The IWS Person of the Week: Black Santa

After having his very real and imaginary existence being ridiculed, rejected, and otherwise scoffed and disbelieved this week, Black Santa is here to show you that he is very real and the IWS Person of the Week as well...

Oh sure...Megyn Kelly, the latest, prime time, right-wing Fox News ratings whore emphatically stated this week, that Santa is a white man...

Unfortunately for her and her Christmas stocking, joyful Black Santa has nothing but an angry finger of "Oh no you dint" and a lump of coal...

Hell, Black Santa even has a Black Mrs. Claus...He married a former 70's TV star who feigned her own death so she could marry and live in snow laden luxury with her magical Black Santa man...

Black Santa has even given the okay to re-release an old album about him and his life in order to set the record straight...

It's such a shame that Black Santa has to go through all of this in order to correct the flippant and uncorroborated words of one Megyn Kelly, especially during the Christmas Season, but...

Black Santa will continue to travel the globe this Christmas as he always does and leave something for everyone, except for her.  When she doesn't realize why her stocking is empty Christmas morning, don't tell her.  Let her figure it out on her own...

Annnnnnnnnd while Megyn Kelly will soon be wallowing in her Christmas grief, Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio staff are having their IWS Radio Office Christmas Party 2013 today LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET!!

Sex, hilarity, gift giving, layoffs, and yuletide debauchery will be taking place from our offices in Arkansas, Ohio, and Canada.

It's going to be a HUGE show.  So HUGE, that the Blog Talk Radio staff has picked it as one of their Best of the Week.

So listen LIVE, and as always, feel free to participate by calling in at 661.244.9852.

To join the fun and frivolity LIVE, CLICK HERE!!

Yes Megyn Kelly There is a Black Santa Claus, And An Asian One, And So On...

Cheeeeeeers and Happy Friday the 13th to you all!!

I am getting really excited as I always do this time year, because there are only twelve days until my white Santa Claus brings me presents in honor of the white Baby Jesus.

Holy Christmas my friends…along with white Santa, and white Jesus, there is snow on the ground here as well.  The whiteness abounds!!

It’s no wonder White Christmas sung by Bing Crosby is such a big holiday hit.  Irving Berlin was a master of Search Engine Optimization back in the days of telegrams, phone operators, and something really fancy called air mail, and he knew how to capitalize on the whiteness of the holiday season.

However much to my chagrin yesterday, I learned that some non-Santa Colored Skin chick named Aisha Harris wrote a piece for Slate.com stating that she would prefer, that in order to embrace all of the world’s different cultures, Santa not be white, not be a man, but rather, be a Santa Penguin.

Well bar the door to white Santa’s Factory because Ms. Harris’ editorial really set the slowly grinding gears of Megyn Kelly’s quasi-legal mind into full indictment.

Legal SHEagle Megyn Kelly after citing parts of Ms. Harris’ article, responded on her FOX News show this past Wednesday…

“For you kids watching at home; Santa just is white. But this person is arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa…Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn’t mean it has to change. You know, I mean, Jesus was a white man, too.”

Ha…First of all, when I read Ms. Harris’ piece, and then heard a clip from Megyn Kelly’s show, I laughed my ass off for the same reason that Ezra Klein did, and to paraphrase him…

Megyn Kelly profoundly claims that the imaginary present-giving man who commands flying reindeer is white.

Ha!!  This is what America has become.  I mean, I would expect this type of debate within the “hallowed” halls of the House of Representatives, but among normal, everyday American people?

And yes, I know this argument and/or titanic race debate of Santa was promulgated by some chick writing on Slate and a dullard with cute hair and no soul on FOX, but Americans on both sides are eating it up and weighing in.  Including yours truly, however…

I am weighing in to say…I find it stupefying that there is a debate and WAR now raging about the physical make-up of an imaginary man,  but I find it more mind boggling that no one has asked me to settle the imaginary feud over the imaginary man that is Santa.

You see…

Santa is white…Santa is also black…He is also Asian…He is Mexican…He is a single black mother.  He is a single white dad.  Santa is a waitress with three kids, and she is a woman who has adopted a kid along with her female spouse.

Santa is a southern boy from Arkansas, a sarcastic bastard from Ohio, and the homeless man or woman who opened the door for you at the department store today so you could go in first, do your shopping, and they could follow you in and warm up before they went to sleep outside.

So to Aisha Harris and Megyn Kelly, you both are wrong.  Santa comes in a myriad of different skin colors, gestures, and Christmas wrappings.

Santa is an attitude…a fictional, yet joyful personification of hope, and an inspiration to all people for but mere moments during the calendar year.

And seriously…when that Christmas joy, fun, and happiness happens in the blink of an eye, do you really care or even remember what color Santa was?

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Matt Said, Jay Said...7576227382

Matt:  Yeah, what do you want?
Jay:  Everything.
Matt:  Well, you won’t find it here.
Jay:  But I am searching for it all.
Matt:  Beat it Mister.

Jay:  Hey now…How you doin’?
Matt:  M’eh…kinda bored.  And you?
Jay:  Just bailing out my personal canoe from all of the rain down here.
Matt:  I saw that.  What a fucking shame.
Jay:  That didn’t sound sincere.
Matt:  It was…I’m just…m’eh.

Jay:  Yeah, I understand.  There’s just nothing going on right now.
Matt:  I know.  Fake football…No big holiday until Labor Day, Congress is in recess.
Jay:  Yeah.  And the middle school girls aren’t back in school yet, and the TV re-runs…Oh Dear God!!
Matt:  So damn boring.

Jay:  This week sucks.  Of course Sunday, the 18th is National Bad Poetry Day.  We can go HAM on that.
Matt:  Oh Hell yeah, and the week after that on the 25th will be our End of Season Three Extravaganza.
Jay: And September 1st will be our Opening of Season Four Extravaganza!!
Matt:  And yet?  We have nothing for this week.
Jay:  I know…man, it’s hard sometimes.

Matt:  That’s why they call this time of year, the Dog Days of Summer.
Jay:  That’s It!!
Matt:  What!?  What’s it!?
Jay:  This week’s show will be called, The Dog Days of Summer!!
Matt:  You are fucking brilliant!!
Jay:  I know, right!?

Matt:  But as we just said…nothing happens during the Dog Days of Summer.
Jay:  Exactly, and that is what we’ll talk about!!
Matt:  We’ll talk about nothing?
Jay:  Yes!!
Matt:  Brilliant!!
Jay:  I think we’ve just one-upped Seinfeld.
Matt:  Damn right…Kramer can suck your dick.
Jay:  I’d prefer if Elaine did it.
Matt:  Brilliant!!

Jay:  Alright then…you, me, Bobby Kraft, Paul Piatt, Bob Barker, and whoever else on our staff wants to chime in, will be there.
Matt:  Along with all of the listeners and callers to our Number One Rated Comedy Show.
Jay:  Damn right.  Even though there is nothing there, we’ll make it something.
Matt:  Word.

Jay:  We are going to build the biggest pile of nothing that has ever been built, this Sunday at Noon ET.
Matt:  And President Obama better not say that we didn’t build it.
Jay:  Damn right.  Talk to you this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET Matt-Man.
Matt:  Ditto Jayman!!

To catch Jay, Matt, and the Dog Days of Summer IWS Radio Show LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET, you can click right HERE.