IWS Person of the Week: The University of Dayton Men's Basketball Team

This week has been full of Vladimir Putin acting like the short, yet squeaky wheel that he is.

As usual, Sean Hannity has been suffering from menstrual cramps and blaming his pain on President Obama, and…

The mystery of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370 remains unsolved.

Putin, Hannity, and/or Capt. Zahari Ahmad Shah could have been the IWS Person of the Week this week, but persons much bigger and more likable, captured the imagination of us all and are more than worthy of the title…

IWS Persons of the Week, and those folks are…

The University of Dayton Men’s Basketball Team!!

On Thursday of this week, THE UD Flyers kicked off March Madness by defeating and humiliating an Ohio State University basketball program, sending the Buckeyes back to Cowtown…

And?  The Dayton Daily News reported this event as only it could be reported…

Last night during the NCAA Round of 32 the lowly boys from Dayton, Ohio were expected to cower before yet another Goliath of NCAA Basketball.

The Big.  The Bad.  The former titans of the Big East and now of the ACC...The Orangemen of Syracuse.

Pffffffffffffft.

The Flyers did not cower.  They did not hide.  They did not make a free-throw to save their lives, and yet?

They defeated Syracuse and now, move on to the Sweet Sixteen.  So…

Here’s to the Dayton Flyers...a team that has reached the National Championship before, and just may do it again!!

And for more on March Madness, how winter is clinging to the world, and a hodgepodge of other news, join IWS Radio LIVE today from Noon-2 PM ET as Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio gang light up the airwaves and the laughter while double-dribbling the issues of the day with major sarcasm.

To join the fun and frivolity LIVE, click HERE!!

Big Ten Football Preview 2013...OH-IO!!

Are you ready for some football, America!!?

Hiya my fellow college football fans….

Tank Patterson (B.S. Agri-Business, THE Ohio State University ‘77) here for IWS.

Now yesterday, Jayman posted a preview of the upcoming 2013 SEC Football season, and upon reading it, I said to myself…

“Tank?  You should preview the upcoming 2013 football season for the only NCAA Football conference that matters, that being the Big Ten Conference.”

So…Here I am.  Tank Patterson, 1977 graduate of THE Ohio State University.  So, here goes, in order of where each team will finish…

Leaders Division

THE Ohio State University:  If Braxton Miller can stay out of trouble, and our beloved Buckeyes can dodge the early landmines of such high powered teams such as Buffalo, San Diego St., Cal, and Florida A&M, we will be prepared to run through our conference schedule like a combine through a drought stricken corn field.

Wisconsin:  The Badgers come to OUR house this year.  Prepare to see a lot of people wearing scarlet and red that game…the red being the blood of 22 Wisconsin Badgers lying dead on the sacred turf of OUR house!!

Penn State:  They come to Columbus on October 26th.  That’s pretty close to Halloween, so hide the kids. Those perverts will be offering candy to all of the precious little kids in OUR city.

Purdue:  Ooooooooo, Purdue…Oooooooo, we’re so scared of you, Purdue.  Kicking your ass in Ross-Ade Stadium this year would be a great memory except for the fact that I, my wife, and my family have to spend the night in West Lafayette, IN. in order to watch it happen.

Indiana:  Seriously?  Why do you guys even bother?  You are barely a basketball school anymore.

Illinois:  We go on the road for the second week in a row to play you after Purdue.  Looking for an upset of us?  Perhaps you and the Fighting Illini’ tribe would be better served by making reservations for a scalping!!

Legends Divison

Nebraska:  Remember when you guys were feared? Remember Tom Osborne?  Remember when you joined the Big Ten and much to your chagrin found out that even Ohio has a more moderate winter climate than yours?  Take That!! Cornsuckers!!

The Team That Must Not Be Mentioned:  What do you call a Wolverine football player with a National Championship ring?  A Thief!!

Northwestern:  Hey Smarty Pants, we play you in the “jewel of the Midwest” Evanston, IL. on October 5th…Are you going to trick us by running counter-intuitive plays, or perhaps try to stifle our offense with your defensive mind meld antics?  Your SAT score doesn’t trump the scoreboard on the field.

Michigan State:  Ha…Every year, “people in the know” say that this is YOUR year Sparty…Hell, we’re going to beat you 42-0 this year, and we don’t even play you!!

Minnesota:  The Golden Gophers are rebuilding and revitalizing their program this year, which means they may actually win a game or two…or not.

Iowa:  Kirk Ferentz is quite the head coach.  I know Ferentz is an Iowa grad, but man, he has the IQ of a Northwestern grad, because anyone with his dismal record who can still retain his job, is fucking brilliant!!

See you on October 19th, Kirk…unless the IU administration comes to their senses.

So there you have it folks…a fair and balanced break down and preview of the 2013 Big Ten Football Season.

Here’s to the upcoming college football season, and to Jay and Matt, and here’s to THE Ohio State University.  The best of the best.

OH-IO!!

Tank Patterson

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
Matt’s Facebook Page

Gov. John Kasich Says, "Arkansas Sucks!!"

My fellow Americans, and especially my fellow Ohioans…

I come to you today on the webpage of IWS Radio in order to set the record straight about the Great State of Ohio after she and her citizenry came under a vile and vicious verbal attack yesterday by the Arkansas half of the IWS Radio tandem, Jayman.

Hi.  John Kasich, Governor of the Great State of Ohio here, but today you can call me…

Johnny Buckeye, the Stand-Up Comedian and today I am executive ordering a little rebuttal type ribbing toward those inbreds my friends down in Arkansas.

Now Jayman wants to get rid of Ohio by giving it to Canada.  He was nice enough to say that Ohioans who wanted remain part of the U.S., could move to Morgantown, WV.  I thought to myself…Why did he pick Morgantown, WV.?  And then it hit me!!

Morgantown is home to the University of West Virginia which just like Fayetteville, AR., houses one of the crappiest of college football programs in the country.  Jayman was simply going with what he is familiar with. O-Hiiiiii-Oh!!

In Columbus?  We have THE Ohio State Buckeyes, a football program that knows how to win!!

Jayman went on by spitting his venom upon the grand and historic Ohio cities of Cleveland and Cincinnati.  He referred to them as ghettos.  Ghettos?  Hell if you want a ghetto move to Arkansas and live halfway between the towns of Pea City and Gassville.  Talk about a filthy stench hole!!  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

I also notice that in Arkansas, they have cities named Stuttgart and Hamburg.  Hmmmmm?  Maybe we should have bombed the Arkansas cities of Stuttgart and Hamburg instead of the ones in Germany during WWII.  O-Hiiiiii-Oh!!

And Jayman lives in Harrison, a city that boasts a population of 12,943.  Ha.  Really?  That’s fewer people than I make in dollars in contributions during nine holes of golf.  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

Hey!!  What do you call a person in Arkansas that speaks perfect English, has perfect manners, and is married to someone to whom they are not related?  A tourist!!  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

On a serious note, however…Y’know?  Jayman’s post yesterday began around the tragic and terrifying kidnapping and ten year imprisonment and enslavement of Amanda Berry and the other two young girls.

Those young girls were forced to be chained against their will, have sex against their will, and sadly in at least one instance, become impregnated against their will by Ariel Castro.  And, as the Governor and Chief Comforter of Ohio, I have to say…

Here in Ohio, we call that a crime beyond all crimes.  In Arkansas?

They call that, one helluva rollicking good Family Reunion!!  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

I also find it funny that Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush 41, and Bush 43 retired to their home states after their Presidencies.  Bill Clinton?  Nope, he moved to New York all the while saying…

“Arkansas is a good place to be FROM!!”  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

But, as I keep this all good-natured, I have to say that I respect Arkansans, or Arkansawyers, or whatever the hell else they call themselves now, because they are part of the fabric that makes these United States of America great.

And seriously?  What would we do if we didn’t have Arkansas as part of our union, and our brotherhood, and our kinship?

Hmmmmm…Ha…We’d skip Wal*Mart and buy factory direct from China.  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

Thanks for your time ladies and gentlemen and remember there are only three things in life that matter…

Trying the veal, tipping your waitress, and passing draconian Right-to-Work legislation.

Peace Out,

Gov. John Kasich (R-OH)

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Do We Really Need Ohio?

Hola y’all! Like most of you out there I have been glued to the TV mesmerized by the saga going on in Cleveland. No, not the fact that Indians, Cavaliers and Browns will all continue to suck for the next decade, but the Ohio Kidnapping Case! *insert dramatic music here*

I just can’t stop watching the coverage of the story because it is the craziest kidnapping story I can ever remember. I would also like to take this time to invite Mr. Charles Ramsey onto IWS Radio sometime. He seems like a fun guy. While watching all of this, a few thoughts suddenly struck me. Like …

Is Ohio really necessary? Do we really need that state anymore? Could Ohio have outlived its usefulness for America?

Granted a few Ohioans have made very good contributions to America. People like Neil Armstrong, John Glenn, Jesse Owens and Phyllis Diller come to mind immediately. Unfortunately, Ohio also produced Charles Manson and Charles Keating, so it all balances out, right? It really seems as though, unlike the rest of America, Ohio’s best days are behind it. Hell, After Ohio produced presidents, statesmen and captains of industry back in the day, things got pretty slow. Right now the only person of note Ohio has produced is THIS GUY …

 IKNOWRITE? Dark days for the Buckeye State, my friends. Speaking of Buckeyes … OMG! We could totally live without THE Ohio State University and their obnoxious, delusional fans. You can’t tell me that America doesn’t become instantly better by getting rid of tOSU.

Did you know that Ohio actually went to war with Michigan once over TOLEDO? Seriously! They went to war to KEEP Toledo. That’s how whack Ohio is. I just don’t think American needs that kind of silliness anymore.

My proposal is that we give Ohio to Canada. Think about it! We just gift Canada the entire state of Ohio as a gesture of goodwill and to further solidify the two country’s friendship. Canada gets both Cincinnati AND Cleveland. Both of those ghettos cities are way better than anything they have. Even though you have to give current (legal) Ohio residents the option of staying in America by moving to say, Morgantown, WV, Canada will still easily double its population, right? I mean, I haven’t run the numbers, but that seems right. AAAAAAND, Canada probably increases its number of black people by about 2,000% along with picking up a few Amish folks to boot! Diversity is a big deal to them.

Canada also adds TWO NFL teams, TWO MLB teams and an NBA team. You know they’ve been looking for a way to do that forever. They also get some farmland that isn’t frozen solid ten months out of the year. Most importantly Canada gets possession of the house that was used in “A Christmas Story” AND the Leg Lamp!

No way Canada turns all this down.

American on the other hand gets to rid ourselves of Ohio and the problems that state keeps bringing us. No more will we have to spend four solid years listening to MSNBC’s Chuck Todd droning on and on and on about how Ohio is the “most important state in the electoral college” while ignoring the fact that Colorado, Nevada and Virginia are actually ahead of Ohio on the “tipping point states” list. That combined with eliminating John Kasich and John Boehner as political figures and getting rid of tOSU fans makes this the best deal we could ever make. Maybe even better than the Louisiana Purchase.

I know there will be people out there who think Canada should probably pay us for Ohio. Or maybe Canada should swap Vancouver or possibly Windsor for Ohio. I say absolutely not. Besides, people who want compensation for Ohio forget that Canada has already given us something we can’t put a price tag on …. Celine Dion!

Giving them Ohio as payment for Celine Dion is the least we can do.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS