John Said, Mike Said (614) 466-3555

Today sitting in for Matt and Jay on the weekly MSJS address, Gov. John Kasich (R-OH) and Gov. Mike Beebe (D-AR)…

John:  Hello.  Gov. Kasich here.  How may I misdirect your call?
Mike:  John, it’s Beebe returning your call.  What’s up?
John:  Oh Hi Mike.  We’ve got a problem.
Mike:  What’s that?
John:  My boy Matt-Man and your boy Jayman, have been stuck at #2 in the BTR ratings for like six weeks.

Mike:  Yeah, I noticed that.  And the dude who has been #1 really sucks.
John:  Yeah, I like the fact that the numero uno dude is a Barack basher, but maaaaaan…he blows.
Mike:  He blows more than the late Marion Berry.  Ha!!
John:  I don’t get it.
Mike:  Never mind.

John:  So…um…anyway, I was thinking that you and I should promote our homies and get them back to #1.
Mike:  Damn right we should.  I was thinking I could hide 50K in the tornado relief allocations.
John:  I could easily bury 50K in a bill designed to improve the output of Ohio dairy cows.
Mike:  We could buy $100,000 worth of computers and continually download their shows.
John:  Just like that rightwing, yet unfunny Mike guy does.
Mike:  You mean just like that unfunny Mike guy, allegedly does.
John:  Of course!!
Mike and John:  Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

Mike:  Now that we have that problem settled, how are things going for ya gubernatorial wise?
John:  Oh pretty good, but I’m just not picking up as much high class trim that I thought I would.
Mike:  Really?  I haven’t had any problems in that area, but most Arkansan governors do pretty well.
John:  Damn…What’s your secret down there?
Mike:  Well most Arkansas governors are taller than 4’6” tall.
John:  Damn…I guess size does matter.

Mike:  How’s your re-election coming?
John:  I’m running against some dude that no one knows.  I’ll get at least 55% of the vote.
Mike:  That’s because you are so damn close to the people.
John:  I do like to “get down with the masses.”
Mike:  No, I meant that at 4’6”, you literally are closer to them.
John:  Ha…I know you kid because you love.

Mike:  I do.  And I love our Jay, Matt, and IWS Radio.
John:  Dang right, and we need people to listen and call-in to their Mother’s Day show.
Mike:  If people don’t listen and call-in to IWS Radio this Sunday, they hate their mothers and America.
John:  Godless heathens.
Mike:  America Haters.

John:  So, you gonna be listening to them Sunday?
Mike:  Oh hell no.  I’ll let our computer banks do the listening.
John:  Me too.  I’ll be busy doing stretching exercises.
Mike:  Good call.  Good talking to you again John.
John:  You too, Mike.

Mike:  Let’s get these boys back to #1.
John:  Dang right.
Mike and John:  C’mon folks…Our boys are funnier and they are honoring all mothers this Mother’s Day click right HERE and listen to IWS Radio LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.   

Gov. John Kasich Says, "Arkansas Sucks!!"

My fellow Americans, and especially my fellow Ohioans…

I come to you today on the webpage of IWS Radio in order to set the record straight about the Great State of Ohio after she and her citizenry came under a vile and vicious verbal attack yesterday by the Arkansas half of the IWS Radio tandem, Jayman.

Hi.  John Kasich, Governor of the Great State of Ohio here, but today you can call me…

Johnny Buckeye, the Stand-Up Comedian and today I am executive ordering a little rebuttal type ribbing toward those inbreds my friends down in Arkansas.

Now Jayman wants to get rid of Ohio by giving it to Canada.  He was nice enough to say that Ohioans who wanted remain part of the U.S., could move to Morgantown, WV.  I thought to myself…Why did he pick Morgantown, WV.?  And then it hit me!!

Morgantown is home to the University of West Virginia which just like Fayetteville, AR., houses one of the crappiest of college football programs in the country.  Jayman was simply going with what he is familiar with. O-Hiiiiii-Oh!!

In Columbus?  We have THE Ohio State Buckeyes, a football program that knows how to win!!

Jayman went on by spitting his venom upon the grand and historic Ohio cities of Cleveland and Cincinnati.  He referred to them as ghettos.  Ghettos?  Hell if you want a ghetto move to Arkansas and live halfway between the towns of Pea City and Gassville.  Talk about a filthy stench hole!!  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

I also notice that in Arkansas, they have cities named Stuttgart and Hamburg.  Hmmmmm?  Maybe we should have bombed the Arkansas cities of Stuttgart and Hamburg instead of the ones in Germany during WWII.  O-Hiiiiii-Oh!!

And Jayman lives in Harrison, a city that boasts a population of 12,943.  Ha.  Really?  That’s fewer people than I make in dollars in contributions during nine holes of golf.  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

Hey!!  What do you call a person in Arkansas that speaks perfect English, has perfect manners, and is married to someone to whom they are not related?  A tourist!!  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

On a serious note, however…Y’know?  Jayman’s post yesterday began around the tragic and terrifying kidnapping and ten year imprisonment and enslavement of Amanda Berry and the other two young girls.

Those young girls were forced to be chained against their will, have sex against their will, and sadly in at least one instance, become impregnated against their will by Ariel Castro.  And, as the Governor and Chief Comforter of Ohio, I have to say…

Here in Ohio, we call that a crime beyond all crimes.  In Arkansas?

They call that, one helluva rollicking good Family Reunion!!  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

I also find it funny that Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush 41, and Bush 43 retired to their home states after their Presidencies.  Bill Clinton?  Nope, he moved to New York all the while saying…

“Arkansas is a good place to be FROM!!”  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

But, as I keep this all good-natured, I have to say that I respect Arkansans, or Arkansawyers, or whatever the hell else they call themselves now, because they are part of the fabric that makes these United States of America great.

And seriously?  What would we do if we didn’t have Arkansas as part of our union, and our brotherhood, and our kinship?

Hmmmmm…Ha…We’d skip Wal*Mart and buy factory direct from China.  O-Hiiiiii-O!!

Thanks for your time ladies and gentlemen and remember there are only three things in life that matter…

Trying the veal, tipping your waitress, and passing draconian Right-to-Work legislation.

Peace Out,

Gov. John Kasich (R-OH)

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Vote NO on Issue 2 in Ohio, 'Cause if you Don't, Gov. Kasich is Going to Sing!!

Today I am discussing Issue 2 which is on the ballot today in Ohio.  A No vote on Issue 2 will repeal Senate Bill 5 which was passed in Ohio recently and severely limits the collective bargaining rights of public employees in Ohio.

I am voting No on Issue 2 and will tell you why, but as a matter of full disclosure, I feel it necessary to tell you that I am a former Ohio public employee and a former staff rep for SEIU.

Anyway…

What follows, is why I think Ohioans should vote No on Issue 2, thus repealing SB 5, and its raping of collective bargaining rights of public employees in Ohio.

Our Governor, John Kasich, the man behind this anti-union bill and proponent of the Issue 2 YES campaign that keeps SB 5 as law, is a MASSIVE dickhead.

Oh sure, you’re saying to yourselves…

“Matt-Man is merely re-living his Union days and thinks Kasich is a MASSIVE dickhead because of his kinship with public employees.”

Not true…

Sure I have historical ties to public employee unions, but I am first and foremost a reporter of the truth and would never call Gov. Kasich a MASSIVE dickhead without confirmation or corroboration, so…

On Twitter Monday night, I asked my friend, cohort, and fellow “man beyond reproach”, Jayman, what HE thought of Gov. Kasich...

Jayman responded, and I quote…

“Kasich is a MASSIVE dickhead who actually has a teeny-weenie wee-wee.”

See? Jayman doesn’t even live in Ohio and he knows of Kasich’s MASSIVE dickheadedness. It’s not just the choir singin’ here folks.

Although, if there was a choir singing, Kasich would probably be in it. I hear he likes show tunes and the such.

I’m not saying he’s gay or anything, but during his 1996 reelection campaign for his congressional seat, his opponent, Cynthia Ruccia implied that he was gay by asking questions as to why Kasich shared his D.C. digs with his well-paid male chief-of staff for several years. Uh-huh…

I am not into tawdry speculation of that nature, but I must tell you, I recently had a dream that John Kasich was having sex with Marcus Bachmann, and….enjoying every minute of it.

In my forty-six years of sleeping, once in awhile my dreams have proven to be true, so…I can’t completely discount the notion that Kasich may be gay, especially since he and his first wife, Mary Lee, divorced “amicably”.

How many non-gay men have an amicable divorce? IKR? And listen…

Not to add grist to the rumor mill, but I heard that the divorce was amicable because after Kasich cried like a little schoolgirl, his soon to be ex wife Mary Lee, relented and let him keep half of her clothes.

And not that this could have anything to do with him being gay, or not, but…he was raised Catholic, and you know what they say…

“Once you go Franciscan, you'll never go straight agin’.”

Although I will say, after his parents were killed in a car crash he turned to evangelical Christianity. I guess he blamed the Pope.

Anyway…

I hope I have shed some light upon why SB 5 is a bad bill and why for the following reasons, it should be repealed by voting No on Issue 2…

John Kasich is a MASSIVE dickhead, who may or may not be gay, and in my dreams has had sex with Michele Bachmann’s husband, all the while hating the Pope.

If that’s not good enough reason to vote No on Issue 2, I don’t know what is. Thank You.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
www.twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS