Matt Said, Jay Said LVI

Matt coughs.  Jay sneezes.  You grab a surgical mask, and listen.

Matt:  Hey Jay.  Thanks for doing a Thursday morning phone call instead of our normal Thursday night.
Jay:  No prob.  I have people covering my pre-existing conditions, er…appointments.
Matt:  This sore throat is a bitch. Hurts to eat, to drink, to talk.  Oy.
Jay:  Wow.  Should I list you as probable, questionable, or doubtful for Sunday’s show?
Matt:  What?  Are you suffering from Fantasy Football withdrawal?
Jay:  Not at all, why?

Matt and Jay:  (Cough, Sneeze, Cough, Sneeze)

Jay:  Hey?  In this Sunday’s intro and since you are not well, should I replace your singing with a file off the bench?  Say…Mitt Romney singing America the Beautiful in order to bolster our line-up?
Matt:  Our Line-Up?  Focus Man.  Dear God.  There is no Fantasy Football this ye---
Jay:  Oh wow…Man I don’t know where my head was at.  I am sorry.  Okay I’m good to go now.
Matt:  Okay.  It’s all good.

Jay:  Man…Between my allergies, your whatever, and now this withdrawal thing, we’re a medical mess.
Matt:  No shit…It’s amazing how even simple medical maladies can screw one’s life up even for short periods.
Jay:  IKR?  I had to throw a half a plate of Lemon Poppy Seed muffins away, because I sneezed on them.
Matt:  Really?
Jay:  Well yes and no…I mean, I did sneeze on them, but I figured it was my own sneeze, so…I didn’t really throw them away.
Matt:  Understandable.  I guess you just considered them to be glazed at that point.
Jay:  Exactly. It’s a sin to waste food, y’know.

Matt:  (Cough)
Jay:  Hey…This Sunday we could talk about all of this.  You know, how it sucks to get sick.
Matt:  It is that time of year.  Cold and Flu season is fast approaching…obviously.
Jay:  Exactly.  We could talk about the times we have been sick.
Matt:  Hospital stays.
Jay:  Hot Nurses.
Matt:  Funny diseases.
Jay:  Death Panels.
Matt:  The color of the gallon of funk they drained from my lung.

Jay:  What color was that, exactly?
Matt:  I guess you’ll have to wait til’ this Sunday at Noon ET to find out!!

Jay:  Aw Man, this is gonna be epic.  I may even impart what kind of Doctor I always wanted to be.
Matt:  I have an idea as to what that might be.
Jay:  Maybe so, but you won’t know for sure until this Sunday at Noon ET as IWS Radio presents…A Couple of Sickos.

Matt:  I like it.
Jay:  Me too.
Matt and Jay:  I think we’re set.

People Continue to Suck

Hola Bitches! Speaking of Cold and Flu Season, and we were …

You know, we spend a lot of time in this country making fun of people we run into at Walmart. And with good reason too. Some of the most ridiculous members of society frequent that place. Not to mention some of the most violent like to go there on Black Friday.

But you know what? Walgreens isn’t much of a step up. Just because people are paying outrages and honestly, sometimes offensive prices for the same stuff they could get at Walmart much cheaper, doesn’t mean they’re a better class of shopper. These people will walk right in front of you and stand there even though it’s obvious you were looking at something on the shelf too.

They’ll run into an old friend, or someone they talk to every day, and stand there blocking the aisle talking and not care who they are inconveniencing just like Walmarters will. They’ll let their demon spawn run free pretty much everywhere also. And, they’ll wait until everything is rung up and THEN get their checkbook out. This is one of my favorite things people do. So fucking annoying.

But, it’s over at the pharmacy where things always get interesting. Walgreen’s pharmacy does the same thing banks do. Despite the fact that they get really busy during lunchtime when people are trying to run in and pick up their prescriptions, they allow their people to go to lunch during that busy time too, rather than earlier or later than the “noon rush.” I just don’t understand this.

However, as I said, it’s the customers who make going there really special. Just the other day I was there and there was a bit of a line. I decided since I was already there, I would just stay and stand in line. The lady sitting in a chair informed me that she was in line, but felt too bad to stand, which was perfectly understandable.

So, as we’re waiting, she starts talking about how cold it is and how she wished she had never moved back here from Florida where she had lived the last eight years. She kept talking about the great weather there, living five minutes from the beach, there was so much to do there and on and on and on.

Then, as the line was getting smaller she got up and took her place in front of me. She then turned to me and said “And, in eight years in Florida I never got sick once! But, I move back here and I have had two colds and now pneumonia.”

When I finally got to the counter they told me that the prescription hadn’t been filled yet and it was “on the truck” and would not be available for a while.

So, I stood there in line with Ratso Rizzo’s long lost sister spewing her pneumonia germs right in my face while talking about how great Florida is compared to Arkansas and they didn’t even have the prescription that they were given three days advance notice to fill. How freaking great is that?

And people wonder why I wish I lived in a place where everything from prescriptions to beer to groceries can be ordered online and then delivered and you never have to deal with people.

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

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In other news, last Saturday on I’m With Stupid we talked writing. Books, writers, authors and a little bit about writing styles and blogging. Good friend of the show Mike called in so he could make his voice heard too.

It was an excellent show and an all-around good time for all. So, check it out if you get the chance and don’t hesitate to tell your friends about us.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio