Hate the Mom, But Love the Son

Cheeeers Bitches!!

Guess what’s happenin’ today…

My son began college.

No…no shit, I’m not kidding.

I am taking the little cretin out to breakfast today, and guess what?

When was all is said, done, and eaten, he will still want to attend lectures given by hippie bastards who hate capitalism, yet who wrote all of the books that he has to buy for their class.

Anyhoo…and well, you know what?

In spite of getting up at 6 AM with a hangover in order to take one college Freshman out to breakfast, I am enjoying back to back days off for the first time in eight months, so you know what that means?

It means that today at 6 AM, I am awaking with a hangover, taking a shower, and then meeting my son at 7 AM for the breakfast bar at Frisch’s.

My son is going to be pressed for time, going to be nervous, and going to be cloaked within the shadow of his mother who lives vicariously and academically through him, however…

He came to see me Saturday, and he is excited.

I like that.

I want him to be excited.  I want him to be so damn excited that he takes on the world and makes it better.  I want that boy to be able to say…

“The World is my Bitch.”

And hopefully, that is what his time in college will do.

Hopefully it will enable him to crawl out from beneath that hypocritical, monastic and maternal wing of suffocation cloud of trepidation under which he has been suffering, and make a go of it.

Eh, I don’t want to get maudlin and mommy blogger on any one.  I just want him to be who I know who he is and what he can be, and he won’t wait as long as I did to do so.

I want Ryno to go down every avenue of interest, walk along every boulevard of believability, and ford each and every stream of life, and then…

No matter if it is today or six years down the road, say to me, his mom, and more importantly, to himself…

THIS is what I am supposed to be doing.

Hell…If he can say that six years from now, he will live to be a happy man, and his dad can die a happy man.

Listen to everyone, and listen to no one, buddy.  I love you.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws
My Facebook Page

Annnnnnnnnd if you missed yesterday's hilariously funny ending to season three of IWS RAdio you can catch it all, right here.

Jay, Matt, Mike, "Gloria", Schmoop, Dana, and Jamie were all there, along with a cast of thousands...Listen to it, and be healed; listen to it not, and you will surely
die.

Creepy Kid Next Door Graduates

Hi Old Forgotten Folks…Creepy Kid Next Door Here…

Haven’t seen me in awhile have ya?  Ya know why? Because I have been scoring hot babes during my Senior year in High School!!

Yeah…Take that, munch faces, and dig it…I am GRADUATING from High School tomorrow, and let me tell you!!

I have kissed so much damn face and scored so many points while I have been ballin’ and High Schoolin’ that my lips are swollen!!

Holy your face…I was, the baller of all-time, picking up High School girls n’shit.

My Dad asks me why I never made All-County High School Basketball Player, to which I say, “Did you?” and he says…

“I was All-City my entire four years playing Little League Baseball.”, and I always say…

“I bet you were something when you were eleven or so…while you were pounding that 58 mile an hour fastball to short center field, you old dick.”

What the hell does my dad know?  In fact, my dad says to me…

“Okay Ryno, High School is over.  Get a job and pick a school.”

And I’m like, yeah I know, but there are several schools out there that are testing me out. I may still get a scholarship or at least a Dean of Academics who doesn't hate me.

And the Dad unit, is all like…

“That’s your mom talking, and she is hoping and praying, because Dad, and that would be me, you little, yet taller runt, doesn't have to pay if he doesn't want to, but you will, because I love you or something.”

And then, my Dad suggested, that maybe I could go to Clark State and play basketball as well, since they have a transfer degree with Wright State and save money.  But, just as Dad had suggested a year ago, mama is not keen on that, because that makes me look like a lesser man saving money at a two year school with all benefits paid.

In fact…as mama would put it…that’s crazy talk, and…more importantly, embarrassing, because well…her son simply does not go to a two-year school!!

She’s always wanted me to take advanced courses and what not, because she was barely a C student…hmmmmm…I mean, I know parents want more for their kids but with Mom?  It really wasn’t that hard to beat her GPA.

Anyhoo…

The Creepy Kid Next Door finally made it and I will be successfully going to college soon.

I remember when some of you sent me emails when I was an academic slug and prompted me to get along on my dad’s old website.  I appreciate that.

Okay, I really don’t remember and barely remember the website, because my mom wouldn't let me read it, let alone let me see my dad unless he came to our house, but anyway…

Is my dad still funny?  I never thought he was, but as he doesn't HAVE to give us money any longer, Mom tells me to say, “Yes HE IS.”

Thank you all for taking interest in me over the years even though I didn't know it,

Ryno (The Creepy Kid Next Door)

mattmaniws@ymail.com
MattMan_IWS

Poetry 'n' Such With Paul Piatt

Gentle and heartfelt greetings to all of you discerning drinkers of the warm and aromatic
coffee of life that is IWS Radio.

Renown poet and IWS Literary Editor, Paul Piatt here, bringing you some of today’s finest in the world of poetry, prose, and people.

Today during our journey along the sullied boulevard of words made magical, and life’s pentameters made iambic, I offer unto you a poem by poet and co-cost of the IWS Radio Show, Matt-Man…

From his award winning book of poetry titled, Goose Eggs Over Easy, here is a poem by IWS‘ very own Matt-Man, titled…I Can’t Write Tonight…

Jayman I am sorry,
I cannot write tonight.
My sister is a jerk and incredibly uptight.

I’m trying to set up a party
for my big-footed son.
But I guess, as it is late…it’s hard to be done.

It is kinda funny
That I paid, lo all of these years
But there will be no high fives
Nor laughter
Nor cheer.

My best friend is languid, sleeping and all
My son has no clue
His Mom refuses to call back my call

I’ll take a deep breath
And the anger will pass
But for now, and until then…
They can all kiss my ass.

Goose Eggs Over Easy, by Matt-Man

And for now as I travel the road less traveled,

Paul Piatt

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattman_iws

Matt Said...Jay Said 8 (Maids A Milking)

Matt-Man jingles…Jayman jingles…You rock around the Christmas tree.

Jayman:  Jingle Bells.  Jingle Bells.  Jingle all the way…
Matt:  That was very heartfelt and seasonally happiness-invoking.

Jayman:  Just wanted to cheer you up, what with Schmoop in the hospital and what not.
Matt:  You are too kind.

Jayman:  I have a great idea…I was thinking that this Saturday, we could do a Christmas Show.
Matt:  Excellent idea…No one would see that coming.
Jayman:  I know, right?
Matt:  You are on clever one mutha-fuc--
Jayman:  Shut your mouth!!

Matt:  Hey dig it…I asked my son Ryno if he had gotten a present for his Mom.
Jayman:  Did he for once?
Matt:  Yes!!
Jayman:  Wow…At the tender age of 18 he is really maturing.
Matt:  I know, and then I asked him if he got a present for me…
Jayman:  Oh boy, how did he respond?
Matt:  He said, “Of course I did; I bought you a big box of heartache.”

Jayman:  You know…his attitude is your doing.
Matt:  I know, but the road map of his life is set, and I envision me becoming nothing more than but a mere rest stop on his highway of life.
Jayman:  What does that even mean?
Matt:  I have no idea.

Jayman:  So I guess we should talk about Christmas on the show Saturday.
Matt:  Yeah I guess.
Jayman:  What?  What’s wrong?  Sounds like you don’t want to.
Matt:  I do, but…well…
Jayman:  Oh the Schmoop thing and she might not be home?
Matt:  Yeah, I was hoping to have Pizza Rolls with her on Christmas Day, but well…Probably not gonna happen.

Jayman:  You do realize that Christmas goes beyond you and your self-absorption?
Matt:  So you say, but okay, a Christmas Show sounds pretty good and I’ll try to be happy.

Jayman:  We can talk about the do’s and don’ts, and the fun food to serve.
Matt:  What to give…What not to give.
Jayman:  We can discuss how TIME magazine got their Person of the Year way wrong.
Matt:  It should have been us.

Jayman:  Sounds good, and I hope a lot of people call in as well.
Matt:  Me too, because as good as we are, we like fresh voices.
Jayman:  Well okie dokie and Happy Solstice to you.
Matt:  And a Merry Sol Invictus to you and yours.
Matt and Jay: Let’s Do Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

And you catch our Christmas show LIVE Saturday night at 11 PM EST on Blog Talk Radio by clicking right HERE.