Friday, July 27, 2012

The Ritual of Stupid

Cheers Bitches!!  This is a well-rested Matt-Man coming at you on this glorious Friday.

I know, I know.  I can hear some of you saying, “It’s about time today’s post was up, asshole.”

Well, I fell asleep early last night.  I don’t mean that I went to bed early.  Noooo.  I was on the couch after devouring a couple of delicious Schmoop Burgers and the next thing I know, it’s 3:36 AM and the Matt-Man has to pee.

Yep, after a an exhausting day and indeed entire week of work at the Beer Mine, I simply fell asleep early.

From last Friday to when I leave the Beer Mine tonight at 9, I will have put in 69 hours over that span.

I know, I know.  I can hear some of you saying...


“Poor Matty-Boy, suck it up asshole.  People drive through, you get them their beer, and they drive off.  How the hell hard can that be fancy boy?”

If only it were that easy…if only it were.

First of  all prior to people getting their beer and driving off, there is an incredibly mentally draining ritual that takes place.

First the customer says to me, “I don’t know what I want.”

The consumer then has to do some comparative shopping by asking the price on every Goddamn item in the damn place.

After deciding, my skin crawls as I hear from said consumer, “Let me see if I have any money.”

After finding their money, I tell them that it comes to $22.67, I get their shit, bring it to them, and am always met with the same question…

“How much did you say that was again?”

As they slowly and methodically pull bills from their wallet and then finish their conversation with their passenger, I am finally handed $22.00, and then I hear…

“I know I got sixty-seven cents in here somewhere.”

Seven cars backed up behind the car in question later, I am handed a sixty-seven cent combination of hot dimes, sticky nickels, and Canadian pennies.

I go to the register to put the money in it and they begin to drive off, however; when I come back out, I find that they have stopped and I hear…

“Hey, I didn’t see that you had chips.  I want some chips but I don’t know which ones…”

And 15 cars backed up behind the car in question later, the entire ritual begins anew.

Take me now Jesus, take me now…

Cheers!!

Matt-Man
mattmaniws@ymail.com
@mattmaniws

8 comments:

Beth said...

This make me feel better about the brand of stupid I deal with every day. Thanks honey;)

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: Ha. You're welcome, and the burgers were delicious!! Cheers Schmoop!!

Matt-Man

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Matt Man misery loves company!!
Thank you for this.
I love knowing I am not the only one drowning in stupid people.
TGIF

I'm With Stupid said...

It's like stupid people are everywhere! You probably can't go anywhere on Earth to get away from them. Not even Canada.

Jay

Mike said...

You forgot to mention the people you have to keep entertained inside your little shack.

I'm With Stupid said...

Peg: Ha. Glad I could be of help. Have a great Weekend Peg and Cheers!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Jayman: I think however, the dull outnumber the stupid in Canada. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Are you kidding me? That was a treat!! Cheers Mike!!

Matt-Man