Drugs, Sex, Masturbation and Meditation

Hola y’all! Oh look! It’s my turn to post again. That’s great. That’s just fucking great! I’m so excited. Can’t you tell? Is anyone out there? Helloooooooooooooo? Give me a sign if you are. Tell me how much you love me. Or tell me I suck. I don’t give a shit. Okay, that’s not completely true. Well it depends on who says it. Most people could say that and I wouldn’t care. Some of you would hurt my widdle fee-fees. Not that I don’t want people to be honest with me. I totally do. I just have to warn them that their constructive criticism might not make any real difference. I mean, just like the late, great Don Williams* once sang “We’re all gonna be what we’re gonna be … So what do you do with good ol’ boys like me?” Dude was a freaking genius!

Holy shit I’m like a quarter of the way through this blog post already. I don’t know why I complain about it so much. Shit is easy! Oh sure, I spend all day trying to think of something good to write about and then when I’m about out of time I just open up MS Word and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH all over the page. Maybe someday I’ll actually come up with something interesting to write about. We’ll see. I’m a busy man though, so don’t get your hopes up.

I’ve got all kinds of crazy ideas going right now. This little infection thing, even though it’s not really that big of a deal, has got me thinking about being more healthy and shit. I told you guys recently that I was down to just one Pepsi a day, right? Well, now I’m done to ZERO Pepsi’s a day. How ‘bout that shit? I might still have one on Sunday afternoons while I’m sitting around not doing a damn thing though. Sunday is kind of a free day. Anyway, no more Pepsi and now I’m instituting a NO MEAT night once a week for dinner! On top of that, I’m gonna start meditation. Martin from Martin’s Muffler and Meditation Emporium has done inspired me…

That’s pretty damn HAWT right there! You know, I really should vlog more. I think I’ve said I was going to a few times and I just haven’t. What else is new? But, that takes time and effort and I’m a busy man. And now if I’m gonna be mediating and exercising and maybe even taking up yoga and shit, I’ll have even less time. Not to mention the lack of energy from not eating meat one night a week. That could be a killer! We’ll see. I haven’t done any driving around videos in a long time; maybe I should do some more of those. Hell, I don’t know. I’ll think about it.

You know, I might need a whole new online persona. I don’t know what that would be. It’s all just so complicated. I mean, just being myself would be the easiest, right? Wrong! There’s nothing easy about that at all. Everything is just so complicated. Why is that? It’s totally not fair. Of course, now that I think about it, I pretty have just been myself online. Maybe that’s the problem? Maybe I have multiple personalities and don’t realize it? People on TV who have multiple personalities don’t usually know it. Of course, one of their personalities always ends up killing someone who I hope that isn’t the case.

Well, Monday Night Football is about to start so I’ll worry about all this shit another time. I don’t like to be distracted when I’m watching football. I need to be able to focus on all the stupid things that Jon Gruden says while also being annoyed that he doesn’t have an “h” in his name. That shit just pisses me off. By the way, this is why I opposed President Obama’s nomination of Jeh Johnson as the new Secretary of Homeland Security. He spells his name “Jeh” but pronounces it “Jay?” I don’t think so Scooter. They should do away with the Department of Homeland Security anyway. But, that’s a discussion for another time.

*Update: My apologies to Don Williams who apparently is still alive. My bad dude, I'm a huge fan.

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