AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

OH. MY. GAWD! The anger is going to be flowing this week on IWS Radio! There is just too much stupid going on in this work and Matt and Jay just can’t be quiet about it anymore. Seriously folks, it’s time to just let it all out. It’s not healthy to keep it all pent up inside. You gotta just rant and bitch and piss and moan sometimes. Check out this show description …

“Jay and Matt love to laugh at the stupid that goes on in the world, but lately the lunacy and stupidity has reached post humorous levels and the dynamic duo are going to point out the madness, and shame it til' steam comes out of their ears.

Car problems, physical ailments due to age, drug pushing comedians, and a GOP Presdiential field that looks more like an Insane Clown Posse concert are making Jay and Matt very angry and are discussing it through their jaded and humorous eyes that are now spinning counter-clockwise.

So, join Jay, Matt and the IWS Radio gang by listening and calling in at 661.244.9852 as IWS Radio presents...Jay and Matt Are Shaming The Stupid.”

See? Are you feeling the anger? Us too! And you know what? We gonna have a bit ol’ bitch session on IWS Radio this week and you’re invited. Hell yeah! Join us and call in and let us know what you’re sick and tired of too! We’ll all feel better after we let it all out. So, join us for “Jayand Matt are Shaming the Stupid” this Sunday at 12 Noon ET on IWS Radio! 

Matt Said...Jay Said...Um...Let Me Get Back to You on Which Number This Is

Matt has the kvorka.  Jay has the kvorka.  You sit spellbound…

Matt:  Don’t you know it’s 10 o’clock here?
Jay:  You told me to call you.
Matt:  I didn’t say call me now.
Jay:  Yes, you did.
Matt:  I must be drunk.
Jay:  Of course you are.
Matt:  Eh, you’re probably right; I have no idea anymore.

Jay:  Y’know…Since we talked about the assholes of the world this week, we should…
Matt:  Talk about how you and I have over the years, been assholes ourselves?
Jay:  Exactly.  I mean, I’m sure the moments have been few and far between, but...
Matt:  Damn right.  We’re great guys.  Always on the up and up, but sometimes…we falter.
Jay:  Or something.

Matt:  I remember one night when I went out to eat with a buddy of mine, after dinner, I (listen to find out.)
Jay:  Ha….I once (listen to find out) to (listen to find out).
Matt:  Oh wow!!
Jay:  I know, right!?

Matt:  Should I talk about the time I said (listen to find out) about (listen to find out)?
Jay:  Totally.  Which reminds me; I once said (listen to find out) to (listen to find out).
Matt:  Seriously?
Jay:  Oh Hell Yeah.
Matt:  Damn, that was pretty ghetto.
Jay:  Oh yeah, I got some brutha in me from somewhere, mister.

Matt:  Should I mention the time that I hurled (listen to find out) at the (listen to find out) in HS?
Jay:  That was pretty mean……so yes, you should.
Matt:  Uh-huh…Setting me up to be the bad guy are you?  What about when you (listen to find out.)?
Jay:  That’s an internet rumor that I can neither confirm nor deny.

Matt:  Well, we’ll find out Saturday night at 11 PM ET.
Jay:  Damn right.  We’ll do the Jerk Store Show and call ourselves out on being assholes.
Matt:  Can we really fill that up for 45 minutes?
Jay:  Ha…You alone could fill up 2 hours of talking about being an asshole.
Matt:  That was hurtful.
Jay:  I know, but as you said on Twitter…”not untrue.”
Matt:  You keep very good records.
Jay:  That’s part of being an asshole.

Matt:  Word.
Jay: (ding)  Oooooooooo, my muffins are done; gotta go!!

So…Join Jay and Matt tonight, Saturday January 19th at 11 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.  They are outting themselves as assholes…well, to themselves because you already knew that.

To listen to all the frivolity LIVE tonight at 11 PM ET click HERE, and enjoy being an asshole with Jay and Matt tonight LIVE at 11 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

Poetry 'n' Such with Paul Piatt

Gentle and heartfelt greetings to all of you discerning drinkers of the warm and aromatic coffee of life that is the IWS website.

Renown poet and IWS Literary Editor, Paul Piatt here once again, in order to share with you some of today’s finest in the world of poetry, prose, and people.

Today during our continuing journey along the sullied yet hopeful boulevard of words made magical, and life’s pentameters made iambic, I artfully and empathetically attempt to put finger to keyboard, and apply a balm of solace to the rage that has angrily graced the pages of the IWS website this week.

Jay and Matt, as if twins of Joshua, have spent this week openly trumpeting their anger and disdain for others who practice, preach, and or exhibit less than what one might consider ideal human behavior.

I understand their frustration with the world that encompasses them.  I too, as a young man sojourning through middle America in the 60’s, experienced a similar frustration which I wrote about in a poem from 1963...

A Negro’s in Brooklyn

I slithered through the streets of Brooklyn
like the snake through the Garden of Eden.
I nostralized the greens a-cookin’
and heard a colored family screamin’…

“Greens again mama? I can no longer do.”
“You’ll get what I fix, and you’ll like it too.”
“I want a steak like the white folk eat.”
“Steak don’t grow on trees, eat your pigs’ feet.”

An overheard conversation righted my ship.
For it was then I knew…
Pigs’ feet keep one grounded.

See, gentle readers? I too knew angst and anger yet kept it in check by the writing of words, and I hope too, that Jay and Matt, can use this as a lesson in therapy and self-actualization.

I have another cathartic poem to offer unto Jay and Matt, and you as well today.

My longtime friend and fellow wordsmith, Blanche Carte has this piece of excellelexiconitry from her new book, “Riding Shotgun with Billy Joel.”  I give you…

The Angry Cucumber

Here I sit.

Atop a mound of dirt,
sweating in the oppressive heat of the seventh month sun.

A bit of water here, a tint of water there.
I am abused and manhandled as a mighty, yet gentle flavor grows within me.

Here I weep.

Beneath the August rain,
fighting the aphids, the rabbits, the kids next door.

A bit of tending here, a tint of tending there.
I am plucked from the vine like an orphan stolen from his parents.

Dipped in vinegar…Seasoned with salt…Bathed in Rosemary.

I am stuck inside a jar and when ready for the tongue, eaten by a toothless man.

My earlier anger seems trite.

I hope that my words and those of Blanche have comforted Jay, Matt, and all of you.

For now, as I travel the road less traveled,

Paul Piatt

mattmaniws@ymail.com
MattMan_IWS

Annnnnd…Jay and I bitched a lot yesterday on the IWS Radio Show…It was a good time, and if you missed it live, you can catch it all right c’here:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Taking My Anger Out on Others

Hola y’all! For some reason I had been in a pretty bad mood for the last week. I don’t really know why. Things haven’t been any suckier than they normally are. But, I was actually feeling kind of angry. You know one of those moods where you’re just begging somebody to cut you off in traffic. Or actually hoping some snot nosed punk at some store smarts off to you? Yeah, well that was me.

I get this way from time to time but usually something happens to snap me out of it. Or, I take the initiative and do something to get out of that mood. I remember one day at work a few years ago I went Michael Corleone on some of my coworkers.

I was completely frustrated with the place. Every little thing about all my coworkers and everything about the company I worked for sucked. Everybody was getting on my nerves and I couldn't get any cooperation from anyone. So, one day, in my little daydreams I took care of all family business:

The Paint Room Guy. This guy started out doing as little as possible on his first day there and got worse as time went on. Eventually he was producing at about 50% of what was expected. I listened to the bosses bitch about him almost every single day, but when I reminded them that they had the ability to get rid of him they would decide not to.

Until he walked into the oven room and the oven wasn't working properly. He pulled the stuff out of it and walked into the oven to look at a couple of things. Then “somehow” the oven door shut and it clicked on!! He was crispy bits in about 4 minutes. Poor guy.

Pretty Boy. We had this guy who thought he was God’s gift to women. He was always all over the place bothering them. Actually he was only there 3 days out of the week, but when he was there he spent most of his time chasing girls around. Again, nobody wanted to do anything about him. So I had to.

To avoid having to do his job he was building a crate to ship off a big die to be worked on. He was using a nail gun cause he was too lazy to just use a regular hammer. The nail gun never worked right and of course it jammed. When he tried to unjam the thing, it went off like 27 times right into his face. Poor guy.

Materials Guy. We had this sawed-off little prick that worked in the warehouse. He was about 5’2” and had a definite Napoleon Complex. He was always refusing to release stuff, not because he was busy or because there was paper work or any of that, but because he was just an ass-hole.

Unfortunately, a huge pallet full of extremely heavy raw plastics material fell on him. SPLAT! The only thing sticking out from under the pallet was his little feet.

The Boss. Our supervisor really didn't know much about the product of the lines he was boss over. He also wasn't very good at dealing with stress. Generally he just delegated it.

So, after he made an idiot out of himself griping at some people on the assembly line about something that he was totally wrong about he headed back to his office. The office was a modular free standing room made out of the same stuff as the cubes in the main offices.

He noticed that his computer was turned off. So he reached down and when he pushed the button to turn it on, his office went KABLOOEY!

Oddly enough after taking out all my enemies that day I remember feeling much better. And I was able to get past all the annoyances and get some things done.

So, apparently wiping some people out in my own mind is enough for me. So far anyway.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

My Missed Connections

Hola mysterious strangers out there! One of my favorite parts of the newspaper is the “missed connections” part of the personals section. There’s always some good entertainment there, and I’ve always got just a little bit of hope that one of them might be about me. This always ends in heartache, but I haven’t given up. Anyway, I thought I’d share some of the missed connection that I should have sent into the paper over the years.

- To the cool chick checking the Hunter S. Thompson books out at the library: Let’s do something decadent and depraved together.

- To the raven haired NBA fan with long legs and the San Antonio Spurs t-shirt buying six cans of Vienna Sausages at Dollar General: Let’s run the “Give and Go.”

- To the cutie wearing the knee high socks and has the pink stripes in her blond hair typing away on your laptop: Can I plug my USB in?

- To the saucy and sexy waitress at Waffle House: I’d like to scramble your eggs baby!

- You: Beautiful, sweet, wild and free. Me: Not so good looking, grumpy and set in my ways. Let’s see if opposites attract, shall we?

- There were two of you. A short blond and a tall brunette. Both play on the softball team at the local college. Let’s play two!

- I saw you in the convenience store paying for your gas and getting a newspaper. You’re a super cute, sweet Asian girl still wearing your shirt from work at Dragon King Restaurant. I was the nice guy buying the Pepsi and Ding Dongs who let you go first. I’d love to taste your Wonton Soup.

- I was the guy in the green t-shirt and ripped shorts who looked like a homeless dude heading to the pharmacy section to get something to deal with this excess ear wax problem. You were Redneck Woman in the tight Wranglers and cowgirl boots in the sporting goods area looking over fishing rods. Let me bait your hook for you babe.

- To the smoking, smoldering hot Mexican girl with dark eyes and bright smile: Let’s play Alamo. I’ll pretend to be the Alamo and you pretend to be Santa Anna and lay siege to me for 13 straight days.

- To the very sharp looking lady in the business dress conducting an important business call on her cell phone while in line at McDonalds: JESUS CHRIST LADY! GET OFF THE GOD-DAMMED PHONE AND GIVE THE GIRL YOUR ORDER AND GET OUT OF EVERYONE’S WAY! WE’RE ALL BUSY TOO YOU RUDE BITCH!

(Hey, they can’t all be about love and sex!)

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

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In other news, on I’m With Stupid Matt-Man and Jayman held a good old fashioned, yet lighthearted bitch session on Sunday’s show. We talked about things that are getting on our nerves and some things, and people, who are straight up pissing us off. Listen and then let us know if you agree, or think we’re just grumpy middle-aged men. 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

When the Internet Goes Down, My Rage Rises

Hola Bitches! Jayman here and let me tell ya, I’m not a man who angers easily, but I’m flat-out fucking pissed and Cox Cable is about to meet the business end of The I’m With Stupid Shit List. FEEL THE WRATH MOTHER FUCKERS! We’ve been without cable, phone and internet for almost nine fucking hours now and there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight.

Jesus! I switched from Windstream DSL to Cox Cable because Windstream had been going down a lot and the Cox “bundle” seemed like a good idea. But, recently Cox has been going down quite frequently. And today it fucking crapped out big time. This is BULLSHIT!

A few little fucking clouds and Cox freaks out like a five year old girl experiencing her first tornado. This is fucking embarrassing. If I worked for Cox Cable I would fucking quit before I died of shame. I can’t believe I missed that HUGE game between Western Michigan and Toledo because of Cox’s shittyness.

Or is it Easter Michigan? I’m so pissed I can’t even remember.

I guess I’ll fucking call Matt-Man when he gets home from the Beer Mine and have him set up Wednesday’s show.  And I doubt it’ll be back up by the time the show starts so he’ll have to do the switchboard and chat room alone while I call in on my cell phone. Unless Cox figures out a way to fuck my cell phone too, that is. And don’t think for a second they won’t if they get the chance, the incompetent fucks.

You know, Cox talked about getting in the cell phone business. Well, fuck that. I wouldn’t get one of their cell phones if it was fucking free. I can just see it now. I’m on my way to visit family and I’m broke down on the side of the road in middle of fucking nowhere Iowa and I grab my cellphone to call for help and WHAT DO YOU KNOW! FUCKING COX IS EXPERIENCING A FUCKING OUTAGE!

And then I’ll look up and there will be fucking zombies walking out of the corn fields as the sun begins to set late in the day. God I fucking hate zombies. Even more than vampires, and I’m sick and fucking tired of fucking vampires.

Of course, they’ll get right on that and get it all fixed just as soon as humanly possible. Which means whenever they fucking feel like it. Customer service? What’s that shit? We’re Cox Cable, we’re not into that.

Oh I know what you’re saying! “Is somebody experiencing some ‘First World’ problems?” Yeah, well FUCK YOU. No, someone is experiencing ‘A FUCKING OUTRAGEOUSLY OVERPRICED SERVICE ISN’T WORKING’ problem. There’s a fucking difference.

Besides, what the fuck would you do in the same situation? Sitting here on a rainy night in fucking Redneckville, Arkansas with no cable, phone or internet? No NCIS. No college football. NO SONS OF MOTHER FUCKING ANARCHY!! No talking to your friends who all live in the gray rectangular box that sits atop your Tablemate II. Nothing to do but sit here and listen to CLASSIC FUCKING RADIO for hours on end. It’s not a pretty fucking picture, is it? No it’s not and you know what else? FUCK THE GOD DAMN BEATLES.

I thought writing this would make me feel better but now I’m more pissed than ever. Fucking Cox Cable. Everyone who works there can eat a bag of dicks. 

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws

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Oh and last Saturday we threw a virtual Pizza Part on I’m With Stupid. We talked our favorite pizzas, I told about my days delivering to swingers and drug deals and Matt-Man talked about some of his own pizza creations. Plus we spent a few minutes with Zombie Andy Rooney. The show is getting lots and lots of action, so it must have been a good one. We appreciate all of our listeners.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio