Thursday, July 19, 2012

One Has To Love Oneself In Order To Love Others

Last night Jayman and I were talking on Twitter about trying to make the IWS website a more profound and respectable place.

After our conversation, as it was my turn to write, and with no topic on hand, I said to myself…

“Dumbass, let’s just change course and make that dream happen.”

Jay and I often take the time, and more specifically your time, to publicly whine, bitch, and “let it all go” in a negative way, so I thought that today?

I’d write about what makes me happy. Join me, won’t you?  I hope you do…

I love the smell of bacon frying.  I especially love the smell of bacon frying when it’s my BFF/OSP Schmoop, doing the frying of said bacon.

When Schmoop is frying bacon, and I am at my computer, I can hear her from the kitchen, in a joyful, and carefree, lilting tone, half-singing and half-humming an incoherent nonsense song…it’s relaxing.

In fact it would even be hotter and more joyful, if she were frying it naked, but my joy would quickly turn to sorrow, as I heard her lilting tones turn to screams of pain and anguish as the bacon grease little by little, scarred her exposed body.

I really enjoy taking a shower.  In the shower, I am alone, and can sing at the top of my lungs and there is not a critic in the house.  And it’s nice as well, that I can re-live the magic of having had sex with a different former girlfriend with each new shower.  And?  Even ponder some future trysts.

You know what else I like?

Talking to God about giving me the strength to tell my BFF/OSP this publicly, and for even joking about thinking of other women while I was in the shower.  It brings the Almighty and I closer together…on a daily basis no less.  I like that, and Praise Jeebus!!

I love how people shower my partner in crime, Jayman, with cascades of praise as to how sweet he is.  I too love him for that, and in a couple of years, I will love Jayman and the money I make off of him even more, when I release my book…

“Jayman Unleashed:  The Direct Messages To, and Private Phone Calls He Had, with Matt-Man”

Even though over the next week I will be working 62 hours at the Beer Mine, I am happy to see the owner get away for a desperately needed vacation, however what I am really happen to see happen, is the, Buy One, Get One Free Sale that I’ll be running while he’s gone for a week.

Oh yeah Bitches, I’ll be moving some product out the door of the Beer Mine starting this Saturday!! And why?  Because I love.

And love is what I am all about…

Yeah bitches, the Love.

Annnnnd…If you wanna hear some love on Blog Talk Radio…You need to listen to the show that Jayman and I did with Nicole Russin yesterday on the IWS Radio Show.

We talked vegans; we talked sausages (realistic and otherwise); we talked Wal*Mart; we talked cupcakes, bigots, and SPAM.  Oh My!!

We covered it all, and you can catch it all right here in archives:


Cheers!!

Matt-Man


196 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

I delete all my DMs, but I really can't wait for that book. I'll download it onto my Kindle the day it's released.

Jay

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: Annnnd, I'll make sure that Jaymom gets a copy...She'll be so damn proud. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

Mike said...

It may be worth a drive back to Bagwine to get a couple of cases of WIR at the buy one get one free price.

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: Ha...Damn right, and for you and your lovely wife, I will give you three for one. Cheers Mike!!

Matt-Man

Jo said...

That's a beautiful bacon salad right there, Matt.

My favorite part of the show was when I could almost hear you guys laughing hysterically behind all that professionalism.

Jay is very sweet but one day he's going to blow and it'll be Jaypocalypse :O

Mai Yang said...

Bacon!!! oh gosh!!! now I realized how much I miss bacon. way back during my OJT, I was assigned in the kitchen and I remember we used to sneak out some (bacon we cook) to the backdoor. :p

Beth said...

I knew you did that in the shower!!! Oh, and I'll buy bacon;)

I'm With Stupid said...

Jo: You were my bacon muse Jo, but frankly I ma hurt. Laughing hysterically aside? I can't believe you would say that. Not sayin' it didn't happen but I can't believe you would actually say that!! Oh, Jay is gonna blow one day. Cheers Jo!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Mai: Not being able to enjoy the glory of bacon is why Jews and Muslims are always fighting. If they would just eat some damn bacon, all would be well. Cheers Mai!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: I don't really do that...That was merely satirical embellishment and poetic license. And Yea, we're gonna have bacon!! Cheers Schmoop!!

Matt-Man

Knight said...

Beth - He totally does that. You can tell. Hey, sometimes memory is the best porn.

Matt- I've made bacon naked many times and I think the scars are worth it. Perhaps Shmoop could wear a backless apron or something? Like this?
http://www.alibaba.com/product-gs/279613756/sexy_lingerie_is_Satin_Heart_Apron/showimage.html

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: Now that's a thought; I'll pass that along to Schmoop...Do you have any pictures of your bacon scars? Cheers Knight!!

Matt-Man

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