is a debate and WAR now raging about the physical make-up of an imaginary man,  but I find it more mind boggling that no one has asked me to settle the imaginary feud over the imaginary man that is Santa.

You see…

Santa is white…Santa is also black…He is also Asian…He is Mexican…He is a single black mother.  He is a single white dad.  Santa is a waitress with three kids, and she is a woman who has adopted a kid along with her female spouse.

Santa is a southern boy from Arkansas, a sarcastic bastard from Ohio, and the homeless man or woman who opened the door for you at the department store today so you could go in first, do your shopping, and they could follow you in and warm up before they went to sleep outside.

So to Aisha Harris and Megyn Kelly, you both are wrong.  Santa comes in a myriad of different skin colors, gestures, and Christmas wrappings.

Santa is an attitude…a fictional, yet joyful personification of hope, and an inspiration to all people for but mere moments during the calendar year.

And seriously…when that Christmas joy, fun, and happiness happens in the blink of an eye, do you really care or even remember what color Santa was?

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

MSJS: Our Cable News Debut

Matt Speculates, Jay Speculates, You shake your head in amazement.

As was bound to happen at some point Matt-Man and Jayman have now become more than just International Internet Radio Stars and have become Media Personalities and Current Events Commentators. We made our debut this week on cable news and here’s the transcript …

Monday Night: Cable News Ninny: We now welcome Matt-Man and Jayman from IWS Radio. What is your take, gentlemen, on what happened in Boston?

Matt: I think this is domestic terrorism.
Jay: Naw … It’s foreign.
Matt: Happening on the day of the background check vote? In the most liberal city in America?
Jay: Yeah, I get that, but domestics usually go for government buildings.
Matt: True, but foreigners usually claim responsibility.
Jay: Hmmm … Buuuuut, a bomb in a crowd? Sooooo Al Qaeda!
Matt: Maybe, but think about all those foreigners racing? Right-wingers hate foreigners.
Jay: Damn. This is a tough one.
Matt: I say look for white guy w/ crew cut and owns a dozen or so guns.
Jay: No way man. Dark-Skinned all the way!  
CNN: Okay guys! Great insight!

Thursday Night: CNN: With us again are Matt-Man and Jayman from IWS Radio. You’ve seen the video and the pics of the suspects, what do you make of all this?

Jay: Suspect #2 is looking pretty swarthy to me.
Matt: They’re white.
Jay: I dunno dude. That’s a big Arab nose.
Matt: Maybe, or possibly … Well, you know WHO ELSE has big noses.
Jay: Jews? MOSSAD?????
Matt: Wouldn’t that be a game changer!
Jay: Damn, yes it would.
Matt: Other people have big noses too though.
Jay: Lebanese do. Danny Thomas, Jamie Farr
Matt: Jamie Farr! Has anyone checked on him? Hmmm ….
Jay: I think we’ve about got this solved.
Matt: Well, hold on. I just thought of something. Italians
Jay: Oh dayum! A mob hit?
Matt: Boston Mayor Tomas MENINO??? Huh??? Huh??
Jay: Holy shit dude! …. Mind. Officially. Blown.

Friday Morning: CNN: We’re here once again with Matt-Man and Jayman of IWS Radio. One of the bombers, Tamerlan Tsarnaev, is dead and the other, his brother Dzhokar A. Tsarnaev, is on the loose. What do you guys make of this?

Matt: They’re white. I called that one!
Jay: Uhhh .. White MUSLIMS! Boom!
Matt: But, still white.
Jay: Swarthy white!
Matt: I’ll give you that one.
Jay: What have they been doing since Monday though?
Matt: Flew to Texas to blow up a fertilizer plant?
Jay: I like it!
Matt: Clever move by them. Quite the distraction.

CNN: Guys, speaking of distraction, I’m going to bring in Schmoop now to talk about another possibility.

Schmoop: This is all obviously a FALSE FLAG! The government did this to prey on American’s fears and use our natural instinct to come together in times of crisis and increase Obama’s poll numbers giving him the opening he needs to come after our guns.

Matt: *rolls eyes* You’re obviously a nutcase.
Jay: *head nod* How YOU doin’ huh babe?
Matt: PUH-LEEZE … What an amateur!
Jay: IKNOWRITE? I mean, I can see Muslims trying to help Obama’s popularity.
Matt: Now THAT makes sense!
Jay: Muslim Brotherhood agrees to launch LIMITED attack.
Matt: Kill just enough people to get everyone’s attention.
Jay: The cop was just an opportunity kill.
Matt: Obvs. Anyway, Obama goes tough guy. 
Jay: Muslims take the heat. Again.
Matt: Obama consolidates power.
Jay: Quietly uses new power to start implementing Sharia Law.
Matt: HOLY SHIT! We really have figured it out!  
Jay: This is some scary shit here.
Matt: Hell yes it is.
Jay: Damn, this TV thing is going great!
Matt: We’re naturals.

CNN: Okay guys, thanks for your very unique insight. What do you guys have coming up this Sunday?

Matt: The NFL draft is next we’re gonna draft stuff we like.
Jay: Yeah, Monarchs, Writers, Poets, Favorite Ethnic People
Matt: Sportscasters, Flowers, Beer
Jay: Yeah, we will DRAFT BEER … Heh .. Get it?
Matt: Hey-OOOOOOO
Jay: And other stuff.
Matt: Paul Piatt, IWS Products, Bobby Kraft
Jay: And so much more!
Matt: Totally!

So, join us at 12 Noon ET on Sunday for our “What’s On Tap” episode of I’m With Stupid!

Matt Said, Jay Said XXX.XXX.XXX

Jay speaks, Matt speaks, You listen.

*ring* *ring*
Matt: Yo
Jay: *heavy breathing* what are you wearing *heavy breathing*
Matt: Oh, Schmoop it’s for you.
Schmoop: Hello?
Jay: *heavy breathing* what are you wearing? *heavy breathing*
Schmoop: Oh hi Jay!
Jay: I’m not Jay! I’m a Mysterious Stranger.
Schmoop: Oh, right. Matt, it’s for you. It’s Jay.
Jay: Dammit!
*click* 

*ring* *ring*
Matt: Howdy Ho
Jay: I’M GONNA RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AN SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK!
Matt: Jay, what are doing?
Jay: I’M NOT JAY DAMMIT! CALL ME THAT NAME AGAIN AND SUFFERE THE CONSEQUENCES!
Matt: Jay … Jay … Jay … JayJayJayJayJayJayJayJay
Jay:  I said I’m not Jay! I’m … I’m … It doesn’t matter who I am!
Matt: You really should have thought this out better.
Jay: Bite me! I’ll cut your throat while you’re sleeping.
Matt: Well just remember Schmoop is the one on the couch and I’m in the bedroom.
Jay: Okay! Prepare to die!
Matt: Could you let me know when?
Jay: NO! That would ruin the surprise.
Matt: Okay then.
Jay: Okay then!

Matt: It’s margarita night, isn’t it?
Jay: Yeah.
Matt: Maybe you should stick to wine?
Jay: Wine makes me too mellow. I lose my edge.
Matt: Well, you could probably stand to lose it.
Jay: That kind of hurts.
Matt: How bout beer?
Jay: That just makes me all sloppy and shit.
Matt: Hmm … well, margaritas it is I guess.
Jay: Or maybe just sipping on bourbon?
Matt: That might work.
Jay: Hey! Can I talk to Schmoop.
Matt: No, she’s in a good mood. I don’t want you to ruin it.
Jay: Again, that’s a bit hurtful, but I understand.
Matt: It’s the best I can do.

Jay: So War on Christmas this week?
Matt: Saturday NIGHT at 11 PM ET!!
Jay: What side are we on?
Matt: I dunno.
Jay: Both? Neither?
Matt: Something like that.
Jay: I’ve already got some material.
Matt: Really?
Jay: Yup, a couple of reports from the brave journalists covering the War.
Matt: Always useful.
Jay: They’re like Hemingway.
Matt: I hope not cause Papa sucked.
Jay: Oh yeah, I keep forgetting.
Matt: The War on Christmas is very complicated.
Jay: People need us to break it down for them.
Matt: We’ll identify the combatants and what’s at stake.
Jay: And make fun of them.
Matt: Noooooooooo. This is serious shit.
Jay: War is Hell son.
Matt: Damn right it is.
Jay: And we’ve experience a bit of Hell ourselves.
Matt: And now we’re gonna bring Hell to the masses.
Jay: Just like Doc Holiday.
Matt: Exactly. Actually, I have no idea what you mean by that.
Jay: The move Tombstone? “Tell ‘em I’m coming and Hell’s coming with me!”
Matt: Oh. Okay then. That works. I guess.
Jay: Totally.
Matt: Alright! Another #1 show, coming right up!
Jay: Brilliant!

There you go kids. Another fun and exciting peek into the world of IWS show prep. And, don’t forget to tune in at our new time on Saturday NIGHT at 11 PM ET for our War on Christmas Extravaganza! It’s gonna be a blast!

Matt Said...

“We change, whether we like it or not”
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hi kids…Matt-Man here with an IWS Radio update in lieu of our regularly scheduled Saturday morning edition of Matt Said, Jay Said.

It’s that time of year when the Beer Mine at which I work loses one of its three social workers for the winter, leaving only myself and the owner Drive-By Mikey to man the operations of supplying Bagwine, Ohio drinkers and smokers with quality alcohol and tobacco products at a fair price.

Thusly, my hours of work have been changed for the next few months, and as a result, Jayman and I have had to change the hours during which we broadcast our twice weekly IWS Radio Show on BTR.

We will broadcast our next show on Monday November 26 at 11 AM ET as we re-cap our exciting Thanksgiving weekends and what not.

After that, our next show will air live on Saturday December 1 at 11 PM ET, and we will be discussing the War on Christmas as it continues to devastate the lives and common sense of the millions of Americans who watch FOX News with regularity.

Following the December 1st show, we will be back on our Wednesday at 11 AM ET routine followed by the new Saturday at 11 PM ET time slot.

So, to recapitulate…

Beginning December 1, 2012...The IWS Radio Show will air LIVE at 11 PM ET on Saturdays, and LIVE at 11 AM ET on Wednesdays.

In the meantime, Jayman and I will do a show LIVE this Monday November 26 at 11 AM ET.

I know this can be confusing for those of you who of the FOX News mentality, and trust me, I tried to get Glenn Beck and his chalkboard, and Karl Rove and his whiteboard to diagram this for you, but neither returned my calls, so…

Re-read each sentence carefully, and maybe it’ll come to you, and you won’t miss each action packed and hilarious moment of our upcoming shows.

I hope this information is helpful to you, and I would also like to say something else that is related to the IWS Radio Show.

IWS Radio has for the last couple of months, typically been Number One on BTR’s Comedy category, always in the top three, and the last couple of shows have topped 10,000 listens with one topping 16,000 listens.

We appreciate that, and hope those of you who listen regularly, keep spreading the word and help IWS grow even larger.

Jay and I laugh when we think about how just a few months ago, we were happy to get 600 listens and just have our show make it to the first page of BTR rankings.

So, thanks a lot for listening because we appreciate the hell out of it, but there’s one thing…

Could some of you call-in to the show when we do it?

I mean as much as Jay and I like talking to each other and are enamored hearing our own wit and charm cascade across the internets, we need some fresh voices!!

Have a great Saturday, a great weekend, and we hope to “see” you Monday at 11 AM ET on IWS Radio.

Cheers!!
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Matt-Man's Vote: Gary Johnson

Cheers Bitches…

As Jayman eloquently stated in print, his preference and endorsement for President yesterday was "none of the above", I, the Matt-Man am here today with my preference and endorsement as to whom I think should be President for the next four years.

Yesterday, Jayman set forth his principles and reasoning which resulted in a well-thought out de facto, “none of the above”vote, which I honor and understand, I however?

While close to doing the same, I am actually going to vote for a candidate for President of the United States.

I am going to be voting for the Libertarian Presidential candidate, former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson (R-NM).

“Wait a second Mr. Matt-Man, you say...He can’t win?”

Of course he can’t.

There’s no way in Hell he can win.

Rosie O’Donnell has a better chance of winning a non-lesbian beauty contest than Gary Johnson has winning the Presidency, however…

While some of you may consider the casting of my ballot a protest vote, I consider it more of a wake up vote.

And, I consider it my flash card to you that there exist more than two schools of political thought, or non-thought as it were, within this great nation of ours.

I hear Republicans saying, “You must be drinking the Kool-Aid.”

I hear Democrats saying, “You are sheeple.”

You know what?

They are both right, and they are both wrong in defending their own parties instead of defending and promulgating what is best for and about this great nation.

Political Parties suck.

Hell, the Libertarian Party sucks, but at least they are making waves and want to shake up this staid, political landscape.

YOU…The majority of the American electorate suck...and I am not afraid to say that.  You watch MSNBC or FOX News and listen to their bent, and then agree with an empty nod of the head, and/or a "leave me alone and let me agree" feeling .

You see?

Cable news outlets are not there for actual reporting of the news any longer; cable news is there for affirmation and validation of what you already believe.

24/7 cable news stations are your vicodin.  They are your dilaudid…They are your 5 o’clock Gin and Tonic.

And?  That’s what Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are.

They are your 5 o’clock Gin and Tonic, or if you prefer, your beer and a shot, or a glass of Pinot Grigio, or gutter wine.

They are whatever you want them to be, and they know it…and that is what they will always be.

Gary Johnson?

I agree with him and the Libertarian Party maybe fifty percent of the time, and for me, that’s enough, because my vote for him is not really about him nor the Libertarian Party.

My vote for Gary Johnson is clarion call to all of you, to think for yourself.  There are more than two parties in this country.

There are several parties, and best of all, there could be at some point, no parties, or in a perfect world...

There could be over 300 Million different parties in this country, with a myriad of ideas as to what is best for this country, and that is exactly what our country needs.

When monolithic group think is torn down, ideas spring eternal, and seriously...this land has had the tired old two party system long enough.  It's time for new ideas.

Gary Johnson is making that known, and on Tuesday, I shall join him in imparting just that, by voting for him.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Shut the Fuck Up!!

Leo Getz: Leo Getz, private investigator. 
Martin Riggs: [into phone with fake accent] Private investigator? Yes, Mr. Getz, I was just wondering if you'd be willing to investigate my privates. 
Leo Getz: Investigate what? 
Martin Riggs: My privates, you stupid shit - Shut the Fuck Up!

--Lethal Weapon 4

“Really?  Seriously?  Shut the Fuck Up!!”

--Matt-Man  periodically 1975-Present

Cheers Bitches!!  Matt-Man here.

Y’know?  In spite of my oft times apparently blunt nature on the venues of various social media sites, I am actually quite the peacekeeper…the diplomat…the one who looks to find common ground between battling parties.

And yet?  I, the Matt-Man, a man who has the wisdom of Solomon and the patience of Job, sometimes has no recourse other than to tell certain people to, Shut the Fuck Up!!

What follows, is a partial list of people whom I wish would, Shut the Fuck Up…

Mitt Romney...

Dude, you believe in nothing.  You have no soul and you used the tragedy of the assassination of an American diplomat in hopes of gaining political favor.  Shut the Fuck Up!!  In fact, just keep sucking Bebe Netanyahu's dick so you will be unable to talk.  Parasite!!

Sean Hannity…

Oh Dear God, you blockheaded, my way or the highway Republican imbecile who would criticize the manner in which President Obama takes a dump if you had knowledge of it.  Shut the Fuck Up!!

The Catholic Church is all up in your ass and you cry when Obama doesn’t want to spend quality time with Israeli Prime Minister Bebe Netanyahu.  Netanyahu is an arrogant thug who wants America to go to war for him.  Shut the fuck up Hannity!!

Bebe Netanyahu…

See above and Shut the Fuck Up, and while you’re at it…since Israel is a successful democracy, fund your own battles against Iran and dirt eating, rock throwing Palestinians, and Shut the Fuck Up!!  Bacon Hater!!

Zealous Palestinian Nationalists…

Quit throwing rocks and firing rockets at Israel, and Shut the Fuck Up!!  One other thing, the use of soap is not offensive to Allah. He told me so.

Libyan and Egyptian Muslim Extremists…

Gee…I’m sorry that some American nut, named Pastor Terry Jones, made a video making fun of Mohammed, but it’s no reason to storm a U.S. Embassy in Egypt, and kill innocent people in Libya.

Discover the joy of eating a BLT, drinking a cold beer, and please, by all means, Shut the Fuck Up!! And do me a another favor as well…

Could you fuckers agree on one way to Anglicize the name Mohammed, or Muhammad, or Muhamma-what the fuck ever?  I thank you in advance.  You fuckers are exhausting.  It’s the Mao Tse-Tung name game all over again!!  And this guy is not gonna stand for it.

Harry Reid…

You are as dry as the Great Salt Lake.  You have nothing to add to the national conversation as to how we can move forward, and yet you keep chiming in, so please…I beg of you Harry, stop it, and Shut the Fuck Up!!

Ed Schultz, Rachel Maddow, and the ever thinning shadow of Keith Olbermann...

Shut the Fuck Up all of you…You are all so damn left-wing biased, it forces me to turn to Fox News and what do I get when I turn there?

Heartache in the form of similarly right-wing folks like Greg Gutfeld, Bill O’Reilly, and Gretchen “I Don’t Know How, But I Actually Did Graduate From Stanford” Carlson.

They all need to Shut the Fuck Up as well.  Horrid people, one and all, and yet you know who does know when to Shut the Fuck Up?

Jay and I...

We did a show yesterday and as things wound down, and we had nothing left to say, we were big enough to say good-bye to all in a timely manner:

And that is why Jay and I, unlike the unwashed and aforementioned masses, are professionals…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

IWS Exclusive! Joe Biden's Speech at the DNC

Remarks by the Honorable Joseph R. Biden Jr.
Vice President of the United State of America

Holaaaaaaaaaaaa Charleston!! Woooooooo!

I’m Joe Biden and I’m an alcoholi … OOPS … Hold on … Wrong speech.

Welcome to Chattanooga and the annual meeting of the Democratic National Constitution meeting thingy. I’m here to tell you about this guy who has been your president for the last handful of years. He’s a really great guy, this Obama fella.

When I first met Barracks Obama I found him to be so clean and articulate that I didn’t even worry about moving my wallet from my back pocket to the front. I tell ya, I couldn’t believe what a sharp mind he had and how pleasant he was. Always inviting me to come and hangout at his home office and asking my advice about different things he was interested in and I guess had been reading about.

And then one day, out of nowhere he invited me to come to this party he was throwing down here in Columbia. I mean, how great is Barney? I don’t think I’ve ever had a better friend in my life. And while he’s better than me at basketball (obviously), there is something that normally comes naturally to his people that I’m better at …… RAPING!

What? OHHHH!! RAPPING! I meant to say RAPPING! Sorry. Hahahahaha

*music starts*

Yo … Yo … 
They all call me crazy old Joe … 
I’m just a regular every day schmoe … 
You never know what I’m gonna say 
Jump back … I’m might pray 
You think I’m easy to beat
But you’re grandmother thinks I’m sweet 
Stock up on lots of caffeine 
I’m Joe … Biden my time ‘til twenty sixteeeeeeeen. 
Yeah … Yeah .. 

I tell ya, I’ve had a great time here in Clarksville and at the conversion meetings. I love these things because I see so many of my old friends from my days in the senate like Harvey Reid who I had a good laugh with last night. I saw my very good friend Ted Kennedy on a TV Tuesday night, but I haven’t been able to track him down yet.

It’s always fun meeting like this every 8 years or so. I can’t believe how much some of you have aged. And it’s wonderful seeing everyone’s kids growing up too. Did you check Barnaby and Martha Omaha’s girls last night? Wow! They’re growing up right … if you know what I mean. *winks*

You know, one of the things I’m most impressed with is how diverse this soiree is. I’ve seen more minorities here in Canton than in all of my days hanging out in Delaware combined. Heck on Tuesday night there was a really good looking young Hispanic guy from ahem … “Texas” … who everyone seemed to like a whole lot. And right after him was a tall, very attractive black lady who I don’t think I’ve ever met, but we need to see and hear more from her, amirite?

Well folks, it’s getting late so I’ll wrap it up. Bartholomew … Melissa … now Mr. and Mrs. Obamtha … I wish you two nothing but good health, happiness and success as you venture forth into your new life together as one. In the words of Lao Tzu: “To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.”

Thank you all so much for being here. God bless you and God Bless America!

GOODNIGHT CLEVELAAAAAAAANNNNNNNND!!!

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news we pulled back the curtain on the ugly side of the internet on I'm With Stupid and what we found was down right horrifying. Check it out!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

We Took a Punch to the Gutfeld

Cheers and go to Hell you no good, illiterate, bottom feeders.  Yeah, that’s right…

I said that.

But, I was merely kidding, however…

Some on the internets through the use of Facebook, Blog Sites, and in the case of this past Monday night, Twitter spew honest to God, no holds-barred, venom with reckless and hurtful abandon.

You see my friends of IWS, not only was I the target of such hate-filled Twittergeddon on my personage and reputation Monday night, our beloved Jayman and you as well, the faithful IWS readers and listeners, were as well.

I for one was profoundly hurt and shocked.  SHOCKED, I SAY!!

Monday night, I sent a tweet to this man…

Greg Gutfeld.

Gutfeld is a moron one of the panelists on a newish FOX News show called, The Five.  He’s allegedly funny, and as a member of political-type talk show, presumably insightful.

Well in my opinion…He is neither, and well…I tweeted to him something to that effect.

We had a short, seemingly good-natured back and forth, until I dropped the G-Bomb.  I mentioned one of his fellow The Five panelists.  This woman…

Kimberly Guilfoyle.

I tweeted to Gutfeld that she looked a like a dude who is desperately trying to become a woman, and from there, things went south in a hurry.

I know.  Maybe I shouldn’t have launched such a superficial, ad hominem attack on his co-host.  That remark may in fact have been out of line.

In fact, yes...Yes it was out of line, but only because I threw that dough ball of disdain out there and Kimberly “The Carp” Guilfoyle’s devotees swallowed the bait hook, line, sinker and ran me out of line.

In seconds, the right wing, Anti-Matt tweets rained down upon Twitter and peed all over me with the fury of a delegation of drunk, catheter wearing congressional Republicans, swimming naked in the Sea of Galilee.

Oh…the…horror. I was subjected to tweets like this:

Okolehao @Okolehao45
@MattMan_IWS You are one ugly, garbage spewing lowlife

And this…

Shania Fluke @ShaniaFluke
Seriously, "Matt Man," the boredom and irrelevance radiate in waves from that shiny head of yours @greggutfeld @MattMan_IWS

And here’s another good one…

Jessica Rieves @jessrieves 21h
@MattMan_IWS Can you be more classless?! Frankly its disgusting as well shows you clearly didnt grow into your age. #NohopeforthisBigot!

Bigot?  Where the hell did that come from, but let me tell ya…it gets better.  Because I had mentioned Jayman in a tweet or two so he would see them, he without saying a word to anyone, was cruelly attacked as well.

There was this…

And this…

Wow!!  Nurse Hazelett sure has a caring and pleasant bedside manner.  Whewwww, I'd rather be treated and comforted by Louise Fletcher!!

And then my friends, a rabid and mindless Gutfeldian attacked YOU…

Mr. Mark @CarolinaShark
@MattMan_IWS @greggutfeld @kimguilfoyle You have a radio show and you have 21 followers.Your audience must be as brain dead as you. Fuck off

It’s very sad that we can’t just get along and today Jayman and I will be talking about the ugly side of the internet on IWS Radio at 11 AM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

You can catch our show LIVE TODAY at 11 AM ET by clicking HERE, and I hope you do, so we can possibly find a way to heal the wounds.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS