Sometimes, Being Loud Is Golden

Welcome to the last day of January chuckleheads.

I hope that you realize that 1/12th of another year has passed, and more importantly, I hope that you have given the forgone 8.25% of 2012, a robust 110% of your effort.

I know that we here at I’m With Stupid, have done just that.  In fact…

While our radio show has been airing for well over a year, Jayman and I have been doing the I’m With Stupid website for less than a year, since late June of 2011 to be precise, and what wonderful accomplishments have we packed into these several months which include the aforementioned 1/12th of 2012?

Well…while nothing monumental or civilization changing, there are more than a few notable items of accomplishment which to, um….note.

In addition to trying to be funny both on the air and on this site, Jayman and I like to set the record straight about our society, as he or I see it.

Sometimes, that means, going after “the establishment”.  And when I say establishment, I don’t merely mean the government.  I mean corporations, private organizations, and yes, sometime individuals as well.

Jayman and I have done that several times over the preceding months, and let me tell you, and let it be a lesson to you…

Speaking out on a public forum such as this site, or our radio show, is not only cathartic, it can and does bring results.

As a united front, Jay and IWS have helped a hot babe slam Google over its puritanical censorship, and they finally acquiesced, and her allowed to post a Karaoke video of HERSELF.

After an outcry brought upon by Jayman and IWS, re-runs of Oprah at 11 PM on Ozarks CW are a thing of the past, and M*A*S*H episodes have been brought back.

Through threat of a boycott, and public, quasi-humiliation brought on by IWS, Time-Warner fixed the internet connection here in the Bagwine digs, by replacing outdated cables.

We called the Gingrich comeback long before paid TV pundits, as well as the Herman Cain endorsement of, "We the People."

Yet...

Because of our satire, rapier wits, and outcries for public justice, we have also been blocked on social media venues such as Twitter, by the likes of Joe Scarborough, Neal Boortz, and, of course Esquire’s own, Scott Raab, among others.

Yes, the pendulum of justice swings both ways when voicing one’s opinions, however, the fact of the matter is…

When one allows their voice to roar through the garble of everyday hyperbole and white noise of life on a platform like IWS whose numbers are pretty damn good by the way, you get a reaction.

It may be positive.  It may be negative, but the most important thing is…you are heard.

Take for instance, the following…

A couple of months ago, IWS published an article about how insufferable Ohio State football fans are.
We were lauded and our article picked up by, and shouted out by, one of the biggest talk radio stations in the country, 700 WLW.

That is the good side of the pendulum.  Now, fast forward to this 1/12th of 2012.  Just recently I wrote an article about how God-Awful, I thought morning guy Doc Thompson of 700 WLW is…er…was…er…whatever.

Many a Clear Channel big wig read said article and yesterday?  It was announced that Doc Thompson had been fired.  During his honeymoon no less.  While we delight in Doc’s passing from the air waves of WLW, we regret the unseemlyness of the timing.  Ouch!!

On the upside of the pendulum…

Our guy…er…potato man, Spuds Tuberosum, recently exalted the deliciousness of the potato and scoured in outrage over the failed attempts by the Obama Administration to remove it from the school lunch menus.

What did we get in return?

A very nice email from Marie Joanis who works for the National Potato Council, and no, I’m not kidding.  It was very nice of her and her organization to follow up with us.  We appreciate that immensely.

Anyhoo, and I guess what my limited learnin’ is trying to say, is…

Words do have power.  When you sift through all the hyperbole, satire, offensiveness, and sometimes profanity of the words that appear here on I’m With Stupid, there is common sense, and evidently, some people listen to that, see through that, and do the right thing, based upon that.

When you out bad things publicly, or laud good thing publicly, things happen…and we would like you to join us.

We are happy that you read and/or listen to our radio show, but help our voices be even louder by writing a blog post for IWS or chiming in on the radio show.  It’s that easy, and we welcome your voices.

For IWS, and on behalf of Jayman unless he doesn’t like this post, I bid you…let it out, let it go, and bring it here...to IWS.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws

God Is an Oversexed, Freak Flag Flying Liberal

There have been several GOP Presidential debates thus far, and I have watched and listened to most of the oratorical-political sparring that has taken place between Romney, Cain, Perry, Bachmann and the other Republican hopefuls.

I must say…

This gaggle of goo-heads may be the most moronic group of folks assembled since the last Motley Crue reunion tour, however…

I don’t think this because of their stances or lack of stances on issues such as economics or foreign affairs. No my friends, it’s their stances on social issues and how they relate them and justify them to their faith and belief in God. And…

They get the God is a social conservative shit so damn wrong. Listen to me folks…

God is one whacked-out pervert, who has flexed his supernatural sinew of slutdom and unfurled his omin-formidable, free love freak flag throughout history.

Now dig it…

What’s one of the first things God did? He created Adam. And shortly after that? He created Eve. And how did he create Eve?

He used one of Adam’s ribs…Hmmmmm. To me that sounds like some serious supernatural, anti-Christian cloning and rib-cell research. It also begs the following hypothesis…

When Adam lay down and had sex with Eve, wasn’t he really having sex with himself? In fact, since Adam’s sexcapdes with his clone were directed by God, wasn’t God saying to Adam:

“Adam, go fuck yourself.”

And then later on, God while in the process of destroying the city of Sodom realizes he is going to need to re-populate the place when the carnage is over, so what does he do?

Instead of introducing a nice young couple to become man and wife and make some babies, he chooses old man Lot and his two daughters. The daughters ply Lot with Manischewitz and engage in a sexfest of Biblical proportions. All the while, Lot can be heard screaming:

“Who’s your daddy?”

Ha…Drunkeness and an incestuous three-way…It’s like a Russ Meyer flick. God is one uber-cool sick fuck.

And then we advanced to the times of King David. Ah yes, David…The mighty warrior and future King who smited Goliath, and built a Jewish empire under the watchful eye of God. Uh-huh…

When David wasn’t toppling giants or crushing the armies of his enemies, he was writing psalms and hanging out with Saul’s son Jonathan playing Crouching Hebrew, Hidden Latke.

Oh yeahhhhhh, David was as queer as a square bagel. And, God dug him.

And then, we have the story of Mary…Holy Cow!!

God decides he wants a son, so he impregnates another man’s wife by raping her via supernatural in vitro fertilization and today we celebrate that illicit action with twinkling lights, Christmas carols, and gift cards to Target.

Gimme a break you GOP Presidential candidates…

You may say you are a God-fearing Christian with a deep belief in the Almighty, but c’mon…the God you choose to believe in and with whom you claim to have a personal relationship, is not the same God I know.

My God among other wacky things, is a huge fan of cloning, auto-erotic sex acts, homosexuality, sex out of wedlock, unnatural child birth, and coining offensive phrases that are still in use today.

On top of that, he has houses of worship built in his honor and has other people foot the bill, all the while getting a Goddamn tax-exempt status!!

Man…if all that doesn’t add up to the definition of a free love, freak flag waving Liberal, I don’t know what does, and you my Fundamentalist GOP friends need to stop waving the Bible and actually give it a read.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com

http://twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

Herman Cain Sexual Harassment Charges: A Victim of High-Tech Wenching Lynching

Hi, and 9-9-9 to you'se all…

GOP Presidential hopeful Herman Cain here to give you the 4-1-1 on reports that I sexually harassed a couple of ho’s while I was top dawg of the National Restaurant Association in 1998.

Now listen, I didn’t harass nobody.

If I said something such as…

“Hey Uz-Beki-Beki, let’s get together and have some sexy-sexy.” or…

“Yo Deep Dish, come up to my hotel room, and I’ll show you my, 9-9-9.”…or

“Pan down Chippy, you’re in the restaurant biz; so serve me. I’m Herman Cain, Bitch!!”,

To all of you'se sleazy ho-bags, and Herman-Haters...

I'm tellin' you'se, that weren’t a case of me harassin’; it was just another instance of Herman being Herman. Shit.

And lookit…

I am a married man.  I am a deeply religious man. I am a man who lives by the Word of God, AND…have been recorded singing Old Rugged Cross and negro type spirituals.

Do I sound like the type of man who would go all Nebucannever on folks, piss all over the Holy Baby Jesus, and get all up in the ass of a woman who wasn't matrimonialized to me? 

Word.

Hell…If you'se want to get superficial wif it, do I even LOOK like a sexual harasser?

Does my Chief Adviser, Mark Block look like a harasser?

Uh-huh, I don't think so…Go preach that fact about Herman to the mainstream media…and while you’re at it, preach it to your mama…especially if your mama be livin' in Iowa n' shit.

You know? I find it ironical, that this story broke on October 31st.

No, not because of Halloween, but because on October 31, 1517, Martin Luther protested against the salaciousness and indulgences of the Catholic Church by nailing his almost legible 95 Theses to a telephone pole.

An today, my friends...I am those 95 Theses that were nailed to the telephone pole, lo those many years ago.

I am The Political Reformation, and much like the parchment that Luther wrote upon, I have been slandered and am left bleeding on a telephone pole…or was it a May Pole? Maybe I am merely bleeding in the polls. Fuck.

But let me tell you'se all, don't abandon THE Herman Cain during these dark times or you could end up with this freak show as your GOP nominee...

What the hell was that?  Did someone stick a douche full of vinegar and stupid juice up Rick Perry's ass before he gave that speech in New Hampshire this past weekend?  

Lord Almighty, that is one fucked up honkie.  Amen, and True Dat!!

Anyways…Let me justify, testify, and delegitimize these allamagations and put your minds to rest…

These reported charges of my libido going all atomic wif these chicks are unfounded. Listen…

These chicks were given a goodly sum of money to shut their pie holes and walk away after their outrageous charges of me soliciting them in an improper manner.

Lord Almighty, if I had truly solicited those ho’s, it would have been those human mattresses paying ME off.

After all…

I’m Herman Cain, Bitches…and I gots the 9-9-9. Peace Out.

If you’d like to offer moral support, and/or donate to the Herman Cain 2012 campaign, contact Matt-Man @:

neshobadude@yahoo.com

http://twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

Some Open Letters From IWS

A few open letters to some folks who might have been unintentionally offended or upset by some of the things said on the I’m With Stupid podcast, or here on the blog.

Mr. CW McCall,

We here at IWS would like to apologize for the unacceptable and horrendous mangling of the lyrics of “Convoy” by Jayman on the IWS podcast. How can anyone screw up the words to one of the greatest songs of all time? It’s a mystery to us too.

Thinking he was on a roll, and instead of writing out the lyrics in his show notes, Jayman thought he could just wing it. Sometimes he bites off a little more than he can chew. This was probably the most embarrassing moment of his otherwise stellar internet radio career.

Ms. Stacey Dash,

On Sunday, you were named IWS’ Babe of the Week. While we know that this was a tremendous honor for you and you were very flattered, we also know that you were bothered a little bit by it. We understand you were a bit upset by Matt-Man’s apparent focus on your impressive physical assets and ignoring your professional accomplishments.

Well, let us here at IWS assure you Stacey, that Matt-Man, just as everyone else here, is a man of substance. He never meant to appear to be slighting the outstanding acting work you have done over your brilliant and distinguished career. We absolutely know and respect the fact that there is much, much more to you than that truly spectacular ass of yours.

Ms. Anna Kournikova,

Please see the letter above note addressed to Stacey Dash. Simply replace her name with yours, and Matt-Man’s with Jayman’s. While you also have a wonderful ass, Jayman mostly focuses on your legs, so make the appropriate changes where necessary for that too. Also, he has a hair fetish so add a third paragraph dealing with that bit of weirdness.

Mr. Daryl Dragon,

As if screwing up “Convoy” wasn’t enough, for the second time in a little over year, the hosts of the wildly popular and well respected, I’m With Stupid internet radio show attempted to have some fun at your expense. Jayman, again feeling like he was on a roll, brought up the time that he had mistakenly thought you were dead. While funny to us, we do acknowledge that this kind of joking around may not be all that funny to man of your age who has undoubtedly lived a pretty fast and hard Rock ‘n Roll lifestyle. So, for that we apologize. Again.   

Mr. Herman Cain,

It has been pointed out to us that we have, with good reason, been treating your campaign for the GOP nomination for president as a bit of a joke. I mean, one could hardly blame us, especially with your latest claim that you would give “Hail to the Chief” a “fresher sound” and a few of the other loony things you’ve proposed.

But, we would like to apologize for our behavior. We know that you, much like Stacey Dash and Anna Kournikova, well, at least like Stacey, are a person of substance and impressive professional accomplishments. This suddenly became obvious the entire staff of IWS Entertainment when you said “our leaders are stupid.” 

Not only is this a very true statement, it’s the most insightful thing any GOP candidate has said all year. For this, we salute you and apologize for failing to take you, and your campaign, seriously.

--

And if you’d like to hear all those crazy antics like attempting to sing “Convoy” or a discussion about Daryl Dragon’s wellbeing and Matt-Man and Jayman taking on the haters out there AND hanging out with Dana_Lu, then you can using this handy-dandy BTR player. And I highly recommend you do so. Especially if you’re a hater. We might change your whole outlook on life. (And yes, the show WAS posted yesterday, but this episode was so nice, we thought we would post it twice.)

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Herman Cain 2012: Pillsbury Ghedough Boy

Help me lift that old rugged cross.  Shed that precious blood with me.  Come out of the political wilderness and with me, bathe in the amazing grace.

Praise Jesus my friends, and Halleluiah to the Republican voters of  the Sunshine State…

I am Herman Cain, and I won the GOP Florida Straw Poll this past Saturday, Amen my brothers and sisters…Amen.

I have been running for the GOP Presidential nomination for months now, and yet after several debates and Saturday’s huge win some of you may be unfamiliar with me.  

To some of you, I am like one of those old negro spirituals you’ve heard sometime, somewhere, but you don’t know why or where. Allow me, Herman Cain, to introduce myself to you, the deeply intellectual readers of I’m with Stupid.

At my root and core, I am a mixture of Steve Forbes, Chef Boyardee, and Rick James.  In other words…

“Bring on the flat tax, condividere la pizza del successo, ‘cause I’m Herman Cain, Bitch!!”

Many people learned just that about me at last Thursday’s GOP Debate, I was wild and the others were mild.

While, as Brit Hume said, “Perry really threw up all over himself.”, Michele Bachmann talked about the health of potentially cancerous cooters of pre-teen girls, and Ron Paul stared wildly into the camera while adjusting that hair hat some bitch sewed to his misshapen head, I, Herman Cain, was shining…

I was shining like the black light of common sense upon the canvas of the psychedelic 70’s poster that is the Tea Party.  I was rockin’ da hizzy, and electrifying the electorate.

The only ones not excited about my performance were Mitt Romney and Jon Huntsman.  Me being a black man with the name, Cain, those two Mormons were looking at me like I was the one who killed Abel.  I don’t know what that means, but Matt-Man thought it would be funny.

Anyways…

Let me say…I am not a politician; I am a problem solver, and all problem solving skills can go back to the making of a pizza.  Fortunately, I used to be CEO of Godfather’s Pizza, so I have the skill set to make America the great 16” deluxe pie it once was.

Obama has spent three years making economic crazy bread, which only proves that Kenyan Muslims don’t know shit about making pizza.  That wouldn’t happen in a Muslim-Free Herman Cain Administration.  

I’d be spreading my sauce, cutting my cheese, loading my meat, and delivering a delicious economy to you in thirty minutes or less.

And the deliciousness of my economy pie all goes back to the dough.  How so, you ask?  Allow me to asplain…

I don’t care how hard one works the dough of the economy.  How diligently one works the dough, coddles the dough, loooooves the dough.  Much like the economy, no matter how much attention one gives the dough, it won’t rise without that one special ingredient.

Yeast.

My friends, I Herman Cain, want to be your Commander-in-Yeast.
I want to infect the economic machine that is America with a yeast infection so widespread and virulent, that nothing and no one can cure it.

America has been going hungry for a long time my friends, and she wants to eat.  It’s time to dial up the Pizza Man.

It’s time to dial up Herman Cain 2012.  Yeast at last, yeast at last…Thank God Almighty, we have yeast at last!!

Your contribution to the Herman Cain 2012 campaign can be sent to:

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com

http://twitter.com/#!/MattManIWS

And while you’re making it out, please listen to Jayman and Matt-Man doing Saturday’s Big Gay Show on Blog Talk Radio…

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio