Matt Said, Jay Said...$400

Matt:  Yeah, what do you want?
Jay:  Y’know?  You’re always trying to be “edgy” when you answer the phone even though you know it’s me.
Matt: I can’t help it.
Jay:  Well stop it.  Just answer the phone like a normal person.
Matt:  I’m sorry…Should we start over?
Jay:  Yes…Hang up and I’ll call back.
Matt:  Otay.

Matt:  Hello?  You've reached Bi-Sexual Records, Clive Davis speaking…
Jay:  See?  That was much better, and didn't it feel good?
Matt:  Eh, it felt okay.  I could go either way on that.
Jay:  Ha Haaaaaaaaa, aren't you clever?
Matt:  Not really.
Jay:  You are correct, but that was a rhetorical question.
Matt:  I know; I get your freaky mind games, Mister Man.
Jay:  I’m a playa.

Matt:  Anyhoo…Oh hell Jayman, Angry Mailman is here, and he may have some good tidings for us.
Jay:  Well, quit peeing yourself and go check.
Matt:  Jayman…It came!!  It came!!
Jay:  Oh c’mon dude; I don’t need to know that, especially if it came while talking to me.
Matt:  No you dumbass, not my cock, OUR IWS check!!

Jay:  Ohhhhhhhhh Helllll Yeahhhhhh….I think I just came.
Matt:  Sounded like it…Can you believe this?  We got the check.  We’re going to go Premium on BTR!!
Jay:  We’ll have like unlimited time and unlimited file uploads now.  We’re gonna fuck with some people.
Matt:  Oh c’mon…This is not a license to thoroughly make fun of people who are jerks…….

Matt and Jay:  HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa…The Hell it isn't!!

Jay:  We’ll start with Logan Knight.  She made fun of our incredibly sweet and hot IWS gal pal Tamra last night.
Matt:  Oh hell yes…That Logan chick is a dead cunt walking.
Jay:  You said, “cunt” that may be a bit much.  I mean, she is, but…
Matt:  Okay…well…no…yeah, she’s a cunt.
Jay:  I agree, but well…should we use that word to describe another human being?
Matt:  Logan Knight made fun of sweet Tamra…Logan is NOT a human being.
Jay:  Word.

Matt:  Man…we throw out the cunt word today as we did last Wednesday; should we reflect on what we say?
Jay:  You mean as far as what we say on the air and write on the blog?
Matt:  Yeah…Do we sometimes cross this nebulous and ever-moving line of what is okay and what is not?
Jay:  What the fuck ever? Why the fuck not?  Let’s talk the fuck about being offensive on Saturday.

Matt:  I think I’m with you.
Jay:  You better be the fuck with me, you cunt.
Matt:  Jay….Jay…Jay stop it.
Jay:  I’m sorry…I am a method acting international internet radio star, and I was getting into character.
Matt:  Quite understandable.
Jay:  Sorry.

Matt:  I think we are ready, annnnnnnd we can rip McMImports for not sponsoring us.
Jay:  Y’know…I was just calming down and you brought those Bulgarian Bastards up.
Matt:  Easy…We can talk about them tonight.
Jay:  Alright….Alright…I’m alright.
Matt:  Bye Jayman.
Jay:  What the fuck ever.

And catch us tonight on BTR as we discuss does comedy ever cross the line and the new horizons that IWS will be taking.  You can catch it all tonight LIVE at 11 PM ET TONIGHT right HERE!!

Matt Said...Jay Said 8 (Maids A Milking)

Matt-Man jingles…Jayman jingles…You rock around the Christmas tree.

Jayman:  Jingle Bells.  Jingle Bells.  Jingle all the way…
Matt:  That was very heartfelt and seasonally happiness-invoking.

Jayman:  Just wanted to cheer you up, what with Schmoop in the hospital and what not.
Matt:  You are too kind.

Jayman:  I have a great idea…I was thinking that this Saturday, we could do a Christmas Show.
Matt:  Excellent idea…No one would see that coming.
Jayman:  I know, right?
Matt:  You are on clever one mutha-fuc--
Jayman:  Shut your mouth!!

Matt:  Hey dig it…I asked my son Ryno if he had gotten a present for his Mom.
Jayman:  Did he for once?
Matt:  Yes!!
Jayman:  Wow…At the tender age of 18 he is really maturing.
Matt:  I know, and then I asked him if he got a present for me…
Jayman:  Oh boy, how did he respond?
Matt:  He said, “Of course I did; I bought you a big box of heartache.”

Jayman:  You know…his attitude is your doing.
Matt:  I know, but the road map of his life is set, and I envision me becoming nothing more than but a mere rest stop on his highway of life.
Jayman:  What does that even mean?
Matt:  I have no idea.

Jayman:  So I guess we should talk about Christmas on the show Saturday.
Matt:  Yeah I guess.
Jayman:  What?  What’s wrong?  Sounds like you don’t want to.
Matt:  I do, but…well…
Jayman:  Oh the Schmoop thing and she might not be home?
Matt:  Yeah, I was hoping to have Pizza Rolls with her on Christmas Day, but well…Probably not gonna happen.

Jayman:  You do realize that Christmas goes beyond you and your self-absorption?
Matt:  So you say, but okay, a Christmas Show sounds pretty good and I’ll try to be happy.

Jayman:  We can talk about the do’s and don’ts, and the fun food to serve.
Matt:  What to give…What not to give.
Jayman:  We can discuss how TIME magazine got their Person of the Year way wrong.
Matt:  It should have been us.

Jayman:  Sounds good, and I hope a lot of people call in as well.
Matt:  Me too, because as good as we are, we like fresh voices.
Jayman:  Well okie dokie and Happy Solstice to you.
Matt:  And a Merry Sol Invictus to you and yours.
Matt and Jay: Let’s Do Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

And you catch our Christmas show LIVE Saturday night at 11 PM EST on Blog Talk Radio by clicking right HERE.

IWS Babe of the Week: Our HOT IWS Friends

Each and every Sunday on the IWS website, we typically highlight a famous actress, actresses, or celebrities who may be trending and would provide good traffic for our website whom we truly love.

However, today?

Because of things that have transpired over the last few days, which will remain sub rosa until Wednesday's show, we'd like to excoriate, illuminate some of the hot babes who listen to, read, and/or otherwise take out cease and desist orders toward IWS Radio, and Jay and I.

First up...The Schmoopster.  This chick has been adored, canonized, and well, at the same time, made fun of on more than one occasion by Jay and Matt...

On deck, we have the lovely Missalicious.

Now Missy has done a fundraiser for us.  She also offers plentiful advice to us, such as...

"If I knew when I agreed to do your show that there would be no bagels in the Green Room, I would have told to you two cheap bastards to forget it...Uuch."

Of course there is always the uber-lovely Jo.  She is so damn hot...especially when she wears ponytails and cruises the High Schools in hopes of a tawdry and illegal affair...

And then, we have Jayman's BFF Warrior Kat.  Kat is a nurse, and if she ever said to me that this test requires that she quickly and painfully stick a needle into my scrotum, I would still answer, "Oh Yeah, Baby. Do it three times for accuracy!!"

Hell...While we make fun of her often, we love when Dana escapes her mythical Accounting Meeting and joins us most Wednesdays...

And then of course...There is Tamara.  Tamra is one hard nosed, hard rocking chick, who...loves the animals and tries to save all of those whom she can...

Yeah, celebrity Bitches are perceived as hot many times, but seriously?

Jay and I are blessed with boatload of hot chicks who listen to us, and more importantly, hot chicks whom we consider our friends.

Annnnnnd....We will be broadcasting LIVE today at NOON ET as we talk about when we were 18 years old.

As Matt-Man's son Ryno will turn 18 on Wednesday we thought it to be the perfect time to re-live our glory days when we were 18.

Join us LIVE today at NOON ET on BTR as we discuss our youth and you can listen and chime in as well by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!

MSJS LIV

Matt verbally defrocks, Jay verbally defrocks…You, listen and gawk in awe.

Matt:  Hiya Chuckles; what be the shakes?
Jay:  The shakes?
Matt:  Yeah, the shakes.  The haps?
Jay:  The shakes?  The haps?  Are you inarticulately trying to ask me what is going on?
Matt:  Yes.
Jay:  So…you’re a 47 year old man, stuck in the 70’s, who’s speaking like he’s 12.
Matt:  Whoa, dude…I never knew YOU were a numbers guy too!!
Jay:  Word.

Matt:  So what should we talk about on Sunday’s Sho---Oh hell, I forgot to tell you…
Jay:  What!!?  Tell me what!!?
Matt:  Schmoop is no longer interested in marrying you.
Jay:  What!?  Why the fuck not?

Matt:  She read on Twitter today that you find cottage cheese to be disgusting.
Jay:  It is…It’s gross, it’s worse than mayonnaise, and I fucking hate mayonnaise.
Matt:  She likes mayo and was willing to let you slide on that, but she can’t forgive your disdain for cottage cheese.
Jay:  So…Instead of moving here, marrying me, and forcing me into a lifetime of being told what to do, when to do it, and feeding me shit that involves mayo and cottage cheese, I am once again relegated to the lifestyle of a single man?
Matt:  That’s about the size of it.

Jay:  I…am…crushed.
Matt:  You’ll get over it.
Jay:  I think I just did.  So, Sunday…How about a Porn Show?

Matt:  Haven’t we done one already?
Jay:  You would have thought so, but I checked, and no we haven’t.
Matt:  Wow…that’s weird.
Jay:  I know, right!!

Matt:  Alrighty then, porn it is.
Jay:  We can talk about our favorite stars.
Matt:  What snacks go best with porn.
Jay:  Porn movies we’d like to see be made.
Matt:  Jewish porn.
Jay:  Is there such a thing?  I mean Gold Meir was pretty freaking hot, but did she ever get naked on camera?

(Matt coughed, dropped the phone, and was told by Schmoop to get her a beer)

Matt:  So the Porn Show it is…Ha!!
Jay:  What’s so funny?
Matt:  I can see you titling the show, “Porn Extravaganza”, and BTR censoring the title.
Jay:  Ha!!  They’re pretty fucked up, but they allowed a show to air titled, “Worst Head Ever”, how could they censor a show titled, Porn Extravaganza?
Matt:  Eh, we’ll see.  Oh and dig it…Even though the marriage is off, Schmoop will talk dirty to you on air.
Jay:  If that happens, I have one word for you my friend, “HOT!!”

Matt:  Alright.
Jay:  Aight…I think we are set.

So, join Jayman and Matt-Man Sunday at Noon ET on Blog Talk Radio as they talk porn, live porn, make porn, and talk about Matt-Man’s dirty little secret that was his foray into porn.

You can catch the action live Sunday at Noon ET on Blog Talk Radio by clicking HERE.

Matt Said, Jay Said XVIII

Matt talar; Jay talar…You, lyssna.

Matt:  Booooooquet residence, lady of the house speaking.
Jay:  Gawd…You so sound like a Sheridan.
Matt:  Hey, I still have a cold; show me some love.
Jay.  Sure…Love , love, love...God...  Happy now, ya sick fuck?
Matt:  Your lumbago is acting up, isn’t it?
Jay:  I’ll be fine.

Matt:  So, now that I have turned off Herman Cain on the radio for you and only you, what’s up?
Jay:  Since we are moving to Sundays at Noon Eastern this Sunday, we need to make a splash.
Matt:  Not only a splash, a sacramental splash!!
Jay:  We could do a church service of some sort, with dancing girls and all that.
Matt:  Or in the case of the Catholics, dancing boys.
Jay:  You were molested as an altar boy weren’t you?
Matt:  Maybe.

Jay:  Why don’t we skip that, and talk about how awful organized religion is?
Matt:  You don’t like organized religion?
Jay:  Hell no…I grew up Methodist.  A service of a song or two, a sermon, and then a plea for money.  So fucking boring… At least throw in some descriptive, dirty talk about how evil having sex is.
Matt:  You’re going to Hell…wait a---

Matt:  hack hack hack hack

Jay:  I bet you get to Hell long before me, “Coughing Up a Lung Boy.”

Matt:  Cute...Anyhoo, if we do a churc-----

click click click click

Matt:  You’re typing and not paying attention at all to what I am saying.
Jay:  Noooooooo, that was me clicking my pen…no, seriously.
Matt:  Okay then, we coul--
Jay:  Ooooooo, Warrior Kat just tweeted me.
Matt:  Jeeeeesus….Jo’s post was awesome.
Jay:  Oh Hell yeahhhh….Of course, Jo could have simply posted the alphabet and it would have been hot.
Matt:  And just think if she had posted the Cyrillic alphabet?
Jay:  Awwww man, that would have made me an Ottomaniac!!

Matt:  So Sunday at Noon, if it doesn’t snow, we’ll do a show on organized religion and why it sucks..?
Jay:  Amen to dat!!
Matt:  Praise Jeebus and pass the BTR.  And we coul--

click click click click

Matt:  Nevermind.  Talk to ya soonly.
Jay:  Will do…Hey did you know that if you stacked (name deleted), (name deleted), and (name deleted) on top of each other, that they would make up a man of average height?
Matt:  I love you.

click click click click

Jay:  I love too, Mom.

Matt:  I think we're ready.
Jay:  Damn right.
Matt:  Word...

click click click click

Make sure to catch Jayman and Matt-Man at their new weekend time, Sunday at High Noon ET.  Itsa gunna be a hoot!!