Not So Hot for Teacher

Hola y’all! On Sunday’s show, or was it LAST Sunday’s show? Hell, I don’t remember. Anyway, for some reason we talked a little bit about “hot teachers.” Oh, it was this most recent Sunday show, cause I also talked about the Van Halen cover band named “Hot for Teacher.” They could only cover songs VH did with David Lee Roth though, I guess. I hadn’t really thought of that.

Anyway, I decided that today I will tell you about the, uh “colorful” of teachers I had in high school. The names have been changed to protect the insane. And, so I don't have to worry about being sued.

1. Rose Bush: Rose Bush got her name from my sister, who once said that Mrs. "teacher" always smells like a Rose ........ BUSH! That was not a compliment. Anyway, Rose won the national teacher of the year award my sophomore year of high school. She got to go to Washington D.C. and was presented her award by President Reagan. Needless to say she was pretty sure this meant she was the greatest teacher in the history of the world. She put the picture of her an Reagan up in her classroom and referred to her "NTY" award on almost a daily basis.

2. Bimbo: Bimbo was the captain of the cheerleading squad when she was in school and she married the captain of the football team. She started out teaching English in junior high and got moved up to high school in time for my senior year. Lucky me! I had a crush on her in junior high, but by the time I was a senior had nothing but contempt for her and the feeling was mutual. She ended her teaching career by leaving her husband for one of her students two years after I graduated.

3. Bidness Man: Bidness Man taught an Intro to Business and Business Law class. He was quite possibly the worst teacher I have ever had in my entire life and this includes some of the moron grad assistants that I had in college. He basically read the book to us and then gave us fill in the blank and multiple choice tests.

He also didn't think that any girls should be taking his classes. He didn't believe that women should be allowed in the corporate worlds, so they should just all be taking Home Economics or typing class instead. Both of which were much more challenging than his class.

4. Sticky Fingerz: Sticky taught writing composition, so if you looking for someone to blame for my general lack of writing skills, then she's the one. Now, I have to admit that Sticky was one of the nicest teachers I ever had. She was very nice to everyone and genuinely cared about her students. She didn't like me, she LOVED me. She just thought I was the greatest person on the face of the earth. And, she was right of course! She was also totally, and completely bat-shit crazy.
 

Sticky got arrested during my senior year for shoplifting at Wal-Mart. Talk about scandals! The whole school and town were gossiping about it. I actually felt sorry for the poor woman. She didn't have to go to jail because she was clearly not mentally competent. So, they sent her back to teaching.

5. The Patriot: The Patriot was actually quite famous in these parts. Not for his teaching, but for something else he did. The Patriot was one of the few people ever to defeat the United States gov't in Federal Court in an eminent domain case … Pro Se.

The Patriot taught American History. But, he supplemented the class with discussions that he called "TRUTHS" like the truth of love or sex or GOD and a few others. I can't remember all of them. Anyway, they really were fascinating and as long as you gave him the answer he was looking for and didn't argue with him you were sure to do well in his class.

So, if you’re wondering how I turned out the way I did, these people are mostly to blame.

Jayman
Jayman@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

Divorce...A One Trick Pony

She's a one trick pony
One trick is all that horse can do
She does one trick only
It's the principal source of her revenue.

Ha.  I love Paul Simon.  In my lifetime, no one has summed up every aspect of life quite like he has.  The man is a genius, and soothsayer.

Me?

I’m nothing more than a purveyor of humorous political punditry, tawdry tales, and half truths.

Yet, we here at IWS pride ourselves on exposing the stupid…The lies in life…The infirmities of human civilization.

I have a half truth to expose here today, and it’s not pretty…Well, it…er, she….er…whatever, used to be pretty but now, not so much.

You see, I became an independent two years ago in order to shed myself of Pelosi, and then this year, became a Republican so I could vote for Santorum, and now, I feel it necessary to bear my soul about something else, in order to let you now what’s going on.

I am still married.

It’s true. I got married in 1987, left in 2000, and yet, the woman who sought and gained matrimony from me, continues to cling to it like grim death, and will not let me go.

I have said things like…I’ll write it up.  What’s the big problem with a dissolution?  You have the house and everything else, what gives?

And yet?

She clings to me, day by bitter day, with the courage to tell me that our permanent, yet impermanent separation is MY fault!!

She will cite and/or make up things like, “You have used me, and want to stay married to me so you don’t have to marry Beth.”  Ha!!

Or she’ll say….“We need an ironclad contract, so you don’t steal anything.”  Like What!!

Or she’ll say… “If only…blah, blah, blah.”  Seriously?

I don’t listen anymore.  I don’t care anymore.  I don’t love her anymore.  And if the truth be told…

She would tell you that she doesn’t love me anymore, but it has become a game of who can get what, and yet the funny thing is…

She's the only one playing and there is nothing left to give.

Although I didn’t have to…I signed away the house; I signed away the cars; I signed away our son.

Yeah, I did all that, and yet…

Even though she despises me so, she will not simply sign on the dotted line and go on with her life as I have with mine.

No, she would never do that.  She likes drama…She likes control…

She likes Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy.

And well…there ya go.

Just had to get that off my chest and I feel better now.

Oh one other thing…As much of a jerk as I was to her, I was never that way when my son was involved.

I for one tried to keep the emotional health of the child separate from our problems, but...

Mizz I Was, But Not Really Diagnosed With Post-Partum Depression But Rather I Was Simply Lazy, Princess?

Not so much.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

She makes it look so easy
She looks so clean
She moves like god's
Immaculate machine

Annnnnd...We did a Prom show where we talk not only about this, but all things Prom-Related.  Such as cover bands, what not to say, and well...you'll just have to find out by listening below:

First Annual Babe Draft for Babe of the Week

In honor of this being NFL Draft weekend, the staff at IWS Media decided to hold our own special draft for Babe of the Week. Matt-Man and Jayman will draft their favorite celebrity babes.

The 2012 IWS Babe Draft is underway; Matt-Man is on the clock.

With my first pick, over which I thought LONG and HARD...well...at least hard, I chose a woman whose beauty transcends the space time continuum.  An actress with classic beauty who has appeared in movies such as Lost in Translation, The Avengers, and Iron Man 2...Mizz Scarlett Johannson

With is first pick, Jayman selects: Sofia Vergara! Sofia is best known as one of the stars of ABC’s hit comedy Modern Family, but she has been around for years. She is funny, smart and exotic and much, MUCH hotter today at almost 40 than she was in her 20’s!

Jayman made a great call there, and in order to counter Sofia's hotness, I am going with a babe who is not only hot, but smart as hell as well.  Adding a little color and a whole lot of "Oh Baby" to my selections, I pick MSNBC's own Tamron Hall!!

With his second pick, Jayman selects: Penelope Cruz! Penelope is an Academy Award winning actress who can also sing and dance. She speaks (more or less) five languages, is smart, driven and smoldering hot.

Most people think that I can't make the play for the Latina chick....Ho, ho,ho, and ole my friends.  With my third pick of this smoldering draft, I choose the Colombian babe who is an international music sensation and plays, guitar, harmonica, drums, and has an IQ of 140...Shakira!!

With his third pick, Jayman selects: Rashida Jones! Just because Matt-Man doesn’t know who Rashida is, doesn’t mean she isn’t a star. One of the stars of The Office and Parks and Recreation is the daughter of Quincy Jones and Peggy Liption, so she comes by her combination of beauty and talent honestly.

I didn't know who Rashida Jones was, but oh yeah I do now, and I finish my draft selections with a similar pick.  Few here in the States know who she is, but she is Iranian born model and current Queen of all things Danish, Heidi Zadeh.  I would love to make a humus and havarti sandwich out of her...

With his fourth and final pick, Jayman selects: Jamie Chung! Probably a surprising pick, but Jamie is an up and coming star. She was first introduced to us on MTV’s Real World: San Diego. Since those days Jamie has done several TV shows and movies such as Sucker Punch. She currently has four movies in production and she is every bit as sweet and intelligent (she studied economics at Cal-Riverside) as she is sexy.

And there you have it.  The Official IWS Babe Draft of 2012!!

Make sure to catch us on Blog Talk Radio today, live at Noon ET as we celebrate Prom!!  We will talk all things Prom-Related, and there may be a few surprises, so join us live at Noon ET.

To hook up with us, simply click on our Blog Talk Radio link HERE.

Cheers and Hola!!

Be sure to check out the I’m With Stupid podcast! The #1 Comedy Show on Blog Talk Radio!

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Matt Said...Jay Said XXXVI

Matt говори…Jay говори.  You, слушам.

Matt:  Hello?  Helloooooo?  Hel….
Jay:  Kirk Douglasssish here.
Matt:  Ha.  Your Kirk Douglas impression is almost perfected.
Jay:  Thanks!!  I was thinking I may take it a step further as well.
Matt:  How So?
Jay:  Thought I might grab me an ice pick and put a dimple in my rugged, manly chin.
Matt:  You truly suffer for your craft.
Jay:  IKR?

Matt:  Before we get started on show prep…What did you have for ‘sup tonight?  I need an idea.
Jay:  I had sole for the first time ever.
Matt:  Was it good?
Jay:  It was m’eh.  Kinda bland…in fact, one could say…
Matt and Jay:  IT HAD NO SOUL.
Matt:  We are so punny.

Jay:  We need to pick our babes for the Official 2012 IWS Babe Draft which along with their pictures, will appear on our website this Sunday.
Matt:  I am so ready.  I wrote down my four picks while at work today.
Jay:  Okay…you go first.
Matt:  With the first overall pick…I choose (name redacted)
Jay:  Sweeeeet. My first pick is (name redacted)
Matt:  She’s freaking hot, but I got my next one, Jayman…(name redacted)
Jay:  Oh baby, adding a little color I see.  Well, I give you this hottie…(name redacted)
Matt:  But she has fairly big ones; that is so unlike you.
Jay:  Yeah but she has her Aztec goin’ on.

Matt:  Sweeeet.  Let’s see…my third pick is, drum roll please…(name redacted)
Jay:  Why didn’t the Secret Service hit on her?  Anyhoodle, my next pick is, (name redacted)
Matt:  I don’t know her.
Jay:  Well, come Sunday, you will see her; know her; and love her.
Matt:  Okay my last pick.  The Dame of the Danes…One Miss (name redacted)
Jay:  She seems like a nice girl. And my final pick while you hand me the chopsticks…One Miss (name redacted)

Matt:  That’s a pretty good line-up.
Jay:  Well hell yeah.
Matt: We do good work.
Jay:  Hello?  Of course.

Matt:  And on IWS Radio Sunday at Noon ET, we will be doing the Prom Show?
Jay:  It’s gonna be huge, and I think we are prepared.
Matt:  But we didn’t talk about it
Jay and Matt:  (silence)
Jay and Matt:  Yeah we’re ready.

See you Sunday on the Radio, and to check out our Babe choices, come back here on Sunday!!

Crying Rangers Kid Learns a Good Lesson

Hola over privileged entitled crybabies! By now most of you guys have probably seen the video of the couple at the Texas Rangers game who grabbed the ball tossed into the crowd by a Rangers player right in front of a little kid. Whether the ball was intended for the kid isn’t known, but he very clearly believed it was. What followed was a world-class fit by the boy and the couple literally mocking the kid by taking pictures of themselves with the ball and laughing.

If you haven’t you can see the video HERE.

Now, the couple is taking a lot of flak over this today. People say they are mean and rude and all that. Others claiming that it’s an OUTRAGE! It seems like everyone is trashing them for not giving the ball to that kid. Well, everyone except me.

Why should they give him the ball? Does he have some God-Given right to it? Do we know for sure the Rangers player was throwing to that kid? I don’t really think he was. He seemed to me to just be chucking the ball into the stands. And you know what? Sucks for him that he’s just a little guy with a short reach and his dad wouldn’t knock anyone out of the way to get the ball for him.

I’m not one of these people who believe we should all kowtow to children. Or even really care about their delicate psyches. Or that they are all special. Or that they should all be allowed to do whatever they want, whenever they want to. The sooner they learn that life isn’t fair, the better. We don’t need to let them live in some fantasy world where they start believing that the world is a decent place and life isn’t going to be hard. That kid at the Rangers game got his first lesson in how brutal life is.

Well, he did until some pansy-ass guy came down and gave the kid a ball. I can’t stand it when people give into these entitled little brats. In fact, that’s the very reason the other couple was right not to give him the ball. If you watch the video, after the man grabs the ball, the kid reaches out like it’s his. He seems to think he deserves that ball. Talk about your sense of entitlement! Go back to all the rest of the hippies at the Occupy Dallas camp kid!

Besides, we don’t know the whole story. This happened in the 8^th inning so that couple had been sitting next to the whiny spoiled brat for two plus hours already. God only knows how much crap they had already had to put up with. They probably had to pretend to be nice to the kid as he kept turning to them saying “Hi! I have a glove!” 893,519 times. The kid probably was allowed to kick the chair in front of him repeatedly with mommy doing nothing bus saying “No, no honey, we don’t do that” but not actually making him stop. I have doubt that this kid probably pees in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese. 

Hell that was probably the kids fourth or fifth fit of the night. Every time the guy with the candy, hotdogs and cracker jacks came by and mommy and daddy said no, the kid probably started screaming and throwing his usual entitled fit. I’m sure mommy and daddy gave in to each of those fits and got him something. Trust me, this kid has his parents trained. Or worse, they’re New Age parents who just let the kid run free and wild so he can “experience” everything and then just hold him while he throws his fits so he can get in touch with his feelings.

Fuck those parents and fuck that whiny, bratty little shit. I say good job older childless couple who swiped that ball right in front of the little kid and then mocked him. He had it coming and he’ll be a better person in when he grows up for it.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

--

In other news, on Wednesday we held the first ever IWS Food Draft! It. Was. EPIC! We quickly hit on a couple of other topics like Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Deion Sanders, Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III. But, then got down to business with the Food Draft and made some really yummy radio magic. Be sure to check this one out!! 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Arkansas Democrat Gazette...Here's To David Sumrell

I would like to say a few words about a Letter to the Editor that appeared in your Arkansas Democrat Gazette dated April 25, 2012 by one, David Sumrell.

I know to you, I may be a Yankee, but as a resident of southwest Ohio where my congressman will soon happen to be Speaker of the House John Boehner, I think I can relate to your region and your local communities.

In my neck of the woods, we do have, Wall Street types, limousine liberals, and self-important ninnies, yet the majority of us are mainly middle of the road corn and bean farmers, factory workers, and families of other means getting by paycheck to paycheck, just like many of  you fine folks in Arkansas.

And yet, I am pixilated by a comment set forth in the aformentioned Letter to the Editor...

Mr. Sumrell stated, and I quote:

“The granting of the vote to women was the time women first began to get out of their places and God-given roles as housewives and Queens of their homes.”

Mr. Summrel goes on to blame a woman’s right to vote on what he considers the, “moral mess of busted families” in America.

He further states that when women got the right to vote, that they became “Jezebels”, evidently through the black magic that comes along with the wearing of short hair and the donning of men’s clothes.

That’s right.  Mr. Sumrell says that…

Women began to go against God’s will and sense of style in the hair and clothes department, because their suffrage attempts succeeded, but…

I’m thinking perhaps, women began to sport short hair and wear less burdensome clothing, due to the humidity of the Arkansas (or in my case, Ohio) summers.

While I am amused by the remarks of David Sumrell of Springdale to be amusing, I also find them quite ironic, and in that sense, not amusing by any means.

You see…Sumrell blames many of the challenges and current ills facing our great nation on a certain group, in this case, women.

What he fails to see is that America’s current problems are not the product of the actions by any one group, other than one…

The American people themselves, who sit idly by and watch politicians whom they complain about, make decisions on which American people agree and/or disagree based upon a concisely edited sound byte which fits their ideology.

Women like Molly Pitcher, Dolly Madison, Clara Barton, Susan B. Anthony, Sally Ride, Condaleeza Rice, Hillary Clinton, and voting women aren’t what is wrong with America, Mr. Summrel.

You, or more specifically, your mind set, and the mind set of many of our legislators, are exactly what is wrong with America today.

And what exactly is that problem?

You and others blame our nation’s challenges on a specific group of people, along with the inability to separate ideology and political upward mobility from doing what is right in order to help put our great nation back on track.

While I know, judging by your letter to the editor, that you would prefer for "your woman" to cook and clean for you, I'm thinking that maybe she needs to think for you as well, because man…

You obviously haven’t had an original thought since the Stone Age.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

Life Has Ups and Downs

Hola! How y’all doin’? Good. Man, there isn’t much going on these days. Oh sure, there’s lots happening in the world, but sometimes I just don’t give a shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, I figured you did. So, once again I’ll just meander a bit.

Last week I was at the store buying a few necessities. I got a green pepper, an onion, a can of crushed tomatoes, a can of red kidney beans and some kielbasa. After scanning each of the items, the lady running the register looked at me and said “Red Beans and Rice?” I told her “Oh yeah!” and she replied that she “luuuuuuuuuuuuvs” red beans and rice.

Of course, I immediately proposed to her. Any chick that loves red beans and rice is alright with me. But, she says she isn’t into commitment and has no desire to marry anyone. I can totally respect that and appreciate her honesty. You don’t find that too often these days. Not in this economy.* Anyway, I guess I’m back to my current plan of dying alone.

Earlier today, while I was minding my own business trying to do some guerrilla marketing to push I’m With Stupid podcast I heard a golf ball bang off my neighbor’s door and then mine and then theirs again. This type of thing happens a few times a year. It’s the risks of living on a golf course here at the palatial estates.

So, I took a look out the window and saw a guy on the third tee box hitting and he had the absolute worst swing I’ve ever seen. So, while he was getting another ball out of his bag (he shanked the shot into the water) I ran and got my camera. I turned it on and was just about to video tape his hilarious swing and my camera shut off and said “change batteries.”

Man, story of my life. I go from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.

Oh look! There’s that ridiculous Buick commercial starring Shaquille O’Neal? I hate that commercial. Do they really think we’re gonna believe he drives a Buick. Actually, they probably do. And, now that I think about it there probably are a bunch of people who do believe it. What a bunch of stupid idiots.

Aren’t all idiots stupid? I guess they are. I could look it up, but I’m just going to assume that an idiot is also stupid, which probably means I’m a stupid idiot too since I said it. This is actually one of my biggest fears. I make fun of people for being so stupid so much mostly because I’m afraid I’m one of ‘em. Kind of like how most men who think calling another guy “gay” is the ultimate insult are probably closet cases. Or something like that.

Damn, I’m almost at 500 words and I just now started getting deep and shit. Oh well, I’ll have to worry about that stuff some other time. Gotta keep blog posts short. I know how busy you guys all are.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

*I know that didn’t really make any sense, but I’m trying to use “not in this economy” to explain people’s actions as often as I can.

White Like Me

Greetings and salutations, readers of I’m With Stupid, Reagan Thatcher III here today for the IWS weblog.

Who am I and what I am doing here on the golden pages of IWS?

I am Reagan Thatcher III, and I am the whitest black man you will ever meet.

In full disclosure, my given name is Andre Jackson.  I was born to my unmarried parents of Tre’ Jackson and Shaniqua Johnson.

Odd you say?  Please, and only if you have a spare moment my very alabaster friends, allow me to express the conditions under which this wackiness transpired.

I grew up a poor black child named Moses Jackson, living within the unholy and hostile projects of Detroit just off of Livernois Avenue.

When I was eight years old, I discovered something about myself.  I didn’t recognize what it was, but I had a feeling that I was different than the kids with whom I attended George Washington Carver Elementary school.

My friends, of which I had few, would listen to The Sugarhill Gang, The Commodores, and other radical musical artists like Teddy Pendergrass.

I was more into Leo Sayer, Dan Fogelberg, and if I was feeling slightly “colorful”, Dionne Warwick.

And whilst but a mere child listening to music with my few friends they would talk about someday getting out of the projects in which we lived, and moving on to bigger and better things in a nice little Section 8 house.

Me?  While I listened to their crazy music, I would often reply to them…

“I dream bigger than that. I dream of one day owning a multitude of Section 8 houses.”

I could sense their unease and confusion with and about me, and I could sense my own confusion as to who I was and what I was to become.

And then, on my tenth birthday, the epiphany that was forever to change my life hit me smack dab in the palate.

My mom asked me…

“Moses? Which would you prefer for your Birthday Supper.  Fried Chicken and Greens or Carp and Okra?”

Not even thinking, I unknowingly and involuntarily blurted out...

“Slightly Grilled Salmon and a crisp salad with lo-fat dressing…and Fresca…Yeah a Fresca would be nice.”

It was at that moment that Mom looked at me with a horrified yet sympathetic stare, and I back at her with the same look of both sadness and curiosity, that we both realized…

I was white.

My journey of race identification would carry on throughout my very successful life.

In High School, while my “alleged brothers” were playing basketball and football, I wielded my athletic prowess on the tennis courts and within the profound circles of fencing venues.

Indeed…during my High School years, I hit full whiteness, and some of my darker “friends” would try to “bring me back from my life of sin” by saying things like…

“Maybe you’re not a full-blown white guy; maybe you're merely biracial.”

They could say whatever they wanted to; I knew that I was a white guy in a black man’s body and there was nothing they could do to change that.

After graduating first in my class, getting an MBA from Harvard, and going on to join my local country club, I finally and officially changed my name from Andre Jackson to Reagan Thatcher III in honor of my two heroes whilst growing up…Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher.

And don’t get me wrong…It’s not like I totally left my blackness behind so as a white man I could look down upon black people. Good Heavens no; some of my best friends are black…

Okay not really…But I have to say that, because with being white comes the white guilt even if I am a Republican.

Man…It’s hard being a white man these days.

Have a wonderful day, and I hope to speak to you soon my friends…

Reagan : )

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattman_iws

I Fail at Earth Day

Hola you dirty hippies out to save the Earth!

Sunday, April 22 was Earth Day. Did you know that? I did. Okay, I only did because the Twitter Machine told me it was. I check Twitter’s trending topics several times a day to see what’s happening in the world and to find out if anyone important has died.

But, sometimes Twitter is wrong about who has died. The other night Twitter was claiming that Axl Rose had died. All the major media outlets assured everyone that Axl wasn’t dead. I assume that’s the case, but Axl never replied to my tweet checking on him, so I’m still not so sure.

Anyway, yesterday was Earth Day and this seems like a good time to go through some of the things we can all do to protect the Earth and save energy and see if I’m doing a good job. 

To save energy you should…

- Use cloth towels and rags to clean instead of paper towels.

- Turn the air up to 78 or 80 at night or when you leave the house in the summer.

- Open windows in the mornings in the summer.

- Open curtains and blinds in the winter to let the sun help heat the house.

- Recycle

- Turn off unnecessary lights during the day

- Install low flow shower heads

- Don’t run dishwashers that aren’t completely full and then air dry.

- Remove clothes from the dryer, clean lint and run the next load immediately.

- Walk or bike to run errands that are a very short distance away.

So, how’d I do? Well, uh … here’s my Sunday:

- Turned on electric blanket at 5 am, let run full 10 hours to auto shutoff after I got up at 8.

- Installed a showerhead that actually increases the water flow for massaging purposes.

- Top rack of the dishwasher was only half full.

- I leave clothes in the dryer and run it again for 10 mins to get wrinkles out.

- Turned the air down to cool the studio during I’m With Stupid live podcast.

- Turned a fan on in the studio too.

- Fired up both the desktop and laptop so I don’t have to change window sizes.

- Muted the TV during the show instead of turning it off.

- Drove to the mailbox which is about 1/4 mile round trip with the air & radio on.

- I never separate my garbage or recycle. It all goes in the dumpster together.

Then I spent the rest of the day on the computer and watching TV. I even had the TV and computer fired up when I took a little power nap. Hell, even the lights were on. And the air and fan combined to keep it a cool, comfortable 67 degrees.

So, basically what I’m saying here is it’s pretty much up to you guy to save the Earth because apparently I fail at it.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

--

In other news our “But Seriously Folks” show this morning was a freaking classic! We were viciously attacked last week by someone close to us. We were called “childish and immature” as well as being told we “suck.” We had no choice but to respond to this outrageous and hurtful attack. And respond we did!

We talked about using humor to make a serious point. We talk about how our impressions of Dick Clark and Kirk Douglass, which are intended to entertain the masses, are taken as “mocking.” And THEN our attacker came on to back up her claims. What happened at that point is rather shocking! You gotta check this one out guys! 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Babe of the Week: Julia Louis-Dreyfus

The Babe of the Week for this week is Emmy and Golden Globe Award winning actress and super awesome funny lady Julia Louis-Dreyfus. She also happens to be the daughter of Gérard C. Louis-Dreyfus and the granddaughter of Pierre Louis-Dreyfus, a French Jew who fought with the French Resistance in WWII.

But, most people know Julia from her days on Seinfeld.

Others know her for her very successful show New Adventures of Old Christine.

And, on top of all that, the amazingly lovely and talented lady has a brand new show premiering Sunday, April 22, on HBO called Veep.

All of here at IWS can’t wait to see Veep as we are all longtime fans of Ms. Louis-Dreyfus! 

Matt Said...Jay Said XXXV

Matt Puhuu.  Jay Puhuu.  You, Kuunnella.

Matt:  You’ve reached the Immaturity Help-Line, how may I direct your childish call?
Jay:  Hey there TUFF GUY.
Matt:  How you doin’, you BAD ASS, you?
Jay:  Man, who knew what a draft dodging pussy Ted Nugent was and is?
Matt:  Ha Ha…Wait for it…
Jay and Matt:  WE DID!!

Matt:  Poor tough guy Ted.
Jay:  Yeah.  The Motor City Fancy Boy couldn’t show up for Vietnam, but he did for our website.
Matt:  And for that, we are eternally grateful.
Jay:  Or something.

Matt:  Hey did you see that we have been getting hits from NBC Universal out of NYC?
Jay:  Oh hell yes I did.  They probably want to make a sitcom out of us being internet radio stars.
Matt:  Probably, but we are so above that type of mindless, ghetto tripe.
Jay:  We are?
Matt:  No, not really.
Jay:  Maybe it’s Tamron Hall who is checking us out.
Matt:  In my fantasy life I think you are right, and I just got a boner.
Jay:  I’d prefer you keep your erection updates to yourself.

Matt:  You know what I can’t keep to myself?
Jay:  What’s that, your self-loathing?
Matt:  No, no, no…They way we were viciously attacked as being immature, 12 year old boys this week.
Jay:  Ohhhh, no kiddin’!!  I have spent the week re-examining my inner-self after that, and I’m still pissed.
Matt:  Same here.
Jay:  We should address this beyond the website.
Matt:  Someone needs to go down for that incalcitrant remark.

Jay:  I mean…that observation holds no weight.
Matt:  IKR?  And dig it.  I was chatting with a hot babe and she said that she is taking a bath now so she can listen to our show while clean and shiny.
Jay:  That’s sweet, but she’ll need another one after listening to us.
Matt:  You know what would be really hot?
Jay:  Ha Ha…wait for it…
Matt and Jay:  IF SHE LISTENED TO US WHILE TAKING A BATH!!

Jay:  Anyhoodle, on Sunday’s show, we need to answer these charges about being all immature n’shit.
Matt:  I agree.  Because we both know we can be funny and still address serious issues logically.
Jay:  Damn straight, and thus, the show is scheduled and I titled it, “But Seriously Folks”
Matt:  That is brilliant, and…quite mature.
Jay:  Thank You.
Matt:  You’re welcome and I will see you on the radio Sunday at Noon ET on I’m With Stupid.
Jay:  Damn right you will, and the blasphemer is going to get a more than public dressing down.
Matt:  Word.

Join us Sunday at Noon ET on IWS on Blog Talk Radio.  We will be defending our honor and maturity, and hope you listen and call-in to help us.

Cheers!!

Ted Nugent Draft Dodger, and Well...Pussy

There are many things that tick me off in life, however, there are a couple of things that make me mad…angry…pissed off.

One of which, is when people portray themselves to be something other than who the truly are.

Oh sure, we all know phonies in our life, but we take a handful of people at their word, and then what do they do?

They let us down.

For example…

The mighty, mighty, Mr. Bad Ass, Ted Nugent, said in a not so veiled threat toward President Barack Obama, that if Obama is reelected, “I will either be dead, or in jail.”

Now…to the untrained eye, that may seem to be a sincere, bad ass threat toward our President, however, to folks who truly know Ted Nugent, that statement is pretty fucking funny, because, well…

Ted Nugent is the biggest pussy in the world.

Oh sure, he proclaims himself to be Lord High Lover and Protector of the Constitution and a rah-rah rock star for the Second Amendment, but the soon to be 64 year old is nothing more than, an aging purveyor of hypocrisy and self-aggrandizement.

In other words…since Tommy Shaw showed Ted Nugent up in his last band, Damn Yankees, Theodore Nugent has been scouring the Earth for relevance and validation.

And, just like many folks who aren’t worth a shit, Ted Nugent found his validation in the form of FOX News and specifically, Sean Hannity.

In fact, overheard in D.C. eateries, have been conversations between Sean Hannity and Nugent arguing over which of them has the wettest pussy. But I digress…

Anyhoo, I make these claims about Ted Nugent being a draft dodging sissy, and you ask, “Matt-Man?  Why for do you level these charges?”

Because Ted Nugent is a draft dodging sissy…and back in the 70’s he made no bones about it.  He literally shit and un-hygiened himself out of the draft, and was so damn proud of it, he gave an interview about it.

What a trooper…

Mr. Bad Ass, Motor City Mad Man, it turns out, is nothing more than a Motor City Mary.

Ol’ Ted Nugent was available for the draft during the years while the Vietnam War was going on, but Mr. Pussy Scratch Fever sought deferments.

Mr. I Will Shoot Anything to Feed My Family was too askeered to have it out with short, slant-eyed game that fired back, so...he greased his guns, refused to fire, and like a chick who just got fucked by a fellow meth addict, did the Sunday morning walk of shame.

Mr. I Am Touting My Skills As a Hunter in Order to Make Up for My Lack of Personal and Patriotic Duties, makes videos claiming to be a “real American” who needs not the government, and yet, loves America.

Y’know, puss boy…

All you do, is bloat your skinny ass chest out, try to hide your inadequacies as a man, and hold on to a persona that you have created over 40 years.

You’re not a tough guy.  You’re far from being a patriot…and you, my pathetic wisp of a man, are a coward.

The only thing larger than life on you , is your ego.

I hope that fact puts ya in a stranglehold, puss boy.

Cheers!!

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattman_iws

P.S.  I hope he answers this post, or at least his press agent Linda Petersen does.  If anybody does answer this, it will probably be Linda, because I'm sure she has a bigger dick than Ted.

Also, everyone listen to the I'm With Stupid Podcast. It's good ... 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

It Would Be Easy to Kill Me

Hola highly trained assassins! I was sitting here drinking a less than satisfying Pepsi Next and started thinking about how easy it would be for someone to kill me if they wanted to. I’m a pretty easy target and not the most elusive guy and I’m pretty much on a regular schedule. So, I started thinking about some of the easy ways someone could kill me.

- I’m deathly allergic to mangoes. If you’re looking to kill me just slip some mango into my morning orange juice and tequila and you’ll probably be successful.

- I go outside to get the newspaper at pretty much the same time every day. That would be another chance to take me out with a high powered rifle with a sniper scope.

- I go to the mailbox on Wednesdays and Saturdays at around 12 noon both days. This would be yet another golden opportunity for someone to pick me off.

- I guess, since I live on the ground floor, you could probably just blast away at me through my bedroom window at around 4 am when I’m very likely to in bed.

- If that’s too late, I watch M*A*S*H every night at 10:30 and you could get me through the window of my bedroom if you position yourself properly to get the angle necessary since my chair is in the corner in front of the closet.

- Speaking of my closet, I haven’t a clue what all is in there and you could easily hide there until the perfect time. Like when I’m watching M*A*S*H or Craig Ferguson.

- I go to Aldi every Tuesday at 10:30. The parking lot isn’t usually too full and you could set up on the roof of one of the many buildings around the store.

- My sister almost killed me with sushi once by failing to tell me not to overdo it with the wasabi. Honestly though, this one is probably a long shot and should be used only as a last resort.

- I’m not in very good shape so anything you could do to make me run would probably work. I’d keel over pretty quickly and you could just casually walk away.

- I sing Adele songs in the shower so I would never hear you sneaking up on me Psycho style.

- I really love dogs and you could probably send your killer dog up to me and I would try to pet it then WHAM-O! He could go right for the jugular. This would be pretty painful and messy though.

- I don’t walk all that fast and am usually pretty oblivious to my surroundings so if you saw me around town you could probably take me out even if you weren’t totally prepared.

- I live on the backside of the building and can’t see my car from my apartment. It would be fairly easy to put a bomb under my engine and blow me up when I start it up in the mornings.

- If you need to distract me to set me up, just send a woman with great legs wearing a short skirt past me. I’ll be too busy trying to be subtle while checking her out to notice the guy with the gun.

- Or just send a Ninja after me. You know how Asian women get me all discombobulated. 

So, as you can see, if someone put a hit out on me, it would probably be easy money. The only thing I ask is that you make it quick and as painless as possible. A good head shot is always appreciated.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

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In other news it’s Romney vs Obama in the general election so Matt-Man and I broke it all down for everyone today on IWS. Matt gave us his prediction of a rather unconventional win by Mitt Romney by the thinnest of electoral margins. Then we predicted who would be Romney’s running mate. After that it was hilarity as we launched a few Molotov Mocktails!

So, check it out! 

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Building The Perfect Woman

I had planned on writing about Mitt Romney and President Obama today, but last night at the Beer Mine, something happened that took today’s post topic in quite a different direction.

A lady came through to get some beer.  She was very charming, very polite, and incredibly cute.  However…

The chick had a “crazy eye”.  One of her gorgeous eyes was askew.  Kinda like the late, great Jack Elam…

But nonetheless, and as she pulled away, I began thinking…If she were to wear an eye patch, that chick would be hot!!  And then, I thought…

Even without an eye patch, she still would be hot because there are certain, “out of the mainstream” physical characteristics that I find attractive on a woman.

While I am a fan of breasts on the more, shall we say, ample side, I am even more of a fan of great cleavage, and some women regardless of boob girth, have great cleavage, for example, Katy Perry…

Another thing I have always dug on a chick, is a big nose…Now it has to be an attractive big nose.  Kelly Clarkson has a decent schnoz that I would like to blow, and it’s pierced, which is kinda cute…

Now, right wing talking head, and FOX News contributor Laura Ingraham, has the epitome of a sexy nose…

but as I find her to be a repugnant human being, I just can’t go there, although I guess I just did.

Anyhoo...

Eyebrows!!  I dig fertile, furtive, and cocked eyebrows…A good eyebrow can say so much.  And as far as eyebrows today, I have to give a shout-out to touchy-feely, super elitist, and uber-liberal, Alex Wagner of MSNBC…

Dat chick got some sexy ‘brows!!  I want to lick them!!

Another off the mainstrean liking I have, is a woman with a gap between her two front teeth.  Who comes to mind?

Anna Paquin…

In addition, Anna is sporting some sex cleavage in that picture, and a touch of the crazy eye as well!!

So there you have it folks.

My perfect chick would have an eye patch (or not), great boobs and cleavage, a big nose, expressive eyebrows, and a gap between her two front teeth.

In other words, she would look like this…

I don’t care what you say…THAT’S HOT!!

And you know what else is hot?

Listening to Jayman and me on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio today at 11 AM ET.

We are going to do an early analysis of the looming Steel Cage Death Match between Willard Mitt Romney and Barack Hussein Obama.  It is gonna be a HOOT, so…

Join us LIVE at 11 AM ET today by clicking HERE, and remember you can always call-in live at 661.244.9852.  We so loooooove the calls from you folks.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

What's Up With Jay Lately

Hola Y’all! I’m sure you are probably wondering what’s up with the old Jayman lately, so I thought I’d update you.

You know, weeks during the non-football playing parts of the year can be pretty slow and boring. Sure, there’s the NBA on Sunday’s (usually), but other than that, there isn’t crap on TV during the day or night until Mad Men comes on at 9 central Sunday. BTW, speaking of the NBA, it’s nice to see the refs are in “playoff mode” when it comes to helping the Lakers out in big games. The refs came up big for the Lakers making a couple of clutch no calls just when they were needed most.

Anyway, I watch NetFlix or HBO Go a lot on weekends. One thing about those two sites is that you kind of have to know what you want to watch before you get on there. Otherwise you can waste a ton of time scrolling through the different options and then not have time to watch anything. I prefer to watch TV series over movies. Nothing against movies but they just take too much commitment. TV shows or an HBO series are in half our or one hour increments which are much easier because I tend to lose focus after about an hour.

Saturday I tried to watch Bridesmaids. I watched the first hour and hardly even chuckled once. I guess the second hour is where all the funny is? Maybe I’ll go back and try hour two some other time. Which is my point about commitment, what ever happened to the 90 minute comedy? Two freaking hours of fart, poop and menstrual cycle jokes? I’ll pass.

I think I need to Tweet more. There are a lot of people who have no un-Tweeted thoughts. I should be more like them. Just Tweet things like “Damn that was a nice car.” Or “LOL .. People #Funny” and stuff like that. I follow this one chick, I probably shouldn’t put her full Twitter name here, (Redacted)DoobieFly who just Tweets whatever the hell is on her mind all day long. Normally that would annoy me, but for some reason she doesn’t.

What do you think she means by the “Doobie” and “Fly” part of her name? Maybe she’s a big Doobie Brothers fan and wants to be a pilot? Or a flight attendant? Or has always loved Wonder Woman? Yeah, I like the idea of Wonder Woman flying around in her invisible plane listening to the Doobies Brothers on the 8-track.

I need to get my haircut again. Actually, I needed to get it cut the day after the last time I got it cut two weeks ago. Man, that dude did a terrible job. I hope he’s making money off those Teat Party T-Shirts he sells cause I don’t think his barber skills are gonna pay the bills. I need to time this out so that I can also get my hair cut about week before Memorial Day so I’ll look at least semi-presentable when I see the family over in Yellville over Memorial Day Weekend. Anyway, my point is, don’t go to a barber because he’s never busy and you can get in and out quickly.

That same point probably goes for doctors too. I mean, if you walk into a doctor’s office and some dude in a white coat jumps up and grabs his stethoscope and a tongue depressor and is like “Come right on in! You’re next buddy!” you should probably run away as fast as you can. Although, I assume if you were going to the doctor you probably can run that fast anyway cause you’re sick, but you get the point.

And, uh, well, that’s pretty much it. As you can see I’ve been dealing with some pretty heavy-duty stuff the last few days.  Well, other than all the sadness and heartache. But, nobody ever wants to hear about that crap.

Jayman
Jayman3768@gmail.com
@Jayman_IWS

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Also, just in case you didn’t get a chance to listen to Sunday’s “Local News” episode of IWS, you really should check it out. We covered wedding announcements, anniversaries, community events, Tea Party Rallies, local cover bands and oh so much more! Definitely give it a listen…

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio