Blogmas Day 6: Donald Trump Haiku Poet

Hello everyone, Donald Trump, the Poetic POTUS here to entertain you with some TrumpKu’s! 

Eighteen Angry Dems
Ruined the Bush Funeral
There’s No Collusion! 

I’m a Tariff Man
China is Ripping Us Off
I Don’t Pay Taxes

Nice Bush Funeral
Mine Will Be Fancier
Carter Smells Funny 

The Bush Twins are Hot
Ivanka is Sexier
I Really Love Boobies 

Low Gas Prices
Thanks Saudi Arabia
But, Mostly Thanks Trump

Liberals Hate Me
Cause I say Merry Christmas
And They Hate Jesus

It’s So Damn Cold Here
Where’s That Sweet Global Warming
Keep Me Warm Stormy 

Happy Hanukkah
I’m Popular with the Jews
And Schlump Rhymes with Trump 

Along the Sullied Boulevard of Words Made Magical

Jay, Matt, Jamie, and the IWS Radio team busted rhymes, struck a prose, and haikued their way to hilarity on this past Sunday's show, as they celebrated National Poetry Month. If you thought you hated poetry before, you'll hate it even more after listening to this show. Give it a listen!!

Get Inspired in 2016 With IWS Radio!

Boy howdy did IWS Radio bring in the new year! Let me tell ya folks, Matt-Man and Jayman must have made resolutions to bring the funny in 2016 because that’s exactly what they did this week. Well, more or less. What all happened on the first show of 2016? Well, I’m glad you asked …

Jay woke up in an excited state!

Matt-Man worked the boring days last week at the Beer Mine (conveniently located at the corner of Elmore and Burnett Rds in Bagwine, Ohio).

The University of Dayton defeated the University of Arkansas in OT in men’s basketball and that meant that Jayman had to sing the U of D fight song!

There was a heck of a crowd in the chat room engaging in all kinds of hilariously witty banter.

Bumwine Bob from the Bumming With Bobcat was there. He also got a shout out for hosting the NFL Pick ‘Em contest.

Robert the Taylor from Razzamataz Radio was there and even called in although nobody could really understand him.

Matt and Jay discussed resolutions and agreed they only really have to just keep being the awesome guys they already are.

Of course our Canadian Bureau Chief Jamie Mapleleaf was there and she once again delivered a vicious, yet accurate introduction of the Matt-Man.

Some of the worst songs ever were featured in the Bad Songs of the Week segment. It won’t be easy to top these!

Rev Moneymaker reminded everyone to put Jesus first, but also remember to eat, drink and be merry.

Paul Piatt showed off his rhetorical genius once again and called out Robert the Taylor as only he can.

Drew Peacock made us all feel dirty and weird as only HE can do.

Slyer Ballzcock was there with a very special Happy New Year present for Matt and Schmoop!

And soooooooooooooo much more! Make it your resolution to listen to IWS Radio early and often in 2016 and most definitely check out this week’s show …

Oh Mama What a Show!

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IWS Person of the Week: Nobody!!

It's Sunday yet again folks and you know what that means. That's right!! Time for the IWS Person of the Week, and this week IWS Radio is proud to honorrrrrrrrrrr.....

Nobody!!

Yep folks, although Jay, Matt, and the entire IWS Radio staff got together, thought long and hard, and yet...couldn't think of one damn person who deserved to be recognized this week. And can you blame them?

After all...Did even one single politician get behind a mic and and wax inspirationally or have a complete and utter mental meltdown? Nope...

Was there some type of earth shattering and salacious sex scandal that gave perverts a hard-on or made Evangelical Christians and Sean Hannity feign outrage!? Not even close...

Were there any feats of awesomeness from the world of sports this week? The IWS staff of umpires says "strike three"...

And lastly...did anyone of worldwide renown or uber-celebrity status bite the dust this week en route to meet his or her maker? Sadly, the Stygian ferryman Charon says no...

So there you have it.  This week nobody made the cut to be the IWS Person of the Week, and to all of you we say, "Let's pick your game up people. Swearing off meltdowns, abstaining from tawdry sexcapades, and not dying unexpectedly and/or tragically is no way to go through life,"

But fear not and cheer up folks, Jay, Matt, and the IWS Radio team are broadcasting LIVE TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET on Blog Talk Radio.

As denoted by the lack of a Person of the Week, it has been a thin week for news, so Jay and Matt are going to talk poetry, take a stroll down the IWS Radio Memory Lane, talk music, Jay's new found love for Frank Zappa, and most importantly take your phone calls at 661.244.9852. So...

Join Jay, Matt, and the rest of the IWS gang as they present: IWS Radio Isn't Dead, it Just Smells Funny

To join the hilarity LIVE TODAY from Noon-2 PM ET, click  Here!!

  

So Funny it's Scary

It was yet another spookerific, spookalicious spookination of a Halloween Extravaganza y’all! Or something anyway. We had a good time not getting any calls and celebrating all the things that go bump in the night. Well, other than us cause we bump all night. I have no idea what that mean. Anyway we discussed …

BTR Problems.

Jay had a bug last week.

Could it beeeeeeee ………. SATAN??????

Beer Mine idiocy and a couple from New York up to something nefarious!

Walkin’ through the Drive Through

We moved some good product and made a big sale.

The IWS Players do a dramatic reading of Edith Wharton’s “All Souls”

Canada loses its innocence

Excellent analysis of what makes for good Halloween treats

A few costume ideas

A trip down memory lane to when Warrior Kat and Mrs Mike called in to our FIRST Halloween Extravaganza

A brilliant and hilarious interview of Dracula by our own Joshua!

The Reverend Moneymaker makes his displeasure with Halloween known.

Phil Diller brings his special brand of humor to Halloween

We hold a séance and check in with Tammy Tibbles in the afterlife

And sooooooooooo much more! Listen or SATAN will get you!!! Or something. 


                               

Happy 4th of July From IWS Radio

Cheers and a Happy Independence Day Eve to you all.

In March of 1775, the colony of Virginia debated whether or not they should create their own militia. Instead of meeting under the heavy heraldic hand of Lieutenant-General Lord Dunmore at the capitol in Williamsburg, the Second Convention of Virginian delegates met at St. John’s Church in Richmond….

The Voice of the Revolution

Richmond’s streets were cold and bare
But signs of Spring were in the air.

Like Christians from the Catacombs
Patriots stole past Tory homes.

To St. John’s Church in stealth they came
Risking death and a traitor’s name.

Once safe inside they paused to pray
That freedom’s torch would light their way.

The roll was called, the minutes read
Approved and entered as were said.

Each cautious vote was meekly cast
When Patrick Henry stood at last.

Then like a monk before his God
His voice in measured cadence trod.

The oak floor shook beneath his rage
The Bible trembled page by page.

He crossed his wrists, despair implied
“Our chains are forged”, he harshly cried.

He spoke of liberty and death
And murmurs rose with every breath.

Then undismayed by thoughts of fear
The Yankee crowd began to cheer.

The shouts burst forth like tamarind
And Henry’s words were on the wind…

In Williamsburg, where all was still
Lord Dunmore felt a sudden chill.

He shuddered as he stirred the fire,
And saw a raging fun’ral pyre.

A musket shot, a distant bell,
And muffled hoof beats broke the spell.

Reluctantly, he grabbed his sword,
And took his pistol from the board.

Sadly, he knew, but could not say,
That England’s fate was sealed that day.

© 1981 JJM

Here’s to the author Jack Mahoney, and here’s to Jay and Matt who will be taking a few days off as we celebrate the 238th birthday of America.

Have a great 4th of July weekend, and we’ll see you back here Tuesday.

IWS Radio 

Sunshine Pumping on IWS

Sometimes all the negativity and anger and hating gets to be too much even for Matt and Jay. So, this week on IWS Radio we set all that aside and went strictly positive. That’s right, no cheap shots. No mocking of famous people. No ranting. Just love and support for everyone.

- Jay talked about his new Crock Pot and how awesome it is.

- Matt introduced our newest correspondent Lance Cranston.

- Ma Tibble inspired us.

- Tammy Tibbles inspired us even more!

- Martin led us through a great meditation

- Paul Piatt recited a poem full of great advice on happiness

- Rev Moneymaker reminded us that faith in the Almighty leads to happiness

- Jamie Canada called in and hung out with us

- Matt talked about what makes him happy

- Jay talked about what makes him happy

- Joshua reviewed one of the happiest movies ever: The Princess Bride

- Matt and Jay were devastated to find that a certain someone doesn’t like The Princess Bride

- Lots and lots of witty banter about being positive and overcoming negative people in life

- Matt and Jay apologies to some of the people they have been negative towards in the past

- And sooooooooo much more! Definitely check this one out! 

                 
                                 

                                                                             Listen To Comedy Internet Radio                                                                                Stations with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

Matt Said...Jay Said...(202) 333-7121

Matt waxes poetically…Jay wanes introspectively…You, gather neither rhyme nor reason.

Matt:  Hello?
Jay:  Whadda ya know?
Matt:  A little more than I did yesterday.
Jay:  That’s damn good to hear; I must say.

Matt:  Schmoop isn’t enjoying my Thursdays off.
Jay:  Perhaps you could leave on Thursdays and go play golf.
Matt:  That sounds good, but kind of expensive.
Jay:  Dude, you gotta keep her happy; don’t be so pensive.

Matt:  Our show this week falls on Palm Sunday.
Jay:  When Jesus on a donkey, made it a Funday.
Matt:  Christ is King.  Ha…Christ is funny.
Jay:  And by his blood on the cross, people love to make money.

Matt:  We could talk about that.
Jay:  We could and we should.
Matt:  We could talk about Favstar, and how most users are morons.
Jay:  We could deride their un-funniness, and then let bygones be bygones.

Matt:  Perhaps, as you know, it’s National Poetry Month…
Jay:  And we could base our show ‘round, poetry, prose, and such?
Matt:  That would be awesome!!
Jay:  That would be great!!
Matt:  You know who would like it, that’d be Paul Piatt.
Jay:  I'd like it too; c’mon, let’s try it!!

Matt:  Paul Piatt will be there, Slyder, and Schmoop as well.
Jay:  Bobby Kraft will chime in, and Drew Peacock will rhyme like a bell.
Matt:  And many others will poetize.
Jay:  For they have a lot to prose-itize.

Matt:  So this Sunday from Noon-2 PM, Eee Tee
Jay:  We will be bringing the funny poetry.
Matt:  And perhaps, we will may make people laugh.
Jay:  But only if we do a reading, by the late Sylvia Plath.

Matt:  I think we’re ready.
Jay:  Ready as Freddy.
Matt:  Let’s Do Iiiiiiiiiiit!
Jay:  Aight.
Matt:  That didn’t rhyme.
Jay:  I was juxtaposing.
Matt:  That’s HOT!!

To catch IWS Radio LIVE this Sunday from Noon-2 PM ET during their Poetry, Prose, and Poseurs episode, you can click right, HERE!!  

Poetry, Rock n Roll and Rambling

Holaaaaaaaaaa! So on Monday I said there was something that I had been thinking about, but wasn’t ready to write about so I had to just ramble about nothing important well guess what I stopped thinking about that other subject so I got nothing again well not nothing but it means more rambling and you know what else yeah this should be straight stream of consciousness blogging not giving a shit about grammar or punctuation once again don’t you think so hell yeah bitches let’s do this!

I’m getting a late start on this because I had to take a maintenance request up to the office because my damn air conditioner isn’t blowing cold air it’s blowing tepid air it should be blowing cold though so I know what’s going on it’s about to run out of coolant it has to be refilled twice a year no matter how much or how little it gets used luckily it’s actually a very pleasant evening here in God’s Country so I’m not going to swelter or anything like that I’m sure they’ll be down here first thing in the morning to get that taken care of for me at least they better be of course if it’s storming they will have to wait cause you don’t wanna get struck by lightning or anything I guess I’m okay with that and I'll just swelter until it's safe for him to fix the thing.

You guys should totally check out Aunt Jackie’s cover of Jimi Hendrix’s “Fire!” Jaxxx is a HUGE Jimi fan and this kind of music is right up her alley I’d like to be right up her alley if you know what I mean did I say that out loud oops.

                           

Anyone out there in the Dallas/Ft Worth area who would like to call us on Sunday between 11 am 1 pm central time and tell us about what’s happening around the Final Four you guy ARE listening to IWS Radio aren’t you I mean what the hell else do you people have to do with your time that’s right nothing so there’s no excuse anyway if you live in or will be in North Texas around the Final Four we need a correspondent and if you do it we will introduce you to our close personal friend Scarlett Johansson.

Oh hey did you know that April is National Poetry Month well hell yes it is that means there should be lots and lots of poetry on this blog like maybe a poem every single day you know Matt-Man is actually pretty good at that poetry shit when he wants to be I’m not a skilled poet but it’s fun to try sometimes oh hey I should do that right now shouldn’t I of course I do poetry under my pseudonym Jameson Jay

The Struggle …

Sitting in front of my computer trying to write
I feel the cool breeze whistling through the night
I think of A/C units, car batteries and computer fans
All needing work in such a short span
What else could possibly go wrong
My life is playing out like a country music song
It’s always just one thing after another
Life is such a bother
This is why I’m never at ease
Even if these things do usually happen in threes
Those rules never apply to my life
Every day is like getting stabbed with a knife

- Jameson Jay

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Friend me on Facebook
Follow me on Twitter

Making Things and Spring Happen

Not only did we all Spring Forward, well everyone except some weirdoes in Indiana and Arizona, but IWS Radio brought the funny this week as we Forced Spring to start a little early. And I think it worked too because there wasn’t any of the winter doldrums on this week’s IWS Radio. It was non-stop fun and excitement.

Well, there were some less that positive moments, but those weren’t because of any freezing weather, ice storms or gray gloomy skies. Jay did have to discuss the ordeal that has been attempting to get his laptop fixed. Oh it’s gonna get fixed, but it’s gonna cost THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS to do it.

We had a new sponsor this week too. The Black Sea Cruises offers some great deals on an amazing vacation in one of the most underrated vacation spots in the world. I don’t know about you guys, but I think vacationing on a cruise ship in the Black Sea near the Crimean coast sounds like a great idea!

There has been a bit of infighting at IWS lately and some of it has spilled over into the show. Last week we had Paul Piatt selling out and Kirk Douglas took a couple of cheap shots at Guy Ahnerdyck and Bobby Kraft. Well, Bobby and Guy both responded this week in their own special ways.

Speaking of which, shout out to Guy Ahnurdyck for winning a Dutchie! The first IWS correspondent to win a major award! Congrats Guy!!

After a couple of passive-aggressive swipes at Kirk, Bobby gave everyone some great advice on preparing for Tornado Season. Make sure you have a pen and paper handy cause you’ll want to take notes!

Once again Aunt Jackie rocked the house! This week she covered Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys are Back in Town!” It was awesome! Thanks Jaxxx!!

Martin was along to provide us with a great springtime meditation. We were all so relaxed I wasn’t sure we would be able to finish the show!

Stubby Stonehenge showed off his literary flexibility by sitting in for Paul Piatt in the Poet’s Corner this week. He was really great. I bet you’ll be surprised.

And sweet, lovable, adorable Schmoop stopped by to entertain us with her own brand of happy spring thoughts about Matt’s new “get to spend more time at home” schedule.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand soooooo much more! We rocked and rolled through the whole show once again this week. I don’t know what has gotten into us, but IWS Radio is on a real roll lately. Definitely check it out!

Check Out Comedy Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

A Special Thanksgiving Message from Paul Piatt

Gentle and heartfelt greetings to all of you discerning drinkers of the warm and aromatic coffee of life that is IWS Radio.

Renown poet and IWS Literary Editor, Paul Piatt here, bringing you some of today’s finest in the world of poetry, prose, and people.

Today during our journey along the sullied boulevard of words made magical, and life’s pentameters made iambic, I offer unto you a dollop of green bean casserole and slice of pumpkin pie of anecdotal nostalgia from my Thanksgivings past.

As a bright-eyed and wide-eyed erstwhile ragamuffin growing up in the bucolic cottage town of Moultonborough, N.H., the familial warmth generated by the annual autumnal reunification of the Piatt diaspora, was an emotional upheaval of good tidings, and the memories of which I have today, remain so.

November in Moultonborough is rife with the lavish harvest of the summer past, replete with a cornucopia of nature’s agricultural bounty as well as the comforting and beatified paradox that lies within the thunderous and towering Ossipee Mountain range to the north, and the soothing and ebbing waters of Lake Winnipesaukee to the south.

Moultonborough is enveloped by a natural hug, and for me, a familial embrace.  And I cherish with whimsy, my memories of Thanksgivings past during my many years of propagation into adulthood.

I can, some nearly three score later, smell the aroma of mother cooking a freshly plucked goose and turkey.

I can hear the whimsical conversations between my father and Aunt Louise develop into a naughty, yet, in jest only, series of double entendres and playful friskiness as they clinked their glasses full of Crown Royal.

I can see my Uncle Rupert looking into the mirror as he with the four hands of Hindu Goddess Kali trying to make his folically challenged scalp seem hair borne.

I can taste the fist of my angry cousin Winston as he would  forcefully baste his tightly curled five knuckles upon my pre-turkey ingestitive mouth…I cannot accurately describe the taste of his fist, but whenever I travel to Cincinnati on lecture tour and am served Skyline Chili, my taste buds recall the taste, and reactively recoil.

I can also, and am ashamed to say, that at the age thirteen as I was on the brink of burgeoning into a man, I remember the aforementioned Aunt Louise grabbing my hand, placing it upon her right breast and asking...

“How does this feel?”

As I was in still in my Dylan Thomas period, I responded…

“It feels that as though you have just turned me into an alcoholic.”

But alas…

I would not trade my Thanksgiving years gone by for anything, because while I have not much, I have everything…and while I do not everything, I have all that I need.

As Moultonborough summer resident and American poet John Greenleaf Whittier said…

To see our Father’s hand once more
Reverse for us the plenteous horn
Of autumn, filled and running o’er
With fruit, and flower, and golden corn!

On behalf of the IWS Radio family…

I wish you all a very happy, warm, non-judgmental, and angst free Thanksgiving!!

Paul Piatt
.

Bad Backs, Bad Poetry and Weed

Well I tweaked my back once again. It’s nothing major just an annoying stiffness and minor pain. I can get around fine as long as I alternate between standing, sitting and lying down.

While I was lying on my bed this afternoon I suddenly realized something. I don’t have any access to drugs. Like some Vicodin or OxyContin or Percocet or any of that good stuff. How the hell did this happen to me? How did I end up in situation where I have NO friends or acquaintances that could just hand me a little baggie and say “Here dude. This will help.” 

When I first injured my back quite badly a few years ago, I had several coworkers who offered to “help me out” with some meds. They would just have their cousins bring some of the “good stuff” up from Mexico when they came to visit for the weekend. I said “no thanks” because I was getting a good supply of Vicodin and muscle relaxants from the quacks doctors at the downtown San Antonio clinic that my insurance thought I should share with all the pregnant teenagers, homeless people and hookers.

A few people were pretty sure that all I needed to do was to begin smoking weed. The third shift supervisor was the first person to tell me all about how he hurt his back years earlier and the only thing that made it all better was the hippie lettuce.

I wasn’t all that surprised by the dude, he had a wallet with a marijuana leaf on it. But, the sweet little Vietnamese lady did surprise me when she offered to share some of her stash with me. She was pretty much the last person in the whole building that I would have suspected to be a pot head. And here I thought she was just naturally funny.

And there were SEVERAL people who told me that all I needed to do was to get some Holy Water and rub that on my back and it would be cured. I wasn’t sure how to acquire this magical clear, watery substance. I figured getting a hold of this stuff wasn’t as risky as trying to buy some OxyContin or something. Turns out I was wrong. You actually have to go to a Catholic Church to get it. I guess they sell it in the gift shop?

So I checked online and found that I can buy three bottles of Jordan River Holy Water for only $32.97.

Holy shit! That stuff is expensive. I think pot is cheaper than that.

After a little more searching I found that I could get it a little cheaper at Discount Catholic Products. I don’t know why I find that funny, but I do. If someone shows up at mass with a discount crucifix that they bought online and not in the church gift shop, will he or she be looked down upon? Is discount Holy Water kind of like buy “Always Save” canned veggies? Does God care if you paid full price or not? Probably not, but I do wonder if he has any rules against Methodists using holy water? He’s been known to be kind of picky.  

Jayman3768@gmail.com
My Facebook
@Jayman_IWS

In case you missed it Sunday’s Bad Poetry Show on IWS Radio was EPIC! Lots of awesomely bad poetry from correspondents and others PLUS calls from Brown Beasely, Nurse Sherri and our favorite Canadian Jamie!! Aaaaaaaaand the newest American Luis the Ice Man and Mrs. Luis came on the show too! You gotta check this one out … 

More Comedy Podcasts at Blog Talk Radio with IWS Radio on BlogTalkRadio

Matt Said Jay Said 7-5-7

Matt rhymes, Jay free verses, You just don’t get it.

Matt: I’m here you big stud!
Jay: You got me anytime you want me big boy!
Matt: Who you calling “boy” bud?
Jay: YOU!
Matt: I’m a grown-ass man.
Jay: You don’t act like.
Matt: That’s not the point!
Jay: Oh, okay.
Matt: Like you’re “Mr. Mature!”
Jay: That’s a great nickname for me.
Matt: Or maybe “Mr. NOT Mature”
Jay: Pffffffffffffftttttt!
Matt: See!
Jay: Oh hey!
Matt: What?
Jay: Bryan Fischer says Obama was photoshopped into the Situation Room Photo
Matt: Oh I know! What a moron.
Jay: RIGHT? You can’t trust people who spell Bryan with a “Y.”
Matt: Nooooo Nor people who add a superfluous “C” to Fisher.
Jay: Exactly. Can’t believe the cable channels haven’t called us on this one.
Matt: I know! We were there so we know Obama was in the room…

Jay: Just another example of us not getting our due.
Matt: All I get is “payment due!”
Jay: Hey-OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Matt: My pain fuels my humor.
Jay: That it does.
Matt: Happy people are never funny.
Jay: No, they’re too busy bragging about how happy they are.
Matt: So damn boring.
Jay: IKR? All that cheeriness gets old fast.
Matt: And, they can’t be great comedians, writers or poets if they’re happy.
Jay: Exactly! Nothing to push the creativity out of them.
Matt: Just happy little boring blobs is all they are.
Jay: Well, they can be potaters.
Matt: What are potaters?
Jay: Bad poets who think they’re good.
Matt: Do you know any potaters?
Jay: Jewel
Matt: Ohhhhh yeahhhhhhhh!

Matt: Speaking of bad poetry …
Jay: And we were
Matt: Sunday is National Bad Poetry Day!
Jay: Well then!
Matt: Right??!!
Jay: All of our correspondents can record some poetry
Matt: It’ll be a beautiful thing.
Jay: And maybe some Tumbr poetry
Matt: And Facebook poetry
Jay: This is gonna be awesome!
Matt: And you know what else?
Jay: There’s MORE?!
Matt: Luis the Ice Man took the Oath and is an American!
Jay: He’s got to come on the show then.
Matt: He will!
Jay: Awesome!!!
Matt: Oh this is gonna be HUGE!
Jay: What a monster show!
Matt: I can’t wait!
Jay: Me either!

Be sure to catch “Bad Poetry in Motion” on IWS Radio Sunday at 12 Noon ET!!! 

Poetry 'n' Such With Paul Piatt

Gentle and heartfelt greetings to all of you discerning drinkers of the warm and aromatic
coffee of life that is IWS Radio.

Renown poet and IWS Literary Editor, Paul Piatt here, bringing you some of today’s finest in the world of poetry, prose, and people.

Today during our journey along the sullied boulevard of words made magical, and life’s pentameters made iambic, I offer unto you a poem by poet and co-cost of the IWS Radio Show, Matt-Man…

From his award winning book of poetry titled, Goose Eggs Over Easy, here is a poem by IWS‘ very own Matt-Man, titled…I Can’t Write Tonight…

Jayman I am sorry,
I cannot write tonight.
My sister is a jerk and incredibly uptight.

I’m trying to set up a party
for my big-footed son.
But I guess, as it is late…it’s hard to be done.

It is kinda funny
That I paid, lo all of these years
But there will be no high fives
Nor laughter
Nor cheer.

My best friend is languid, sleeping and all
My son has no clue
His Mom refuses to call back my call

I’ll take a deep breath
And the anger will pass
But for now, and until then…
They can all kiss my ass.

Goose Eggs Over Easy, by Matt-Man

And for now as I travel the road less traveled,

Paul Piatt

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Keith Olbermann Says Shame on the Pulitzer Committee

Keith Olbermann here offering an hola, cheers, greetings and salutations and a harty hail and salute to the thousands of people all over the world who read the IWS Blog. While I join the rest of America, and the world, in offering my deepest and most sincere condolences to the good people of Boston and West, Texas, I feel the need to come here today to speak out about another, equally appalling outrage.

As you may know, a couple weeks ago we learned of the 2013 recipients of the Pulitzer Prizes. No, I’m not here to complain about the failure of the committee to award me the Pulitzer for National Reporting, International Reporting, Breaking News Reporting, Investigative Reporting, Commentary or Criticism, although I most certainly deserved to win in any or ALL of those categories. I’m here today to stand up for IWS’ Poet Laureate Paul Piatt.

I was shocked and dismayed to hear that Mr. Piatt was once again overlooked. I understand the

committee’s jealousy and envy of my great accomplishments keeping them from rewarding me as I so richly deserve, but why do they treat Mr. Piatt this way? I also know that both Matt-Man and Jayman are equally as angry as I, but I’m sure they and everyone would agree that I am a much more forceful and articulate voice for Paul.

Given the illustrious career Mr. Piatt has had in the world of Poetry, one has to wonder if the Pulitzer Committee has spent most of their time wandering through the book section of their local Walmart. How could they possibly have overlooked Paul Piatt yet again? The lack of competence shown by the Pulitzer Committee is so shocking, so disheartening that I have no other choice but to DEMAND that they RESIGN IMMEDIATELY!

Have you no shame people? Do you not have any sense of decency or understanding of literary greatness at all? Here sits Mr. Paul Piatt, a good, decent man who has never asked for anything in his life. He has never called attention to himself or tooted his own horn. He has done nothing but try to bring the love words made magical to the masses. The committee could have shown the world that Poetry isn’t about elitism or about popularity, but about the words themselves. They could have reminded us that Poetry doesn’t have to be snooty and full of anger and angst.

Instead the committee decided to lower itself to the very bottom of the literary barrel and award Sharon Olds the Pulitzer for “Stag’sLeap.” Just when you thought culture could not go any lower, you are proven wrong as a poetry book about a woman’s divorce is the big winner. That’s right kids something that is better suited for Oprah’s Couch than it is our bookshelves has been elevated to the highest levels of the Poetry World. My anger and disappointment is such that I cannot put it into words. Luckily for me, my talented friend, Mr. Nispsey Russell can…

“Once again Paul Piatt was over looked
If you ask me those votes were cooked
So here’s my message to the Pulitzer Brass
The committee can kiss my fat ass”

Simple, crude, from the heart, Nipsey speaks for all of us on this day of shock and OH NO THEY DIDN’T! I, along with the entire team at IWS World Media expect the Pulitzer’s Committee response and attempt to right this unconscionable wrong with, at the very least, a very sincere apology to both myself and Mr. Piatt and a promise to reform their selection process and then ….. RESIGN IMMEDIATELY!

For IWS this has been Keith Olbermann.

Jayman3768@gmail.com
Facebook.com/Jayman68
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, Sunday was another EPIC episode of I'm With Stupid. We talked about the Boston Marathon Bombing and the terrible cable news channels. Then we previewed the NFL Draft by drafting our favorite Monarchs, Jews, Sportscasters, Poets and soooooo much more! 

Listen to internet radio with IWS Radio on Blog Talk Radio

Poetry 'n' Such with Paul Piatt

Gentle and heartfelt greetings to all of you discerning drinkers of the warm and aromatic coffee of life that is IWS.

Renown poet and IWS Literary Editor, Paul Piatt here once again, in order to share with you some of today’s finest in the world of poetry, prose, and people.

Today during our continuing journey along the sullied boulevard of words made magical, and life’s pentameters made iambic, I once again artfully attempt to put finger to keyboard, and in one of my more randy moments, “get edgy with it”…as the vapid and unkempt adolescents of today would say.

I first met today’s guest poet in Grenoble, France during the 1968 Olympics de la Winter.  We had been seated prominently and serendipitously next to each other during the finals of the pairs ice skating event.

It was during our sitting betwixt one and other in Grenoble, that I had the good fortune to meet beat poet icon Jack Kerouac’s, younger lesser known brother, Zach Kerouac.

You see, I was in France in the winter of 1968 working on my award winning book of poetry, “Jean Genet Drank Nothing but Cham-pain” and Zach, ostensibly enough, was also in France working on his critically acclaimed, yet far less well-known book of rhyme and introspection, “Sauerkraut Tastes Better in Paris.”

It was a melodious and fortuitous meeting between he and I, as we watched in stargazement, the matrimonied Russian pair of  Ludmila Belousova and Oleg Protopopov skate to their second gold medal in as many Olympics.

The duo’s symbiotic fluidity and symmetry begged and taunted Satan to dare question the divine, supernatural, and awe-inspiring power of God.

Zach and I sat as we watched the Russian couple exude an abundance of love, grace, and athleticism upon the ice that had never seen before and will never be seen again.  It was during their perfect execution of a parallel spread eagle that Zach turned to me and said…

“These two represent a non-sequitur when it comes to the Soviets.  They are in love and their child…that child that they bore together, the greater love of their life, is the ice. And what allegorically represents the Soviet government, Paul?  The blades of their skates.  They are expected to lace up their skates everyday for Mother Russia and cut their ice child in the back.”

My thoughts moved from the exceptional beauty and excellence efficaciously provided by Belousova and Protopovov to the blunt force trauma of lexicon that Zach had instantaneously uttered.  He could see it all.

He could see that resting beneath a gold medal is a chest deflated…Beneath athletic success there is struggle…Beneath beauty, lie faults.

We kept in touch after that event which helped to shape our lives and provide definition and solidity to our souls, and before it was published in his 1974 book, “Big Brother Is Negating You”, he sent me an excerpt from that book that wondrously describes what he was feeling that day in 1968 in Grenoble…

The Sun

The Sun is Hot.
Hot, Hot, Hot.
The Sun is Yellow.
Yellow, Yellow, Yellow.
Well…
Not Exactly Yellow.

Just as the glorious sun radiates its imperfections through its spots, you and I do as well, as did the beautiful and seemingly perfect pair of ice skaters Belousova and Protopovov...Zach Kerouac is brilliant.

And now gentle readers, I bid you adieu, and look forward to once again offering you the best of the written word.

But for now, as I travel the road less traveled,

Paul Piatt

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Poetry 'n' Such with Paul Piatt

Gentle and heartfelt greetings to all of you discerning drinkers of the warm and aromatic coffee of life that is the IWS website.

Renown poet and IWS Literary Editor, Paul Piatt here once again, in order to share with you some of today’s finest in the world of poetry, prose, and people.

Today during our continuing journey along the sullied yet hopeful boulevard of words made magical, and life’s pentameters made iambic, I artfully and empathetically attempt to put finger to keyboard, and apply a balm of solace to the rage that has angrily graced the pages of the IWS website this week.

Jay and Matt, as if twins of Joshua, have spent this week openly trumpeting their anger and disdain for others who practice, preach, and or exhibit less than what one might consider ideal human behavior.

I understand their frustration with the world that encompasses them.  I too, as a young man sojourning through middle America in the 60’s, experienced a similar frustration which I wrote about in a poem from 1963...

A Negro’s in Brooklyn

I slithered through the streets of Brooklyn
like the snake through the Garden of Eden.
I nostralized the greens a-cookin’
and heard a colored family screamin’…

“Greens again mama? I can no longer do.”
“You’ll get what I fix, and you’ll like it too.”
“I want a steak like the white folk eat.”
“Steak don’t grow on trees, eat your pigs’ feet.”

An overheard conversation righted my ship.
For it was then I knew…
Pigs’ feet keep one grounded.

See, gentle readers? I too knew angst and anger yet kept it in check by the writing of words, and I hope too, that Jay and Matt, can use this as a lesson in therapy and self-actualization.

I have another cathartic poem to offer unto Jay and Matt, and you as well today.

My longtime friend and fellow wordsmith, Blanche Carte has this piece of excellelexiconitry from her new book, “Riding Shotgun with Billy Joel.”  I give you…

The Angry Cucumber

Here I sit.

Atop a mound of dirt,
sweating in the oppressive heat of the seventh month sun.

A bit of water here, a tint of water there.
I am abused and manhandled as a mighty, yet gentle flavor grows within me.

Here I weep.

Beneath the August rain,
fighting the aphids, the rabbits, the kids next door.

A bit of tending here, a tint of tending there.
I am plucked from the vine like an orphan stolen from his parents.

Dipped in vinegar…Seasoned with salt…Bathed in Rosemary.

I am stuck inside a jar and when ready for the tongue, eaten by a toothless man.

My earlier anger seems trite.

I hope that my words and those of Blanche have comforted Jay, Matt, and all of you.

For now, as I travel the road less traveled,

Paul Piatt

mattmaniws@ymail.com
MattMan_IWS

Annnnnd…Jay and I bitched a lot yesterday on the IWS Radio Show…It was a good time, and if you missed it live, you can catch it all right c’here:

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