Hola y’all! You know what time it is? Hell yes! It’s time again for more Onion-Like Headlines.
- GOP tries to improve the party’s image by hiring Chris Brown as their new spokesperson.
- Obama now just using live streaming surveillance video from Drones to watch Sasha’s soccer games from the comfort of the White House.
- TNT Execs “Proud” of the job Reggie Miller is doing to ruin the NBA for every fan. Now ready to add him to the cast of Rizzoli & Isles to see if he can ruin that show too.
- Republican Congressman upset that he forgot to compare Obama to Hilter during Fox & Friends interview, asks for a “do-over.”
- Strippers looking to rest up and recover from wild NBA All Star weekend disappointed to find out that they’re staying at the same resort as Charlie Sheen.
- President Obama likes to use his Nobel Peace Prize as a paperweight to keep his Kill List from blowing away when someone opens the doors to the patio.
- Blogger and Speculative Comedian furious at the lack of recognition he received for his funny tweet that was “favorited” by five people.
- Marco Rubio erupts in anger at waitress who asked if he needed any more water.
- After seeing Katherine Webb on Inside Edition and then in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, America decides that Brent Musburger has shitty taste in “babes.”
- Local Tea Party tries to hold up vote by Parks Committee concerning repainting of jungle gym until they get some answers on Benghazi.
- NYC Ad Firm admits they’re on a quest to make the stupidest commercial of all time.
- Only 147 years after the end of the Civil War Mississippi finishes ratifying the 13th Amendment abolishing slavery. Governor Phil Bryant was quoted as saying “Since I haven’t heard anyone else talking about this, I guess we’re the first state to ratify the amendment, right?”
Hoo-Wee! That was another good time with Onion-Like Headlines wasn’t kids? I thought so.
Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS
