Hola y’all! Like most of you out there I have been glued to
the TV mesmerized by the saga going on in Cleveland. No, not the fact that
Indians, Cavaliers and Browns will all continue to suck for the next decade,
but the Ohio Kidnapping Case! *insert dramatic music here*
I just can’t stop watching the coverage of the story because
it is the craziest kidnapping story I can ever remember. I would also like to
take this time to invite Mr. Charles Ramsey onto IWS Radio sometime. He seems
like a fun guy. While watching all of this, a few thoughts suddenly struck me. Like
…
Is Ohio really necessary? Do we really need that state
anymore? Could Ohio have outlived its usefulness for America?
Granted a few Ohioans have made very good contributions to
America. People like Neil Armstrong, John Glenn, Jesse Owens and Phyllis Diller
come to mind immediately. Unfortunately, Ohio also produced Charles Manson and
Charles Keating, so it all balances out, right? It really seems as though,
unlike the rest of America, Ohio’s best days are behind it. Hell, After Ohio
produced presidents, statesmen and captains of industry back in the day, things
got pretty slow. Right now the only person of note Ohio has produced is THIS
GUY …
Did you know that Ohio actually went to war with Michigan
once over TOLEDO? Seriously! They went to war to KEEP Toledo. That’s how whack
Ohio is. I just don’t think American needs that kind of silliness anymore.
My proposal is that we give Ohio to Canada. Think about it!
We just gift Canada the entire state of Ohio as a gesture of goodwill and to
further solidify the two country’s friendship. Canada gets both Cincinnati AND
Cleveland. Both of those ghettos cities are way better than anything they have.
Even though you have to give current (legal) Ohio residents the option of
staying in America by moving to say, Morgantown, WV, Canada will still easily
double its population, right? I mean, I haven’t run the numbers, but that seems
right. AAAAAAND, Canada probably increases its number of black people by about
2,000% along with picking up a few Amish folks to boot! Diversity is a big deal
to them.
Canada also adds TWO NFL teams, TWO MLB teams and an NBA
team. You know they’ve been looking for a way to do that forever. They also get
some farmland that isn’t frozen solid ten months out of the year. Most
importantly Canada gets possession of the house that was used in “A Christmas
Story” AND the Leg Lamp!
No way Canada turns all this down.
American on the other hand gets to rid ourselves of Ohio and
the problems that state keeps bringing us. No more will we have to spend four
solid years listening to MSNBC’s Chuck Todd droning on and on and on about how
Ohio is the “most important state in the electoral college” while ignoring the
fact that Colorado, Nevada and Virginia are actually ahead of Ohio on the “tipping
point states” list. That combined with eliminating John Kasich and John Boehner
as political figures and getting rid of tOSU fans makes this the best deal we
could ever make. Maybe even better than the Louisiana Purchase.
I know there will be people out there who think Canada
should probably pay us for Ohio. Or maybe Canada should swap Vancouver or possibly
Windsor for Ohio. I say absolutely not. Besides, people who want compensation
for Ohio forget that Canada has already given us something we can’t put a price
tag on …. Celine Dion!
Giving them Ohio as payment for Celine Dion is the least we
can do.
14 comments:
This brings up a great point: How many states are really pulling their weight?
Sure, people have been talking about sawing Florida off for years, but... Wyoming?
Wyoming? I'm not even sure that they have enough people there to be admitted to the union, if they had to apply today.
Plus I tried to list all of the states a few months ago and could not remember Indiana, so they can go.
It's time for some quality control! says the Texan...)
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I Canada took Ohio it would make the trip to the East coast 300 miles shorter, right?
To say I'm outraged and hurt would be an understatement, so I'll let my feelings be known through the immortal words of fellow Ohioan, the late Paul Lynde...
"Sandwiches are wonderful. You don't need a spoon or a plate!"
Cheers!!
Matt-Man
Why do you hate Canada so much?
Katy Anders: There are other states that one can argue aren't really needed and Wyoming is a good example.
Jay
Mike: That sounds about right.
Jay
Matt-Man: If Paul Lynde were still alive today that would change things. America would NEVER give him away.
Jay
Margaret: If I hated Canada I would have offered to give them Michigan. ha! ;-)
Jay
No, no, no. You give Ohio to Canada and Canada gives you Bieber??? NAH!
Edita
www.pret-a-reporter.co.uk
Edita: We will have to enter into discussions about how to punish Canada for sending Justin Bieber here. I afraid it won't be pretty.
Jay
Ohio is OK, it's Ohio drivers that are the real menace.
Steven: They are a problem on the roads.
Jay
I'm sorry, but this is idiotic. I know that you are entitled to your opinion, but the r\fact remains that we, as a nation, can not just simply GIVE Canada a state. Also, there are so many other cities that are worse than the two you mentioned. I agree that our fans are insane and moronic. Honestly though, you can't base your entire view on the state based on that. On top of that, not all the fans are like that. As for the kidnappings, it is ONE intance. Have you forgotten about the author Dave Pelzer? Look that guy up. He was TORTURED on a daily basis by his mother. The things she did are insane.
I just want to ask you to maybe reevaluate some things because Ohio is not what you say it is. It's not the best but DEFINITELY not the worst. By far. Thanks
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