Poetry, Rock n Roll and Rambling

Holaaaaaaaaaa! So on Monday I said there was something that I had been thinking about, but wasn’t ready to write about so I had to just ramble about nothing important well guess what I stopped thinking about that other subject so I got nothing again well not nothing but it means more rambling and you know what else yeah this should be straight stream of consciousness blogging not giving a shit about grammar or punctuation once again don’t you think so hell yeah bitches let’s do this!

I’m getting a late start on this because I had to take a maintenance request up to the office because my damn air conditioner isn’t blowing cold air it’s blowing tepid air it should be blowing cold though so I know what’s going on it’s about to run out of coolant it has to be refilled twice a year no matter how much or how little it gets used luckily it’s actually a very pleasant evening here in God’s Country so I’m not going to swelter or anything like that I’m sure they’ll be down here first thing in the morning to get that taken care of for me at least they better be of course if it’s storming they will have to wait cause you don’t wanna get struck by lightning or anything I guess I’m okay with that and I'll just swelter until it's safe for him to fix the thing.

You guys should totally check out Aunt Jackie’s cover of Jimi Hendrix’s “Fire!” Jaxxx is a HUGE Jimi fan and this kind of music is right up her alley I’d like to be right up her alley if you know what I mean did I say that out loud oops.

                           

Anyone out there in the Dallas/Ft Worth area who would like to call us on Sunday between 11 am 1 pm central time and tell us about what’s happening around the Final Four you guy ARE listening to IWS Radio aren’t you I mean what the hell else do you people have to do with your time that’s right nothing so there’s no excuse anyway if you live in or will be in North Texas around the Final Four we need a correspondent and if you do it we will introduce you to our close personal friend Scarlett Johansson.

Oh hey did you know that April is National Poetry Month well hell yes it is that means there should be lots and lots of poetry on this blog like maybe a poem every single day you know Matt-Man is actually pretty good at that poetry shit when he wants to be I’m not a skilled poet but it’s fun to try sometimes oh hey I should do that right now shouldn’t I of course I do poetry under my pseudonym Jameson Jay

The Struggle …

Sitting in front of my computer trying to write
I feel the cool breeze whistling through the night
I think of A/C units, car batteries and computer fans
All needing work in such a short span
What else could possibly go wrong
My life is playing out like a country music song
It’s always just one thing after another
Life is such a bother
This is why I’m never at ease
Even if these things do usually happen in threes
Those rules never apply to my life
Every day is like getting stabbed with a knife

- Jameson Jay

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Stream of Haikuciousness...When Matt-Man Develops His Spontaneous Asian Side

Yesterday on the IWS website, Jayman posted an exquisitely done stream of consciousness post.  I mean…

It was so damn well done, that while the tears of James Joyce were falling from Heaven, Jayman was receiving a call from the Ted Cruz organization begging Jayman to be their filibuster writer from here on out.

So?  I thought I’d do a little stream of consciousness writing myself, however…

Just to mix it up a little, I thought I’d stream my consciousness in the form of haikus.

So here ya go, Matt-Man’s Stream of Haikusciousness…

This winter drags on
Will it end anytime soon?
I seriously doubt it.

This Steel Reserve
Is quite tasty and so warm,
Fuck Mother Nature.

I’m off this Sunday
Facebook friends better beware,
Ima gonna drink.

Sausage, toast, and eggs
That sounds incredibly good.
So much effort though.

I just lit a smoke
I take a deep drag, and smile
Newport Reds taste swell.

Lent is almost here
I need to give up something
Bread and pasta…Gone!!

My zipper is down
I find that extremely odd
Hands were typing keys.

I bet Kate Upton
Is really awful in bed
Not allowed to bite and mar her picture perfect tits.

My last Kate haiku
Did not follow haiku rules
Oh well…suck it, Kate.

Chicken nuggets, not eggs

eggs?

Nuggets are much less trouble.
Eggs may have to sit.

I just touched my dick.
No, I didn’t have an itch
I just wanted to.

Why do people judge?
Schmoop is sound asleep in bed
And I am horny.

Thank you, and have a great Thursday…I shall spend mine saying “5-7-5” to myself.

Today’s drawer at the Beer Mine is gonna be so fucked up.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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No Punctuation Necessary Stream of Consciousness Blogging

Hola y’all! On our Write Drunk Edit Sober show this week we talked about a writer’s block and some of the ideas of how to deal with it and one of them was to do a stream of consciousness post so I think I’ll do that tonight hell I might not even put any punctuation in here just one long sentence won’t that drive some of you grammar Nazis fucking nuts hahahaha I love it you people get all pissed over stuff like this in fact I’m rather enjoying this even though I know that nobody has probably lasted this long and is still reading but if you are you are my friend and I love you I guess I should do some paragraph breaks in here though so maybe what I’ll do is put a period at the end of each paragraph and then start another long stream of consciousness paragraph with no punctuation what do you think about that okay cool I’ll do it.

Maybe this won’t be nearly as annoying if I do it this way although I’m sure there will be someone who will bitch about well maybe not since nobody really reads this blog anyway other than the 100 to 1200 people who might come over from Stumble Upon that site has suddenly been pretty consistent about sending us some hits each day and made things a little happier in these parts cause while blogging can be fun anyone who says they only write for themselves is so full of shit cause we all totally want page views that’s what were really do this for I mean if it wasn’t about page views would I just up and post a pic of Lupita Nyong’o who stars in 12 Years a Slave just because she’s nominated for an Academy Award and is making the rounds on the talk shows and people will be searching for her hell no I wouldn’t.

Okay that’s not necessarily true cause I saw her on Conan Monday night and she was really very charming and beautiful and almost made me want to see 12 Years a Slave but more than likely I’ll just wait and see what she’s in next and hope it’s a movie I’ll be more likely to want to see anyway I’m totally fine with her winning the Oscar this coming Sunday on ABC even though that means she will beat Jennifer Lawrence that doesn’t mean I’m no longer a Jennifer Lawrence fan it cause I totally am and I’m sure I always will be and I have no doubt that she is also a big fan of IWS Radio even though she hasn’t responded to my efforts to get her to come on the show.

Another thing we talked about on Sunday was how pissed off people get over the use of some words I brought up the fact that Matt-Man used the word piddle meaning that he wasn’t doing anything but just hanging out and wasting time but a lot of people insisted that he meant he was pissing I found this hilarious because while the word piddle does mean both wasting time and pissing it can be used either way and it was very obvious that he meant wasting time because he posted a picture of himself with his feet up relaxing the next day it suddenly hit me that if I had been thinking I could have said no Matt isn’t pissing cause if was he would have posted a picture of himself pissing like I did on my old blog back in the day which got all kinds of hilarious responses cause back in the day the bloggerhood was so much more of a community like that.

Anyway this stream of consciousness shit is easy and really fast I’m already up to 640 words holy shit you can really rack up the word counts this way oh sure most of it nonsensical and would be cut if I was going to edit this but I’m not I know you think I won’t be able to stand it but you’re wrong buddy I’m gonna post it as is and just let it sit there oh sure I might not ever look at this post again in my life after posting it cause it will really bug the shit outta me but as long as I’m not looking at it everything will be okay well I gotta go now cause this is getting long and I totally had way too much to eat at dinner tonight fajitas and a couple of taquitos are really filling and so damn delicious I think I could have them every night well not every night cause I gotta have some pizza every once in a while but you know what I mean right okay then good talk y’all have a great day and remember that I love well most of you some of you more than others but really almost all of you okay bye.

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Drugs, Sex, Masturbation and Meditation

Hola y’all! Oh look! It’s my turn to post again. That’s great. That’s just fucking great! I’m so excited. Can’t you tell? Is anyone out there? Helloooooooooooooo? Give me a sign if you are. Tell me how much you love me. Or tell me I suck. I don’t give a shit. Okay, that’s not completely true. Well it depends on who says it. Most people could say that and I wouldn’t care. Some of you would hurt my widdle fee-fees. Not that I don’t want people to be honest with me. I totally do. I just have to warn them that their constructive criticism might not make any real difference. I mean, just like the late, great Don Williams* once sang “We’re all gonna be what we’re gonna be … So what do you do with good ol’ boys like me?” Dude was a freaking genius!

Holy shit I’m like a quarter of the way through this blog post already. I don’t know why I complain about it so much. Shit is easy! Oh sure, I spend all day trying to think of something good to write about and then when I’m about out of time I just open up MS Word and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH all over the page. Maybe someday I’ll actually come up with something interesting to write about. We’ll see. I’m a busy man though, so don’t get your hopes up.

I’ve got all kinds of crazy ideas going right now. This little infection thing, even though it’s not really that big of a deal, has got me thinking about being more healthy and shit. I told you guys recently that I was down to just one Pepsi a day, right? Well, now I’m done to ZERO Pepsi’s a day. How ‘bout that shit? I might still have one on Sunday afternoons while I’m sitting around not doing a damn thing though. Sunday is kind of a free day. Anyway, no more Pepsi and now I’m instituting a NO MEAT night once a week for dinner! On top of that, I’m gonna start meditation. Martin from Martin’s Muffler and Meditation Emporium has done inspired me…

That’s pretty damn HAWT right there! You know, I really should vlog more. I think I’ve said I was going to a few times and I just haven’t. What else is new? But, that takes time and effort and I’m a busy man. And now if I’m gonna be mediating and exercising and maybe even taking up yoga and shit, I’ll have even less time. Not to mention the lack of energy from not eating meat one night a week. That could be a killer! We’ll see. I haven’t done any driving around videos in a long time; maybe I should do some more of those. Hell, I don’t know. I’ll think about it.

You know, I might need a whole new online persona. I don’t know what that would be. It’s all just so complicated. I mean, just being myself would be the easiest, right? Wrong! There’s nothing easy about that at all. Everything is just so complicated. Why is that? It’s totally not fair. Of course, now that I think about it, I pretty have just been myself online. Maybe that’s the problem? Maybe I have multiple personalities and don’t realize it? People on TV who have multiple personalities don’t usually know it. Of course, one of their personalities always ends up killing someone who I hope that isn’t the case.

Well, Monday Night Football is about to start so I’ll worry about all this shit another time. I don’t like to be distracted when I’m watching football. I need to be able to focus on all the stupid things that Jon Gruden says while also being annoyed that he doesn’t have an “h” in his name. That shit just pisses me off. By the way, this is why I opposed President Obama’s nomination of Jeh Johnson as the new Secretary of Homeland Security. He spells his name “Jeh” but pronounces it “Jay?” I don’t think so Scooter. They should do away with the Department of Homeland Security anyway. But, that’s a discussion for another time.

*Update: My apologies to Don Williams who apparently is still alive. My bad dude, I'm a huge fan.

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Hey Israel? Syria Is YOUR Neighbor and Has a Broken Washing Machine...Why Does America Have to Wash Their Dirty Laundry?

Cheeeeeeeers Chuckleheads and Happy Thursday to you all!!

I have a couple of really concretely solid topics to touch upon, but those are best left to be mediaized on this Sunday’s next, sure to be #1 IWS Radio show, so?

I am going to down a 211 and just let my thoughts flow on here today.  Mmmmm’kay?

Dateline…Matt-Man’s head…

You know what would we be cool…If instead of degrading Syrian President Bashar al-Assad’s chemical weapons with missiles, we instead, gassed the entire country of Syria, but instead of using serin or mustard gas, we used laughing gas!!

That would be fucking hilarious.  A bunch of punch drunk extremists with guns walking around feeding each other falafels all the while tea is pouring out the side of their mouths like they’re doped up on Novocain. Ha!!

And what’s up with Israel?  Everyone is worried about what will happen to Israel over this crisis.  The only ones not worried about the Syrian Civil War are the Israelis and their 2 Billion Dollars a year from the U.S.

Listen Israel…We give you 2 Bil a year to help arm yourselves and Syria is on your border, so could we see a little action out of you?  I know you are busy building tin shack “settlements”, but really?

If Moses were alive today, he with his Rod of God in hand, would walk straight over to Damascus turn their rivers and their streets red with blood, and then return to Tel Aviv and rain toads down upon you, the Israelites, for being such pussies.

Seriously…Netanyahu and all of you serve who in the Israeli legislative body of the Knish?  You need to ask yourselves, What Would Moses Do?

In fact, and now I am getting a little steamed…it’s as if the State of Israel expects us, the United States of America to protect her.  It’s as if  we Americans are the savior of the State of Israel.  Hmmmmmmm?

The last time there was a savior walking around in the land of Israel, the Jews preferred some dude named Barabbas, and helped to kill the Holy Baby Jesus.

So boys and goils…enjoy your Rosh Hashanah, and delight in the fact that you will surely nail your America savior and benefactor to the cross in the near future.

I hurt my knee today.  I knocked it into a twelve pack of Dr. Pepper…Did Israel care?  Hell No!!  They didn’t even send me any chicken soup with matzo balls.  It’s such a one way relationship.

Ha…you know what?

My Stream of Consciousness thing actually turned out to be focused, and really?  Here’s the thing…

I am not pro-war…I am very anti-war, but y’know?

I get tired of hearing about how a solution and pathway to peace may be possible in the Middle East.

It never will.  There are far too many zealots with far too many strident and monocular ideologies involved.

Perhaps if we attack Syria, which I agree with, that may trigger an expansion of the conflict that sets the region on fire.  I feel bad about that, but then I think…

Eh…so what, because as much as I hate death and destruction, it is an inevitability, because the unholy trinity of radical acolytes of Muslims, Jews, and Christians want it.

To people like that, it’s just a matter of how and when.

And sadly, upstairs in the supernatural open bar of heaven, God, Allah, Buddha, or whatever one prefers to refer to Him as, are sipping on a bottle of Jack and saying…

“Maybe there is another planet we could try this life thing on, ‘cause it ain't working here.”

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

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The Mind Wanders

Hola Y’all! Yeah okay, so I’m supposed to be blogging and instead I’m rolling through #RejectedYankeeCandles on Twitter faster than Taylor Swift goes through boyfriends. Seriously, at the pace she’s going she HAS to get down to me eventually, right? In fact, I’m guessing it happens in 2013. Late in the year, but it happens. It will be a glorious two weeks. Okay, 10 days.

Man it sure has turned cold here in God’s Country. I couldn’t get warm tonight so decided to put on a pair of socks. They helped but one of them had a hole in them so they weren’t as effective as they could have been. Anyway, we were originally told we would get up to 10 inches of snow. Instead we got less than two inches and it was gone by noon. What a huge disappointment. Just like me.

So how was everyone’s Christmas? That’s great. I had a pretty good Christmas but I’m glad it’s over. I like Christmas but by the time I watch “A Christmas Story” then open presents, then make Christmas dinner and basically eat until I hate myself, I’m ready for it to all be over. I would have taken down the tree today but I was too lazy.

Between college football bowl games, the NFL over the weekend and all those NBA games on Xmas Day, I watched a butt-load of sports the last few days. This caused me to post this over on the Tumblr Blog (with apologies to George Carlin) …

“I’m a scrappy, five-tool impact player who can take over a game and score from anywhere. I’m a tough, hard-nosed, old-school winner who can flat out play. I’m the consummate team player who can come off the bench and provide a spark by bringing a lot of energy to the game and get stronger as the game goes on. I’ve silenced my critics by being a great chemistry guy in the locker room and a go-to guy in the clutch who knows what it takes to win and if I’m even I’m leavin’.”

You know, I might just give up watching sports in 2013. I’ll have to wait until after the BCS Championship game of course. And, there’s the Super Bowl, don’t wanna miss that. I’ll still watch the NBA too but that’s probably it. Maybe I’ll watch Arkansas in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament if they make it. And the Four if Duke isn’t playing in it. Of course, I’ll want to watch the Master’s golf tournament and the US Open and British Open, but that’s all the golf I’ll watch. So yeah, that’s pretty much giving up sports. Well, until college football season rolls around again next fall.

Oops! Well, the old Midnight Easter Standard Time deadline just passed. I think this is the first deadline I’ve missed since we started this blog. Not that anyone will notice because I’ll just manually set the time so everything will look normal. And Matt-Man is old so he’s already asleep and won’t see this until tomorrow. So that’s cool.

Well, it’s time to find a hot picture of Taylor Swift and get this all uploaded so I can go to bed and not sleep. That way I will be tired and cranky when I go to Walmart tomorrow. That’s the best attitude to have when going there.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
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In other news we had yet another fun and charming episode of I’m With Stupid yesterday. We gave a Christmas recap, talked about Boxing Day, Kwanzaa and how much Cincinnati sucks (Hint: It sucks A LOT.) and all kinds of other stuff. So, check it out right here …

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Bored Like Me

Hola y’all! Well, I got nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not a damn thing. There’s just nothing going on. I mean, there’s stuff going on, but nothing fun or interesting to blog about. It’s the dog days of summer. Maybe we should have taken the month of August off like the ladies of The View do. Nawww.

Thank God there’s football on tonight cause Mondays are brutal on TV. Oh sure, it’s just preseason, but for an expert football analyst such as myself, that’s no problem at all. Not that I need to analyze the players anymore since I’ve given up playing fantasy football. FF is just too much of a hassle and takes away from the enjoyment of the game.

Speaking of football, some Yay-HOO over at the AP has picked Arkansas to go to the BCS Championship Game and play Southern California there. So, how to Arkansas fans on the message boards react to this? Do they celebrate having a team that at least one “expert” is picking to go to the big game? Do they celebrate having a team ranked in the Top 10 to start the season? No, they bitch that the guy picked USC to win the championship game. They’re delusional. Every last one of them.

I could talk about Todd Akin, but why bother? By the end of the week he will have restored his lead in the polls and be on his way to making Missouri the laughingstock of the country. But, I will say to all you folks out there saying you want your politicians to “just be honest” I hope you’re happy. This is what we get when politicians are honest. People like Akin say things like women can’t get pregnant from “legitimate rape” because that is what he honestly believes. I guarantee you the GOP would like for Akin to quit being honest about what so many of them believe too.

Let’s see what else is happening. Jack shit, that’s what. So bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. Bored. I don’t really have anything to rant about. The newspaper is being delivered regularly again. Well, as regularly as it gets printed. The local paper doesn’t run on Sundays or Mondays. But, even though it doesn’t run every day anymore, they still have the audacity to call that paper the “Harrison DAILY Times.” What’s up with that? Shouldn’t it be the “Harrison NOT DAILY Times?” Or the “Harrison Most Days Times?” I maybe have to bring this up with them.

Nothing happening with the noisy neighbors either. The guy upstairs has been doing his partying somewhere else lately. Of course, I might be jinxing that by writing this. I’ll be pissed off if this post goes up at midnight and an hour later a bunch of people show up at his apartment and they crank up that God-awful music. Maybe I should delete it? But, there’s nothing else going on! I guess I’ll just roll the dice and leave it in. Living on the edge is a pretty wild experience.

Well, I guess I’ll wrap this steaming pile of excrement up since it’s doubtful anyone is still reading. I would be. Hell, I’m not reading while I’m typing. My fingers are just doing whatever the hell they want. My brain has stopped and my fingers are doing all the thinking and typing. Hell, I could do this all week. Don’t you think we’ve seen enough of Zach Galifianikis lately? I do. He needs to take some time off. Like the rest of the year or something. That fudgesicle I had for dessert was exceptionally good tonight. I wonder why Word says fudgesicle isn’t a real word? That’s some bullshit right there. Nobody who works for Microsoft has ever known the simple pleasure of sucking on a long, luscious fudgesicle? What a bunch of fucking losers. Whoa! All of the sudden, I’m up to 630 words in this post. Now I KNOW it’s time to wrap it up cause nobody likes a long wordy blog post, especially one as boring as this one. So anyway, that’s all I’ve got.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS 

Just Rambling About Pool, Ping Pong, Hookers and Strippers

Hola Bitches! First of all I would like to thank Jo for classin’ this joint up a bit yesterday. Her post was funny and insightful and far cleverer than the stuff I usually come up with. I hope that Jo will come back and entertain us again and again. And, if you don’t know Jo, you should really get to know here. She’s a really great person.

--

I really don’t have anything to write about today, so once again, I will just ramble a bit. Here goes …

I’ve always wanted a pool table. You need too much room for one though. I mean, I guess it would be okay to have one of those little ones that you usually find in bars. But, you can’t get really good at the game if you don’t play on a regulation sized table. Someday I will have enough room for one. Maybe I’ll be able to rent a mobile home. They usually have a pretty good sized “great room” where I could put my pool table. That would be a lot of fun until a tornado blew it away.

You know what else would be cool? A Ping Pong Table! Man, I used to play a lot of ping pong when I was in college. I once had a neighbor who had a ping pong table in an apartment. That was fucking annoying. Not just because I never got invited over to play either. They made A LOT of noise. I bet it was not easy for that one dude to play with that gun in his waistband all the time. I never saw him without it. Now that I think about, those two guys that lived in that one bedroom apartment together were kind of odd. Hmmm … You know what? They might have been gay. Now I’m really hurt that they didn’t ever invite me over.

I’ve had some strange neighbors over the years. I’ve talked about most of them though. You know, like the hookers and drug dealers when I lived in Missouri. Oh I’m sorry, I mean the “Home Business Entrepreneurs.” Of course, I didn’t know about the hookers until after they had been busted. All my other neighbors knew though. The bastards. Well, there was the one in San Antonio; she was a very nice person. I know what you’re thinking and the answer is “No, I didn’t.” 

But, now that I think about it, I’ve known or talked to a lot of hookers over the years. I wonder if that’s odd. I’m not even including all the strippers I’ve talked to, because strippers are rarely prostitutes. They also rarely look like Jessica Alba did in “Sin City.” Nothing personal against all the strippers out there reading this, you know I love ya.

Have you ever noticed how often my Stream of Consciousness posts end up talking about strippers and hookers? Pretty often. I bet that’s not normal at all. Anyway, a pool table would be really cool. And so would a ping pong table. And if had those things I would need a juke box. But, not one that played modern country music cause that shit sucks. A disco ball would be cool too. Then I would be the cool guy! Yeah, I like that. I’ve never been the cool guy.

Oh, I would need a bar and multiple TVs too. And a couple of dart boards in case we got tired of playing pool and ping pong. Shuffleboard is always fun too. Actually, I bet ping pong would hurt my back, so we might not have that. Well, I could get one just in case other people wanted to play.

I would have everyone over all the time. Even gay neighbors who carry guns in their waistbands all the time, but they would have to understand that we won’t be playing Cher or Bette Midler on the juke boxs. I think the juke box has the potential to be a problem. I’ll probably just let people play whatever the hell they want to avoid trouble.

I hate being the guy that always causes trouble. I like everyone to just get along. I’ve known so many people who …

Sorry, this got really long winded so I had to cut about 400 words. Anyway, my point is, mean people suck and pool tables are fun.

Jayman
Email: Jayman3768@gmail.com
Twitter: @Jayman_IWS

Ulysses: The Making of Irish Stew

In the spirit of James Joyce’s quasi-mythological and somewhat stream of consciousness novel, Ulysses, I give you…

“Mattlysses:  Thoughts While Sitting on the Toilet at 2:47 A.M.”

Holy Cow, my stomach hurts.  I guess I shouldn’t have eaten that taco or drank that last Mickey’s Malt Liquor so late.

I haven’t felt this bad since years ago when I woke up the day after I had drunken sex with that chick with the birthmark shaped liked the boot heel of Missouri on her ass, and a mustache that said, “Pet Me!!”

Oh man!!  C’mon, bowels…Don’t just lay there all gassy n’shit.  Let’s feel some movement.  I’m very tired and want to go back to bed.

Oh what’s this?  Wow.  Merle Haggard is dying and Chaz Bono wants to be, “The Bachelor.”  How does anyone not take a shit without reading, The Globe?  I love it.

And speaking of taking a shit…

“IT WOULD BE NICE TO BE DOING SO, RATHER THAN JUST SITTING HERE GETTING PORCELAIN IMPRINTS ON MY ASS!!”

Was that a spider?

Oh hell…I have to remember that after my colon evacuates its contents, IF IT EVER DOES, I need to get the coffee ready to brew for the morning, which is technically already fucking here.

God forbid that I don’t have the coffee ready for Schmoop.  And God forbid on my behalf that I forget, as I wouldn’t want forgetting to put eight cups of water and five scoops of ground Arabica beans into said coffee maker to be the reason that I don’t get laid this weekend.

Jesus Christ…Oooooo.  Oh boy here she comes…I feel some rumblings.

Ahhhhhhhhh.  Ewwwwwwww….Man, it was like it all rushed out…as if I was pissing from my ass.  Who does that?  I’ll tell ya who!!

An idiot who can’t lay off those God Damn energy drinks, like me.  Aside from the caffeine, those bottles full of a month’s worth of B Vitamins turn any type of food into a frothy chocolate milkshake.  Oh man…

Oh dear God…that is just wrong.  Holy Cow, I only had a taco and drank a couple of beers, what the hell is still coming out of me, my freakin’ soul!?

Why is the cat pawing at the bathroom door.  It can’t be as though she is drawn to the smell in here, unless she smells death and wants to see me before I die.

Fuck…it IS a spider…Ha…Well it’s a dead spider now.  Even while on the shitter, arachnids shouldn’t mess with me.

Ahhhhhhhh….I feel better.  No pain, no gain, and man when it’s all done, it’s better than sex.  Huh?  I find shitting better than sex?

That’s just fucked up.  Eh…

I guess it’s because of that, “the pleasure given, is equal to the pleasure received, school of thought.”

I guess my body and I work in harmony.

I abuse it.  It abuses me.  And in the end…we both feel better.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

email:  neshobadude@yahoo.com
Twitter:  @mattmaniws