Chick-fil-A and the Gay Marriage Controversy

“Everything popular is wrong.” 
--Oscar Wilde

Once again, while uttered decades ago, the words of my gayest of heroes Oscar Wilde, are still brilliant yet simplistic, sarcastically genius, as well as timely, and dead on.

As many of you know, Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy recently said that he supports, “the biblical definition of the family unit.”

When I heard this, I thought to myself…

“That’s great Dan.  I think you are a moron who wraps himself inside of some un-Christ-like thinking, but whatever.  Enjoy stroking your poultry, and who the hell cares what the head of a chicken chain thinks anyway?”

Well, smack me in the gizzards and call me Foghorn Leghorn, because evidently, many Americans care what the big rooster in the henhouse of chicken sandwich chains has to say about gay marriage.

Well…many Americans who have an agenda based on immovable opinions, monocular thinking, and my way or the highway philosophies, seem to have a loud and profound opinion on Dan Cathy’s comment.

On the left we have Mayor Rahm Emanuel of Chicago, the dago mayor of Boston, Michael Menino, and a growing list of mayors of American cities such as San Francisco stating that because of Dan Cathy’s personal “religious” stance, Chick-fil-A is not welcome in their towns.

Feigned outrage equals hypocrisy, and please allow me to demonstrate.

If the President of the Chicago Bears, Bulls, Cubs, or White Sox held Cathy’s view, Mayor Rahm would not say, “You are no longer welcome in Chicago!!”

If the President of the Boston Red Sox or owner of the nearby New England Patriots held Cathy’s view on gay marriage, Mayor Menino would not say, “Get the hell out of here!!”

Hell no they wouldn’t!!

And the Lesbian and Gay community and activists?  They shriek like infants, screaming….

“We shouldn’t be subjected to this…Keep them out of our town, city, and or burg.”

If Dan Cathy’s comments bother you, just shut the fuck up and boycott Chick-fil-A by not going there.

Speak your point by not eating there, but please, honor their right to do business as you want your rights to be honored, and quit your damn whining.

They have as much right to do business in your town, and ANY town, as you have the right to express your gayness, and yes in my opinion, have civil protections in a union as do a man and a woman.

Now…on the right?

Former Arkansas Governor and incredible growing man Mike Huckabee has deemed tomorrow, August 1st, to be Chick-fil-A Day.  He wants everyone to go to Chick-fil-A and buy a chicken sandwich in support of their principled stance.  Of course…

He then wants you to bring your purchases to him so that in the name of GAWD, he can devour them all.

Sarah Palin and her first dude, whatever the fuck his name is, had a photo op at a Chick-fil-A in Texas, because nothing says trying to remain relevant like buying a chicken sandwich in the name of preventing two guys or chicks from becoming monogamous in the eyes of the Lord.

Oy…What the fuck has happened to this country?

We’re having a fight over gay marriage in a chicken coop, in order to prevent or promote the hens laying eggs together or the cocks crowing all over each other.

I miss you Mr. Wilde…I miss you.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Mitt Romney at the Wailing Wall

Hola and Mah Nishmah y’all? Well, as you probably know by now Mitt Romney was in Israel over the weekend and he even visited the Wailing Wall! I know you guys are all curious as to what prayer Mitt might have written on that little piece of paper he placed into the wall. Well, I think I have a few ideas.

- “Dear God, please forgive me for all the impure thoughts I have had because of all these HAWT IDF babes. Beautiful women who can handle assault weapons? I can barely stand it!!”

- “Dear God, please don’t let any of my tax returns get leaked. I’m not kidding. This is a big one.”

- “Dear God, please watch over and protect all the whalers out there trying to navigate the treacherous ocean waters.”

- “Dear God, I’m getting ready to tell everyone that when I’m president the US will recognized an undivided Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. I don’t really mean it. I’m just pandering and hoping for another $100 million from Sheldon Adelson.”

- “Dear God, please tell my wife to shut up. She’s freaking killing me! I mean “YOU PEOPLE?” Really? C’mon!”

- “Dear God, did you know that a yarmulke is also known as a ‘Kippah?’ Ha! I like that … KIPPAHHHHHHHH! *sings* Hey big kippah! LOL!!111 *snort* hahaha”

- “Dear God, I think I would make a better President because I better understand the Anglo-Saxon relationship between the United States and Heaven than Obama does.”

- “Dear God, Blah, Blah, Blah, Whatever. Fake prayer time. Prankster Mitt strikes again!”

- “Dear God, did you know that the West Bank is the only foreign bank I don’t have money stashed in to avoid taxes? Hey-OOOOOOOOO!”

- “Dear God, isn’t it hilarious that all these Jews around me are going to be baptized and converted to Mormonism after they die?”

- “Dear God, don’t be mad that I staged a photo op at the Wailing Wall on Tisa B’av. I mean, EVERY day is a day of mourning for these people, amirite?”

- “Dear God, I would KILL for some pulled pork barbeque right now. Ever tried a matzo cracker? It’s even blander than me!”

- “Dear God, please give me the strength and the opportunity to do good things in this world. Help me make peoples’ lives better and lift the burden of poverty from them. Then help me rid the world of famine and disease and … aw screw it, make me President!!”

- “Dear God, I have flip-flopped on every single issue imaginable. I have pandered to these right-wing nutcases for four years. I have burned every moderate bridge I ever built. I have compromised every principle I have held. I have even walked away from my greatest political achievement and pretend things like RomneyCare and my signing an assault weapons ban never happened. I better fucking win dude.”

So there you have it. Mitt pretty much covered all of his bases, just as you would expect Mitt to do. Also, quick shout out to Sarah Palin. I’m sorry Sarah, but the Wailing Wall is NOT the one Reagan demanded Gorbachev tear down. Sheesh!

SHALOM!

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

IWS Babe of the Week: Bella Swan Is Singing Her Song

If it's Sunday, it's Babe of the Week here on I'm With Stupid, and today, we are honoring the beauty that is actress Kristen Stewart of Twilight fame...

It seems as though the 22 year old Mizz Kristen Stewart cheated on her 26 year old actor boyfriend Robert Pattinson with the 41 year old director of Snow White and the Huntsman, Rupert Sanders.  

 

Yes the pigeon is cute, but pigeons shit a lot, just like the adorable Kristen Stewart shit all over Robert Pattinson...

Why are you holding your hand over your ear Mizz Stewart?  Are you hearing things you don't want to hear?

Oh sure you have a pretty face, but the morals and virtue you carry with you, are only as big as your boobs, and well?  Eh.  There ain't much there.

Today LIVE at Noon ET...Jayman and Matt-Man will be doing their Alternative Olympics show on Blog Talk Radio.

Join them LIVE at Noon ET, as they tell the world the true Olympic games they'd like to see.

You can catch it all LIVE by clicking right HERE...

Matt Said, Jay Said XLVIII

Matt alkstay, Jay alkstay, You istlenlay.

Matt: Hello?
Jay: Yo
Matt: Oh … It’s … Yewww
Jay: Don’t act like you’re not excited.
Matt: Only a little really.
Jay: That’s only a little hurtful.
Matt: Life just be that way.
Jay: You’re just cold-hearted.
Matt: The world made me that way.
Jay: Life on the streets does that to a guy.

Matt: I have a serious problem.
Jay: Burning when you pee again?
Matt: I have two problems.
Jay: What’s the other one?
Matt: I have 499 friends on Facebook.
Jay: That is bad. That’s way too many to keep up with.
Matt: No, the problem is the odd number. I need one more very badly.
Jay: So add someone.
Matt: I’m trying to! I had 496 and tried to add four.
Jay: Ha! And only three accepted?
Matt: YES!
Jay: That’s a problem for you dude.
Matt: You mean “for you FREAKS” don’t you?
Jay: Oh no! We all have our personality quirks.
Matt: That’s what makes each of us special.
Jay: True, and you’re much more special than me.
Matt: Hey now! You’re quite the weirdo yourself.
Jay: Actually I meant you’re much more loved than me. I only have 199 friends.
Matt: No … People think you’re Mr. Sweet and Wonderful.
Jay: Only for a while, then they start hating me.
Matt: Well, I have noticed that, but didn’t want to say anything.

Matt: *pees while on the phone*
Jay: Very impressive stream.
Matt: Thank you. I’m very proud of my urinating power.
Jay: I don’t know about the rest of you, but you’re kidneys are excellent.
Matt: Oh the rest of me is done! Kidneys are all I have.
Jay: At least you have that.


Matt: Hey! You need to follow **Name Redacted**
Jay: No, No, No, No, No … I don’t either.
Matt: You’re missing out.
Jay: On a bunch of bullshit?
Matt: You really should follow him.
Jay: Okay, I will but you have to follow **Name Redacted**
Matt: Oh MANNNNNNNNN!
Jay: It’s only fair.
Matt: You play dirty. Mitt Romney is funnier than that guy.
Jay: Eh … He’ll probably block you really fast.
Matt: Well, there’s that. Okay, deal.

Jay: So Olympics show?
Matt: Kind of.
Jay: ???
Matt: How ‘bout Alternative Olympics?
Jay: Events we’d like to see?
Matt: Well, things like “Gay Olympics” “Redneck Olympics” “Ethnic Olympics”
Jay: “Handicapped Olympics?” “Midget Olympics?”
Matt: Yeah, stuff like that. We’ll hit every politically incorrect group.
Jay: We can do that!
Matt: Schmoop! Take notes.
Jay: Damn, a personal assistant.
Matt: You should get you one.
Jay: No kidding.
Matt: Schmoop! … Schmoop! … Please?
Jay: I need a more obedient one though.
Matt: It’s like she has a mind of her own.
Jay: Okay, so Alternative Olympics it is.
Matt: Gonna be HUGE!

There you go folks! Just a couple of genii doing what they do best. And, don’t forget to tune into Sunday’s I’m With Stupid as we present the Alternative Olympics!

The Ritual of Stupid

Cheers Bitches!!  This is a well-rested Matt-Man coming at you on this glorious Friday.

I know, I know.  I can hear some of you saying, “It’s about time today’s post was up, asshole.”

Well, I fell asleep early last night.  I don’t mean that I went to bed early.  Noooo.  I was on the couch after devouring a couple of delicious Schmoop Burgers and the next thing I know, it’s 3:36 AM and the Matt-Man has to pee.

Yep, after a an exhausting day and indeed entire week of work at the Beer Mine, I simply fell asleep early.

From last Friday to when I leave the Beer Mine tonight at 9, I will have put in 69 hours over that span.

I know, I know.  I can hear some of you saying...


“Poor Matty-Boy, suck it up asshole.  People drive through, you get them their beer, and they drive off.  How the hell hard can that be fancy boy?”

If only it were that easy…if only it were.

First of  all prior to people getting their beer and driving off, there is an incredibly mentally draining ritual that takes place.

First the customer says to me, “I don’t know what I want.”

The consumer then has to do some comparative shopping by asking the price on every Goddamn item in the damn place.

After deciding, my skin crawls as I hear from said consumer, “Let me see if I have any money.”

After finding their money, I tell them that it comes to $22.67, I get their shit, bring it to them, and am always met with the same question…

“How much did you say that was again?”

As they slowly and methodically pull bills from their wallet and then finish their conversation with their passenger, I am finally handed $22.00, and then I hear…

“I know I got sixty-seven cents in here somewhere.”

Seven cars backed up behind the car in question later, I am handed a sixty-seven cent combination of hot dimes, sticky nickels, and Canadian pennies.

I go to the register to put the money in it and they begin to drive off, however; when I come back out, I find that they have stopped and I hear…

“Hey, I didn’t see that you had chips.  I want some chips but I don’t know which ones…”

And 15 cars backed up behind the car in question later, the entire ritual begins anew.

Take me now Jesus, take me now…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Everything Just Sucks

Hola y’all. You know, back in the day, like a month or so ago, I was a pretty positive person. No matter how bad things looked or seemed, I always just felt like we would all muddle through and things would improve and eventually be okay. Those days are over though.

Everything sucks and it just isn’t going to get any better. We’re in free fall and there isn’t a big air bag to land on and save us. Every single thing that happens is for the worse, not just the big stuff like bad economic numbers, college presidents, athletic directors and coaches covering a child rape scandal or mass shootings either. Nothing is getting any better.

In a comment on the amazing Jo’s blog a couple of weeks ago I said this:

“I don't think people are running out of compassion, I just think the people without any are the ones we hear from the most.” 

Why the hell would I write such bullshit? I mean, it’s quite obviously not true. People in general are way less compassionate then they used to be. I guess maybe I was just trying to be positive and pretend like we’re not going to shit as a people. And worse than that, most people seem to be bragging about their lack of compassion, not to mention bragging about being shitty family members, shitty friends, shitty parents and just shitty all-around people. Being shitty is suddenly something to be proud of.

President Obama may not lack compassion, but he does look as though he is fairly comfortable with unemployment above 8% and poverty rates near record levels for the foreseeable future. Oh yeah, I forgot, it’s ALL the other side’s fault. Speaking of the other side, Mitt Romney, a man who lies with every breath he takes, doesn’t even try to hide is contempt and hatred for those “regular Americans.” You know, the people Sarah Palin claims to represent.

And wasn’t it special seeing America’s White Trash Sweetheart’s three year old grandson call his Aunt a “Faggot” on Bristol Palin’s reality show? Yes, yes it was. What’s that? Oh, Bristol insists that Tripp didn’t say “Faggot” but instead said “Fuck it,” and that she’s not “proud” of what he said. That’s makes it all okay. Also, Bristol is apparently unaware of this new invention in the entertainment industry called “editing” where they take things you’re not “proud” of out of the final product.

Of course how you feel about all that depends on the political party you are a member of. Everyone must go to their favorite partisan blogs to find out how they feel about Tripp Palin’s potty mouth and everything else in the world. EVERY-THING from politics to sports to movies, to television to music to books to anything else you can think of can only be discussed in partisan political terms. There are two extreme positions to choose from, white or black and that’s it. No gray areas allowed.

We don’t need context for Obama’s “you didn’t build that” comment or Ann Romney’s “you people” line. We know what they meant. They meant what we desperately wanted them to mean and it confirms our dislike of them and makes us feel better about our views. Any evidence that we’re wrong is met with anger. We will not tolerate having our world view challenged.

But, don’t worry y’all. All summer long President Obama and Mitt Romney will keep telling us that we’re all exceptional just by virtue of being Americans. So, at least we’ve got that going for us.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

London 2012 Summer Olympics...A Preview of Golden, Silver, and Bronzish Hospitality

Hi fans!!

IWS Sports Director Slyder Balzcock coming to you live from the hometown of NFL Hall of Famer and current Pittsburgh Pirates defensive coordinator Dick LeBeau, and more importantly, live feeding you something from the site of the 2012 Summer Olympics….

London, Ohio !!

I can feel the excitement building as the townsfolk in this normally quiet hamlet of 8,800 prepare to welcome the temporary, yet potentially overwhelming immigration of the world’s most gifted athletes into their tiny, yet vibrant and versatile community...

And when I asked town Father and Mayor of London, David Eades, how he felt about his community hosting the 2012 Summer Olympics, his amazement of the moment overwhelmed him, as he replied…

“I am utterly stupefied by your question, Mr. Balzcock.”

Yes folks, to not only the residents of this town, but to the Mayor himself, hosting the London 2012 Summer Olympics is beyond words.

Anyhoo…

As we (as does former Salt Lick City Winter Olympics organizer Mitt Rommey) all know, logistics are the key to any well-run Olympics, and the denizens of London, Ohio are well-prepared on the housing front for the thousands of athletes that will dead lift them, poll vault over them, and 100-Yard dash right through them.

They have dusted up the London Olympic Village and it looks great…

Being always vigilant and anticipating an overflow crowd of athletes, the town has bargained to gain additional boarding if needed at one of the two locally housed state prisons…

Of course, while a good rest is important to a world-class athlete, when competing in the Olympics, food is the fuel that drives the well-tuned engine of any sword player, breast stroker, or Greco-Romanian wrestler, and all will be well-fed within the delicious confines of the official dining hall of the London 2012 Summer Olympics…

And listen all you equestrians…If you are in a bind and/or bridle before your dressage run, take your horse to Dixie’s, because while they advertise dog grooming, I’m sure they can put a sexy flair into your steed’s tail, and looks never hurt anyone when being judged…Not even a horse.

And there you have it IWS readers, a bit of a more personal and homespun preview of this year’s London 2012 Summer Olympics.

I am sure I will have an update or two as the games go on as I report on Mister Gold Medal and pothead Michael Phipps, and the sure to be everyone’s black darling of gymnistics, Gabby Douglas.

And let me tell you folks, there is something that rivals the London 2012 Summer Olympics going on at the same time in London, Ohio...

I don't know how a town this size handles all of this magic at once, but they do, and they are, and because of that, they are all Gold Medal winners!!

Until my next London 2012 Summer Olympics update…

This is Slyder Balzcock leaving it all on the field…and the track, and headed for the Olympic podium.

USA!!  USA!!  USA!!

mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

NCAA's Unique Punishment for Penn State

Hola y’all! Well, the NCAA dropped the moral hammer on Penn State and even though these sanctions do nothing to punish the guilty parties and actually punish other people instead, we’re all happy. We’re happy because an old white guy got up in front of cameras and beat up on a defenseless school and its current future students and athletes. We do love getting all morally indignant and going after bad people and organizations. Well, except for Wall Street. They can continue to so rob us all blind without threat of any repercussions, but that’s a discussion for another time.

Anyhoodle, you guys have all heard of the big sanctions against Penn St. The media talked about the $60 million dollar fine, the abdication of wins, the bowl ban and the denial of educational opportunities of up to 80 people in the future loss of scholarships. BUT, that’s not all! Oh no! There are some other sanctions that have been tacked on. Luckily, the IWS World Media Sports Division is on top of this. Check it out …

1. Instead of getting four downs to make a first down Penn State will only get three.

2. Instead of ten yards to make a first down, Penn State’s opponents will need to only gain 8.137 yards.

3. Penn State touchdowns now only count 4 points and they are BARRED from going for a two point conversion OR extra point tries.

4. Field goals will only be worth .7 points now instead of three.

5. After what will be a very rare victory, the television announcers will be required to say “Yeah, Penn State won, but they still support and defend a child rapist.”

6. No cheerleaders! Sorry PSU, but it’s obvious that you can’t deal with that kind of stimulation.

7. There will now be a statue of very disgusted looking middle-aged men in blue suits placed where the Joe Paterno statue once stood.

8. Players will no longer be allowed to wear facemasks. This seems harsh, but it is necessary.

9. Instead of offensive coordinators signaling in plays from the sideline, the PSU quarterback will have to just draw plays in the dirt using a stick provided by the referee.

10. PSU defensive players can only tackle the ball carrier from the front and may not touch him below the waist.

11. No Penn State games may be played in the rain as it will remind people too much of the infamous locker room showers.

12. Any school that goes winless will get to play Penn St. twice the next season so they can feel better about themselves.

So, as you can see, the NCAA has sent a very serious signal to all other member schools. Every single college in America now knows that if they try to cover up some big scandal, get caught and find themselves completely defenseless, the NCAA will pounce on them and stand on top of the smoldering remains declaring their superior morality and delivering justice to everyone except the perpetrators of the terrible crimes that were committed.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

In other news, Mark Twain once said “Everybody is complaining about the weather, but nobody is doing anything about it.” Well, until NOW that is! On I'm With Stupid Matt and Jay did do something about the weather. They made jokes about it. They talked about the non-weather definition of weather terms, hurricane names and told freaky weather stories. Another classic episode about something most people thought was boring and routine. So, check it out!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Weeds

"The weeds keep multiplying in our garden, which is our mind ruled by fear. Rip them out and call them by name."

--Sylvia Browne

“Weeds are fucking annoying, and you can go to Hell bitch.”

--Matt Mahoney

“Grow Strong Grass & Control Weeds, Bugs”

--Scotts® Lawn Care With Scotts®

Y’know..?  Sometimes being right, not only gets boring…It gets old.

Jayman, I, and the staff here at the IWS Worldwide Headquarters have so often put the collective dick of Time-Warner, Ozarks CW, Google Plus, You Tube, into the confines of internet blow me soil, and now….

The Springfield Regional Medical Center, is the latest corporate entity to taste our county fair form of justice juice, and “next to the swine barn” type, go fuck yourself funnel cakes.

Damn right.

Last Thursday while sitting on the porch of the palatial digs, I was looking at this:

The anger, fueled by local corporate callousness, churlishness, and too much NOS and Rose I stood there while being accosted by a five foot tall Bulgarian chick brandishing a Glock as I took pictures of the aforepictured weeds..

However…

I persevered, sent my pics, and notified the owners and newspaper that IWS was going to make the owners of the abandoned hospital look baaaaaaaaaad for not cutting their weeds and being a less than responsible corporate citizen.

What happened?

Two days later….there was a crew dispatched to cut down the weeds, and they had some success:

Jayman and I might not be giant killers, but…

When we put our minds to something in which we believe, it is taken care of.

Like yesterday…We did a show on IWS Radio about the weather, and sure enough, we managed to finish it.

Anyhoo…When things are needed to be taken care of, call IWS, because, well… Jay and I are like Starsky and Hutch, and we always get our man….or something. Cheers!!
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

Babe of the Week: Hot Weather Girls

The IWS Babe(s) of the Week this week are five of the hottest weather girls in the world!

Tatiana Silva of Belgium…

Karine Ferri of France…

Wendy Hurrell from the U.K…

Tyut Le of Vietnam America…

Susana Almeida of Televisa Guadalajara…

Now THAT’S how to heat up the weather report!

Matt Said, Jay Said XLVII

Matt talksecundum…Jay talksecundum…You, listencadabra.

Matt:  Howdy Mr. Man.

Jay:  What’s going on?
Matt:  Schmoop just got done watching the finale of Charmed.  She had never seen the end the first go ‘round.
Jay:  Charmed, eh?  I’d like to charm Alyssa Milano, mmmmmmm.
Matt:  I’m more of a Holly Marie-Combs kinda guy.
Jay:  Pussy.

Matt:  So…Oh shit…The funniest thing just happened.
Jay:  What?  Mitt Romney actually took an unwavering position on something?
Matt:  Ha. No.  Because Schmoop was watching Chramed, I went across the street to take pictures of the weeds growing at the abandoned hospital.
Jay:  Ha!!  That is wacky!!  Zzzzzzzzzzzz.
Matt:  Shuddup…There’s this red-headed, Glock carrying Security chick standing guard, and she told me to quit taking pictures.
Jay:  Was she hot?
Matt:  No, she’s like 58, smokes Lucky Strikes, and may or may not have been born in Bulgaria.

Jay:  Nope…that’s not hot.
Matt:  Anyhoo, she said, “I don’t like you taking pictures.  Taking pictures could get you shot.”
Jay:  Ha…No shit, really?
Matt:  Ha…Yes!!
Jay:  We should have her on the show.
Matt:  IKR?  But anyway after a brief exchange and a few more pictures, I said to her, “Go to Hell, asshole.”
Jay:  Incredible, and this all happened because you didn’t want to watch Charmed with Schmoop?
Matt:  Yep…Serendipity Jayman…serendipity.

Jay:  You need to write about this for Monday’s post.
Matt:  Oh I will, and because of the power of IWS, those weeds will be gotten rid of.
Jay:  We do nothing but good.
Matt:  Damn straight.
Jay:  Aight…I guess I’ll talk to you later on Twitter.
Matt:  Dam right you will…Have a good one Jayman.
Jay:  You too…bye.

(moments later the phone rings)

Matt:  Yo Dawg!!

Jay:  We forgot to talk about what we are going to talk about on Sunday’s show.
Matt:  Oh shit…we did, didn’t we?
Jay:  How about we do a weather show and talk about the weather; we always talk about it when we open any show anyway.
Matt:  Good idea.
Jay:  I think we are ready.
Matt:  I believe you are right.
Jay and Matt:  The Weather Show This Sunday!!
Jay:  Later.
Matt: Later.

So there you have it this Sunday on IWS Jayman and I will be talking weather as only we can, which means of course, we will make it dirty.

You can join us live Sunday at Noon ET on Blog Talk Radio, for the IWS Is It Hot Enough for Ya radio installment by clicking HERE.

Cheers!!

I Know How a Wishbone Feels

Hola pill-popping Americans! We have a special treat for you guy today! Jay’s mom is has agreed to guest post! How exciting is that? IKR?! Anyway, here’s the Jaymom talking about the trials and tribulations of being caught between the pharmacy and doctor’s office trying to get her prescription right and on time. It’s not as easy as it seems …

Jaymom here! I am convinced that the leading cause of sudden death among seniors is aggravation brought on by pharmacies and doctors and their nurses who call in refills.  Talk about your vast right wing conspiracies! They’re in it together, folks. We don’t stand a chance.

When I receive a prescription that is incorrect, the pharmacy and the doctor/nurse blame each other.  They are all very convincing, which makes me feel that I am in the middle, being pulled in both directions, just like a wishbone. I have four prescriptions, and this happens with each and every one each and every time.

Nowadays, and for the past, oh, year, every time I have to have a refill that needs the doctor’s approval. I break out in a cold sweat.  Should I call Walgreens and order the refill, being sure to request a 90-day supply, and reminding them how many pills that will be, so they can fax the request to the doctor’s office and wait the requisite 24 to 48 hours (or 5-6 days) for a reply?  Or, should I call the doctor’s office first, speak to the answering machine outlining the same information, and wait 24 to 48 hours (or 5-6 days) for the okeydokey?  It really doesn’t seem to matter. In either case, it won’t be correct, and I’ll have to start all over again.  Who to call about the correction?  Again, it doesn’t matter. The pharmacy will blame the doctor/nurse, or the doctor/nurse will blame the pharmacy.

It’s an all too familiar dance and I seem to be the only one without a partner, just like the good old days of Junior Cotillion, as I held up the wall and watched the other dancers swirl around me.  It didn’t feel good then, and it doesn’t feel good now.  Only, now, I’m old and my nerves aren’t as good.  And, I get cranky easily.

Someday, like the aforementioned wishbone, I’ll snap and I’ll end up without a pharmacy or a doctor. But, I’ll have a big old satisfied smile on my still, cold face.

Jaymom

One Has To Love Oneself In Order To Love Others

Last night Jayman and I were talking on Twitter about trying to make the IWS website a more profound and respectable place.

After our conversation, as it was my turn to write, and with no topic on hand, I said to myself…

“Dumbass, let’s just change course and make that dream happen.”

Jay and I often take the time, and more specifically your time, to publicly whine, bitch, and “let it all go” in a negative way, so I thought that today?

I’d write about what makes me happy. Join me, won’t you?  I hope you do…

I love the smell of bacon frying.  I especially love the smell of bacon frying when it’s my BFF/OSP Schmoop, doing the frying of said bacon.

When Schmoop is frying bacon, and I am at my computer, I can hear her from the kitchen, in a joyful, and carefree, lilting tone, half-singing and half-humming an incoherent nonsense song…it’s relaxing.

In fact it would even be hotter and more joyful, if she were frying it naked, but my joy would quickly turn to sorrow, as I heard her lilting tones turn to screams of pain and anguish as the bacon grease little by little, scarred her exposed body.

I really enjoy taking a shower.  In the shower, I am alone, and can sing at the top of my lungs and there is not a critic in the house.  And it’s nice as well, that I can re-live the magic of having had sex with a different former girlfriend with each new shower.  And?  Even ponder some future trysts.

You know what else I like?

Talking to God about giving me the strength to tell my BFF/OSP this publicly, and for even joking about thinking of other women while I was in the shower.  It brings the Almighty and I closer together…on a daily basis no less.  I like that, and Praise Jeebus!!

I love how people shower my partner in crime, Jayman, with cascades of praise as to how sweet he is.  I too love him for that, and in a couple of years, I will love Jayman and the money I make off of him even more, when I release my book…

“Jayman Unleashed:  The Direct Messages To, and Private Phone Calls He Had, with Matt-Man”

Even though over the next week I will be working 62 hours at the Beer Mine, I am happy to see the owner get away for a desperately needed vacation, however what I am really happen to see happen, is the, Buy One, Get One Free Sale that I’ll be running while he’s gone for a week.

Oh yeah Bitches, I’ll be moving some product out the door of the Beer Mine starting this Saturday!! And why?  Because I love.

And love is what I am all about…

Yeah bitches, the Love.

Annnnnd…If you wanna hear some love on Blog Talk Radio…You need to listen to the show that Jayman and I did with Nicole Russin yesterday on the IWS Radio Show.

We talked vegans; we talked sausages (realistic and otherwise); we talked Wal*Mart; we talked cupcakes, bigots, and SPAM.  Oh My!!

We covered it all, and you can catch it all right here in archives:

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

mattmaniws@ymail.com

@mattmaniws

I'm A Smooth Operator ... Okay, Not Really

Hola lawbreakers! Well, my ability to disrupt people in public places purely through no fault of my own remains intact. Like most libraries ours here in Redneckville the librarian has to run the books people are checking out over a thingamagig to disable the little alarm on the book or whatever so people won’t steal them. Sorry to get so technical on you in that last sentence.

Anyway, I’m sure you know where this is going. Yup, I set off the alarm when leaving a couple of weeks ago. When the alarm went off I stopped, turned around, put my hands up and said “Don’t shoot!!” This is just my natural charm kicking in, trying to add a little levity to a potentially volatile situation and put everyone at ease. One of the librarians smiled said “You’re fine, it’s okay.” But, the other one, Mr. Grumpy McGaypants let out a big sigh, waved at me and said “Oh just go on!”

I thought this was a pretty rude reaction and I let him know about it. I responded “Hey buddy! Don’t be taking your general bitterness with the fact that you never made it to Broadway and Neil Patrick Harris won’t reply to you on Twitter out on me? Or is it your disdain for James Patterson and his army of Indonesian slaves who type up his books according to the formula while following his outline? Either way, you really should work on your people skills if you’re gonna work as a librarian.”

Okay, not really. I just glared at him for a second and then walked out.

Of course, this meant that when I brought the books back, I would set off the alarm again. So, as soon as I walked through the doors and set off the alarm, I again threw up my hands and said “Don’t shoot! It’s just me again, making my usual dramatic entrance.”

Okay, not really. I actually forgot all about it and when the alarm went off it surprised the crap outta me and I kind of jumped and spun around to see what I had done. Then I looked around in hopes that it was someone other than me who had set off the alarm. Luckily I quickly regained my cool and when I walked up to the lady standing behind the “Book Return” counter who was trying not to laugh too much at me. I looked at her and in my best Horatio Cain voice said “Looks like I had *takes off sunglasses* an alarming experience at the library this morning.”

Okay, not really. I actually just kind of laughed awkwardly while not making eye contact with her and just put the books on the counter and moved on.

Of course, it didn’t end there. Not by a long shot. Take a wild guess what happened when I tried to leave with the books I had just checked out? Go on … guess. Yup, I set off the alarm AGAIN! Once again I turned and looked at the librarians and once again Mr. Fussy McFabulous grumpily told me to “Just go on!” while shaking his head at me. Again, I wasn’t about to put up with that and I really let him have it. I yelled “Dude, I’m sick and tired of your attitude. I saw that little sigh you gave when you scanned my copy of Joel Stein’s “Man Made” you anti-Semitic jerk! Hell, I’m probably lucky I’m white or you probably would have called 911 a thousand times by now.”

Okay, not really. I just turned and left as quickly as possible while telling myself that I may never go back to that library again. 

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Birthdays Are Stupid

“Let them eat cake.”
--Marie Antoinette

“Let them eat cake, and stuff their mouths so full of it, that the celebrant is unable to drone on and on about how it’s his or her birthday.”
--Matt-Man

I think birthday celebrations are stupid, and not just as I have become older, but as folks do become older, could we just cut the Happy Birthday crap, and leave the days of uterine deliverance to the children?

Huh?  Oh Dear God, could we Please!?

Sure…up til’ the time little Timmy or sweet Sally turns twelve, have all the birthday celebrating you want, but after that…they only get two more birthday parties.

At eighteen when they become eligible to fulfill their civic duty and are permitted to vote, and when they turn twenty-one and are eligible to drink, and keep in mind….

I will be more than happy to act as the creepy uncle at a newly twenty-one year old’s birthday party, whether I am related to the celebrant or not.

Chances are, the birthday boy or girl would not remember if I was there or not, which on balance, is probably a good thing.

Oh sure, some of you are thinking…

“What?  No Sweet Sixteen Birthday party for my little Shannyn, Britny, or Taylerr girl?”

No…Having a Sweet 16 party for girls with those names and spelled that way, can lead to two things, and two things only.

A lifetime working the pole at Bob’s Rootin’ Tootin’ Party Pad, or a life full of comers and goers, shaken baby syndrome, and remorse, within the confines of Section Eight housing.  And seriously…who needs more of that?

Not this guy!!

So…

Beginning tonight at 11:59:59 PM ET, I will forever purposely forget, fail to recognize, and never again even half-heartedly celebrate the birthday of any person who is over the age of 21.

I mean…Why do people celebrate their own birthday?  The person celebrating had nothing to do with it.

Oh sure, he or she may say, “I am a blessing from God via the love of my of my mom and dad, and that is why we are celebrating.”

Ha…

Chances are, your mom and dad were so drunk that Mom forgot to take her pill and/or Dad only thought he was wearing a condom, or more than likely, thought he was having sex with the “safe” floozy down the street who had become sterile due to her virulent, and untreated case of gonorrhea.

I am done.  On Facebook, Twitter, blog sites, and in day to day life, unless you are a child, I shall refuse to wish you a Happy Birthday, because, well…

Oddly enough, birthdays are similar to funerals.  People, whether hated or not, are typically spoken of in glowing terms on two days…their birthday, and the day they are buried.

Seriously…Celebrate a person every day of their life if you think they are wonderful, or if you find them to be a reprehensible asshole, don’t...not even at their funeral, or their birthday..

Never waiver on your convictions or feelings toward a person on their birthday or on the day that they ultimately pass, because, well…it’s unseemly.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

IWS Welcomes Nicole Russin AKA: Richarde

Holaaaaa and Cheers!

IWS World Media in association with IWS productions would like to welcome Nicole Russin to the I’m With Stupid podcast this Wednesday, July 18, 2012! Ms. Russin AKA: The Legendary Richárde, a bestselling cookbook author, musician, journalist, model and Renaissance woman. Her latest cookbook, “Ostentatious Cupcakes” is racing up the Amazon charts and is full of creative and innovative ways to make the all-American favorite. Her first cookbook, published in December 2010, “The Non-Diet Real Cookbook: Easy Recipes to Stay Skinny Eating Anything You Want and Learn How to Cook!” was based on a mixture of recipes from abroad, healthy food, and the Midwest’s classic roots: soul food, German cooking, and Irish cuisine blended together

Nicole began her journalism career at the age of 13 when she began hosting a video series for PBS titled Illinois Stories which was syndicated in Illinois, Missouri and Iowa. In addition to local and state politicians, Ms. Russin even snagged a Q&A with soon to be presidential candidate John Kerry. Nicole continues to work on her journalism career to this day having interviewed people from the political, business, sports and entertainment worlds.

Nicole graduated from the University of Texas at the age of 19. After graduation she decided to compete in the Miss Texas pageant even though she had never participated in any beauty pageants while growing up. The end result was a fun and hugely popular guest blog on Huffington Post which became one of the top five most popular reads on the site in 2009.

By the age of 21 Nicole was in NYC looking for journalism work. At the same time she decided to seek out modeling work and it didn’t take long to land some opportunities with a number of different agencies. She mostly worked in the beauty/hair/makeup categories, but as with everything else in her life, she doesn’t want to just settle for that. Being a very ambitious person, Nicole is working hard to make the jump to the couture lines WHILE continuing to purse professional writing and journalism gigs.

In her spare time, Russin records songs in every genre under the sun. An opera lover, Russin likes performing each genre differently down to pronunciation “because every musical style should have its own performance method and be felt like an opera performance.” She sings out, talk sings, gets whispery, shouts, performs overdramatically, and sings emotionlessly.  (She does know how to sound traditionally good when necessary also.) Russin taught herself how to compose sheet music while bored in some seventh grade class she can’t remember, forced herself to learn music production on her home computers, and used fellow students as recording test subjects as she discovered her inner Max Martin. In June 2010, she released an art pop double album called Sex Appeal, Love, Confessions Parts 1 & 2 with its additional material album My Other Half, put out a few corresponding psychedelic 60′s/70‘s singles, got together with Russian tennis star and California transplant homegrown DJ Dmitry Tursunov for a Studio 54 meets modern disco sound on The Dmitry Tursunov Experience EP, and will soon release a 1980′s style follow-up album.

So, as you can see Nicole is a busy woman with a lot of interests and talents. This is going to be an awesome show! Be sure to join us on I'm With Stupid Wednesday, July 18, 2012 for all the fun and excitement!

--

In other news Matt-Man and Jayman overcame their brutal hangovers to bring everyone “The Hangover Show” on I’m With Stupid on Sunday. We talked hangover prevention and cures and then got a great call from our HAWT friend Meredith! So, totally check it out!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

The IWS Babe of the Week: Anne Hathaway

A new Batman movie, the Dark Knight Rises is coming out this Friday, and as I am Batman-like I was pleased to hear that, and even more happy to hear that Catwoman would be in it.

But then I saw that Selena Kyle/Catwoman would be played by Anne Hathaway...

I'm thinking Anne Hathaway?  Does she look good in film noir?  Evidently, she does...

And she looks good in film cleeeeeee-vaaaaaaaage.....

And, surprisingly enough, Anne Hathaway looks pretty hot as Selena Kyle/Catwoman....

I dig her cleavage, but what I dig most about her is that she always seems happy and has a killer smile.  MEOW!!

Join the boys today, as they talk hangovers on IWS Radio LIVE at Noon ET...The claws or something will be out...by clicking HERE.

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Matt Said, Jay Said XLVI

Matt: Holaaaaaaaaaaa!
Jay: Cheers!
Matt: It’s opposite day!
Jay: Just mixing it up a bit.
Matt: How’s your ass?
Jay: Improving by the day.
Matt: That’s good. Gotta just be patient.
Jay: It all gets better little by little.
Matt: Wish that was true for everything.
Jay: Isn’t that the truth.
Matt: *sigh*
Jay: *sigh*

Jay: That show on Sunday w/ Carrie was freaking awesome.
Matt: It really was. Great show with a great guest.
Jay: Wish we had more time though.
Matt: I could have talked to her all day.
Jay: There were so many more questions that needed answers too.
Matt: Like “Is Paula Deen fun to party with?”
Jay: Exactly! And, “Do Ina and Jeffrey have a sex dungeon?”
Matt: Exa … Well, I don’t know if we need to know that one.
Jay: Well, maybe I’m the only one wondering that.
Matt: I’m guessing you are.
Jay: Still a great show and we actually acted like grownups.
Matt: We did even though SOMEONE didn’t think we could.
Jay: And it’s not like we weren’t tested either.
Matt: Damn right! We both let that “big salt lick” line go.
Jay: We sure as hell did.
Matt: Yeah, SOME PEOPLE probably still think we couldn’t do that.
Jay: People underestimate us all the time.
Matt: It’s our secret weapon.

Jay: So, “Hangover Show” this week?
Matt: Not only will we talk about it, I’ll be living it!
Jay: Sunday mornings are often tough.
Matt: Especially when one has Saturday off!
Jay: Oh dear God!
Matt: That’s right bitches!
Jay: This could be epic!
Matt: That’s my plan.
Jay: We’ll talk about epic parties and the resulting hangovers.
Matt: And hangover cures.
Jay: And hangover prevention.
Matt: And how to be considerate of others with hangovers.
Jay: And we’ll sing “Sunday Morning Coming Down”
Matt: I love that song.
Jay: Everyone should.
Matt: Of course, it’s Kris Kristofferson for God’s sake!
Jay: Kris is the man!
Matt: It would suck if he middle name was “Kevin.”
Jay: Ohhhhh … Yeah, that would be bad.
Matt: What is his middle name?
Jay: Wikipedia says he doesn’t have one.
Matt: A likely story.
Jay: Totally. His initials were probably “KKK.”
Matt: Yup. I bet he dropped the middle name.
Jay: Good move on his part.
Matt: He’s always been media savvy.
Jay: Okay then … Hangover Show?
Matt: Let’s do it.
Jay: Great, I’ll get started creating one right now.
Matt: Me too!

There ya go! The hilarity never ends around here. Be sure to tune into The Hangover Show on I’m With Stupid on Sunday at 12 Noon Eastern!

Who Wants To Take a Ride on My Menstrual Cycle?

Hi all you summertime, taint-sweatin' boys, and moist, canoe-bailin’ babes out there…

Kim Fragile here for I’m With Stupid, and Wow..!!

It has been quite awhile since I’ve chimed in on the IWS website.

For those of you who may not know me, my name is Kim Fragile pronounced (Frah-Jee-Lee) like in Christmas Story, and I am a roving correspondent for IWS.  Oh yeah bitches…this chick can not only rove, but correspondent as well.  Snap!!

Anyhoo…

The reason I have been away for so long is that lately, it seems that I have two periods a month that last 17 days each, which on one hand, blowin’ chowder out my hoo-ha for 34 days a month is impressive as it defies the laws of our calendar, but it also, in a word…

VERY MUCH SUCKS!!

Hell my uterus hates me so much that during my second 17 day period back in February, it bled for 18 days because it knew it was a leap year!!  That’s just wrong.  Damn wrong.

Now you lovely ladies out there know of what I speak, but you guys?  Pfffffft.  You don’t know shit.

Like the other day on the IWS Radio Show.  Jayman was whining about his hemorrhoids.  Big frickin’ deal. Oh you have some discomfort?  Awwwww, you have ruby red, sanguine filled sacs of blood drooping from your ass, baby?

What a fucking shame, because every time I turn around, it seems that my uterus thinks it’s Halloween and little hemo-goblins come charging out of my lady parts after stealing all my treats!!

In all fairness to Jayman…when I am at IWS World Headquarters and suffering the curse, he is always nice to me.  He buys me ice cream, chocolate, and lovingly waxes my burgeoning pre-menopausal mustache.  I just don't understand why Jayman insists on being naked when he does that.  Hmmm?

Matt-Man on the other hand?

All he ever does is shake his head, chuckle, and ask, “How’s the ferret, Kim?  Still puking?”

God he’s an asshole.

And then there is also the pre-menstrual bloat.

Two to three days before I start, which is always one day before my previous one ends, I swell up like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon.  Oh sure the scale may say 127, but the mirror and my vanity know that I actually weigh 1,127 pounds!!

Fucking Eve…had to bite into the apple, dintcha Bitch?  Uuch.

If you were alive today, I’d smack you harder than the Devil ever could.

And because of the frequency and duration of the breachings of my female levee, I have something REALLY important to say…

“Hey uterus, I would like to have sex more than once in a great while if you don’t mind, but noooooo…you have to show me and the world how fertile and/or fucked up you are.”

Sometimes, I think screw it; this is never going to end, so I think to myself…” Damn the projectile clots, I’ll have sex anyway.”, and then I think…

If a sexy man did want to have sex with me while my sugar walls were being shed, I would have to warn him by saying…

“Hey big sexy man, I’m all yours, but keep in mind that the Yoshi Blade wielding Japanese chef inside of my hoo-ha may turn your Johnsonville brat into shredded beef.”

Uuch…Being a woman is such a pain in the rose petals, but…I am Kim Fragile, and I will continue to persevere, to roam, and most importantly, to correspondent.

Until next time…which may or may not be the day after this one ends, if it ever does...

Zoooooves!!

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws