Monday, April 30, 2012

Divorce...A One Trick Pony

She's a one trick pony
One trick is all that horse can do
She does one trick only
It's the principal source of her revenue.

Ha.  I love Paul Simon.  In my lifetime, no one has summed up every aspect of life quite like he has.  The man is a genius, and soothsayer.

Me?

I’m nothing more than a purveyor of humorous political punditry, tawdry tales, and half truths.

Yet, we here at IWS pride ourselves on exposing the stupid…The lies in life…The infirmities of human civilization.

I have a half truth to expose here today, and it’s not pretty…Well, it…er, she….er…whatever, used to be pretty but now, not so much.

You see, I became an independent two years ago in order to shed myself of Pelosi, and then this year, became a Republican so I could vote for Santorum, and now, I feel it necessary to bear my soul about something else, in order to let you now what’s going on.

I am still married.

It’s true. I got married in 1987, left in 2000, and yet, the woman who sought and gained matrimony from me, continues to cling to it like grim death, and will not let me go.

I have said things like…I’ll write it up.  What’s the big problem with a dissolution?  You have the house and everything else, what gives?

And yet?

She clings to me, day by bitter day, with the courage to tell me that our permanent, yet impermanent separation is MY fault!!

She will cite and/or make up things like, “You have used me, and want to stay married to me so you don’t have to marry Beth.”  Ha!!

Or she’ll say….“We need an ironclad contract, so you don’t steal anything.”  Like What!!

Or she’ll say… “If only…blah, blah, blah.”  Seriously?

I don’t listen anymore.  I don’t care anymore.  I don’t love her anymore.  And if the truth be told…

She would tell you that she doesn’t love me anymore, but it has become a game of who can get what, and yet the funny thing is…

She's the only one playing and there is nothing left to give.

Although I didn’t have to…I signed away the house; I signed away the cars; I signed away our son.

Yeah, I did all that, and yet…

Even though she despises me so, she will not simply sign on the dotted line and go on with her life as I have with mine.

No, she would never do that.  She likes drama…She likes control…

She likes Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy.

And well…there ya go.

Just had to get that off my chest and I feel better now.

Oh one other thing…As much of a jerk as I was to her, I was never that way when my son was involved.

I for one tried to keep the emotional health of the child separate from our problems, but...

Mizz I Was, But Not Really Diagnosed With Post-Partum Depression But Rather I Was Simply Lazy, Princess?

Not so much.

Cheers!!
Matt-Man

neshobadude@yahoo.com
@mattmaniws

She makes it look so easy
She looks so clean
She moves like god's
Immaculate machine

Annnnnd...We did a Prom show where we talk not only about this, but all things Prom-Related.  Such as cover bands, what not to say, and well...you'll just have to find out by listening below:


10 comments:

I'm With Stupid said...

I AM STUPEFIED!

Now I'm wondering if my accusation that Corky isn't your cat, but actually a girlfriend on the side might actually be true.

Where does it all end Matt-Man? Ha!

Jay

Beth said...

I am shocked, shocked I tell you;) Ha! Good post my man.

I'm With Stupid said...

Jay: I promise you. That is the last of my secrets. Well, other than the fact that I'm really a 14 year old girl. Cheers Jayman!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Beth: It pains me that you had to find out this way. Cheers Schmoop!!

Matt-Man

Mike said...

Still married huh? So you could legally have her committed and get your stuff back.

Dana said...

Really? *furrows brow*

I just find it ironic (I think it's ironic - DAMN Alanis Morissette) that you posted this secret (which I am not convinced is, indeed, a truthful secret)on the wedding anniversary with the one I've been separated from over 2 years but neither of us has filed the inevitable paperwork.

Hmmmm ...

I'm With Stupid said...

Mike: I could but other than just hanging out with Ryno, there's nothing I really want. Cheers Mike!!

Matt-Man

I'm With Stupid said...

Dana: Straight up, Dana Lu, straight up. Cheers Dana!!

Matt-Man

Knight said...

Make her an online profile. Maybe if she met someone that could handle her crazy she would let you go free.

I'm With Stupid said...

Knight: I would, but that would be wrong...or something. Cheers Knight!!

Matt-Man