Buddy Acapella...Moore, OK. Will Not Just Get Some of Me; They Will Get ALL of Me!!

Heyyyyyyyy guys and dolls!!  Resident IWS song stylist Buddy Acapella here for IWS Radio, and let me tell
ya, as those now long in the tooth, yet still talented, and recently reunited Brady Bunch kids would sing…

It’s A Sunshine Dayyyyyy.  Heyyyyyy!!  Unless of course…One lives in Moore, OK.

As you probably know by now, tragedy struck there yesterday in the form of a massive tornado, and the entire nation is grieving right along with the citizens of the community of Moore, OK., and I am no different.

I plan to do a benefit concert for those affected by this tragedy Friday June 7th-Sunday June 9th at the Yakov Smirnoff Theater in Branson, MO.

I hope to generate enough dollars to make up for the lack of Federal funds for Moore, OK. should Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK) and Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) try to delay and or block federal monies to their own state like they did with federal relief funds to states affected by Hurricane Sandy.  Heyyyyyy!!

I may be but a superficial lounge singer with six pinkie rings, two dozen hair plugs, and yet no band behind me, but I’m not stupid, and I am quite the caring soul.  Just ask the bass guitarist, lead guitarist, and uber-sexy Nubian type female back-up singers whom have never played with me, sang with me, nor come at me.

Wait?  What?  Yes!!  Heyyyyyy!!

Five, six, seven, eight…It’s the least I can do…Anyway…

My soothing voice is the balm against the infestation of tears, tragedy, and heartache, and I am going to apply said soothing and lyrical balm, and allow the healing to begin at the Yakov Smirnoff Dinner Theater located at 470 State Highway 248 in warm and wonderful Branson, MO. on June 7th-June 9th from 8:00-10:00 PM (dinner seating is limited and starts at 7:00 PM., so reservations are strongly suggested.)

I have some carefully special and topical  tunes picked out for the victims and families affected by this devastating tornado.

I will be doing a sultry and blustery version of Frankie Laine’s They Call the Wind Mariah, as well as a bouncy, yet melancholy version of Gogi Grant’s, The Wayward Wind.

I have a powerful EF-5 list of special guests scheduled as well…

With candor, humor, and hand puppets, Sean Hannity will be there in order to tell everyone that they should not let their hearts be troubled, because at some point we will find out who in the Obama Administration was responsible for this meteorological debacle.

Half -Term Governor and patriot Sarah Palin will be on hand to let everyone know that while she was Governor of Alaska, not one tornado dared to threaten Anchorage or Barrow.

Rush Limbaugh will do a funny story about how the only looting that takes place in the aftermath of such an event is by the lone black person in the state of Oklahoma and how MSNBC makes him out to be a hero.

And rock and acapella to this my cool cats and hot diggity dolls, while waiting in line to get into my star spangled charity gig, you can revel in the entertainment of Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist gang holding signs that read…

“God’s Whirlwind of Destruction Was Brought on By the Breezy and Sleazy Lifestyle of Faggots!!”

It’s going to be a super-duper time, so order your tickets NOW.

For a five dollar discount on your ticket, go to Ticketmaster and type in the code word: IWS.

Until I see and sing to you again, this is Buddy Acapella.

Heyyyyyy!!

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Near Death Experience Causes Some Introspection

Hola y’all! You don’t know how lucky you are to be hearing from me today! That’s because I had a near death experience Wednesday evening. We had a couple of big storms roll through and they either produced very high damaging winds or a wee little tornado!! The atmospheric scientists haven’t made a final ruling on which yet, but judging from the twisted metal that was once the sign in front of the mall I’m guessing tornado.

There were also a couple of other billboards and signs in front of businesses blown over as well as some telephone poles and other damage to buildings. There were no injuries though, so that’s good. The damage stretches from the post office (less than ONE MILE from me!) to Daylight Donuts to the mall and then to Golden Pawn Shop. That’s a pretty sizable debris field.

Anyway, I didn’t know I had a near death experience at the time. I didn’t even know there had been a tornado. All I knew was that I was sitting here happily listening to some Aisha Tyler’s podcast “Girl on Guy” and watching the Corgi Cam (Yay! Pupp-EEEEEEES!!) when BAM! the lights went out.

I could have sat here and thought about my near death experience I had I known about it, but I was more concerned with my dinner being ruined. I was only about 15 seconds into cooking my minute steak. Luckily my baked potato was done so all was not lost. It wasn’t until the next morning that I realized I could have put the minute steak in the still hot oven to cook it even with the power off. I’m easily distracted and don’t think of things like that until it’s too late.

After I finished my potato I opened the windows so I could get a breeze through the apartment even it wasn’t exactly cool. That’s when my neighbor came home. She immediately got on her cellphone to tell someone there had been a tornado. Then, my upstairs neighbor yelled “did you say tornado?” and they yelled back and forth for a few because walking down the stairs to talk is just too much freaking effort, I guess.

This is when most people would realize they had a near death experience, but not me. I was too focused on the horrible possibility of my two neighbors joining forces. The one next door has a VERY loud voice and a terribly annoyingly bad Newton County, Arkansas twang. The guy upstairs stomps around his apartment, apparently while wearing combat boots, at all hours of the day and night. He runs from room to room and then paces and paces and paces for hours on end.

I call them “Hillbilly and Leadfoot.” Obviously, these two coming together would be a disaster.

The power came back on around 9:30 and I was able to get online and see pictures of the damage and get some information from local news sites. That’s when I realized Matt-Man told me that I had had a near death experience. When he pointed that out I was like “Whoa! Dude, that’s right.” Then Matt-Man mentioned that near death experiences are pretty traumatic and I should take some time to think about how I feel about having one.

So, I started thinking about my life and if I’ve basically wasted it and if I had died Wednesday night how would people react and how long would it take people to even notice I wasn’t there anymore and all that stuff. Then I thought that I can’t die now cause there are still too many of y’all I want to see naked meet in person and hug and hang out with. It was all getting pretty deep for a while, but I suddenly remembered to check and make sure that my ice cream sandwiches didn’t melt during the power outage and after I ate one I had totally lost my train of thought.

Oh well, some other time I guess.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS