Apologies Are Being Ordered

Cheeeeeers and a Happy Hump Day to you all.

Yesterday on the IWS Radio website, Jayman, while a celebrated and internationally renown media personality, shed his stardom and called upon the strength of his own innate humility and apologized to a few folks.

His post titled, Apologies Are in Order,  inspires me today to post something similar.

As far as I am concerned, apologies are in order in my life as well, and let me tell ya, I have a list of a few people who need to be apologizing to ME!!

Time Warner Cable…The little bit of TV that I do watch happens to take place during the morning cable news shows, and for the past two weeks, you have paid to run your stupid, insidious, and unfunny, something old, something new wedding day hi-speed internet ad featuring Bill Cowher.

It runs at every God Damn break!!  Stop It!!  Just. Stop. It, and…apologize to me this second.

The Weather Channel…You already pissed me off by hiring yet another non-meteorologist in Sam Champion, but do you have to piss me off further by running an ad for his new show while I am waiting for My Local on the 8’s?

Why the hell are you running ads for his show during his show!!?  So the people watching his show won’t forget?  That’s fucking stupid, and you need to apologize to me…Now.

Beer Mine Beth…Yep.  Our new hire at the Beer Mine owes me an apology.  A huge one.  She went on vacation during Spring Break of Bagwine City Schools.  Yesterday, I saw more former Ohio Dept. of Rehab and Corrections inmates (i.e. parents) driving through with future Ohio Dept. of Rehab and Corrections inmates (i.e. their children) than I ever have in one day.

Nothing like spending a day waiting on a carload of kids who were gestated on a diet of amniotic fluid, cheap vodka, and meth trying to decide as to which kind of potato chips they would like!!

Jesus!! Take Me Now!!

Bill Pence…Mr. Pence is the owner of the soon to be defunct Corporate Imagemakers/PenceOhio Corporation and he laid-off Schmoop back in December.  Couldn't he have kept her on, and found something for her to do from like 8 A.M-11 A.M., five days a week?

Don’t get me wrong…I love the Schmoopster with all my heart, but I really miss that quiet morning time.  No talking.  No noise.  Simply me and my thoughts saying to one and other…“Ahhhhhhhhhhh.”  Yeah that dickhead needs to tell me that he is sorry for his actions.

The Two People on Facebook Who Recently Unfriended Me…I would like an apology post haste from you two ass clowns.  You know why?  I have no idea who unfriended me nor what I did.  I would much prefer that if a person unfriends me, that they would let me know it was he or she and why they did it.

In fact…That gives me a great idea.

Facebook should set it up that when a person unfriends another, it shows up on the unfriended person’s Facebook page, with the exact cause of the unfriending for all the world to see.

Ha.  That would be awesome!!

I am going to pass my idea along to Mark Zuckerberg and see if he runs with it.  If he doesn't?

That short-sighted billionaire will owe me an apology as well, because my idea is fucking brilliant!!

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page (and if you go there, let me know why you are unfriending me)

Apologies are in Order

Holaaaaa y’all! I had something I was thinking of writing about for today, but we work on deadlines here at IWS and I’m not finished (over)thinking about this subject so I’ll just have to ramble about other stuff. I will write about that other subject on Thursday. Or not. I might give up on it or forget about it or just think it to death. Overthinking about things is my specialty ya know?

So, I was listening to Bret Easton Ellis breathe heavily into his microphone on his podcast today thinking to myself “Damn, I’m glad I don’t do that cause that’s annoying” when I suddenly said to myself  “I bet he makes those same sounds when he blows his boyfriend.”  Then I wondered why I that thought would enter my head. I couldn’t think of a reason why though. It seemed strange to think that. He was talking about his boyfriend and maybe subconsciously I thought that and it made its way to my conscious. Hell, I don’t know.

I then felt bad about that. I mean that’s a pretty rude and crude thing to think. Saying it out loud would probably embarrass me. No Matt, it doesn’t make me gay either. I actually felt like I should apologize to Bret for even thinking that though. Not that he would give a shit. He’s pretty impervious to criticism if I did email him about this he would just dismiss it and possibly correct my grammar. Who needs that kind of heartache?

Speaking of apologizing, I actually apologized to myself the other day. No, it wasn’t some self-help therapy exercise or anything like that. It was an accident. It just happened. I was listening to The Writer’s Bloc podcast and as it was just about over I decided that I would go ahead and subject myself to Lena Dunham on Marc Maron’s WTF Podcast. Then, for some reason I unplugged my headset from my laptop.

As soon as I did that, I plugged it right back and in and said “oh, sorry!” out loud. I have no idea why I did that or what brought it on. I wasn’t particularly upset with myself for unplugging the headset. It didn’t cost me anything or hurt anything. It was simple enough to plug it right back in there. So why apologize? I guess I was just worried that I might have done something to upset myself. Or something.

I’ve also enjoyed reading everyone’s tweets and posts about the movie “Noah” starring Russell Crowe and Emma Watson and a few others. It’s interesting to see how people react to the movie and how dismissive some are about its accuracy. Unlike everyone else on Facebook and Twitter I’m no biblical scholar (or lawyer, or Russia expert, or doctor … damn, ya’ll are all so much smarter and better educated than me! Not to mention better looking. That makes me feel bad about myself. I should probably apologize to myself or someone about this too.)

It’s not like the story of Noah in the Bible is hundreds of pages long or all that detailed. If you want to make a move about it, you’re gonna have to embellish a bit. What I found especially funny though was that while people were posting about all the inaccuracies of the movie and how it wasn’t “authentic” and shit, nobody included the fact that Noah and his family were played by white people with British and Australian accents. Seems to me that THAT would be pointed out as the FIRST inaccurate thing about the movie.

Okay, that’s all I’ve got. Sorry.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Friend me on Facebook
Follow me on Twitter

Yom Kippur Apologies List

Hola sinners, offenders and atoners! Since today is Yom Kippur I thought I should probably use this blog to issue some very much deserved apologies to some people even though I’m neither Jewish nor in a 12 Step Program.

- Okay, I apologize to everyone in recovery for that 12-step program crack.

- I apologize to the woman on Twitter who I called “cunt breath” not too long ago. I don’t remember your name, but I probably shouldn’t have called you that. Hell, I don’t even know what “cunt breath” means.

- I apologize to my loud-ass hillbilly neighbors for making fun of how loud you guys are. It was only recently that I learned that one of the big physical defects of inbred mountain people is severe hearing loss. I was very wrong of me to mock how loudly you guys talk now that I know this little tidbit.

- I apologize to people who live in the rural areas of the south for that “hillbilly” crack.

- I apologize to my friend, co-host and partner in crime Matt-Man for calling him “Mattcicle” so many times. Actually, I’m sorrier that the name didn’t catch on with others than anything though.

- Also, for calling Matt-Man “Mitt-Man” yesterday. Totally uncalled for.

- I apologize to lazy-ass Montero driving neighbor for giving him so much virtual shit over the internet for his inability to fix his Gawd Damn tire that was either flat or really low all the time for what seemed like months. I realize that sometimes people are so busy and have so many responsibilities that they don’t always have the extra seven minutes it would take to get a tire fixed. Not that he is, but other people are.

- I apologize to all the people on reality shows who are just trying to get through life the best they know how just like the rest of us. Except the Kardashians. Jesus I fucking hate them.

- I apologize to Mitt Romney for calling him an arrogant, elitist, mean-spirited condescending prick that lacks any convictions or moral compass whatsoever. Not that he deserves an apology, but I’m sure he feels like he’s entitled to one.

- I apologize to all the people we, okay I, have mocked or insulted either here on the I’m With Stupid podcast. Except atheist vegans who run marathons. Fuck those people.

- Speaking of the podcast, I apologize to all the people that IWS has made to feel inferior by crushing them in the ratings. It wasn’t really intentional and we are as befuddled by our success as you are.

- Finally I would like to apologize to some of the women who I have met through various social media sites and who listen to our show and read this blog and I read their blogs and all that stuff. Not so much for being a little creepy and making you feel uncomfortable a lot of the time. I can’t really help that. But, I really feel like I should apologize for the really nasty, disgusting things I’ve done to so many of you in my dreams. Not that I have much control over that either, but I feel guilty about it. Most of the time.

Okay, there we go! That wasn’t so bad. I feel a lot better about things now and I hope that you guys do too. If you have any sins to atone for apologies you feel you need to make you can do so in our comments section. Please be as specific in your description of your sins.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

Apology NOT Accepted, Nor Wanted!!

Yesterday, Jayman wrote about a growing trend that is negatively affecting this great nation of ours…

Men crying in public.

And today?

I would like to pontificate on a trend that like public man-sobbing, is further leading to the utter wussification of our once great nation:

Demanding an apology.

Now, I’m not talking about people who are close…people who are friends and/or lovers demanding an apology from one and other.  Noooooooo, not at all.

That type of apology is sometimes necessary, heartfelt, and oft times can avoid a sex embargo being placed on the committer of the alleged transgression by the one feeling erred upon.

No my friends, I am speaking about a person, groups of people, and organizations demanding apologies from people who say something that goes against their ideology, or cause, or campaign.

People and groups demanding apologies from another who didn’t even utter whatever the words were that sent the offended person or group into an apoplectic fit of feigned moral outrage.

It seems to happen with regularity these days.  Hell, I can relate several recent examples from this past month.

Sandra Fluke, the Georgetown law student who testified before a less-than-official Congressional Committee panel, bemoaned the fact that she can’t afford to purchase birth control pills, and that somehow or other they should be made available to her.

Rush Limbaugh jumped all over her like a talk show host revved up on Oxycontin and Viagra, by demanding video of her exploits using tax payer provided birth control and calling her a prostitute.

Cue the feigned moral outrage from women’s groups, the Democrat Party, and even President Obama who checked in with her.  They all demanded an apology from El Rushbo, even though his words weren’t directed at them.

Nope…The same groups who truly loathe Limbaugh and would like to see his impotent, cartoonish ass dead, demanded an apology from a man whom they detest.

Oh limp dick Rush did apologize, but that was only so his advertisers would quit leaving him…it’s not like he meant it.  So what did those groups get out of his apology?

Not a damn thing, other than the fact that the world now knows that those whiny apology seekers are a bunch of overly-sensitive busy-bodies with too much time on their hands.

Grow the fuck up.

On the other side, we have right-winger Sean Hannity demanding apologies from the Left.  Oy Vay!!

That blowhard requests more apologies than any woman I know or have ever known.  Sean not only requests apologies, she demands denouncements!!

Sean Hannity wants every bad word said about a Republican by anyone who at some point may have met President Obama, to be denounced by the President.

When is President Obama going to apologize for what Bill Maher said?  When will the Commander-in-Chief denounce what Robert DeNiro said?  When will Obama apologize and denounce what Rev. Wright has been preaching?

Sean, honey?  Shut the fuck up.

I know it’s not much of a stretch, but Sean sweetie, you are becoming less manly than Greta Van Sustern and Ann Coulter by the second.

Seriously…People demanding apologies from people who've said something that wasn’t directed at them or demanding apologies from people who didn't even speak the “offensive” remark, need to shut the hell up.

It’s really childish…It’s embarrassing...and most importantly…

It diminishes the intent, the impact, and the healing power of an apology truly given from one’s heart.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

Some Open Letters From IWS

A few open letters to some folks who might have been unintentionally offended or upset by some of the things said on the I’m With Stupid podcast, or here on the blog.

Mr. CW McCall,

We here at IWS would like to apologize for the unacceptable and horrendous mangling of the lyrics of “Convoy” by Jayman on the IWS podcast. How can anyone screw up the words to one of the greatest songs of all time? It’s a mystery to us too.

Thinking he was on a roll, and instead of writing out the lyrics in his show notes, Jayman thought he could just wing it. Sometimes he bites off a little more than he can chew. This was probably the most embarrassing moment of his otherwise stellar internet radio career.

Ms. Stacey Dash,

On Sunday, you were named IWS’ Babe of the Week. While we know that this was a tremendous honor for you and you were very flattered, we also know that you were bothered a little bit by it. We understand you were a bit upset by Matt-Man’s apparent focus on your impressive physical assets and ignoring your professional accomplishments.

Well, let us here at IWS assure you Stacey, that Matt-Man, just as everyone else here, is a man of substance. He never meant to appear to be slighting the outstanding acting work you have done over your brilliant and distinguished career. We absolutely know and respect the fact that there is much, much more to you than that truly spectacular ass of yours.

Ms. Anna Kournikova,

Please see the letter above note addressed to Stacey Dash. Simply replace her name with yours, and Matt-Man’s with Jayman’s. While you also have a wonderful ass, Jayman mostly focuses on your legs, so make the appropriate changes where necessary for that too. Also, he has a hair fetish so add a third paragraph dealing with that bit of weirdness.

Mr. Daryl Dragon,

As if screwing up “Convoy” wasn’t enough, for the second time in a little over year, the hosts of the wildly popular and well respected, I’m With Stupid internet radio show attempted to have some fun at your expense. Jayman, again feeling like he was on a roll, brought up the time that he had mistakenly thought you were dead. While funny to us, we do acknowledge that this kind of joking around may not be all that funny to man of your age who has undoubtedly lived a pretty fast and hard Rock ‘n Roll lifestyle. So, for that we apologize. Again.   

Mr. Herman Cain,

It has been pointed out to us that we have, with good reason, been treating your campaign for the GOP nomination for president as a bit of a joke. I mean, one could hardly blame us, especially with your latest claim that you would give “Hail to the Chief” a “fresher sound” and a few of the other loony things you’ve proposed.

But, we would like to apologize for our behavior. We know that you, much like Stacey Dash and Anna Kournikova, well, at least like Stacey, are a person of substance and impressive professional accomplishments. This suddenly became obvious the entire staff of IWS Entertainment when you said “our leaders are stupid.” 

Not only is this a very true statement, it’s the most insightful thing any GOP candidate has said all year. For this, we salute you and apologize for failing to take you, and your campaign, seriously.

--

And if you’d like to hear all those crazy antics like attempting to sing “Convoy” or a discussion about Daryl Dragon’s wellbeing and Matt-Man and Jayman taking on the haters out there AND hanging out with Dana_Lu, then you can using this handy-dandy BTR player. And I highly recommend you do so. Especially if you’re a hater. We might change your whole outlook on life. (And yes, the show WAS posted yesterday, but this episode was so nice, we thought we would post it twice.)

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio