Covfefe, Camping, And Fallen Comrades

This past Sunday, the IWS Radio team celebrated summer and Memorial Day with robust covfefe.


We also had a Trumpkin call-in and viciously attacks us and after toying with him, we dismissed him with extreme prejudice.


It's a laugh a minute so give it a listen!!

2014 Summer Horoscope with Lana Jouray

Hello guys and dolls...Astrologer to the famous international internet radio stars Lana Jouray here, and Summer 2014 officially begins this Saturday so…

Let’s hop aboard my sexy and neatly trimmed astral plane and see what the stars are cooking up for you during the hotness of Summer of 2014.

Aries (March 21-April 20)

While two lesser charges against you are dropped, your plea of “not guilty by reason of having been served cold fries” falls upon deaf ears as the jury finds you guilty of gunning down a cashier, a cook, and the manager at your local McDonald’s.

Taurus (April 21-May 21)

You have always, and literally, lived by the rule, “a penny saved is a penny earned”; however, after eight years, your financial planner is finally going to kick your ass for bringing him so many God Damned Pennies!!

Gemini (May 22-June 21)

You always expected, anticipated, and ultimately knew that some day you would rise to the top, but you never foresaw that it would be the result of falling into a giant vat of flour and yeast while touring a state-of-the-art bakery in Helsinki.

Cancer (June 22-July 23)

The euphoria you feel in late May after being elected President of Belize is quickly replaced by the fear and gunshot wounds you experience during the military coup that transpires in August.

Leo (July 24-August 23)

After years of sobriety you fall off the wagon.  The most unfortunate thing about this, is that you will fall off the wagon while drunkenly parking it atop the Empire State Building.

Virgo (August 24-September 23)

Remaining true to your astrological sign of the virgin, you will not get laid at any point during the entire year.

Libra (September 24-October 23)

Your career in journalism comes to an abrupt end when you realize that after ten years of tossing newspapers from your bike to the doors of thousands of avid readers, your rotator cuff is just…plain…shot.

Scorpio (October 24-November 22)

Scorpios are very proud and bold people, that is why you will continue to walk down Main Street everyday naked.  Of course…being the Chief of Police of Nudetown, makes it okay.

Sagittarius (November 23-December 22)

You will find that developing a self-induced, life-threatening disease is a good way to get people to pay attention to you to the otherwise fun-filled days of summer, but only for this summer…and this summer only.

Capricorn (December 23-January 20)

You are forever shamed when your Home Owners Association strips you of the, “Home of the Year” award after discovering that you used performance enhancing rugs.

Aquarius (January 21-February 19)

You’ll soon discover that “livin’ in a van down by the river” isn’t all that bad…provided it’s summertime and the catfish are biting.

Pisces (February 20- March 20)

You will feel vindicated when Rep. Michele Bachmann’s husband Marcus, finally comes out of the closet and confirms his gayness of which you suspected. Unfortunately, you will also be very disturbed when you see that it is your closet out of which he comes.

Happy Summer of 2014 Everyone!!

May the stars shine down upon you,

Lana Jouray

Memorial Day 2014...Let's Party Somberly

This weekend in Bagwine, Ohio as well as throughout this great nation of ours…

Memorial Day Weekend will be giving birth to the long awaited season of warm sunny days, starlit nights, and profound reverence for America.

The sidewalks of Main Street USA will be lined with Chinese-made American flags, bemused children, hung-over parents, and patriotic lookers on-ers, as America celebrates her fallen soldiers, sailors, and Marines with dignity and honor in the form of out of tune H.S. marching bands, glad handing political hacks, and old men in fezzes driving clown cars, because…

Nothing says, “here’s to those who gave all on the beaches of Normandy”, quite like old, mothball smelling men wearing Devo hats, while driving shiny, happy Go-Karts!!  And then…

After Taps has been played and the “Amens” have all been said...

Mom will be off to the Memorial Day Sale at Macy‘s, and Dad will educate his son in the art of the deal, as he attempts to strike a good price on a new car by negotiating with a guy on stilts dressed as Uncle Sam at the local Buick dealership.

After that...The somber events of the mourning and reflection, must of course be balanced with a little fun.

Private and public swimming pools everywhere will be littered with splashing children and older pedophile types as the chlorine and pool filter systems work overtime in order to keep the urine and E. coli within acceptable levels.

As the day turns into early evening, a rebel family in Kansas will be having a blast playing with the last known set of "dangerous" illegal JARTS, while elsewhere in suburban America...

The beers will be popped open, the grills fired up, and kids will play croquet wearing chest protectors and bike helmets.

As the sun wanes, and the adults are left to their own devices…

A guy named Hank will pork his new neighbor Leon’s comely wife Ashanti, as Leon lies face down, passed out on a grill of hot coals, as he drank too much while grilling steaks in order to impress his new white friends in a neighborhood that was once “off limits” to “his kind”.

As dusk turns to night, the memories of the fallen laid to rest, and the DUI Checkpoints closed down, America will sleep well knowing that it is fucking amazing that we have somehow managed to last this long as a nation.

But then again…You know what the most amazingly patriotic thing to do for Memorial Day Weekend would be?

Listen to Jay, me, and the IWS Radio Players LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio as IWS Radio presents, Grillin’ and Chillin’ With Controversial Ingredients.

In addition to honoring our fallen soldiers, we will somberly and soberly be talking about beer, summertime fun, and the most important thing about Memorial Day…cooking-out, and what are the best things to grill and chill with.

So there you have it America.  Honor the fallen and listen to IWS Radio this weekend, because if you do not?

You hate America, hate Macy’s, and hate the American automobile industry.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Tweet Me
Facebook Me

Is It Hot Enough For Ya, and Other Stupid Phrases

Cheers and a Happy Tuesday to you all.

After a long and brutal winter, spring/summer is about to break in Bagwine, Ohio, and let me tell you...

While I am looking forward to the warm temps, I am not looking forward to the ensuing, sarcastic, trying to be funny question…

“Hot enough for ya?”

Oh…Dear…God.

Let me tell you now folks; if you are resident of Bagwine and we finally hit the eighties after the testicular shrinking cold winter that we have had, and you ask me if it is hot for me..?

I am going to respond with…

No!!  It can never be hot enough, you know why?  Because prior to this past winter, I only had a three inch dick to begin with, and NOW it’s only an inch and a half long, because I lost half of it to frostbite, you stupid, just wanna talk to talk for no reason dullard.

And now that I think about it, there are a few more sayings, bon mots, and colloquialisms that I want erased from every record, obelisk, and page of mankind which are the following…

First up, this one…

“It is what it is.”

Really Einstein?  If I get run over by a car, are you gonna come to my bedside in the hospital while I am lying drugged up on dilaudid and tell me that my situation. “is what it is?”  Dumb Ass.

“Ya win some; you lose some.”

That is so deep, you Nietzsche fuck…Perhaps you would like to say that to my kids who won’t eat this week because I put my money on the wrong horse this week.

“That’ll happen sometimes.”

I tripped and hurt my knee.  “That’ll happen sometimes.” is your response.   Hello?  Yes I know, because it happened yesterday and it has happened many times before, and I just told you that it did.

“All things happen for a reason.”

Wow…I never knew that Mr./Ms. Descartes…I never realized that the reason that I didn't get laid last night was because I told Schmoop that her ham and potato casserole was good when she was hoping for an “excellent” rating from me.

“I’m in good company when I’m with Stupid.”

On the surface, it’s a sweet phrase, however…Jamie, the one who uttered this phrase has never invited neither Jay nor I to her home.  So you see? Sure, Jamie loves us…over the privacy and the protection of the internet, but…

She refuses to have us as houseguests and keeps us at arm’s length which is kinda hurtful.  But…We still love her.

In all seriousness, (especially excluding my Jamie reference, we love her in spite of the non-invite) please…Hot enough?  All things happen for a reason?  Is it hot enough for ya?  Stop it!!

Ask and/or state these things in a funnier more creative way…Perhaps, when it gets really damn hot, you could say…

"If Ann Coulter would spread her legs more often, we’d have Global Cooling."

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Help With Facebook Comments

Hola y’all! You know, social media can be pretty complicated, especially Facebook. Some people post so often and such a variety of stuff that sometimes you just don’t know what to say in the comments. Sure, the vast majority of the time all you need to do is “like” someone’s status update, but sometimes it’s necessary to actually say something.

So, I’ve decided to make a list of comments that you can just copy and paste as needed. This way you don’t have to stop and think of something to say and can keep on scrolling and sending out game requests…

- FAKE!

- Oh BullSHIT!

- Eww

- Well if it’s on the internet, it MUST be true.

- How YOU doin’ huh baby?

- LOL!

- My deepest condolences to you and your family.

- Outstanding! You really nailed the contrast on that one.

- People! They’re the worst!

- What a cute kid!

- You're a hot mess! 

- Congrats!

- WTF is wrong with him/her? (Editor’s Note: You’ll almost ALWAYS use “him” in this reply.)

- Oh that’s a bummer!

- That looks delicious!

- Woo-Hoo!

- That’s hot.

- Nice legs.

- Way to go!

- Loser

- You know what? Fuck you!

- Passive aggressive post is passive aggressive.

- HA! Well done!

- Nice Ass

- Fuck that.

- I love you.

- It’s always something, isn’t it?

- Do I know you?

Well, there you go. This should cover most situations for ya. You’re welcome.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, on IWS we talked about travelling, road trips, summer fun and more this week! We also checked in with Party Marty up in Put In Bay, Ohio, Billy the Kid down at the Beer Mine, and then a special call from Seal Coat Guy! Totally check out the Ratchet Summer Show!

Listen to internet radio with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

IWS Babe of the Week...We Go Goo-Goo for The Go-Go's

Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio gang will be on the air LIVE today from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio celebrating summertime fun, and few people exemplify and personify summertime fun more than the Go-Go's...

First up, the sultry singer who knows how to fondle a microphone, Belinda Carlisle...

Supplying the hot licks on lead guitar is Charlotte Caffey.  Talk about a sexual fret...

Who's got the beat?  Drummer Gina Schock gots the beat.  She can beat me anytime she'd like...

Every band needs a soulful rhythm guitarist and diminutive dominatrix Jane Wiedlin, can stroke the strings...

Bassist Kathy Valentine could be my Valentine every day of the year.  She is just...plain...sexy...

Put these hot babes together and what do you get?  A wet and smokin' hot vacation...

And that is what Jay, Matt, and IWS Radio will be doing today...Celebrating vacations and all things summer. So listen to IWS Radio LIVE today from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.  It's going to be funny, exciting, and HOT just like summer and just like your hosts.

You can catch all the hilarity by clicking HERE and as always, you can call in at 661.244.9852. 

Matt Said, Jay Said Uno Dos Tres Cuatro

Matt talks, Jay talks, You listen.

Schmoop: Hiaya!
Jay: Huh .. Uh … What are you wearing?
Schmoop: A t-shirt .. AND NOTHING ELSE!
Jay: Whoa!
Schmoop: Hello?
Jay: *heavy breating*
Schmoop: Are you there?
Jay: *grunts* …. *more heavy breating*
Schmoop: Uhhhhhh … What are you doing??
Jay: What?
Schmoop: What were you doing sicko?
Jay: What? I dropped my pen and couldn’t reach it.
Schmoop: Oh, okay. Here’s Matt
Matt: Cheers!
Jay: Hola!
Matt: How’s you?
Jay: Excellent! How’s you?
Matt: *sigh* It’s been a rough week. Rough TWO weeks actually.
Jay: I know it has Pookie.
Matt: Thank you for your support.
Jay: You’re totally welcome.

Jay: Hey! Kim and Kanye named their kid … Matt: Stop.
Jay: North!
Matt: Stop!
Jay: No really, they named it North West.
Matt: Maybe the full name is Northby North West 
Jay: Or North South Easton West
Matt: Maybe actual FULL name is Pacific North West?
Jay: I guess there’s always Westby North West too.
Matt:
Jay: You there?
Matt: Are we done with these people?
Jay: Yeah
Matt: Then I’m here.
Jay: Oh, okay then.

Matt: Why do I have David Carradine in my notes?
Jay: Shit, I don’t know.
Matt: It had to have something to do with the show.
Jay: Oh you wrote him down in your SHOW NOTES!
Matt: Well yeah, I’m a professional, you know?
Jay: True. I guess we talked about Erotic Asphyxiation or Thai Hookers.
Matt: That doesn’t sound like us at all.
Jay: IKR? Maybe Kung-Fu TV show?
Matt: That show was a classic!
Jay: Totally!
Matt: But that couldn’t be it.
Jay: Hmmm … Well I got nothing then.
Matt: Strike David Carradine off the list then!
Jay: OHHHHH! Vacation activities.
Matt: Really? THAT was one of the vacation activities we talked about?
Jay: Well, there were other things too.
Matt: God, I hope so.

Jay: So that’s what we’re talking about this week right?  Matt: Deviant sex acts?
Jay: No, vacations and summer
Matt: Right! Summer celebration and stuff.
Jay: Yeah, the Ratchet Summer Show
Matt: What does “ratchet” mean.
Jay: Not really sure, but the kids use that word all the time.
Matt: Is it something like “off the hook?” or “Cray-Cray?”
Jay: Yeahhhhh .. Something like that, but more dirty and nasty.
Matt: Oh. Well okay then. We’ll do it for the kids.
Jay: And the ratings.
Matt: Mostly the ratings.
Jay: So summer vacations
Matt: Local tourist attractions!
Jay: Road trips and roadside attractions!
Matt: Family vacations as when we were kids.
Jay: Oh yeah.
Matt: Summer activities.
Jay: Places we would like to go!
Matt: OH … Something else I have to do!
Jay: Okay, I’ll wait.
Matt: No on the show! A Slim Whitman tribute.
Jay: Well of course!
Matt: Definitely.
Jay: Also Poet’s Corner?
Matt: Oh hell yeah.
Jay: And maybe some tourism related sponsors.
Matt: Brilliant!
Jay: And a Summer Move Blockbuster!
Matt: Can’t wait!
Jay: Oh yeah, we’re ready for greatness!
Matt: Always!

Be sure to listen to the Ratchet Summer Show on I’m With Stupid Sunday at 12 Noon ET!! It’s gonna be HUGE! 

I Love Summer!!

Y’know?  Today is the first full day of Summer, and we are gonna have some fun, in fact…

The other day, a post that Jayman wrote reminded me of a good time summer time dream that I had had some years ago.

And please…allow me to tell to tell you how it all went down..

I was at picnic fundraiser for Sarah Palin. It was a first, kinda summer day, and …

True to her folksy, homespun carnival act personality, there were all sorts of activities that one might find at a small town America cookout during the summer.

I signed up for the three-legged race. I’ve always kinda dug that. We all threw our names in a hat and Sarah drew names to see who would partner with whom.

I was excited because I knew that if I had a decent partner I had a good shot at winning. My excitement soon became despair when Sarah named who would be tied up with me…

Stephen Fucking Hawking!!

“What a disadvantage that puts me at.” I muttered to myself.

While other pairs are running the race with three good legs, I’m going to be draggin’ Hawking down Lane 4 for 50 yards.

I was thinking to myself, “Holy Shit…Having Heather Mills as my partner would be a step up.”

Anyhoo…Hawking comes rolling up to me, and in his creepy McDonald’s Drive-Thru speaker voice, said…

“Let’s kick some ass, Matt-Man.”

So I dump his ass out of his wheelchair, and he’s laying there in all his palsied and Parkinsonian glory flippin’ and a-flappin’ around like a washed up walleye contorting on a hot rock, and I tied him to my right leg with a bungee cord and duct tape.

I dragged him and his useless body over to the starting line. There were six teams in the race, but one team in particular was giving me and The Hawk-Man the stink eye.

It was the team of Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.

After we stared them down (well, after I stared them down, Hawking’s face was in the dirt, mumbling some incoherent bullshit about supernovas and their effect on the space/time continuum), I turned my eyes to the prize and the finish line that was 50 yards away.

Palin with bullhorn in hand, shouted, “Ready, Set…” and then several rounds from her AK-47 set each team into motion.

Despite the dead weight attached to me, I was bolting like lightning down the course…
Hawking beside me and behind me all the way, his face being bloodied by the ground as he drooled and continuously muttered, for whatever reason, “Deus ex Machina!!”

O’Reilly and Beck were leading, but as we neared the finish line lagging behind those two nut jobs, they abruptly stopped in order to deeply kiss and fondle each other’s dick.

As they engaged in their ego and cock stroking man love, I sped passed them hauling Hawking’s bouncing, crippled body beside me.

As we crossed the finish line in triumphant fashion, I realized the brilliance of Hawking. O’Reilly and Beck’s public display of depravity had been our Deus ex Machina.

I cut Hawking loose from me, gave him a bottle of Gatorade, and proceeded to have obligatory winner’s sex with Bristol Palin.

Hawking? Unable to put himself into his wheelchair, he lay there calculating exactly how long it would take him to die from over-exposure to the hot summer sun. And you know what?

That brilliant bastard predicted his sunstroke induced demise right to the nano-second, and that in itself, is pretty God Damn brilliant…and funny.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook page

Heat Wave 2012...Summer Safety Tips

Cheers Chuckleheads!!

As a widespread and profound heat wave is already gripping parts of the nation and about to exert its fiery grip on the Greater Bagwine, Ohio metroplex, I thought this would be a good time to provide a public service on behalf of IWS in the form of a few heat wave/summer fun safety tips.

Folks here in Bagwine freak out in the winter when an inch of snow is predicted, and some of us with a modicum of common sense refer to that type of thing as, “The White Death.”  So…

So since it’s summer and we are getting nothing but 24/7 local news coverage of the impending “dangerous” summer conditions, we shall refer to this summer sun induced panic as, “The Yellow Death.”

No, wait…That sounds more like an impending invasion by the Chinese and as we all know, America has nothing to fear from the Chinese, other than our own borrowing habits.  Let’s see…

We will call this heat wave, “The Orange Death.”  Yeah, I like that…or better yet…

Let’s make it sound all sexy, translate it into French, and call it, “La Mort d’Orange.”

Okay, now that sounds serious and yet artfully headline grabbing.  So to wit, and heretofore, I shall now offer some very good suggestions as to how to beat the near 100 degree heat over the next few days.

Fewer Clothes…
When the mercury is bursting through the top of a thermometer like a less than experienced teen boy’s Johnson at the site of a picture of Megan Fox naked, the clothes have to come off.  “Experts” will tell you to dress lightly in light-colored apparel.  Screw that stupid advice.

When the mercury is kissing the 100 degree mark, it’s time to shed your clothes completely.  Be advised however…For the health and well-being of others and in spite of your lack of dignity and self-respect, if you look like me, stay indoors with the blinds shut while walking around naked.  That’s both cool for you, and for others.

Stay Hydrated…
Your local TV newshounds always tell ya…“Stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water, Gatorade type stuff, but alcohol, is a no-no.”

Pfffffft.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  What is the number one go to item when battling summer’s inferno?  Damn right, an ice cold beer.  A cold beer will extinguish Mother Nature’s blast furnace quicker than anything else.  And…

If after ten or twelve beers you are still hot, simply drop the top on the convertible and take a speedy drive down a curvy country lane.  Paradise.

Tip Your Drive-Thru Attendants Well…
These Angels of Mercy who man the Drive-Thrus of Ohio will be smiling and sweating while attending to your thirsty needs.  The summer heat can take its toll on these lifters of the 30 packs, so even when only spending a couple of bucks on a pop, show your appreciation and leave a sizable tip of between 3-5 dollars when patronizing their establishments.

That may seem extreme, but just as the gratuity gets bigger at a restaurant when the party is larger, tips at a Drive-Thru should rise with the temperature and the Dew Point.

Take Care of Your Pets…
Our pets are some of the closest member of our families, so make certain that they have access to A/C or a fan, and have a comfortable place in which to rest. If you are away, make sure somebody can feed them, provide them with a good meal, and keep Fido and/or Toonces company.

Take Care of the Elderly…
Even the elderly close to us are sometimes an afterthought, however, during this extreme heat we need to keep them nearly foremost in our thoughts.

Sometimes due to fleas, mange, or just plain crabbiness, the elderly can wander off, so keep them on a short leash preferably tied to a shade tree or at least in a place around the yard the gets no direct sunlight between 2 and 4.  A bowl of fresh water would be a nice touch as well.  Although they can see the Lighthouse of Heaven blinking upon the horizon of life, the elderly still get thirsty just like you and I.

And there you have it folks…A few good heat wave tips that the losers on your local TV networks won’t mention.

This is the Matt-Man preparing for the impending heat wave as I get ready for today’s IWS Radio Show which airs LIVE today at 11 AM ET.  And, you can catch it LIVE by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

P.S.  Make sure you ask everyone, "Hot enough for ya?"  People enjoy knowing that you are concerned about their well-being.

2012 Summer of Love Horoscope

Happy Summer's Eve all you tan Cupids and sun-splashed Aphrodites out there!!

This is IWS Astrologer and Prophetess, Lana Jouráy here with your 2012 Summer of Love Horoscope.

I have read all the tea leaves, eyed every star, and studied all the chicken entrails in my backyard in order to give you a look into what will happen to you in regards to this upcoming sun and funtastic Summer 2012.

Let’s get to it; shall we, my at long last love and hopeful ones?

We shall...

Aries (March 21-April 19)
As a purist when it comes to cooking out, you have always had “a thing” against gas grills, and during the Fourth of July cookout at your neighbor's house, you will discover that gas grills have always had “a thing” against you.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Albeit briefly, you finally fulfill your dream of seeing the Grand Canyon up close and personal when your flight from Phoenix to Honolulu develops engine problems shortly after take off, and your plane crashes right, smack dab in the middle of Mother Nature's glory hole.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
A Trans-Canada train trip is just what the Doctor ordered, unfortunately for you, the good Doctor should have remembered to sign-off on your nitro tablet refill prior to departing.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You’ve always had a hunch that storing your homemade fireworks cache in close proximity to your meth lab was a bad idea, and on June 29th at 4:17 P.M., you’ll quickly and irrevocably find out that your hunch was correct.

Leo (July 23-August 22)
Upon coming home from your Trans-Canada train trip,  your euphoric sense of rest and relaxation will be quickly erased when you are met with a lawsuit from the family of a now deceased patient for whom you forgot to sign off on a nitro prescription refill prior to departing.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Sex on the beach can be a highly erotic, romantic, and sexy activity, but when you do it with a Donald Duck flotation device, it’s just plain creepy, you sick fuck.

Libra  (September 23-October 22)
You find out during your trip to the Everglades that debating a family of alligators over who has the rights to a first-rate camping spot is a losing proposition.

Scorpio  (October 23-November 21)
In late August, the stars are in perfect alignment for you, as in succession, Jerry Mathers, Eve Plumb, and Dick Van Patten eulogize your life following your death resulting from you doing your impersonation of Leonardo DiCaprio atop the world’s tallest Ferris wheel.

Sagittarius  (November 22-December 21)
You always tell people, “You can’t have it all.”, but sadly you will find out too late that your pet python Caligula doesn’t adhere to that school of thinking.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
It’s a good thing that you like your summers as you say, “hotter than Hell” because by the end of July and for all eternity, that’s where you will be spending your time.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
Be sure to remember while vacationing in Toronto Labor Day weekend, that when a girl tells you she is 14, the Centigrade to Fahrenheit conversion rate only applies to temperature not to a person’s age.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Sadly…after winning First Prize in the Ft. Walton Beach Sand Castle building contest, you and your exquisitely done Jerry Sandusky sandcastle are swept away forever by a sea of angry, anti-pedophile, do-gooder types.

I hope my efforts of prognostication are helpful.

For I’m With Stupid, this is Lana Jouráy saying…

Keep looking up, because the stars wanna shine on your face.

Lana

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

Matt Said...Jay Said XL

Matt titkellem ... Jay titkellem; inti tisma.

(via Twitter)

Jay:  No show prep phone call this week…all of my family is coming in for a big reunion this weekend.
Matt:  Uh-huh…Are you sure that’s all that is going on here?
Jay:  Yeah, why?
Matt:  Perhaps you are really avoiding our weekly call because you are cracking wise with somebody else?
Jay:  No.  I swear.
Matt:  Okay.
Jay:  How could I do that to you and your fragile ego?
Matt:  Damn right, wait…wh--

Jay:  Anyhoo.  Since I’ll be tied up with family all weekend, we need to do a show that requires very little show prep.
Matt:  The Many Sides of Mitt Romney?
Jay:  Ha…that would take forever with all the sides he has, has had, and will have.
Matt:  True.
Jay:  How about The Rachel Maddow Show…Love Her or Hate Her?
Matt:  TOO easy.
Jay and Matt:  HATE HER!!

Matt:  Memorial Day Weekend is this weekend.  We could do something on that.
Jay:  We could kick-off the unofficial start to summer with hot weather tips and shit.
Matt:  Cool.  We could do grilling and cookout tips.
Jay:  Since I will be in the midst of one, talk about family reunions.
Matt:  Indeed…We could talk about the scantily clad women in their summer fashions.
Jay:  Which you see even more of at typical vacation destinations.

Matt:  I think we’re set.
Jay:  Oh I know we are.
Matt:  Hey?
Jay:  What?

Matt:  Did you say that you are holding your big family reunion in Yellville, AR?
Jay:  Yeah why?
Matt:  That’s not a real city is it?
Jay:  Well, it’s not a city; it’s tiny, but that is the official name of the burg in which my family and I will be partying away.
Matt:  Ha…That’s funny.
Jay:  Oh it’s a cool little place.  You should bring Schmoop down sometime for the annual Turkey Trot Festival.  Bring the wife and kid too.
Matt:  Oh you’re a funny fucker, aren’t ya?
Jay:  Hee Hee.  Sometimes.

Matt:  Okay.  I think we’re good to go.  See you on IWS Radio this Sunday at Noon ET, Jayman.
Jay:  We’ll be kicking off summer through the goal posts of life.
Matt:  True Dat.

The Endless Summer of Sarah

Hiya my fellow patriots…Sarah Palin here.

Today June 21^st is the longest day of the year because it is the Summer Equinox. What is the Summer Equinox, you ask?

The Summer Equinox is when the Equator moves from it’s usual spot in Ecuador, and sits between Quito and the North Pole. That’s right.

The Equator thingy moves due to divine intervention and on this day every year it’s way up here.

Because of that, it gets warm up in our neck of the woods, and also because of that, the Southern himmysphere is huge and our Northern himmysphere shrinks!!

I don’t think the Eastern and Western himmyspheres change at all, which is good, because those non-abstinence practicing Asians need all the room they can get.

So anyhoo…Enjoy what I call The Endless Summer of Sarah my fellow patriots and mavericks, but remember…

You never know when our Liar-in-Chief is going to be awoked by that 3 AM phone call telling him that the South Koreans are launching their nuclear missiles at us, so don’t let your guard down while enjoying the sun, surf, and turf.

This is Sarah Palin for I’m With Stupid saying…

Drill Baby Drill, Lock and Load, and as always…

Michele Bachmann is a thunder stealing bitch.

--Sarah