Stephen Colbert to Replace Letterman? Congrats from IWS ... Kinda

Holaaaaaaaaa! On behalf of the entire staff here at IWS World Media Entertainment I would like to congratulate our friend and colleague Stephen Colbert on being named David Letterman’s replacement. I know he’ll do a great job. This gives Stephen a chance to stop doing the “O’Reilly Shtick” and just be himself. I’m sure he’ll be ultra-successful and The Late Show will be must see TV.

Oh sure, Matt and I would have been better. I mean, we all know that, right? Only one hour each night? Just like seven minutes to exchange witty banter before the first break and then some skit or check in with a correspondent? Easy! Then bring on a guest? Someone who might talk so we don’t have to? OMG! Our dream! Then after the next break we do the Poet’s Corner or Tammy or Ma Tibbles and then another break? Then another guest who does most of the talking? Then after the final commercial break we bring on the musical guest or a stand up and then say goodnight? We could do that without even trying.

We could host The Late Show AND STILL do the radio show every week. Shows like “Poets, Prose and Poseurs” which we’re doing this Sunday at 12 Noon ET. No problem. Especially if we got the same size writing staff that Letterman had. Hell, we could do it with half the staff.  But, it was not to be. Of course, my repeatedly referring to Les Moonves’ wife Julie Chen as his “mail order bride” probably didn’t help much. Oops!

I did get a kick out of watching the reaction from people online to the announcement though. I’m not unsympathetic to the people who were hoping CBS would go in a non-white male direction for host. It would have been a good idea to shake things up a bit and break the late night mold. But, it’s entirely possible that all the people mentioned as great ideas to replace Letterman have other things they want to do.

Tina Fey, Amy Poeler and Kristen Wiig were mentioned by lots of people. Did anyone really think they were going to just up and drop the TV shows and movies they’re working on and go host a late night show? Did anyone really think they would dump Loren Michaels and take over a show directly competing against The Tonight Show? How fucking stupid are you if you thought that?

A lot of people also hoped for Aisha Tyler. Really? She would certainly be good at it. Everyone agrees. Sure she was a disaster on Talk Soup and hasn’t gotten good reviews on “Who’s Line is it Anyway,” but those are very different from late night show. Again though, she’s got “The Talk” and “Archer” and a new show that is in development and her stand up and you thought she would just up and drop all that to HOST A SHOW THAT YOU’RE NOT EVEN GONNA WATCH???? Come on!

These late night shows are hard to find hosts for. You aren’t gonna get someone like Luis C.K, Amy Schumer, Hannibal Buress or any comedian who is hot and doing a lot of stuff right now cause they won’t want to throw it all away just to host a show. You need someone who isn’t in demand and doesn’t really have any buzz or a lot of options. That’s why I thought Jerry Seinfeld might be the perfect replacement Matt-Man and I would be the perfect choice. But, it just didn’t work out. Oh well.

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Babe of the Week: Nerd Babes

In honor of our very scientific week of meteors and asteroids and all that stuff, we here at IWS have decided that we will celebrate Nerd Babes as our Babe(s) of the Week!

Danica McKellar: Graduate of UCLA with a degree in Mathematics...

Natalie Portman: Harvard graduate with a degree in Psychology...

Felicia Day: A child prodigy violinist who turned down Julliard to attend the University of Texas and has degrees in both Mathematics and Music Performance...

Aisha Tyler: Environmental Policy degree from Dartmouth...

Mira Sorvino: Graduated with a degree in Chinese from Harvard...

Congrats to all the hot nerds who were awarded this week's Babe(s) of the Week! And, speaking of hot nerds, you should totally check out this week's I'm With Stupid. It was Open Line Saturday and Kentucky's Own Justin called in. We talked about what a wacky week it's been and covered The Pope, the Carnival Cruise that ended in disaster (and by "disaster" we mean Alabama) Chris Dorner and Justin's belief that The Pope would NEVER do anything illegal or immoral and his love of Drones! So, give it a listen!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Near Death Experience Causes Some Introspection

Hola y’all! You don’t know how lucky you are to be hearing from me today! That’s because I had a near death experience Wednesday evening. We had a couple of big storms roll through and they either produced very high damaging winds or a wee little tornado!! The atmospheric scientists haven’t made a final ruling on which yet, but judging from the twisted metal that was once the sign in front of the mall I’m guessing tornado.

There were also a couple of other billboards and signs in front of businesses blown over as well as some telephone poles and other damage to buildings. There were no injuries though, so that’s good. The damage stretches from the post office (less than ONE MILE from me!) to Daylight Donuts to the mall and then to Golden Pawn Shop. That’s a pretty sizable debris field.

Anyway, I didn’t know I had a near death experience at the time. I didn’t even know there had been a tornado. All I knew was that I was sitting here happily listening to some Aisha Tyler’s podcast “Girl on Guy” and watching the Corgi Cam (Yay! Pupp-EEEEEEES!!) when BAM! the lights went out.

I could have sat here and thought about my near death experience I had I known about it, but I was more concerned with my dinner being ruined. I was only about 15 seconds into cooking my minute steak. Luckily my baked potato was done so all was not lost. It wasn’t until the next morning that I realized I could have put the minute steak in the still hot oven to cook it even with the power off. I’m easily distracted and don’t think of things like that until it’s too late.

After I finished my potato I opened the windows so I could get a breeze through the apartment even it wasn’t exactly cool. That’s when my neighbor came home. She immediately got on her cellphone to tell someone there had been a tornado. Then, my upstairs neighbor yelled “did you say tornado?” and they yelled back and forth for a few because walking down the stairs to talk is just too much freaking effort, I guess.

This is when most people would realize they had a near death experience, but not me. I was too focused on the horrible possibility of my two neighbors joining forces. The one next door has a VERY loud voice and a terribly annoyingly bad Newton County, Arkansas twang. The guy upstairs stomps around his apartment, apparently while wearing combat boots, at all hours of the day and night. He runs from room to room and then paces and paces and paces for hours on end.

I call them “Hillbilly and Leadfoot.” Obviously, these two coming together would be a disaster.

The power came back on around 9:30 and I was able to get online and see pictures of the damage and get some information from local news sites. That’s when I realized Matt-Man told me that I had had a near death experience. When he pointed that out I was like “Whoa! Dude, that’s right.” Then Matt-Man mentioned that near death experiences are pretty traumatic and I should take some time to think about how I feel about having one.

So, I started thinking about my life and if I’ve basically wasted it and if I had died Wednesday night how would people react and how long would it take people to even notice I wasn’t there anymore and all that stuff. Then I thought that I can’t die now cause there are still too many of y’all I want to see naked meet in person and hug and hang out with. It was all getting pretty deep for a while, but I suddenly remembered to check and make sure that my ice cream sandwiches didn’t melt during the power outage and after I ate one I had totally lost my train of thought.

Oh well, some other time I guess.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

IWS Babe of the Week: Aisha Tyler

Here at IWS Worldwide Media Empire we would like to officially celebrate Black History Month by naming Aisha Tyler our IWS Babe of the Week™! 

Most of you probably know Aisha from TV and her days on shows such as Friends, 24, Ghost Whisperer and of course Archer. But, did you know that she also went to Dartmouth? Oh yeah, she’s not only hawt, she’s freaking smart! 

Aaaaaaaaaand, as if that it’s enough she’s also a freaking hilarious stand-up comic. Aisha also has a GREAT podcast called Girl on Guythat is so damn much fun to listen to. Honestly, I’m not sure how we’ll ever top this one. Aisha is BY FAR the most awesome BotW yet! 

Fantasy Draft Hotties Edition

It’s time for another fantasy draft kids! This time we’re drafting hotties. There are so many choices that this one is much harder than the Presidential Draft last week.  But, I finally narrowed it down.  So, here we go…

QB: Aisha Tyler: We all know that you need your QB to be a smart person, with Terry Bradshaw being the obvious exception. So, I’m going with Aisha Tyler for my QB. In addition to being smoking hot (and damn funny) Aisha graduated from Dartmouth with a degree in Government and a minor in Environmental Studies. Damn, I love smart women. Anyway, she’s smart, tall, athletic and a great natural leader. She’s also a great poker player which is another skill that comes in handy at QB. 

RB: Lindsay Lohan: I know this is one probably catches some people by surprise. But, with Mike Vick we’ve seen that people can emerge from prison with a renewed desire to succeed and do just that. Lindsay is hungry to prove that she can perform and is a great power back. She’ll hit that line hard. She should be great on the goal line too. 

RB: Jamie Chung: Jamie might be a bit small, but she makes up for it with athleticism and heart. She’s quick, and has great footwork. She would also be a great receiver out of the backfield given that she could outrun the defenders. She’s also very flexible. And we all know that flexibility is almost NEVER overrated. Glau is definitely a game breaker who is a threat to take one to the house on any play. 

WR: Stacy Keibler: Long and lean and in amazing shape, Stacy is the perfect possession receiver. She will dominate point per reception leagues. She can also use her size to make the tough catches in traffic and in the red zone. She might be the ultimate weapon. 

Flex: Tyra Banks: We all know how aggressive and fierce Tyra is. This makes her the perfect flex player. She can run or catch. She’ll be able to free herself up in the flat and then turn it up field for those precious yards after the catch. And, by putting her in the slot, the offense will be able to move her around and get the defense off balance, opening things up for others. One thing we know for sure is that Tyra will go all-out on every play. 

WR: Nicole Sherzinger: Another game breaker. An amazing athlete with blazing speed, Nicole will get you those bonus points on the long TD receptions. She will run the defense ragged. Plus she will be a real threat on crossing routes as the defensive backs will have trouble staying with her all the way across the field. She’s also a threat on punt returns, so you will get some bonus points from her that way too. 

TE: Adriana Lima: I mean, come on! Have SEEN her tight end? It’s fucking amazing! This one is pretty much going to go without any argument from anyone. 

K: Jennifer Garner: Anyone who watched Alias back in the day knows that Jennifer can kick. She’s very flexible and has loooong muscular legs. She can bomb it from long distance and again, you’re looking for those bonus points from those 40 and 50 yard plus field goals. You’ll get those from Ms. Garner. 

D/Special Teams: Michelle Rodriguez:  Another bad ass who has done time in the big house.  Michelle has shown that despite her beauty and sexiness, she can get nasty.  She handles all kinds of weapons well and is very aggressive. She’ll get after the other hotties on the field (allegedly) and rack up some big points with sacks and interceptions and do a lot of scoring.

Alright, there you go! Another high scoring team that is sure to dominate. I know I would like to be dominated by every single player on that team!

Jayman
jayman3768@gmail.com
www.twitter.com/jayman_iws