NCAA's Unique Punishment for Penn State

Hola y’all! Well, the NCAA dropped the moral hammer on Penn State and even though these sanctions do nothing to punish the guilty parties and actually punish other people instead, we’re all happy. We’re happy because an old white guy got up in front of cameras and beat up on a defenseless school and its current future students and athletes. We do love getting all morally indignant and going after bad people and organizations. Well, except for Wall Street. They can continue to so rob us all blind without threat of any repercussions, but that’s a discussion for another time.

Anyhoodle, you guys have all heard of the big sanctions against Penn St. The media talked about the $60 million dollar fine, the abdication of wins, the bowl ban and the denial of educational opportunities of up to 80 people in the future loss of scholarships. BUT, that’s not all! Oh no! There are some other sanctions that have been tacked on. Luckily, the IWS World Media Sports Division is on top of this. Check it out …

1. Instead of getting four downs to make a first down Penn State will only get three.

2. Instead of ten yards to make a first down, Penn State’s opponents will need to only gain 8.137 yards.

3. Penn State touchdowns now only count 4 points and they are BARRED from going for a two point conversion OR extra point tries.

4. Field goals will only be worth .7 points now instead of three.

5. After what will be a very rare victory, the television announcers will be required to say “Yeah, Penn State won, but they still support and defend a child rapist.”

6. No cheerleaders! Sorry PSU, but it’s obvious that you can’t deal with that kind of stimulation.

7. There will now be a statue of very disgusted looking middle-aged men in blue suits placed where the Joe Paterno statue once stood.

8. Players will no longer be allowed to wear facemasks. This seems harsh, but it is necessary.

9. Instead of offensive coordinators signaling in plays from the sideline, the PSU quarterback will have to just draw plays in the dirt using a stick provided by the referee.

10. PSU defensive players can only tackle the ball carrier from the front and may not touch him below the waist.

11. No Penn State games may be played in the rain as it will remind people too much of the infamous locker room showers.

12. Any school that goes winless will get to play Penn St. twice the next season so they can feel better about themselves.

So, as you can see, the NCAA has sent a very serious signal to all other member schools. Every single college in America now knows that if they try to cover up some big scandal, get caught and find themselves completely defenseless, the NCAA will pounce on them and stand on top of the smoldering remains declaring their superior morality and delivering justice to everyone except the perpetrators of the terrible crimes that were committed.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, Mark Twain once said “Everybody is complaining about the weather, but nobody is doing anything about it.” Well, until NOW that is! On I'm With Stupid Matt and Jay did do something about the weather. They made jokes about it. They talked about the non-weather definition of weather terms, hurricane names and told freaky weather stories. Another classic episode about something most people thought was boring and routine. So, check it out!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

2012 Summer of Love Horoscope

Happy Summer's Eve all you tan Cupids and sun-splashed Aphrodites out there!!

This is IWS Astrologer and Prophetess, Lana Jouráy here with your 2012 Summer of Love Horoscope.

I have read all the tea leaves, eyed every star, and studied all the chicken entrails in my backyard in order to give you a look into what will happen to you in regards to this upcoming sun and funtastic Summer 2012.

Let’s get to it; shall we, my at long last love and hopeful ones?

We shall...

Aries (March 21-April 19)
As a purist when it comes to cooking out, you have always had “a thing” against gas grills, and during the Fourth of July cookout at your neighbor's house, you will discover that gas grills have always had “a thing” against you.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Albeit briefly, you finally fulfill your dream of seeing the Grand Canyon up close and personal when your flight from Phoenix to Honolulu develops engine problems shortly after take off, and your plane crashes right, smack dab in the middle of Mother Nature's glory hole.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
A Trans-Canada train trip is just what the Doctor ordered, unfortunately for you, the good Doctor should have remembered to sign-off on your nitro tablet refill prior to departing.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You’ve always had a hunch that storing your homemade fireworks cache in close proximity to your meth lab was a bad idea, and on June 29th at 4:17 P.M., you’ll quickly and irrevocably find out that your hunch was correct.

Leo (July 23-August 22)
Upon coming home from your Trans-Canada train trip,  your euphoric sense of rest and relaxation will be quickly erased when you are met with a lawsuit from the family of a now deceased patient for whom you forgot to sign off on a nitro prescription refill prior to departing.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Sex on the beach can be a highly erotic, romantic, and sexy activity, but when you do it with a Donald Duck flotation device, it’s just plain creepy, you sick fuck.

Libra  (September 23-October 22)
You find out during your trip to the Everglades that debating a family of alligators over who has the rights to a first-rate camping spot is a losing proposition.

Scorpio  (October 23-November 21)
In late August, the stars are in perfect alignment for you, as in succession, Jerry Mathers, Eve Plumb, and Dick Van Patten eulogize your life following your death resulting from you doing your impersonation of Leonardo DiCaprio atop the world’s tallest Ferris wheel.

Sagittarius  (November 22-December 21)
You always tell people, “You can’t have it all.”, but sadly you will find out too late that your pet python Caligula doesn’t adhere to that school of thinking.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
It’s a good thing that you like your summers as you say, “hotter than Hell” because by the end of July and for all eternity, that’s where you will be spending your time.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
Be sure to remember while vacationing in Toronto Labor Day weekend, that when a girl tells you she is 14, the Centigrade to Fahrenheit conversion rate only applies to temperature not to a person’s age.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Sadly…after winning First Prize in the Ft. Walton Beach Sand Castle building contest, you and your exquisitely done Jerry Sandusky sandcastle are swept away forever by a sea of angry, anti-pedophile, do-gooder types.

I hope my efforts of prognostication are helpful.

For I’m With Stupid, this is Lana Jouráy saying…

Keep looking up, because the stars wanna shine on your face.

Lana

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

Joe Paterno Fired: and somehwere a little boy is crying It's a Travesty!!

Cheers all…Matt-Man here. And ya know what?

For today’s post, I was going to write a overtly offensive and satirical piece as Slyder Balzcock about the sexual molestation allegations against former Penn State University defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky today, but…

After a couple of pints of Wild Irish Rose and a few beers, I changed my mind.

Yesterday on the IWS Radio Show, Jayman and I joked about Jerry Sandusky and his alleged penchant for little boys. I have no regrets about that, it’s what we do, and…some of what we said is very funny.

However…

Much of the joking we did, revolved around the shameless obviousness of not only Jerry Sandusky’s alleged child rape activities, but how the administration of PSU tried to cover it up, and how over-zealous and lemming type PSU fans are outraged over the media coverage of this sad situation as well.

Y’know…Not only has and is Jerry Sandusky allegedly suffering from a sickness that compels him to seek out young boys in a sexual way, Joe Paterno, if all of the allegations are found to be true, is guilty as hell as well.

I know Penn State fans, your beloved Joe Pa can do no wrong but, if the allegations bear out, Paterno is less than a good man than Sandusky is.

If proven true, Jerry Sandusky and his sexual molestations and raping of little boys is sick, twisted, and obviously, illegal. If proven true, Sandusky should live out his remaining years in prison. I think even PSU supporters agree with me on that.

However…

Where ardent and even only casual supporters of Penn State University may differ with me, is the amount of blame Joe Paterno should take.

It has been reported that Paterno knew that Sandusky had been, and was “recruiting” little boys as young as eight, as far back as back 2002.

Paterno had the ability to protect little kids, or protect the program, he sadly, chose the latter..You see…In 2002 a Graduate Assistant told Joe Paterno that Sandusky was assaulting a little boy in a shower. What did beloved Joe Pa do?

He did was he was obligated to do…He informed the AD or whoever was above him on the money machine that is the College Football food chain.

Sure, Joe Paterno did the right thing by the numbers, but he failed to do what is right, and what was right in this instance, was to call the police, or at least urge the AD to call the police and get to the truth.

That fact about Paterno’s inaction, aside from the alleged abuse of innocent kids at the hands of Jerry Sandusky, is the saddest thing about this story.

You see…Paterno, whether one likes Penn State football or not, is a coaching legend. He has won more games than anyone in Division I football…He in the eyes of college football fans, is (or was) an icon.

And now?

He is none of that. He is now nothing but an old man who put his ego and the next bid to a BCS Bowl above what is right…above what is right.

Due to his work and hands-on approach over the decades, Joe Paterno created and edified the success that is the Penn State football program, and yet, in what seems like seconds…

By his inaction and hands-off approach, he destroyed it.

Even if found to be true, Penn State and its football program could have survived Jerry Sandusky going to prison for his barbarous actions against kids, but only if one thing had happened some years ago…

If the mighty shaper of men, pillar of character, and no-nonsense legend Joe Paterno had turned to the police rather than the money hungry halls of the University, PSU would be fine, as would Paterno himself.

However…The loveable, avuncular Joe Pa chose the path of least resistance, the road to more funding, and the quasi-clearing of his own conscience, and sold out.

It’s sad.

I have often said to people who say to me, “Matt, you should really respect your elders.”

I always retort, “I respect wisdom, and let me tell you, wisdom does not always come with age.”

And in Joe Paterno’s case, neither does doing the right thing.

I began joking with others some eight to ten years ago, how Joe Paterno should retire because his heart was not in the game anymore, but he won’t because he hates his family…Little did I know how right I was.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
http://twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS