AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

OH. MY. GAWD! The anger is going to be flowing this week on IWS Radio! There is just too much stupid going on in this work and Matt and Jay just can’t be quiet about it anymore. Seriously folks, it’s time to just let it all out. It’s not healthy to keep it all pent up inside. You gotta just rant and bitch and piss and moan sometimes. Check out this show description …

“Jay and Matt love to laugh at the stupid that goes on in the world, but lately the lunacy and stupidity has reached post humorous levels and the dynamic duo are going to point out the madness, and shame it til' steam comes out of their ears.

Car problems, physical ailments due to age, drug pushing comedians, and a GOP Presdiential field that looks more like an Insane Clown Posse concert are making Jay and Matt very angry and are discussing it through their jaded and humorous eyes that are now spinning counter-clockwise.

So, join Jay, Matt and the IWS Radio gang by listening and calling in at 661.244.9852 as IWS Radio presents...Jay and Matt Are Shaming The Stupid.”

See? Are you feeling the anger? Us too! And you know what? We gonna have a bit ol’ bitch session on IWS Radio this week and you’re invited. Hell yeah! Join us and call in and let us know what you’re sick and tired of too! We’ll all feel better after we let it all out. So, join us for “Jayand Matt are Shaming the Stupid” this Sunday at 12 Noon ET on IWS Radio! 

Driving The Storm Out

Cheeeeeeers, greetings, and to all of you panic-stricken, wetting your pants, curled up in a fetal position
while crying uncontrollably Marys out there…

Get over it!!  It’s winter in Ohio and believe it or not, sometimes it snows in January.  In fact, snow is such a common event during the month of January in Ohio, that perhaps you should be fucking used to it by now!!

Oh dear Lord…Bagwine, Ohio was in an uproar Monday as the National Weather Service issued a Winter Storm Warning for the area and predicted that as much as…are you sitting down…THREE to FIVE inches of snow may fall between 10 PM last night and Noon today.

Three…to Five…inches…people!!

The NWS may as well have said that eighteen feet of acid-enriched snow formed from atomic heavy water will cascade down upon Bagwine, Ohio cloaking the denizens of our fair city beneath a shroud of death and destruction unseen since the days long ago when the armies of Alexander the Great pummeled and plummeted ninety percent of the known world.

On cue, the fearful folks of Bagwine began storming every grocery, convenience store, gas station, and bank in order to prepare themselves and their out of wedlock livestock before the coming meteorological apocalypse arrives.

Whenever there is a threat of an inch or more of snow ‘round these parts, people think it’s 1847, and unless they make it to Jedidiah’s Dry Goods and Tannery before the snow flies, they will perish just like those poor folks did while trying to navigate Donner’s Pass.

People flip out during a snow event, and even more so…the local news outlets break out the ratings drum and bang on it incessantly, driving their moribund audience down the road to the intersection of where Hysteria Lane meets Bonehead Boulevard.  However…

The local news experts offer their audiences vital and important tips on how to survive the White Death.  Tips such as…

Slow down when driving…Leave a few minutes early…Bring in the elderly and water your pets…and of course my favorite winter storm tip of all…

If you don’t have to go anywhere, stay home.

Y’know? I've been thinking about that tip, and I think that if you have nowhere to go, and yet decide to drive around during a period of moderate snowfall and slick road conditions, you should do just that.

I mean c’mon…

Don’t let the lame stream media control you.  Stand up for yourself, and drive whenever, wherever, and under whatever conditions you choose.

If a mere three-five inches of snow keeps you from driving to somewhere that you didn’t really need to go, the terrorists win.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Tweet Me
Leave Me Dirty Messages on Facebook

So Funny it's Scary

It was yet another spookerific, spookalicious spookination of a Halloween Extravaganza y’all! Or something anyway. We had a good time not getting any calls and celebrating all the things that go bump in the night. Well, other than us cause we bump all night. I have no idea what that mean. Anyway we discussed …

BTR Problems.

Jay had a bug last week.

Could it beeeeeeee ………. SATAN??????

Beer Mine idiocy and a couple from New York up to something nefarious!

Walkin’ through the Drive Through

We moved some good product and made a big sale.

The IWS Players do a dramatic reading of Edith Wharton’s “All Souls”

Canada loses its innocence

Excellent analysis of what makes for good Halloween treats

A few costume ideas

A trip down memory lane to when Warrior Kat and Mrs Mike called in to our FIRST Halloween Extravaganza

A brilliant and hilarious interview of Dracula by our own Joshua!

The Reverend Moneymaker makes his displeasure with Halloween known.

Phil Diller brings his special brand of humor to Halloween

We hold a séance and check in with Tammy Tibbles in the afterlife

And sooooooooooo much more! Listen or SATAN will get you!!! Or something. 


                               

Tomorrow Is Ask A Stupid Question Day!!

September 28, 2014 is a HUGE day. It’s Ask a Stupid Question Day, Good Neighbor Day, and yes kids…even, Rabies Awareness Day!!

Jay and Matt discuss all of the stupid questions ever asked by themselves and others.  Talk about both the best neighbors that they have ever had, and of course, the worst neighbors.  And!! Who doesn’t have a good story to tell about encountering a rabid animal?  Everyone does, including Jay and Matt.

So…Join Jay, Matt, and the hilarious troupe of IWS Radio Players as we, along with you and your phone calls, spend a stupid day along with good neighbors in the IWS Radio community.

We are going to tear this day up, especially if you help us along with your crazy questions, and wacky calls at 661.244.0852.

Did I sound like a third-rate DJ just then?  Damn right I did, and that was a stupid question.  See how easy it is to ask a stupid question?  See?  There’s another one.

So, c’mon folks lets light up the IWS Radio switchboard this Sunday LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET this Sunday with a barrage of stupid questions.

The stupider your question, the more we will love you!!

To catch Jay, Matt, and the hilarious troupe of IWS Radio players this Sunday, click HERE.

Is It Hot Enough For Ya, and Other Stupid Phrases

Cheers and a Happy Tuesday to you all.

After a long and brutal winter, spring/summer is about to break in Bagwine, Ohio, and let me tell you...

While I am looking forward to the warm temps, I am not looking forward to the ensuing, sarcastic, trying to be funny question…

“Hot enough for ya?”

Oh…Dear…God.

Let me tell you now folks; if you are resident of Bagwine and we finally hit the eighties after the testicular shrinking cold winter that we have had, and you ask me if it is hot for me..?

I am going to respond with…

No!!  It can never be hot enough, you know why?  Because prior to this past winter, I only had a three inch dick to begin with, and NOW it’s only an inch and a half long, because I lost half of it to frostbite, you stupid, just wanna talk to talk for no reason dullard.

And now that I think about it, there are a few more sayings, bon mots, and colloquialisms that I want erased from every record, obelisk, and page of mankind which are the following…

First up, this one…

“It is what it is.”

Really Einstein?  If I get run over by a car, are you gonna come to my bedside in the hospital while I am lying drugged up on dilaudid and tell me that my situation. “is what it is?”  Dumb Ass.

“Ya win some; you lose some.”

That is so deep, you Nietzsche fuck…Perhaps you would like to say that to my kids who won’t eat this week because I put my money on the wrong horse this week.

“That’ll happen sometimes.”

I tripped and hurt my knee.  “That’ll happen sometimes.” is your response.   Hello?  Yes I know, because it happened yesterday and it has happened many times before, and I just told you that it did.

“All things happen for a reason.”

Wow…I never knew that Mr./Ms. Descartes…I never realized that the reason that I didn't get laid last night was because I told Schmoop that her ham and potato casserole was good when she was hoping for an “excellent” rating from me.

“I’m in good company when I’m with Stupid.”

On the surface, it’s a sweet phrase, however…Jamie, the one who uttered this phrase has never invited neither Jay nor I to her home.  So you see? Sure, Jamie loves us…over the privacy and the protection of the internet, but…

She refuses to have us as houseguests and keeps us at arm’s length which is kinda hurtful.  But…We still love her.

In all seriousness, (especially excluding my Jamie reference, we love her in spite of the non-invite) please…Hot enough?  All things happen for a reason?  Is it hot enough for ya?  Stop it!!

Ask and/or state these things in a funnier more creative way…Perhaps, when it gets really damn hot, you could say…

"If Ann Coulter would spread her legs more often, we’d have Global Cooling."

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Ohio State Football Fans and All Americans Are Stupid

Cheeeeeeeeers Chuckleheads!!

I hope all of you enjoyed your weekend and that football fans everywhere enjoyed their first full weekend of the 2013 NFL and NCAA football season.

There were a lot of great games, last minutes heroics, but mostly, drunken shenanigans in the name of football, and I appreciate that.

I love this time of year.  It is still summer, but the nights are sometimes cool, and there is of course, the glory and partying associated with football taking place.

This time of year is like Christmas in September and Labor Day in December, and no matter which way you slice it or parse it, those two holidays are analogous…or not.

Anyhoo…

I do have a problem with football fans these days and a problem with football in general.  Want to hear my problems with the sport and/or event that we call football?  No?

Good, and I am anxious to write about it.

Over the past decade, the number of football fans has exploded, but here’s the thing.  Many of these so-called fans, aren’t really football fans.

They are at best sunshine football patriots who enjoy throwing a party, a feeling of belonging, and at faux fandom’s worst…

Get to weave their hard life realities into the game day dialogue about “their team.”

Y’know?  That last one…the “my team thing?”  That drives me crazy!!

I don’t know about you, but here in Ohio, ninety percent of the college football “fans” are Ohio State fans.

And for some odd reason, the ninety-nine percent of OSU fans of whom I speak, have no personal association, connection, nor anything in common with OSU other than they are both located in Ohio, and like those who do attend OSU, the fans can neither read nor write.

I’m not an entirely stupid guy, but one thing I have never understood, is this slobbering, incoherent, live and die, cry if “my team” loses, mindset.  OSU fans that I know are like this, and I am sure that there are many more.

Okay so you went to school there and even if you weren’t on the team you can be an uber fan, but if you didn’t go there and are still a voracious fan, you have issues…issues with which, I am intrigued, but would rather know nothing about.

NFL fans are just as bad, and as they are typically older, it may even be a bit more disturbing…

I am eighty miles from Paul Brown Stadium and three times that distance from Cleveland and yet, on a weekend basis during football season, I will see at least three dozen grown men wearing OSU, Michigan, Notre Dame, Bengals and/or Browns jerseys etc…

And I say to myself…

“Self, why are there jersey wearing adult men and women crying over a loss and celebrating over a win with which they had nothing to do…other than to watch others do it?”

See?  It’s okay to wear a tasteful T-Shirt or what not in order to show some subtle and tasteful support fro a team, but when a grown person wears a jersey, it only exacerbates that abnormal thought in their head that they are part of the team.

So please, stop it.  It’s getting out of hand.

I actually read on Facebook this week a comment from a Steelers fan commenting to one of his friends…

“Don’t talk to me until your team has won five Super Bowls like mine has.”

I am sure….well, I hope he was joking…but it was the, “I am actually on the team” feel in his comment that gave me a case of the goo.

The worse thing is, this fanatic feeling of rooting for and wanting to win, has invaded our psyche, the governing of our nation, and the political discourse that takes place in the media.

Listen to Sean Hannity, Rachel Maddow, The Five, and Chris Matthews on TV for a couple of days, and you’ll find…

They are just like an Ohio State football fan, they don’t care why, or what has to happen to make it so; they just want to win.

Because winning and being like everybody else, and better who they think themselves to be individually, is far more important than due diligence and common sense.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS
My Facebook Page

And why you chew on that bone of sunshine, you can listen to IWS Radio…Jay and I had a masterpiece of a show going yesterday…AND our uber-lovely friend from Canada, Jamie, was so taken with us, she called in TWICE!!

                                   

Justin Bieber is a Dumbfuck

"Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber."

--Justin Bieber

“Justin Bieber is an unaware, stupid, and shallow corporate dumbfuck.”

--Matt-Man

Y’know?

I don’t often comment about celebs and their IQs whether they be high or in today’s case, incredibly low, but Justin Bieber has set the high jump bar of human intelligence to six inches…okay maybe four…or two.

Ha…Justin Bieber made the aforementioned remark when he visited Anne Frank’s house, but Justin Bieber hasn’t a clue as to who Anne Frank is or what she represents, and if he comes out and says he misspoke, he’s lying.

The little, effeminate Canadian dude has been nothing more than a, “pre and barely pubescent quasi-gay guy, who can appeal to teen girls” music corporation without feeling, teaching, or personal experience, for years now.

And he digs it, and of course who wouldn’t; I mean, I’d love to make his millions, but man…how can a person go through life being so fucking stupid, and not care?

And in addition to hoping that the late Jewish girl Anne Frank would be a Belieber in spite her death at the hands of the Nazis, he is touting debit cards for teens!!

Yep, that’s right…

(Bieber) inked a lucrative deal with BillMyParents to endorse its teen-focused SpendSmart prepaid card, for which he is reportedly being paid $3.75 million for a 14-month contract, plus monthly royalties linked to the growth of the card, and an option to buy two million SpendSmart shares. --FOX News

Justin Bieber is nothing more than a non-musical piece of corporate shit.  A pretty boy, with pretty hair, who is transgender, and can fill the seats…be they in a concert hall or a credit card blitz.

Sad…and you know why?

Maybe The Biebs (I hear he likes to be called that) has some talent…but how can one see it, feel it, or hear it, above all of  the corporate handling and money changing!?

Y’know, though…the worst thing is…

Bieber doesn’t know who the Hell Anne Frank was.  And sadly, neither do the people who sent him to Anne Frank’s home.  They just wanted some publicity for their meal ticket, and for whatever reason, Anne Frank is 1940’s cool with the Biebs’ generation of  sexually and musically confused guys and gals.

Here’s the thing, I can totally see me or the Jayman making an IWS promo involving Anne Frank, but you know what…We know who she is and what happened and it would be satirical.

You on the other hand, Mr. Teen Age Canadian of Ambiguous Sexual Persuasion, try to praise, yet unfortunately offend the legacy of Anne Frank, because, well…you’re stupid and always will be.

The worst thing is…you are probably sitting in a posh hotel room somewhere, and you don’t give a fuck.

After all, you didn’t know who Anne Frank was before you “visited her”, why should you care now?

And yesterday?  Pfffffft...Jay and I kicked off Sarcasm Awareness Week on BTR.  Our Radio show was jacked and/or hammed or whatever they call it it now, but seriously?  You should listen...

Be sure to check out the I’m With Stupid podcast! The #1 Comedy show on Blog Talk Radio!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Cheers!! Matt-Man mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Khunt...Say it...It's Funny

Cheers y’all!!

Seems that some folks are in an uproar over the satirists at The Onion for referring to 9-year old actress Quvenzhané Wallis as a, “cunt.”

Many people are OUTRAGED and have asked for the writers to RESIGN, IMMEDIATELY!!

Let’s get into the crux and impetus of the matter of said “offensiveness” today of a couple of words, shall we? Cool.

Let’s take a look at the word, “cunt”…

Pfffffft. Big deal. You know where the word comes from?

Cunt means, vagina or vulva, etc. It is clearly derived from words from many ancient Indo-European, Hittite, Sanskrit, and Latin-based Romance languages.

Even Chaucer used it in a well accepted sense in, The Canterbury Tales (The Miller’s Tale, line 90, "queynte") to describe the vagina.

It’s been around for centuries, but exactly what happened?

Someone, no doubt a cunt woman, decided along the way (and in lieu of brevity I am not going to get into the details) that the word, in spite of its history and etymology, was a derogatory term for a woman.

Whatever…

Most women I know do have a vulva, but if that upsets you…Have at it, but most men want it, you control it, and you’re not enjoying the full power of your cunt.

Now, let us turn our attention to the word, “nigger”. “Haaaaaaaaaghast. No he didn’t!!?” Yeah, I said that.

This word comes from Latin (niger) and a Spanish derivative (negro) meaning black. It was for centuries, merely a colorful adjective.

It referred to dark-skinned people, mainly Africans. But guess what happened?

Someone, probably some black bitch er... cunt...er African-American decided along the way, that the term, in spite of its history and etymology, is a derogatory word for people of dark skin and/or African descent.

Whatever…

I know…I know...It's offensive because “black” people aren't all black or, “niger."

Yeah, well white folks aren’t all white. Some are pasty white, pale, and/or more of a peach color or variations thereof.

Whatever…

It’s just a general description, people!! Does that really annoy you? If it does? Have at it, and revel in your racial superciliousness.

Listen, I am not advocating the use of the aforementioned words, but try this…

If a person calls you a cunt, just laugh and say, “Yeah, I have one and you’ll never get it.”

If someone calls you a nigger, just laugh and say, “You are very observant.”

My point is this…

Derogatory terms are only derogatory if we lend them credence.  If one believes in him or herself, these words shouldn't have any effect.

In fact, if someone directs either of these terms at you in an angry sense, you probably don’t give a shit about that person anyway.

People who use terms in an attempt to elicit an angry response are prime examples of this adage:

“The greater the ignorance, the greater the dogmatism.”

If we react in an angry way towards the slings and arrows of those types of slurs, we devolve into a level of their ignorance, especially if their words are baseless.

If however, we believe in ourselves, walk away, and without response, realize that we are good people…

Over time, those words used in a derogatory fashion will lose their effect, and much like the original meaning of those words, will fade into the past.

But let me tell you…When Quvenzhané Walli had her name read as a Best Actress nominee  She yukked it up and clapped for herself like a little school girl, and well... acted like a cunt.  A nigger cunt at that.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Quit Being So Difficult

Hola y’all! You know what really annoys me? The new trend here in Redneckville of people in Walmart walking along beside their cart holding onto the side of it and pulling it along with them. Way to take up the whole fucking isle assholes. Anyway, that’s not what I’m talking about today. I’m gonna talk about the annoying habit people have of acting as it they’re entitled to a different cuisine every night. Here’s a hypothetical type situation to show you what I mean…

Me: Hey! Let’s get some dinner?
Friend: Sure, sounds great.
Me: What do you want?
Friend: Oh anything is cool with me. Just whatever.
Me: Okay, how ‘bout Chinese?
Friend: Yeah, I don’t really like Chinese.
Me: Why didn’t you say so?
Friend: I didn’t think you’d suggest Chinese.
Me: But, you could have said “Anything but Chinese.”
Friend: I just thought I’d roll the dice on that one.
Me: Okay, not problem. How ‘bout burgers?
Friend: I had a burger last night.

Now, this is when things get really dicey. When did we become so damn spoiled that we simply will not have the same thing two days in a row? Are we THAT entitled? Do we have some God-given right to have a variety in our meals and never have to double up? What’s worse is that people who do this have never think twice about having leftovers the next day at home or grabbing a cold slice of pizza from the night before and having it for breakfast. Why pretend to be so pretentious about this shit with your friends?

And just because you had Mexican last night doesn’t mean you can’t have Mexican tonight! So you had a quesadilla yesterday? Big deal! Have chimichanga today. What’s so difficult about that? Mexicans have Mexican food almost every single day. They don’t bitch about it.

Or maybe you had Eggplant Parmigiana last night. Have the Chicken Marsala tonight! It won’t hurt you. It’ll be delicious. Italians do shit like this all the time. And, like Mexicans, they don’t bitch about it either, which is amazing because Italians pretty much bitch about everything.

Hell, A BILLION Chinese have Chinese food two or three times a day, every single day of their lives. They don’t DEMAND something different every night. They don’t ask to mix it up and not have the same thing twice in a row, or twice in a week. Hell, I could have Peking Duck several nights in a row without any complaint whatsoever. Love the crispy skin!

Basically people, if someone asks where you want to go for lunch, don’t say “Oh anywhere you want is fine with me” if it isn’t. See, despite my love of Asian women, I’m not a fan of Chinese food. So, if I’m asked if I have a preference, I’ll say “Anything but Chinese is great” because it is. But, if they don’t ask for a preference and they go to a Chinese place, I will be able to find something I can live with and won’t complain. That’s just the considerate kind of guy I am.

Of course, there’s another annoying person in this situation too. I’m talking about the guy who says “Hey let’s go to breakfast (or lunch or dinner), I’m paying. Wherever you want to go is good with me dude.” And then you get someplace and he’s like “Damn, this is a pretty expensive place. I was thinking Waffle House instead of Bob Evans.”

Don’t be either of these people y’all. Just suck it up, order something yummy and have fun assholes.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

The Ritual of Stupid

Cheers Bitches!!  This is a well-rested Matt-Man coming at you on this glorious Friday.

I know, I know.  I can hear some of you saying, “It’s about time today’s post was up, asshole.”

Well, I fell asleep early last night.  I don’t mean that I went to bed early.  Noooo.  I was on the couch after devouring a couple of delicious Schmoop Burgers and the next thing I know, it’s 3:36 AM and the Matt-Man has to pee.

Yep, after a an exhausting day and indeed entire week of work at the Beer Mine, I simply fell asleep early.

From last Friday to when I leave the Beer Mine tonight at 9, I will have put in 69 hours over that span.

I know, I know.  I can hear some of you saying...


“Poor Matty-Boy, suck it up asshole.  People drive through, you get them their beer, and they drive off.  How the hell hard can that be fancy boy?”

If only it were that easy…if only it were.

First of  all prior to people getting their beer and driving off, there is an incredibly mentally draining ritual that takes place.

First the customer says to me, “I don’t know what I want.”

The consumer then has to do some comparative shopping by asking the price on every Goddamn item in the damn place.

After deciding, my skin crawls as I hear from said consumer, “Let me see if I have any money.”

After finding their money, I tell them that it comes to $22.67, I get their shit, bring it to them, and am always met with the same question…

“How much did you say that was again?”

As they slowly and methodically pull bills from their wallet and then finish their conversation with their passenger, I am finally handed $22.00, and then I hear…

“I know I got sixty-seven cents in here somewhere.”

Seven cars backed up behind the car in question later, I am handed a sixty-seven cent combination of hot dimes, sticky nickels, and Canadian pennies.

I go to the register to put the money in it and they begin to drive off, however; when I come back out, I find that they have stopped and I hear…

“Hey, I didn’t see that you had chips.  I want some chips but I don’t know which ones…”

And 15 cars backed up behind the car in question later, the entire ritual begins anew.

Take me now Jesus, take me now…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Glenn Beck is an Asshole and So is Sean Hannity...And? You Are Too, At Times

Yesterday, Jayman did a post about how each and every person should be him or herself, and should go all the way, and how perhaps, he and I should go “all the way” during our radio show.

The following is one comment among many that his treatise received…

“I've always assumed y'all were going for the Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Howard Stern (throwing that last one in there just to appease y'all) type "shock" radio. Intentionally and knowingly over the top.”

--Dana

As Jayman wrote the post, I did not respond to Dana’s comment, so I will now, as we conclude our week of angst and philosophical discussions here on IWS.

Is Dana serious?  Did she really think that Jay and I wanted to do a radio show based on Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity, and Stern?

First of all, our clandestine plan to take over social media went like this….

Jay:  You still want to do a radio show?
Matt:  Yeah…that’d be cool.
Jay:  Okay…let’s do it.

And thus a dream was born, and the world was never the same.

Jayman and I are nothing like those idiots.

First of all, unlike those aforementioned ass clowns, we actually are funny, and secondly, and maybe more importantly to some, we are exponentially more factual.

Jayman and I do not make shit up unless we are doing our Molotov Mocktails, which if anyone has half a brain knows we are making up.

We don’t lie; we speak the truth, and we just happen to make it so sincere and funny at times that it comes out as, “going over the top.”

Jayman and I are who we are.

We are not the right or left wingers like Hannity, Limbaugh, or Maddow who can find no fault in their own ideology, and we are not Stern, who thinks talking to a different naked woman every day for twenty years is funny.

We are just ourselves.

We are just Jayman and Matt-Man who aspire to make fun of ourselves, bad parents, politicians, anyone else in this world who fucks up with no regret, and drool over hot babes…

We are that simple, and…we are that brilliant.

Annnnnnnnd…maybe we will let loose, and won’t that be something?

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

Life Has Ups and Downs

Hola! How y’all doin’? Good. Man, there isn’t much going on these days. Oh sure, there’s lots happening in the world, but sometimes I just don’t give a shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, I figured you did. So, once again I’ll just meander a bit.

Last week I was at the store buying a few necessities. I got a green pepper, an onion, a can of crushed tomatoes, a can of red kidney beans and some kielbasa. After scanning each of the items, the lady running the register looked at me and said “Red Beans and Rice?” I told her “Oh yeah!” and she replied that she “luuuuuuuuuuuuvs” red beans and rice.

Of course, I immediately proposed to her. Any chick that loves red beans and rice is alright with me. But, she says she isn’t into commitment and has no desire to marry anyone. I can totally respect that and appreciate her honesty. You don’t find that too often these days. Not in this economy.* Anyway, I guess I’m back to my current plan of dying alone.

Earlier today, while I was minding my own business trying to do some guerrilla marketing to push I’m With Stupid podcast I heard a golf ball bang off my neighbor’s door and then mine and then theirs again. This type of thing happens a few times a year. It’s the risks of living on a golf course here at the palatial estates.

So, I took a look out the window and saw a guy on the third tee box hitting and he had the absolute worst swing I’ve ever seen. So, while he was getting another ball out of his bag (he shanked the shot into the water) I ran and got my camera. I turned it on and was just about to video tape his hilarious swing and my camera shut off and said “change batteries.”

Man, story of my life. I go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.

Oh look! There’s that ridiculous Buick commercial starring Shaquille O’Neal? I hate that commercial. Do they really think we’re gonna believe he drives a Buick. Actually, they probably do. And, now that I think about it there probably are a bunch of people who do believe it. What a bunch of stupid idiots.

Aren’t all idiots stupid? I guess they are. I could look it up, but I’m just going to assume that an idiot is also stupid, which probably means I’m a stupid idiot too since I said it. This is actually one of my biggest fears. I make fun of people for being so stupid so much mostly because I’m afraid I’m one of ‘em. Kind of like how most men who think calling another guy “gay” is the ultimate insult are probably closet cases. Or something like that.

Damn, I’m almost at 500 words and I just now started getting deep and shit. Oh well, I’ll have to worry about that stuff some other time. Gotta keep blog posts short. I know how busy you guys all are.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

*I know that didn’t really make any sense, but I’m trying to use “not in this economy” to explain people’s actions as often as I can.