What IWS Fans Are Saying

Showing posts with label PETA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PETA. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Winter Storms and PETA Attacks

Hola y’all! Man, winter is just never going to end, huh? Oh I know it’s only February 4, but dammit, winter has been going on for months and months and months and I’m ready for it to be over. By the time this is posted, it will almost be time for our second winter storm in three days to hit. Of course the one on Sunday wasn’t supposed to happen.

As of late Saturday the weather “experts” were saying we would get “barely a dusting” of snow. By mid-morning this was our “dusting” …


By early afternoon the snow was still dusting away out there!


In the end we got somewhere around five inches of dusting. The weatherman didn’t even have the decency to be embarrassed at missing by that much. Just warned us that the roads were treacherous and to stay home if we didn’t have to go anywhere.

Luckily though it was just snow though and there wasn’t any sleet or freezing rain. Better than that, it was the really soft snow that doesn’t pack down. It was super easy to clear the car off and snow plows out on Sunday night and some salting left the roads in good shape on Monday. So, with a storm of indeterminate size coming tomorrow followed by bitterly cold weather and more snow on Thursday, Friday and maybe Saturday, I decided I should hit up Walmart. I put on my usual winter weather attire and headed out…


Needless to say there was some panic buying in Redneckville as many people were afraid they wouldn’t get their toast for breakfast this week …


It was pandemonium at the registers as every single lane was six or seven people deep.


And every GOT-DAMN person wanted a price match from the ads in the paper and then to either pay with exact change or by writing a check. Oh no, not “let the cashier auto print the check” either. They wanted to write it out themselves and then dig around for their driver’s license. The whole time I was just staring at my package of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Oreos.


They’re amazing y’all! Anyway, I spent more time in line than I did wandering around looking for the stuff I needed. When I finally made it through I was leaving the store when I realized that not only was there paparazzi outside, but some damn PETA protesters were there too. I was just about to show them my pound of hamburger meat that I bought when one of those PETA freaks attacked me and ruined by winter coat!!


Can you believe how these people behave? They have no social graces whatsoever! I should sue them not only for the cost of my dry cleaning bill, but for my pain and suffering.



Saturday, August 10, 2013

Matt Said, Jay Said...7576227382

Matt:  Yeah, what do you want?
Jay:  Everything.
Matt:  Well, you won’t find it here.
Jay:  But I am searching for it all.
Matt:  Beat it Mister.

Jay:  Hey now…How you doin’?
Matt:  M’eh…kinda bored.  And you?
Jay:  Just bailing out my personal canoe from all of the rain down here.
Matt:  I saw that.  What a fucking shame.
Jay:  That didn’t sound sincere.
Matt:  It was…I’m just…m’eh.

Jay:  Yeah, I understand.  There’s just nothing going on right now.
Matt:  I know.  Fake football…No big holiday until Labor Day, Congress is in recess.
Jay:  Yeah.  And the middle school girls aren’t back in school yet, and the TV re-runs…Oh Dear God!!
Matt:  So damn boring.

Jay:  This week sucks.  Of course Sunday, the 18th is National Bad Poetry Day.  We can go HAM on that.
Matt:  Oh Hell yeah, and the week after that on the 25th will be our End of Season Three Extravaganza.
Jay: And September 1st will be our Opening of Season Four Extravaganza!!
Matt:  And yet?  We have nothing for this week.
Jay:  I know…man, it’s hard sometimes.

Matt:  That’s why they call this time of year, the Dog Days of Summer.
Jay:  That’s It!!
Matt:  What!?  What’s it!?
Jay:  This week’s show will be called, The Dog Days of Summer!!
Matt:  You are fucking brilliant!!
Jay:  I know, right!?

Matt:  But as we just said…nothing happens during the Dog Days of Summer.
Jay:  Exactly, and that is what we’ll talk about!!
Matt:  We’ll talk about nothing?
Jay:  Yes!!
Matt:  Brilliant!!
Jay:  I think we’ve just one-upped Seinfeld.
Matt:  Damn right…Kramer can suck your dick.
Jay:  I’d prefer if Elaine did it.
Matt:  Brilliant!!

Jay:  Alright then…you, me, Bobby Kraft, Paul Piatt, Bob Barker, and whoever else on our staff wants to chime in, will be there.
Matt:  Along with all of the listeners and callers to our Number One Rated Comedy Show.
Jay:  Damn right.  Even though there is nothing there, we’ll make it something.
Matt:  Word.

Jay:  We are going to build the biggest pile of nothing that has ever been built, this Sunday at Noon ET.
Matt:  And President Obama better not say that we didn’t build it.
Jay:  Damn right.  Talk to you this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET Matt-Man.
Matt:  Ditto Jayman!!

To catch Jay, Matt, and the Dog Days of Summer IWS Radio Show LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET, you can click right HERE.