Best Friends

Cheeeeeeeeers all, and welcome to the week of Matt-Man being nothing but positive!!

I have recently had a run of days shrouded in grumpiness and negativity, but this week…I’m going to be all positive, all the time.. That’s Right!!

So I shall begin my week of writing on IWS with something positive, and let me tell you…It is sometimes hard for me to write positive stories, so I thought I’d begin with a topic that nearly almost usually makes me happy.

My best friend…my BFF…my PSG…The one and only, Schmoop!!

Schmoopalicious, as Jayman coined her years ago, is currently wading through murky pools of uncertainty and self-loathing because she was laid-off a few months back and has yet to secure a job.

She’s down on herself and feels she contributes nothing to society nor to the typically happy home in which we reside.  But you know what?  Schmoop contributes much more than she thinks she does.

For instance…When she got laid-off, I weighed around 185 pounds.  And now?  I am pushing 200 pounds because instead of me typically eating a can of soup for lunch before work, Schmoop makes a ginormous lunch for me. Oh yeah!!

Chicken nuggets, onion rings, burgers, omelets, grilled cheese (mmmmmmm grilled cheese)…I bet Schmoop has been sending me off to work everyday for the past 26 weeks with 800 calories in my stomach.

The chick makes a great lunch, and she is always happy to do it, because…well…we are best friends.

She also does my laundry, because…well…we are best friends.

And dig it folks, yesterday morning, we both woke up around the same time.  I was late getting to my computer stuff that I do every morning as far as posting the IWS website post to Facebook, checking our numbers, my email, and whatever, because for the first sixty minutes of Monday morning?

We just hung out and made fun of FOX News and MSNBC, harangued about how many commercials air, and listened to some of Sunday’s IWS Radio audio files.  We unknowingly spent an hour cutting up and sarcastically yet lovingly, making fun of our cat Corky.

It…was…nice, because...It demonstrated our Best Friend....Ness.

In the moment as it is, Schmoop has some self-doubt, but she should never doubt herself about this…

I do have one regret about Schmoop, and no it’s not her lack of a job, her hatred of Tammy Tibbles, or even her inability to not worry over silly shit.

My only regret involving Schmoop is that I didn't meet her 20 years earlier.

Schmoop?  Even in your current “transitional” condition, you contribute something to society everyday.  You make me smile.  There is a cat who adores you, and in spite of your failed attempts to show no emotion, you make the world a better place.

Good luck on your job interview today, but if you don’t get it, and your unemployment benefits are extended…from now on when you make my lunch, could you work some salads into my menu?

Love You Schmoop!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
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Human Trafficking Is A Challenge

Cheeeeers Chuckleheads, Matt-Man here, and let me tell you…

While I do love a challenge, today, I may be facing the biggest challenge of my life.  One that perhaps, I will be unable to conquer.

I have met and overcome many a challenge during my lifetime…

Even though being born the baby of nine children, I survived the myriad of beatings and constant ridicule foisted upon me by my eight older siblings.

After a mediocre first year playing Little League baseball, I went on to win MVP of my team, twice.  When one is nearly 48 years old and struggles to get out of bed in the morning, one clings to that accomplishment like grim death, and yes…I still have the trophies.

When I was 18 and in a band as the vocalist with three older guys who were pretty damn good musicians, our drummer quit.  I taught myself how to play the drums and continued to be the lead singer.  Not an easy task, unless of course you’re the superlative, Don “Pretentious Man” Henley.  What a dick.

After that band broke up, the guitar player and I stuck together, hired a chick to sing, and I taught myself how to play keyboards.  See?  Another problem solved, and challenge met.

I used to hear, “Oh yeah you think you’re so funny, why don’t you go onstage and do a stand-up act?” I did for two years, and actually made a little bit of money at it during that time.  Challenge conquered.

I have lost my mom and dad, two brothers, and recently had an incredible scare with Schmoop, and yet, have persevered through it all.  Sadly at times yes, but persevered nonetheless.

People have told me that it is not possible to remain married 25 years and all the while live with another woman who is not my wife for 12 of those years.  Ha, I have made those nay-sayers my Bitch!!

Others, in their trying to stick-it-to-me bravado, have boldly, and in my face mind you, told me that I have to grow up at some point.

Ha Ha Ha Ha…

Nearly 48 years old and I still laugh at farts, still laugh at hot dog packages that say, serving size: one weiner, and still laugh at the fact that Schmoop and I named our less than bright cat Corky, after the Downs Syndrome kid from the TV series, Life Goes On.

Oh yeah…People do not realize that one can still act like a 12 year old and still cope with, and manage adulthood.  Suckahs!!

With all that being said, here’s the problem, and the aforementioned conundrum that I have…Today’s challenge could be a bit much for even me.  You see…

Today, LIVE at 11 AM ET on Blog Talk Radio, Jayman and I are doing a serious IWS Radio show that revolves around the brutality of Human Trafficking.  We will even have a guest on who has immersed herself in fighting these human injustices and indignities.

And here is the challenge that I face…

Can I be serious during this show? Will I be able to refrain from making crass jokes about the flesh trade being high in cholesterol, and stop myself from making sarcastic remarks about forced labor in chicken processing plants leaving everyone with egg on their face?

I pray that I can.  After all…I have met the enemy of challenges and they have been mine.  But this one?

This one is a toughie.

To find out if I and Jayman as well, can meet this challenge, listen to our IWS Human Trafficking Show with special guest Katherine, LIVE TODAY at 11 AM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

You can listen LIVE at 11 AM ET by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@MattMan_IWS