Vacation Is Over...Ammo Up Christians; It's The War on Christmas 2014

Cheers and Hola.  We here at IWS Radio hope that all of you enjoyed your Thanksgiving week as much as we did.  As you can tell, or maybe not, since you don’t visit the website that often, that Jay and Matt were pretty much off this week.  In fact…

They didn't even do an IWS Radio Show last week.  Well…let me tell you.  They are back tomorrow…

WITH A VENGEANCE!!

Even Rolling Stone magazine has something to say about tomorrow’s IWS Radio Show:

“Recently thankful Americans are cursing all of their Thanksgiving leftovers. Hopeful bargain hunters spent Black Friday cursing each other, and in Ferguson, MO., people are cursing their pizza cravings after burning down their only Little Caesar’s. People are angry man; they’re really angry, and it all stems from a common thread…

People are once again hating on the Holy Baby Jesus and his upcoming birthday, so…

Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio players recap the recent Thanksgiving holiday, analyze the current and ongoing outbursts of anger, and kickoff the 2014 War on Christmas. No nativity scene is safe from secularists and any bell ringer or Wal*Mart greeter who utters Happy Holidays will be promptly pummeled by a soldier of Christ.  

Jay and Matt try to make sense of it all, rein in the madness, and take your phone calls at 661.244.9852 as IWS Radio braces itself and America for the 2014 War on Christmas.”

High praise indeed coming from a secularist, rock ’n’ roll publication. And, well…We are comfortable with that.

So…

Join IWS Radio tomorrow LIVE from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio as Jay and Matt recap recent events and suit up, arm up, and prepare for the War On Christmas 2014.

To listen LIVE click HERE!!

IWS Radio: Grillin' and Chillin' in Flanders Fields

Saturdays here on the IWS Radio website, typically involve a transcript of the intense show prep session in which Jay and Matt engage on Thursday mornings, but this Saturday..?

We here at IWS Radio know that this weekend being the official unofficial kick-off to summer, a time to reflect soberly upon the passing of those who gave all for this country, and a time to fire up the grill, get drunk and beat your spouse, perhaps you haven’t the time nor focus to read our provocative show prep transcript so…

Allow us to get straight to the point.

LIVE this Sunday May 25th from Noon-2 PM ET, the funniest, smartest, and most inclusive comedy show on Blog Talk Radio will be celebrating the somber and reflective Memorial Day Weekend as most Americans do…by Grillin’ and Chillin’ with Controversial Ingredients.

That’s right.

Jay, Matt, Bobby Kraft, Slyder Balzcock, Joshua, and Stubby Stonehenge will be on hand to set just the right tempo, tone, and timbre within the graveyards of our fallen, and the backyards of our barbecues, and get you into the Memorial Day mood.

Tammy Tibbles will bring some soul crushing happiness for all, Buddy Acapella will bring down the house with a moving rendition of Taps, and Canada’s own Jamie Mapleleaf will undoubtedly be lurking about providing north of the border hotness.

Jayman will be introducing the newest member of the IWS Radio team, as KleeShay Johnson makes his debut on the show.

The Jayman will speak out about his harrowing trip to Wal*Mart as well, as Matt-Man may wonder aloud about how he came to be BFFs with an uber-patriotic right wing hottie who often appears on FOX News.

IWS Radio will also talk about food.  Brat versus Sausage versus Burger versus fish on the grill. Really? Fish on the grill?

And what kind of person are you?  Gas Grill or Charcoal?

These are important matters, and IWS Radio will cover them all for you…and folks…We have the pleasure of having Giada de Laurentiis and her husband Todd stopping by with her their thoughts on what constitutes the perfect cook-out.

All of this somber yet hilarious action, plus your phone calls LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET on IWS Radio.

To listen LIVE and prove yourself to be a true God-Fearing, God-Loving American, you click right HERE!!

Winter Storms and PETA Attacks

Hola y’all! Man, winter is just never going to end, huh? Oh I know it’s only February 4, but dammit, winter has been going on for months and months and months and I’m ready for it to be over. By the time this is posted, it will almost be time for our second winter storm in three days to hit. Of course the one on Sunday wasn’t supposed to happen.

As of late Saturday the weather “experts” were saying we would get “barely a dusting” of snow. By mid-morning this was our “dusting” …

By early afternoon the snow was still dusting away out there!

In the end we got somewhere around five inches of dusting. The weatherman didn’t even have the decency to be embarrassed at missing by that much. Just warned us that the roads were treacherous and to stay home if we didn’t have to go anywhere.

Luckily though it was just snow though and there wasn’t any sleet or freezing rain. Better than that, it was the really soft snow that doesn’t pack down. It was super easy to clear the car off and snow plows out on Sunday night and some salting left the roads in good shape on Monday. So, with a storm of indeterminate size coming tomorrow followed by bitterly cold weather and more snow on Thursday, Friday and maybe Saturday, I decided I should hit up Walmart. I put on my usual winter weather attire and headed out…

Needless to say there was some panic buying in Redneckville as many people were afraid they wouldn’t get their toast for breakfast this week …

It was pandemonium at the registers as every single lane was six or seven people deep.

And every GOT-DAMN person wanted a price match from the ads in the paper and then to either pay with exact change or by writing a check. Oh no, not “let the cashier auto print the check” either. They wanted to write it out themselves and then dig around for their driver’s license. The whole time I was just staring at my package of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Oreos.

They’re amazing y’all! Anyway, I spent more time in line than I did wandering around looking for the stuff I needed. When I finally made it through I was leaving the store when I realized that not only was there paparazzi outside, but some damn PETA protesters were there too. I was just about to show them my pound of hamburger meat that I bought when one of those PETA freaks attacked me and ruined by winter coat!!

Can you believe how these people behave? They have no social graces whatsoever! I should sue them not only for the cost of my dry cleaning bill, but for my pain and suffering.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

Zimmerman, Cheney and Walmart: Scumbags Gone Wild

Holaaaaaa y’all! There is one thing that is completely and totally obvious to me and should be to everyone else: The Scumbags Always Win.

Yup, people who are pieces of shit always win. Everything always works out for them and when it doesn’t, someone (or the government) steps in and saves them. Let’s take a look at today’s scumbags …

- George Zimmerman! Oh look! If it’s a day that ends in “y” then George Zimmerman must be in jail for a domestic dispute. Oh I know, it’s not his fault. It’s NEVER HIS FAULT! Sure he’s been arrested five times for domestic violence in his life and twice he has pointed or threatened his wife/girlfriend with a gun, but it wasn’t his fault. He’s a sweet, innocent victim of all these horrible people. And that unarmed teenager he shot and killed? He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Today’s incident has resulted in George being charged assault and battery after pointing a shotgun at his girlfriend. Don’t worry though, he’ll skate like always. People like George always go free. The NRA and other right wing organizations will be there to pay for everything again too.

I have seen a few women say things like “George Zimmerman has a girlfriend? How???” Isn’t that cute how they do that? Women are so naïve like that. Let me tell ya folks, behind every scumbag woman abusing murdering piece of shit guy is a long line of women wanting to get with him. I’ll never understand it either.

- Liz Cheney! Man, what a fun time it’s gonna be at the Cheney’s on Thanksgiving! Seems as though a little family tiff has blown wide open and in public no less! Liz Cheney is seeking the republican nomination for the US Senate in Wyoming (a state she may or may not live in) and to win the republican nomination she has be the most extreme hate-filled bigot imaginable.

So she has decided to publicly condemn her sister Mary who is in a same sex marriage with her longtime partner. Needless to say Mary isn’t all that impressed with Liz’s public pandering to scumbags and decided to let her know it publicly.

For their part Mommy and Daddy Cheney put out a statement today that basically says “politics first girls.” What a beautiful family they are huh? I can feel the warmth and love from here.

You know, I never really gave Liz Cheney much chance to oust sitting senator, far right-wing crazy Mike Enzi, but now I think she might. This kind of public scumbaggery probably gives her an advantage.

- Walmart! There is a Walmart in the Cleveland, OH area that is holding a food drive. Isn’t that a nice thing to do? A big, extremely profitable corporation is giving back to the community by holding a food drive for people who can’t afford to have a decent meal this Thanksgiving. That just makes me feel so good and frankly helps to restore my faith in humanity.

What? OHHHHHHHHHHHHH! They’re holding the food drive so Walmart employees can have a decent meal this Thanksgiving? One of the most profitable companies in the world pays its employees so little that they have to hold food drive for them? And that corporation is asking its customers “Hey, buy some extra groceries here at Walmart and then on your way out, put some food items in these bins for OUR EMPLOYEES!!!???

I fucking give up!

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS 

Gov. John Kasich Says, "Arkansas Sucks!!"

My fellow Americans, and especially my fellow Ohioans…

I come to you today on the webpage of IWS Radio in order to set the record straight about the Great State of Ohio after she and her citizenry came under a vile and vicious verbal attack yesterday by the Arkansas half of the IWS Radio tandem, Jayman.

Hi.  John Kasich, Governor of the Great State of Ohio here, but today you can call me…

Johnny Buckeye, the Stand-Up Comedian and today I am executive ordering a little rebuttal type ribbing toward those inbreds my friends down in Arkansas.

Now Jayman wants to get rid of Ohio by giving it to Canada.  He was nice enough to say that Ohioans who wanted remain part of the U.S., could move to Morgantown, WV.  I thought to myself…Why did he pick Morgantown, WV.?  And then it hit me!!

Morgantown is home to the University of West Virginia which just like Fayetteville, AR., houses one of the crappiest of college football programs in the country.  Jayman was simply going with what he is familiar with. O-Hiiiiii-Oh!!

In Columbus?  We have THE Ohio State Buckeyes, a football program that knows how to win!!

Jayman went on by spitting his venom upon the grand and historic Ohio cities of Cleveland and Cincinnati.  He referred to them as ghettos.  Ghettos?  Hell if you want a ghetto move to Arkansas and live halfway between the towns of Pea City and Gassville.  Talk about a filthy stench hole!!  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

I also notice that in Arkansas, they have cities named Stuttgart and Hamburg.  Hmmmmm?  Maybe we should have bombed the Arkansas cities of Stuttgart and Hamburg instead of the ones in Germany during WWII.  O-Hiiiiii-Oh!!

And Jayman lives in Harrison, a city that boasts a population of 12,943.  Ha.  Really?  That’s fewer people than I make in dollars in contributions during nine holes of golf.  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

Hey!!  What do you call a person in Arkansas that speaks perfect English, has perfect manners, and is married to someone to whom they are not related?  A tourist!!  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

On a serious note, however…Y’know?  Jayman’s post yesterday began around the tragic and terrifying kidnapping and ten year imprisonment and enslavement of Amanda Berry and the other two young girls.

Those young girls were forced to be chained against their will, have sex against their will, and sadly in at least one instance, become impregnated against their will by Ariel Castro.  And, as the Governor and Chief Comforter of Ohio, I have to say…

Here in Ohio, we call that a crime beyond all crimes.  In Arkansas?

They call that, one helluva rollicking good Family Reunion!!  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

I also find it funny that Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush 41, and Bush 43 retired to their home states after their Presidencies.  Bill Clinton?  Nope, he moved to New York all the while saying…

“Arkansas is a good place to be FROM!!”  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

But, as I keep this all good-natured, I have to say that I respect Arkansans, or Arkansawyers, or whatever the hell else they call themselves now, because they are part of the fabric that makes these United States of America great.

And seriously?  What would we do if we didn’t have Arkansas as part of our union, and our brotherhood, and our kinship?

Hmmmmm…Ha…We’d skip Wal*Mart and buy factory direct from China.  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

Thanks for your time ladies and gentlemen and remember there are only three things in life that matter…

Trying the veal, tipping your waitress, and passing draconian Right-to-Work legislation.

Peace Out,

Gov. John Kasich (R-OH)

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Wine Makes the Winter Go Quickly

Cheers and a cordial Friday to you all.  Matt-Man here.

A Matt-Man who is feeling, shall we say, slightly moderated and oh, I don’t know, rustic, in the sense of sharp cheese, crusty bread, washed back with a good wine kind of way.

Yes indeed, my friends.  I do get to feeling this way at this time of year…The time of year when the January winds blow cold and raw, ushering in nothing but snow…and ice…and of course, the gray, low hanging skies of despair.

This is the time of year when the light of the sun is turned way down low, and the howling winds along with the banshee cries of crows foraging for parking lot French Fries thrown asunder by Wal*Mart shoppers, de-harmonize into a cacophony of every awful 70’s porn sound track ever made.

And as the low winter sky dims, and the discordant symphony echoes through every forest, glen, and valley, Mother Nature and Old Man Winter get their groove on above us.

As their sick and surreal bodies writhe in pleasure during their frigid and frozen lovemaking, we, against our collective will, become the recipients and caretakers of their offspring.

The winter twins known as, Heartache and Sorrow.

But my friends, do not allow your timbers to be shivered, for there is hope.  There is a panacea that helps to preempt the evil duo’s procreation and prevent the prodigy of the pernicious winter pair from visiting your parlor.

I discovered it years ago during the, I Lost My Big Toe Due to Hypothermia Winter of Aught Three. It is called…Wine.

I know.  I know.  Matt-Man is a big beer drinker you say in disbelief, but c’mon, as you know, I also enjoy my share of Wild Irish Rose.

I know. I know. You reply once more, “But that’s not really wine. That’s a death sentence.”  Please…it is more than wine; it’s a life giving force.  However…

If you’re not into the, in your face force of Wild Irish Rose, you can always drink a wine called Flowerface in order to get you through the doldrums of winter.

I have tried it and I love it; although for me, it does have one drawback…It has an actual cork.  As more of connoisseur of twist off wines, I was at first hesitant, but…

I fear the cork no longer, and will drink it again and again especially in the winter, and why is that, you ask?

In addition to the well-noticed, but not overpowering taste, it is perhaps the most aromatic wine I have ever had.  The aroma is prefect for winter drinking, because once you open the bottle, it smells like spring.

When I opened a bottle of Flowerface the other night and the aroma embraced my nose, I was envisioning dancing naked ‘neath a warm and life-giving vernal rain shower, as flowers budded and burgeoned around me, and my neighbor screamed, “Why are you dancing naked in my garden?  I’m calling the police!!”

And while the dancing naked in a neighbor’s garden may be a bit of poetic license on my part, the smell of the Flowerface wine that I experienced, is not.  It is very good.

So there you have it.  Matt-Man being helpful as always, and helping you to get through the doldrums of winter with my ultimate word of advice…

Drink more wine, and if you’d like to drink a bottle of what Spring feels like, contact MCM Imports and they can hook you up on where to get some Flowerface, and their other fine wines.

Of course, as I am also true to my love of the Bagwine that is Wild Irish Rose…Here’s an old video of Jayman, for the first time, drinking a bottle of WIR that I had sent him:

                           
Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS

People Continue to Suck

Hola Bitches! Speaking of Cold and Flu Season, and we were …

You know, we spend a lot of time in this country making fun of people we run into at Walmart. And with good reason too. Some of the most ridiculous members of society frequent that place. Not to mention some of the most violent like to go there on Black Friday.

But you know what? Walgreens isn’t much of a step up. Just because people are paying outrages and honestly, sometimes offensive prices for the same stuff they could get at Walmart much cheaper, doesn’t mean they’re a better class of shopper. These people will walk right in front of you and stand there even though it’s obvious you were looking at something on the shelf too.

They’ll run into an old friend, or someone they talk to every day, and stand there blocking the aisle talking and not care who they are inconveniencing just like Walmarters will. They’ll let their demon spawn run free pretty much everywhere also. And, they’ll wait until everything is rung up and THEN get their checkbook out. This is one of my favorite things people do. So fucking annoying.

But, it’s over at the pharmacy where things always get interesting. Walgreen’s pharmacy does the same thing banks do. Despite the fact that they get really busy during lunchtime when people are trying to run in and pick up their prescriptions, they allow their people to go to lunch during that busy time too, rather than earlier or later than the “noon rush.” I just don’t understand this.

However, as I said, it’s the customers who make going there really special. Just the other day I was there and there was a bit of a line. I decided since I was already there, I would just stay and stand in line. The lady sitting in a chair informed me that she was in line, but felt too bad to stand, which was perfectly understandable.

So, as we’re waiting, she starts talking about how cold it is and how she wished she had never moved back here from Florida where she had lived the last eight years. She kept talking about the great weather there, living five minutes from the beach, there was so much to do there and on and on and on.

Then, as the line was getting smaller she got up and took her place in front of me. She then turned to me and said “And, in eight years in Florida I never got sick once! But, I move back here and I have had two colds and now pneumonia.”

When I finally got to the counter they told me that the prescription hadn’t been filled yet and it was “on the truck” and would not be available for a while.

So, I stood there in line with Ratso Rizzo’s long lost sister spewing her pneumonia germs right in my face while talking about how great Florida is compared to Arkansas and they didn’t even have the prescription that they were given three days advance notice to fill. How freaking great is that?

And people wonder why I wish I lived in a place where everything from prescriptions to beer to groceries can be ordered online and then delivered and you never have to deal with people.

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

--

In other news, last Saturday on I’m With Stupid we talked writing. Books, writers, authors and a little bit about writing styles and blogging. Good friend of the show Mike called in so he could make his voice heard too.

It was an excellent show and an all-around good time for all. So, check it out if you get the chance and don’t hesitate to tell your friends about us.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio