Oddfellas

Well this really was an odd one this week. Entertaingly odd! We were kind of all over the place this week. Not that THAT’S a new thing for us.

- Matt-Man decapitated a skeleton and lost the head.

- A wild and wacky day in college football.

- Happy birthday shout out to the Desert Rat

- Jessie Ferg, C O G, Jamie Mapleleaf, Curtis Blow and a slew of others hung out with us in the chat room.

- IWS Tech Support had to help a little old lady with her computer this week.

- Matt spilled his beer!

- Lonely, angry Matt-Man!

- Jay gave up on his dream of getting married in 2014.

- Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa are divorcing and Matt is devastated!

- The Great Miracle Whip vs Mayonnaise Debate!

- Whispering Willie is worried about the Ebola Virus

- Guy gave us an update on the democratic protests in Hong Kong

- Our new sponsor: The Pandemic Café

- Paul Piatt celebrated Yom Kippur.

- Matt and Jay are an Odd Couple in several weird, yet complimentary ways.

- Haylie vs Hilary Duff!  

- Jamie Mapleleaf called in to save the day and bring a little charm to the show.

- And so much more! Give it a listen. Please? 

                             

2013 NFL Team Previews

Holaaaaaaaaaaaaa football fans! As I write (okay, type) this the NFL Hall of Fame game is being played between Dallas and Miami. Yes, it is almost time for football again. We’ll get few preseason games, then opening weekend of college football where I watch football from 11 am until around 12 midnight and refuse to apologize for it and then it will be NFL season again. I know you’re probably wondering who is going to be good and who is going to suck this season. Well, wonder no more cause I’m here to expertly break down every single team in the league for you.

NFC South:

Atlanta Falcons: OVER-RATED *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* OVER-RATED

Carolina Panthers: Could either be much better or still sucky.

New Orleans Saints: WHO DAT?! My #1 Team. Great offense. Shitty Defense.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Probably shitty, but awesome cheerleaders…

AFC South:

Houston Texans: My #2 Team. Solid, but can’t quite get it done.

Indianapolis Colts: Insufferable.

Jacksonville Jaguars: They fucking suck.

Tennessee Titans: Not bad, but nobody cares much about them.

AFC North:

Baltimore Ravens: Very good but probably won’t repeat.

Cincinnati Bengals: Not too bad w/ Ginger Ninja at QB

Cleveland Browns: Poor Cleveland. They deserve so much better.

Pittsburgh Steelers: 8-8 team that gets enough weirdly great calls from refs to win 10.

NFC North:

Chicago Bears: OVER-RATED *CLAP-CLAP-CLAP-CLAP* OVER-RATED

Detroit Lions: You think the city is a disaster, get a load of these guys.

Green Bay Packers: Underachievers led by Aaron Rogers who is a shitty teammate.

Minnesota Vikings: As average, boring and predictable as the NFL itself.

NFC East:

Dallas Cowboys: They're actually pretty good, but ... Romo.

NY Football Giants: Who knows? Probably good.

Philadelphia Eagles: Might be exciting but probably suck.

Washington Racial Slurs: I will watch RG3 every week.

AFC East:

Buffalo: I’m so sorry y’all. Another city that deserves better. Or do they?

Miami Dolphis: Slightly better than averagely shitty.

New England Patriots: Trending downward.

New York Jets: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AFC West:

Denver Broncos: Good but Manning will fuck it up again somehow.

Kansas City Chiefs: Fuck ‘em.

Oakland Raiders: Combined IQ of all players = 72

San Diego Chargers: Who cares when you have cheerleaders like these…

NFC West:

Arizona Cardinals: Are they still in the league?

San Francisco 49ers: Best team in the NFL. Crazy good.

Seattle Seahawks: Very good team. Fans are HUGE whiners though.

St. Louis Rams: The usual shit.

So there you go folks. You won’t get this level of NFL team analysis anywhere else. Time to head to Vegas cause you know everything you need about each team now. You’re welcome.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, we threw a HUGE surprise Birthday Party for President Obama on IWS yesterday. It was a freaking blast too! Lots of people wishing Obama a happy birthday including Kanye West, Lady Ga Ga, John McCain, Thomas Jefferson, John Q Adams and a couple of dozen more! Plus we made many attempts to call important people. Listen to hear how those turned out…

Listen to internet radio with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

Also, bonus smoking-hot Tamp Cheerleader ...

If You're Happy, I'm Happy

Hola y’all! One of the things I tell people all the time is “If you’re happy, I’m happy.” I’m always amazed at how often people think I’m being a smart-ass or joking with them when I say that. It’s a little hurtful even to be honest with you. Why would people think I’m not being sincere? Why do people always think I’m joking when I’m being serious and think I’m being serious when I’m just joking?

ANSWERS! I WANT ANSWERS!

Actually I know the answer. It’s because most people are the opposite. They love it when others are miserable or when bad things happen to them and are themselves miserable when good things happen to their “friends.” I’ve never quite understood this attitude, but I see it play out all the time on social media sites.

Anyhoodle, as you probably know, I’m a pretty good sports fan. I have a few teams that I’m a die-hard fan of. I’m a fan of the Arkansas Razorbacks, San Antonio Spurs, St. Louis Cardinals, New Orleans Saints, New York Knicks and the Houston Texans.

I really on have a few teams that I dislike and never root for: Alabama, Auburn, Duke, THE Ohio State University, Los Angeles Lakers and the Chicago Cubs. For the most part this is because of their fans more than anything else.

Generally the rest of the teams don’t mean much to me, unless I’m friends with someone who is a fan of a certain team. In that case, I generally root for my friend’s team to win because I want my friend to be happy.*

Hell, this weekend Arkansas lost to LSU in football, but I wasn’t that upset about it. That’s because my BFF, the lovely and talented Ms. Warrior_Kat is a HUGE LSU fan and I knew she would be happy that they one. And I like it when she’s happy, so that mitigated the disappointment in MY TEAM losing. (It also helped that Arkansas is a piece of shit football team and I already knew they would lose, but I was still happy that Kat was happy.)

I used to hate Notre Dame. I ranked them right up there with Ohio State and Duke when it came to rude, obnoxious, condescending and generally insufferable fan bases. And, I have an irrational a perfectly legit and reasonable dislike of Lou Holtz. But, over the years as Notre Dame has struggled, I’ve found their fans to be far less delusional than fans of other schools and pro teams when their teams begin to suck.

And, my good friend and lover partner in crime Matt-Man is a big Notre Dame fan. So, I’ve actually found myself rooting the Irish this season, which feels a little weird. If Matt wasn’t a big Notre Dame fan, I would have still watched them this season because they’re a good team and I would certainly be ready to root for them in the BCS Championship against Alabama! But, because he is a fan, I have actually rooted for them all season.

I know people have the exact opposite attitude. Or even worse, they feel the need to refer to everyone other than their team as the enemy and find a reason to HATE them and their fans. I have a former friend who is a former friend because she took this to real extremes over … BASEBALL! Yes, the most insignificant of all sports and for her everyone her team played was full of horrible human beings and the fans of her team’s opponents were all scumbags and whatever other names she came up with to call them. I just don’t understand that shit.

This “If you’re happy, I’m happy” attitude extends beyond sports too. That was just the best example I could come up with. I know a lot of people live pretty miserable lives and I guess that’s why they get so much pleasure out of bad things happening to others. I don’t understand why though, it’s not like it makes your life any less miserable for other people to suffer too. I guess getting pleasure out of other people’s misfortune is just a character flaw.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

*This attitude doesn’t extend to politics though. While I feel bad for you if your team loses a big game and you’re down or sad, I can’t feel that way because you were hoping Mitt Romney would win. Sorry.

In other news we had a “Cyber Monday Extravaganza” on a special Monday edition of IWS. There was a minor technical glitch early on, but after we got past that, we had a pretty good time. So, check it out!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

NCAA's Unique Punishment for Penn State

Hola y’all! Well, the NCAA dropped the moral hammer on Penn State and even though these sanctions do nothing to punish the guilty parties and actually punish other people instead, we’re all happy. We’re happy because an old white guy got up in front of cameras and beat up on a defenseless school and its current future students and athletes. We do love getting all morally indignant and going after bad people and organizations. Well, except for Wall Street. They can continue to so rob us all blind without threat of any repercussions, but that’s a discussion for another time.

Anyhoodle, you guys have all heard of the big sanctions against Penn St. The media talked about the $60 million dollar fine, the abdication of wins, the bowl ban and the denial of educational opportunities of up to 80 people in the future loss of scholarships. BUT, that’s not all! Oh no! There are some other sanctions that have been tacked on. Luckily, the IWS World Media Sports Division is on top of this. Check it out …

1. Instead of getting four downs to make a first down Penn State will only get three.

2. Instead of ten yards to make a first down, Penn State’s opponents will need to only gain 8.137 yards.

3. Penn State touchdowns now only count 4 points and they are BARRED from going for a two point conversion OR extra point tries.

4. Field goals will only be worth .7 points now instead of three.

5. After what will be a very rare victory, the television announcers will be required to say “Yeah, Penn State won, but they still support and defend a child rapist.”

6. No cheerleaders! Sorry PSU, but it’s obvious that you can’t deal with that kind of stimulation.

7. There will now be a statue of very disgusted looking middle-aged men in blue suits placed where the Joe Paterno statue once stood.

8. Players will no longer be allowed to wear facemasks. This seems harsh, but it is necessary.

9. Instead of offensive coordinators signaling in plays from the sideline, the PSU quarterback will have to just draw plays in the dirt using a stick provided by the referee.

10. PSU defensive players can only tackle the ball carrier from the front and may not touch him below the waist.

11. No Penn State games may be played in the rain as it will remind people too much of the infamous locker room showers.

12. Any school that goes winless will get to play Penn St. twice the next season so they can feel better about themselves.

So, as you can see, the NCAA has sent a very serious signal to all other member schools. Every single college in America now knows that if they try to cover up some big scandal, get caught and find themselves completely defenseless, the NCAA will pounce on them and stand on top of the smoldering remains declaring their superior morality and delivering justice to everyone except the perpetrators of the terrible crimes that were committed.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, Mark Twain once said “Everybody is complaining about the weather, but nobody is doing anything about it.” Well, until NOW that is! On I'm With Stupid Matt and Jay did do something about the weather. They made jokes about it. They talked about the non-weather definition of weather terms, hurricane names and told freaky weather stories. Another classic episode about something most people thought was boring and routine. So, check it out!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Matt Said, Jay Said IV

As always kids, if it’s Saturday, then it’s time for MS, JS. I know how much you look forward to it. So, away we go…

Matt: “It’s your dime, spill it.”
Jay: “Ring-a-ding-ding big boy.”
Matt: “Oh, I love it when you ring my bell.”
Jay: “That’s hot. Ya sick fuck.”

Matt: “I have an idea for a post for tomorrow. And then Slyder on Friday”
Jay: “Dude. You’re the man with the plan.”
Matt: “I’m on it Jay! Gonna write a post from Ronnie to the GOP”
Jay: “Excellent”
Matt: “I find writing as other people to be very freeing.”
Jay: “I agree. We can do all kinds of fake op-ed pieces from famous people.”

Matt: “Oh shit. We could do that all the time.”

Jay: “Something like John Boehner writing to say he’s offended by Syracuse’s mascot The Orange”
Matt: “Ha! That would be great.  But shit. I’ve got too many ideas now.”
Jay: “Here’s a crazy idea. Write out posts as you think of them and save them to your computer.”
Matt: “I can’t work that way Jay.”
Jay: *sigh*
Matt: “I need the pressure of the deadline. Plus I like to live in the here and now.”

Jay: “Hey! Doug Flutie’s daughter is a cheerleader for the Patriots.”
Matt: “Really? Is she HAWT?”
Jay: “I don’t know. I only notice a woman’s heart. Here, I’ll do a GIS for her and send you a pic.”
Matt: “Meh. She’s alright.”
Jay: “She’s no Miley.”
Matt: “Doesn’t really do anything for me. Kind of like Lee Evans.”
Jay: “Well, that’s because Bo Derek was around at the same time as Lee Evans and she was crazy hot.”
Matt: “I was talking about the Wide Receiver Lee Evans.”
Jay: “Ohhhh! Well that’s different.”

Jay: “Wait! LINDA Evans, not LEE!”
Matt: “Ha! You goober.”
Jay: “Well, shit. That makes even less sense now.”
Matt: “That was smooth.”

Matt: “Linda Evans dated Yanni for crying out loud. Who the fuck would do that?”
Jay: “Oh shit. That’s almost as bad as Connie Sellecca dating John Tesh.”
Matt: “That WAS sad.”
Jay: “Yeah, she brought the charisma to that relationship.”
Matt: “And the talent.”

Jay: “Okay, so we’re talking Football?”
Matt: “Our annual season preview! Will Nipsey make an appearance.”
Jay: “Hell yeah! Nipsey loves football.”
Matt: “And we love the Nipster.”
Jay: “Okay, good prep session.”
Matt: “Sometimes we get a little off topic. But, we’re ready!”

Okay, there you go. It was riveting, wasn’t it?  Anyway, don’t forget we’re talking football and other stuff tonight at 6:30 EDT on I’m With Stupid.  Oh, and we have a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT to make too! So be there! 

A Presidential Fantasy Draft

We all know it’s fantasy football season and everyone is getting ready for the draft.  So, I thought I would do my own draft. Only, I’m not going to draft football players. I’m going to draft Presidents. Not a list President from best to worst or anything, but actually draft Presidents for a fantasy football team. I’ll pick the best president for each position.  Okay, so here goes…

QB: Abraham Lincoln: Who else? Abe is a great decision maker who never wilted under pressure. He’s a quick thinker on is feet and isn’t afraid to take chances.  His height is a great advantage in that he can throw over the D-Line and not need the traditional passing lanes.  And, Abe’s quiet confidence and superior leadership skills are exactly what your team needs.

RB: George W. Bush: Great size, quickness and a commitment to staying in great physical condition are what makes W a great running back. His single-minded, purpose driven personality allows him to focus on the task at hand and he rarely fumbles. 

RB: Warren G. Harding: Harding’s game is speed. He runs away from trouble and is very elusive. The defense will often think they have him wrapped up, and he’ll get loose somehow and make a big play. Be sure to check the inactive list as Harding is prone to get into trouble and has been known to run with the wrong crowd. Be prepared to have to sit him on any given week. 

WR: Martin Van Buren:  MVB is a great athlete and runs great routes. He’s flashy and exciting, but also a hard worker with lots of experience who isn’t afraid to mix it up.  He’s definitely a possession receiver who can make spectacular catches in traffic.  He’ll definitely be your number one target in the red zone. 

WR: Barack Obama: Obama is tall and sleek and is deceptively fast.  The defender thinks he’s right there with him and suddenly looks up and realizes Obama has sped on past him. He’s a game breaker who has the potential to light up the scoreboard and haul in some long passes and rack up big fantasy numbers. But, he’s also known to avoid contact and sometimes defenses can throw him off his routes and push him around a bit. 

WR/RB Flex: Bill Clinton: Without a doubt the most versatile of all the presidents. He can move quickly and effectively in any direction. Full of confidence and not afraid to take on defenses he’s the perfect power back. But, Clinton is also slick and much like Hardin is a great escape artist. Clinton is driven to succeed and will never stop going full speed. And dude knows how to score early and often. 

Tight End: Teddy Roosevelt: TR can do it all. He can run, catch and block. A natural leader, he is charismatic and his teammates love him.  He’s also tenacious and will fight to the end with every fiber of his being. He’s been known to be a bit on the cocky side, but he has the numbers to back it up. Teddy can talk the talk and walk the walk. 

Place Kicker: Andrew Jackson: While Jackson is known for his fiery temper and less than impressive social skills, he can split the uprights with the best of ‘em.  His temper helped his kicking career as he has been kicking things since he was a kid.  Mostly people, but as he got older and more mature, he learned to channel this kicking desire to football and is now as good as you’ll find. 

Defense/Special Teams: Ronald Reagan: Again, a no-brainer. Nobody has ever loved defense more than Ronnie. He’s brash, bold and not afraid to blitz on any down. He’ll knock down the offense’s walls and he’ll force turnovers and get after the other team’s QB like no one else. He’s underestimated because of his age, but he’s got the experience and game to turn that to his biggest advantage. Also, when he gets the chance, he’ll run the score up on ya.

Okay, there you have it. I’m pretty sure my team is gonna dominate.

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws