IWS Person of the Week: Bum Wine Bob

Sometimes, in the course of human events, life can get a person down and leave him or her feeling blue, despondent, or…in need of a good head-thumpin’, liver cauterizing drunk, so…

Who better to help out those people in need than the man who will be our guest LIVE on the IWS Radio Show today, and our IWS Person of the Week, Bum Wine Bob…

The Bobcat (yes, he goes by many names) has devoted his life and his website bumwinebob.com to praising the medicinal and healing powers of much maligned wines and beers.  He knows that a Rose by any other name would smell or in this case, taste as sweet…

He is unafraid to take on the goodness that is Thunderbird knowing that in spite of its powerful side effects, he will the next morning, rise like a Phoenix from the ashes…

Bum Wine Bob has his softer side as well, as he occasionally will drink beverages from the chaff of the wheat rather than from the winded and withered grape of the vine…

For all the Bobcat does, we honor him as our IWS Person of the Week.  Here’s to you Bob…Long may your brown bag wave!!

For more of Bum Wine Bob, check out the IWS Radio Show LIVE TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.  Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio Players will be talking bum wine and fast food, because as we all know, nothing goes hand in hand better than a good drunk and greasy fast food.

Jay and Matt will be lighting up the tubes of the internet with laughter as they celebrate cheap eats, bad booze, and along with special guest Bum Wine Bob, take your phone calls at 661.244.9852.

So join us LIVE TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio as IWS presents the Eat, Drink and Be Cheap Fast and Easy episode.

To Listen Live click HERE.

Wild Irish Rose and NFL Football...Score!!

Tonight is the kickoff to the 2014 NFL season, and I’ll be watching the titanic struggle between the Green Bay Packers and the Seattle Seahawks along with millions of other Americans, however…

Unlike most other Americans, I’ll be watching the game with my best friend, Wild Irish Rose.  Those who know me, know that I love my Rose, but most do not know of the other talents that Wild Irish Rose brings to the table in addition to being a top quality wine.

You see…

Not only does this elixir provide the palate with a tsunami of enjoyment during a football game, it has a myriad of uses around the house, and for your everyday life as well.  Allow to ‘splain…

Has Grandma’s good silverware, much like Grandma herself, grown dull and dirty from one too many Thanksgiving dinners? No problem, simply fill a bowl with Rose and start utensil dippin’. In just seconds the Rose turns the grime to shine. If you have enough WIR and a bathtub, you could even give Grandma a good Rose dippin’!!  She'll look and feel ten years younger in no time.

Painful itching and burning? Soak a wad of toilet paper with Rose and secure the mass inside of that private place and voila, Preparation R. The pain is gone and you don’t have to worry about the pimple faced kid at the check-out counter asking for a price check on hemorrhoid cream over the Walgreen’s intercom.

Are you strapped for cash and your credit card debt has become unmanageable? A big insurance claim can put you back on the road to financial freedom. Nothing says “payday” like your house going up in flames. Wild Irish Rose makes a great fire accelerant. Best of all, it evaporates without a trace.

You are getting older and are becoming self-conscious of unsightly liver spots. Have no fear. Apply Rose topically to the affected areas and within seconds the festering patches are gone. WIR also works well as a facial dermabrasion.

Warning: Unless you want your cheekbones to pop through the skin, do not leave on for more than four minutes.

Hey guys, is your partner whining about how “quick” you are in bed, and calling you names like “Premature Jack”?

A few glasses of Rose will numb your rascal lickity-split, allowing you to work it all night. And don’t worry about an accidental fertilization because although your boys may want to go for a swim, the Rose is cleaning the pool.

Lastly, a little something for the ladies. Gals are you longing for that all-day fresh feeling? A splash or two of Rose on the sweet spot will make you feel like you’re dancing in the Alps.

You will feel, smell, and yes, even taste great, long into the night.

So folks, there you have it…a few tips from the Matt-Man. As you can see, just like the Matt-Man, Rose is multi-faceted.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
Tweet Me Up
Be My Facebook Buddy

(Ed. Note:  Please be advised that the Matt-Man is NOT a medical doctor, a chemist, or an arsonist; he does, however, suffer from painful hemorrhoidal itch. None of his claims have been reviewed nor approved by the FDA, the FTC, or the Department of Homeland Security.)

Wine Makes the Winter Go Quickly

Cheers and a cordial Friday to you all.  Matt-Man here.

A Matt-Man who is feeling, shall we say, slightly moderated and oh, I don’t know, rustic, in the sense of sharp cheese, crusty bread, washed back with a good wine kind of way.

Yes indeed, my friends.  I do get to feeling this way at this time of year…The time of year when the January winds blow cold and raw, ushering in nothing but snow…and ice…and of course, the gray, low hanging skies of despair.

This is the time of year when the light of the sun is turned way down low, and the howling winds along with the banshee cries of crows foraging for parking lot French Fries thrown asunder by Wal*Mart shoppers, de-harmonize into a cacophony of every awful 70’s porn sound track ever made.

And as the low winter sky dims, and the discordant symphony echoes through every forest, glen, and valley, Mother Nature and Old Man Winter get their groove on above us.

As their sick and surreal bodies writhe in pleasure during their frigid and frozen lovemaking, we, against our collective will, become the recipients and caretakers of their offspring.

The winter twins known as, Heartache and Sorrow.

But my friends, do not allow your timbers to be shivered, for there is hope.  There is a panacea that helps to preempt the evil duo’s procreation and prevent the prodigy of the pernicious winter pair from visiting your parlor.

I discovered it years ago during the, I Lost My Big Toe Due to Hypothermia Winter of Aught Three. It is called…Wine.

I know.  I know.  Matt-Man is a big beer drinker you say in disbelief, but c’mon, as you know, I also enjoy my share of Wild Irish Rose.

I know. I know. You reply once more, “But that’s not really wine. That’s a death sentence.”  Please…it is more than wine; it’s a life giving force.  However…

If you’re not into the, in your face force of Wild Irish Rose, you can always drink a wine called Flowerface in order to get you through the doldrums of winter.

I have tried it and I love it; although for me, it does have one drawback…It has an actual cork.  As more of connoisseur of twist off wines, I was at first hesitant, but…

I fear the cork no longer, and will drink it again and again especially in the winter, and why is that, you ask?

In addition to the well-noticed, but not overpowering taste, it is perhaps the most aromatic wine I have ever had.  The aroma is prefect for winter drinking, because once you open the bottle, it smells like spring.

When I opened a bottle of Flowerface the other night and the aroma embraced my nose, I was envisioning dancing naked ‘neath a warm and life-giving vernal rain shower, as flowers budded and burgeoned around me, and my neighbor screamed, “Why are you dancing naked in my garden?  I’m calling the police!!”

And while the dancing naked in a neighbor’s garden may be a bit of poetic license on my part, the smell of the Flowerface wine that I experienced, is not.  It is very good.

So there you have it.  Matt-Man being helpful as always, and helping you to get through the doldrums of winter with my ultimate word of advice…

Drink more wine, and if you’d like to drink a bottle of what Spring feels like, contact MCM Imports and they can hook you up on where to get some Flowerface, and their other fine wines.

Of course, as I am also true to my love of the Bagwine that is Wild Irish Rose…Here’s an old video of Jayman, for the first time, drinking a bottle of WIR that I had sent him:

                           
Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS

Matt's Top Fives

Cheer Bitches!!  Matt-Man here for IWS...

Now many of you know that Jayman did a series of lists yesterday highlighting his five top favorite things within a number of different categories of life, so...

Because he says that sharing this info is helpful in getting to know us, and well, it's an easy post to do...

I give you my five favorite things in many of the same categories that Jayman offered up yesterday.

Five Favorite Horror Movies:

1.  The Exorcist
2.  The Omen
3.  Dracula: Prince of Darkness (1966)
4.  Halloween
5.  The Screaming Skull (so bad, it’s good.)

Five Favorite TV Shows of All-Time:

1.  Seinfeld
2.  Fawlty Towers
3.  Star Trek (the original)
4.  Keeping Up Appearances
5.  M*A*S*H (the pre-Major Winchester years)

Five Favorite Comedy Movies:

1.  Napoleon Dynamite
2.  Young Frankenstein
3.  Airplane!
4.  Princess Bride
5.  Tommy Boy

Five Favorite Comedians:

1.  Chris Rock
2.  Denis Leary
3.  Joey Goodbar
4.  Steven Wright
5.  Andrew “Dice” Clay (see note for The Screaming Skull under Horror Movies)

Five Favorite Foods:

1.  Cheeseburgers/Loosemeat Sandwiches
2.  Liver and Onions (no, I’m not kidding)
3.  Pizza
4.  Crab Cakes
5.  Prime Rib…the rarer the better.

Five Favorite Beers:

1.  Steel Reserve
2.  Milwaukee’s Best Light
3.  Mickey’s Malt Liquor
4.  Amstel Light
5.  Harp

Five Favorite Vegetables:

1.  Potatoes
2.  Lima Beans
3.  Peas
4.  Carrots
5.  Spinach

Five Favorite Wines:

1.  Wild Irish Rose (Red)
2.  McWilliams Shiraz (2007)
3.  Wild Irish Rose (Wild Fruit with Ginseng)
4.  Gnarly Head
5.  Wild Irish Rose (Green Apple)

Five Favorite U.S. Presidents:

1.  James Madison
2.  Teddy Roosevelt
3.  Bill Clinton
4.  Thomas Jefferson
5.  Millard Fillmore

Five Favorite NFL Players of All-Time:

1.  John Riggins
2.  Anthony Munoz
3.  Darren Sproles
4.  Fred Cox
5.  Ken Stabler

Five Favorite Female Singers of All-Time:

1.  Dolores O’Riordan  (The Cranberries)
2.  Chrissie Hynde
3.  Dusty Springfield
4.  Pat Benatar
5.  Pink

Five Favorite Rock Bands of All-Time:

1.  The Cars
2.  Green Day
3.  Scorpions
4.  Lynyrd Skynyrd
5.  Moody Blues

What?  Neither Jayman nor I picked, The Beatles?  Fuck them…overrated Anglo hacks!!

Anyhoo…

Jayman and I covered the Chick-fil-A/Gay Marriage controversy on Blog Talk Radio Wednesday, and if you missed it live, you can catch all the hilarity and poignancy of our points by listening in archives via the BTR Fun Machine:

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com

@mattmaniws

Fear and Loathing in Redneckville ...

All I was going to do was sip on some of the Wild Irish Rose that Matt-Man sent me during the live recording of the I'm With Stupid podcast Saturday night. How much trouble could that cause?

More than you could ever imagine. If I were a stripper I would drink WIR instead of the traditional “stripper fuel” of Moscato or Red Bull and Vodka mixes.

There's fifteen minutes left in a forty-five minute show. I'm fine. I'll just stand up for a second. I'm on my cell phone, which was probably an even worse idea than the Rose, so I can walk around a bit during the “after show.” Okay, no walking around. Gotta get back into the chair.

My tongue is going numb. This isn't normal. Also, I finally figured out the taste. Cough syrup. Who needs to get all the shit for Purple Drank when you can just drink this shit. Did we say goodbye? Is the show over? Okay, I'll hang up now.

Maybe I should get something to eat. Right, I was planning on some shrimp cocktail for dinner with some rolls. I can handle that. The food will slow the explosive rise of the Rose and things will level off. The shrimp is much meatier than normal. Kinda chewy even. Much more flavorful than the last time. And the cocktail sauce! It's exquisite! The perfect combination of heat, horseradish and other ingredients covering up the blandness of the ketchup, but not so much that you can't taste it at all. Obviously kosher salt was used. Amazing given this is Best Choice cocktail sauces and not a name brand.

HOLY JESUS WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? Obviously, WIR is scientifically made to combine with cocktail sauce to at least triple the affects of the alcohol. The world is spinning out of control. Gotta hold onto my desk chair and make sure I don't fall off. Also, tweet. Just act normal and no one will know what's going on.

There are some saltines on the desk. Perfect. The flower in the cracker will act as an absorbent and will finally slow down the Wild Irish Rose raging out of control in my system. OH GOD! BEST FUCKING CRACKER I'VE EVER EATEN! And the saltiest. I didn't even know it was legal to make them that salty. These crackers have changed my life.

GUN SHOTS! Those were gun shots. I know they were. Maybe I should call 911. But wait. I can't. If I do they'll want to interview me. They'll conduct a full search of the my apt under the Patriot Act and will find the empty WIR bottle and my Tea Party bumper sticker. Then I'll be branded a subversive and whisked away during the middle of the night. Never to be heard from again.

Or worse. It might have been the cop in who lives in the building next to mine doing the shooting. The savage bastard might have exploded in an authoritarian rage at some smart ass punk and shot him. If I call 911 they'll get here before he can clean up the crime scene. Then he and his bastard cop friends will have to deal with me. And it won't be pretty.

Fuck it. I'm not even looking out the window. If I try I can convince myself it was just some kid shooting off what's left of his fireworks supply. Yeah, that's it. I'm sure of it now. But, I better turn the lights out and go undercover. Just to make sure.

You know what would be great right now? A Tony's frozen pepperoni pizza. God Dammit why didn't I plan for this possibility? I can't leave the apartment and run to Country Mart to get one because the cop next door probably hasn't cleaned up the crime scene yet. How 'bout a bowl of Frosted Flakes? Yeah, that'll work. The cold milk and sugar will combine to sooth my soul and allow me to sit here calmly and watch Roseanne Cash and Brandi Carlile on Austin City Limits and slowly drift off into to the Great Elsewhere.

Jayman

jayman3768@gmail.com

www.twitter.com/jayman_iws

Cold Beer Here!!

Hi Kidz!!

It’s Saturday, so you know what that means…that’s right!!

Time to listen to Jayman and me on I’m With Stupid tonight at 6:30 PM EDT on Blog Talk Radio.

Tonight’s topic?

BEER!!

That’s right we are going to discuss our love for beer and all things beer related.

Jayman and I are even going to be doing the show while we both partake of a pint of Wild Irish Rose to make it exciting.

It’ll be like watching, or in this case, listening to, the Flying Wallendas.

You can listen to our show by clicking HERE and of course, you can always call our show by calling in at 661.244.9852.

Please join us tonight at 6:30 PM EDT for I’m With Stupid. And of course…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com

Taste Test ...

So, Matt-Man sent me a little package via UPS last week and in it was a bottle of his beloved Wild Irish Rose.  I decided that I would taste it for the first time on video and post it here. 

It actually surprised me. Sure, the first taste is a bit rough, but after that, it's not so bad. Anyway, here's the video:



Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws